For the Father of My Children

*This post is based on the lyrics of Luke Combs 'Father and Sons' album songs 1 through 9 out of 12.*

To my Husband of 22 years, the Love of my life for 24 years, and the Father of my children of 21 years:

Luke Combs just released his new album entitled 'Fathers and Sons' and I was struck once again by the father that you are. I hit the jackpot with you as my co parent. Each song had a lyric that hit my heart...

1. "Walkin' through the front door, Hearin' "Daddy" at the top of his lungs, with his feet on the wood floor, Runnin' up to give me a hug...yea, that is what's it's all for, and the spotlight can't replace it, and in a heartbeat I would trade it, Cause it ain't got nothing on being front door famous."

I cherish the memories of our three children blocking the door, hoping you could not get through them, so that you would not leave for work. Sometimes they would even cry for a bit as you left. Then when you arrived home for break, for lunch, or supper, they would yell, "Daddy's home!" and run to the door. EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. Even as adults and older teens, I still often hear one of them yell, "I see Dads truck. He's home!" I feel this is a beautiful testament to the presence that you are to them. You are, and will always be, 'front door famous' to us. Our world is partially made by your schedule. Your arrival and departures mark our days. We anticipate your presence.

2. "In case I ain't around... make sure y'all still eat together at your mamma's after church Sunday, throw the (cat) a ball, take a walk and call your brother if you had a hard day...I just wanna make sure that you know I'm proud of ya. I wanna make sure that you know I love ya."

Remember babe, in the younger years, how we would constantly write letters, give instructions, and prepare our children in case we were not around when they were older? With special needs in varied ways, we wanted them to be even more secure, and KNOW they are loved. I tear up each time I watch the part in Harry Potter, when Lilly Potter is cooing to her baby because she knows she is going to die. Right before she sacrifices herself for her baby boy, she says gently and softly, "Harry, momma loves you. Harry you are loved. Harry you are special..." That moment reminds me of the culmination of all the tiny moments when we both whispered our unconditional love to our children and would desperately pray the words would stick. Another aspect of this preparation was encouraging their sibling relationships. I loved watching you invest in each pairing: the two brothers together, the sister with her younger bro or older bro, all three laughing and playing together...In each circumstance, you made sure to facilitate laughter, encouragement and conflict management skills. We would often tell them, "If mommy and daddy are not around, take care of your siblings. You are the next important priority to each other for unconditional love and friendship. They come before your friends in this journey, and then when friends also take important roles, do not leave your siblings behind. Incorporate them and you will have built in best friends and support for the rest of your life." We did things differently from many families. You were my partner in idealism. You backed me up in each counter cultural decision. I trusted you to secure our safety and provide all the foundations to thrive.

3. "When he moves too much and talks too loud, When I don't mind cause I'm finding out, That even if it's just time we're killin; it's never felt more like livin', They'll make you cuss and wear your patience thin. But next thing you know, they're all grown up and then, you're huntin' by yourself."

Ha! I recall each child talking your ear off while they followed you around the house. They wanted to help you with each chore or whatever you were doing, and they would definitely slow you down! Yet, most of the time you took the time. Maybe it was the copious amounts of country music we listened to which prioritized family, marriage, and children in the lyrics...or maybe it was the multiple podcasts and books we invested in about marriage and raising children... but I didn't have to constantly remind you about TIME. You soaked it up even when you were frustrated. You cried with them when they were heartbroken. You apologized if your patience was thin. You carried them when they were tired. You were there. Time and time again. You gave the most precious gift you could... yourself and your time.

4. "Just one more spin, I promise I will be good if you let me drive, this is so much fun...They're sweet like their mama, puts a smile on my face every time I hear em' say...Dad, you're my best friend."

Part of the reason you were such a good father, is how you loved me (their Mamma.) I recall our four year old son saying, "Daddy I love how much you love mommy. I think you are the best and I want to be just like you when I grow up." As the years passed, that sentiment was stated in different ways, but it remained unchanged. You were the one who taught them what a good man looks like. You showed our sons how to be an excellent father and husband, and you showed our daughter what to look for in a future partner so she will hopefully also experience a self sacrificial type of love. You put our needs first often. Even when it cost you. In turn, you became a type of best friend to each of us in your own way.

5. "You might choose a simple life, raise some kids and settle down, But you ain't gotta change the world to make your daddy proud...Now it might work out that you don't turn out anything like me, but I'll love whomever you turn out to be...And just because dusty boots and camouflage (country) are in your roots, Don't mean you ever gotta wear em, if that ain't you, I don't care. Yea, I used to love to sling that dirt up down them rural routes, But God might have a different map- dot plan for you mapped out..."

Philip, you are a wonder at giving freedom of expression to our children while still encouraging them to be respectful and self sacrificial in their expression. Sure, I may have a tougher time when my children do not tend to listen to country music as their first choice, or love the country smell of cow manure wafting through the windows, or fully embrace backroading ... but you laugh heartily. You often tell me "Don't worry honey, some of your ways will stick later in life. Some won't, but they will take our love and become whatever they need to be." You are easygoing in the little things that seem big to me. I tend to be easygoing in other areas of expression that you struggle with, and in that, we make a perfect team.

6. "I remember him ten feet tall and bulletproof, throwin me a ball in country boots (or steel toe!), a whistle and the dog starts runnin', a whisper and mamma starts blushing, a wrench in his hand and a beer in another, God couldn't make a man any tougher, and that 'S' on his chest is startin' to fade but I will always remember him that way...And there's a little more slow in his go, a little less rock in his roll these days...but the heart of a lion, beatin' in his chest...there's some things time cannot erase..."

This song had the tears slipping down my cheeks as I thought of the years to come, when your 'S' will start to fade, and who you are now will also change. Already, at forty one, you feel you're not as energized as when you parented at 20. Yet, in each stage, you have been this super hero entity, many times to our family. Sometimes, it did feel like you were bullet proof. When you hefted two 80 pound bundles of shingles up on the roof, or carried the piano down the stairs by yourself (still idiotic btw but a feat nonetheless), your super strength has been admirable. I love how you can take care of the things we can not. But one day, that special talent will wear off a bit. There will be less rock in your roll, but your lion heart of protection and strength will manifest in different ways. You will still make me blush and the kids will still either giggle or be grossed out. You will still find a way to protect us. These memories time can not erase.

7. "He's Spider-man in Walmart boots and a camouflage hat... I hope he never finds out that I didn't hang the moon, and I've never scared a monster out of the closet in his room, One day between him leavin' home and drivin' on my knee, Maybe I'll finally be the man he sees in me...When we get home, his mind is blown when I untie his shoes, and he smiles and says, 'Daddy, there ain't nothing you can't do..."

Awe man, when this song came on you ran into the bedroom stating, "Don't cry too hard Kissa. It was a beautiful time." You just knew that part of me was grieving the stages lost of Spiderman boots and scaring monsters with a song...you also knew if I let all my emotions out, I would not recover the rest of the day! But we had that time of being adored and being almost everything to three little ones. You were their hero and yes, babe, you are still the man they saw back then...you are still someone they come to when they need advice or friendship.

8. "I thought all he did was leave...but somebody played Tooth Fairy, left the cash, took out the trash, made Mama feel pretty, put a dent in the whiskey (coffee:), There were tip toes 's prayers and midnight kisses, 'I love you's' and little boy wishes, For Saturdays where we could play all day, But the lights stayed on somehow and love filled up my little house, Yeah, life ain't always what it seems cause I thought all he ever did was leave."

Presence. One of the best gifts a dad can give ... if he's one of the good ones. You were. Sometimes the little things made the difference. The smell of your coffee wafting told us you were somewhere in the house, the trash was always out on the curb the night before. We knew we could count on you to lock the doors and tuck the house into bed. You've cooked hundreds of nutritious meals after working outside all day. You created a beautiful home inside and out to nurture imagination and growth. You did not spend more than five nights away from me total in our entire marriage thus far. When you are away for a day you will phone at least once to check in. You put us first in all you do. You love to spend time with us and it shows. We are so lucky. You may have left us every day to provide, but you came home to us again and again and again and put personal dreams on the alter of sacrifice for the bigger dream of a healthy and present family.

9. "He said, 'Don't you blink, Soak it up cause next thing you know, You turn around and wonder where your whole life's gone. Remember it's about the journey, Don't fill your days with worry, Sure, them young in's drive you crazy, but you'll miss 'em when they're grown....True love and the gospel, might take a while to blossom, but you dig down in that garden and you plant them anyways and Just let God be the farmer, he's got the sun and water, It's up to him to let 'em bloom and let 'em see the light of day...Time ain't always your friend, so fill up your heart with love... pass it on before you go."

One of the first aspects that attracted me to you, besides your incredible arm muscles and hot smile, was your faith. We shared a spiritual bent. We were both the ones in our high schools starting Bible studies or wanting to talk about all things deep instead of partying. Even as our beliefs changed, grew, shrunk, evolved, and became throughout our marriage, we embarked on the journey together. Even when we were unsure about God and incredibly angry at the church and jaded with christian culture, we shared a yearning for the Spiritual and All THAT IS. Depth and Something Greater were in most of our conversations. We wanted to give our children choices so that when the time came, their faith would be their own. But we also gave them plenty of reasons not to believe. We made mistakes but overall, we showed them a shared journey filled with honesty, raw intensity, humble questioning and angry justice calling, tempered by an ever present (even when we did not fully know it) GRACE. We shared each stage together. We did not leave each other behind even if their were aspects of our faith we needed to traverse alone. This is the biggest legacy I believe you gave our children as a father and husband.

Even as late as this last week, they have heard you listening to the podcast on '5 ways a Woman Loves a Man's Strength.**'(https://open.spotify.com/episode/4SPO1BPGxpUhqzhtRG8ds7?si=9vQtd9NuQcOF2HV_fDfx-A&preview=none) They have heard me apologize to you for being too controlling and 'Mrs. Fix it.' They have heard you respond with your own apologies of selfishness. They see us in our 22 year of marriage, working once again on undoing our own selfish ambitions and trying to love each other as God calls us to. They see us trying to undo old damaging habits and trying to reach into the higher calling of sacrificial love. I think that matters. I believe you have given them some of the greatest gifts a person could pass on to another. You have woven a legacy of hardship and grace. You have shown pain and persistence, dignity and sacrifice, love and boundaries, growth and forgiveness, kindness and laughter, strength and vulnerability, and the daily act of BEING.

Thank you for being the father of my children. Thank you for being the one I think of when I hear songs of dads who get it right. Thank you for rising up to each day's challenges. Happy Fathers Day.

XOXO 

Love:

**We do not identify as Catholic however we like this podcast. We love their hearts and their marriage podcasts have particularly aided us.*

Song Choices: All the songs from Luke Combs album Father and Sons https://open.spotify.com/album/02GDaShX8vOw5tcak3OXow?si=fLa7bv6tQFuodq3-WW9jNQ&preview=none

Front Door Famous:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jccOBAE-rYc&t=2s

Plant a Seed https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n5ZGRo-qnB4