Liberal or Conservative? Living in Twilight. "Both Sidism"? Polarizing Society. Playing Defence in a Dangerous but Beautiful Game.

There are people who belong to the daytime and sunshine. They choose bright sunlight for their perspectives. There are people who belong to the night and moon. They pick the darkness to thrive and survive. Both ask me to choose a darn side. I get sent articles of sunshine, if I send a few out about the moon. I am asked to educate myself on the moon, if I focus on the sun. Most people trust that I will read up on both and contemplate the moon and the sun, if I have the time. But sometimes it is forgotten that there is a liminal space called dusk/ twilight... or two liminal spaces, in fact, as there is also dawn. They are both brief. They are often forgotten or heavily celebrated for an instant. Some romanticize them while others scoff at their brevity. Some will say, "Twilight is not a time of day...it's either day or night." Yet dawn and dusk still have their moment. They are legitimate in their own way. They belong to both dark and light, yet are also fully neither. Both the sun and the moon pull them. I have people whom I love and whom love me, who are both on far political ends of Liberal and Conservative. Some are more extreme than others. Some have delivered deep wounds to me in the past and present. I have learned to live with both.

“But avoid foolish controversies, genealogies, dissensions, and quarrels about the law, for they are unprofitable and worthless.” Titus 3:9

In politics, I generally score Liberal or Libertarian on all the tests I take to tell me how to vote. Yes, I take those tests because I hate politics. But politics have become the new monoculture. There were a few years I refused to vote because I thought it was pointless as I figured that all the candidates lie, go back on their promises, and build platforms based on what their demographic wants to hear. But then I began to vote again simply for the fact that I love my country and wish it to remain as it is...a democracy. Which meant I needed to value the act of voting itself as a Canadian. In the past my vote relied heavily on the freedom to homeschool my children. However, I vote differently in each election. I also try to pick a candidate that seems the most honest. At times that can be the exact opposite of the party I voted for before. It is contextual to me. But I am odd.

In light of my varied articles, I was accused of being a "both sidest in the name of pseudo intellectualism and polite kindness." At first I was insulted. But then I realized that I do not wish to be an intellectual, nor do I pride myself on that concept anymore, so that wasn’t a loss. As for polite kindness? After that particular week, where both sides had asked me to defend myself or educate myself, I came to realize that it is not easy exercising polite kindness. It is no small thing to see merit in both sides. Kindness is not a weakness and requires the fortitude I often don't feel I possess.

(“And to aspire to live quietly, and to mind your own affairs, and to work with your hands, as we instructed you, so that you may walk properly before outsiders and be dependent on no one.” 1 Thessalonians 4:11-12)

I think a bit differently than a lot of people due to many factors. But I can ironically forget and assume people know my context. I once sent out an email, which some recipient’s thought was terrible, others applauded, and many were in the middle about. My first mistake was that I sent it to part of the wrong email group list who would not understand where I was coming from. My second was that I didn’t fully understand how many people equate a link, or article, or video with the sender as “their truth” or “full support.” That assumption never happened with books. At least when I was a teenager, no one assumed if a book was given, that it was the full truth of the person sharing it. Plus, I thought me stating, "I do not support all these people or know their contexts" made that clear. It didn't. I mistakenly called the email truth and perspectives. I didn’t even realize a week later how wrong that could go, until a friend gently pointed out what she thought. I was astounded. In my mind I thought, we must search for truths in all things, find different perspectives and that many things can look different from an opposing angle. I chose the angle that was not my typical. Looking back I realize how unclear that was. Yikes. But to me in that moment - It was crystal. I also forgot about heightened emotions in that particular context. Many people were being attached to rhetoric and stances in their emotional and spiritual lives. I forgot to give consideration for this fact. I was once again being a paradox and forgetting my own context, and their emotional context, in the name of context! “So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.” Matthew 7:12

I come from a conservative background while being a person who is compassionate at perspectives and scores liberal. I had years of therapy to discuss some of the underlying issues I had in this regard. Many conservative people were close friends of mine who knew my context and loved me, but made it clear I was wrong. In some cases I was blatantly told I would burn in hell for eternity for multitude aspects of my BEING. Ironically, the varied people who thought I would burn didn’t usually agree upon the aspects I would burn for. They were united in agreeing I was going to hell, but divided on the WHY.

 

“Finally, all of you, have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind. Do not repay evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, bless, for to this you were called, that you may obtain blessing.” 1 Peter 3:8-9

My husband is more conservative than I am. He likes politics. A few years ago he started to heavily explore political topics with varied speakers. It caused issues in our marriage. I actually had to have therapy for it! The therapist told me to try to give him a few hours in the week to hear what was important to him in these topics and then I could also have some time for my interests to share. It sounded fair. 

The first year I hated most of the resources and podcasts. He chose from a lot of what liberals call the "alt right." That label isn't always accurate. Most were actually libertarians or many other diverse groups. Let me say- he did NOT agree with all of them, but he was interested in hearing them. I was programmed to react the most strongly to the ‘triple evil’ of  ‘white,’ ‘male’ and ‘semi conservative sounding.’ People like Dave Rueben, Ben Shapiro, Jordan Peterson, Louder with Crowder, Art of Manliness (Brett Mckay), etc. I researched from the liberal side of things and found much to dislike. Unfortunately, I did not give consideration to the obvious bias of liberal articles. But despite forming my opinions of these men from liberal articles and podcasters, I tried to keep an open mind. My husband mattered more to me. I wanted to see what he saw, while still being ME. By the year mark, I could listen and disagree with most of them, but still see a person behind the rhetoric instead of the devil incarnate. After the second year, I learned contexts, and one of these people became a personal favorite. Isn’t that interesting? When we regularly engage and hear someone’s story, we become more understanding. Maybe we even find humane similarities? Often we just do not take the time for what is quite different from our own opinions. It takes too much effort and emotion. 

“And a harvest of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace.” James 3:18

I began to hear their voices as familiar and I saw some merit or intelligence to a few topics. Did that mean I stood by everything they said or did? Absolutely not, but there were voices that slowly, begrudgingly, I began to like and agree with more often then before. There is a difference between arguing with an ideal and honouring a person. At first I disliked Jordan Peterson a lot. I read his first book and disputed half of it in book study. But my husband was allowed to listen to a podcast every second night. He chose JP. I chose Alan Watts. We switched. It takes me at least 2 hours to fall asleep. I would get hooked by the dialogue and find myself hearing the entire episode. Eventually I began to recognize great guts, intelligence and found that I could in fact, source a few labeled ‘conservatives’ (JP is actually a self described centrist) as on my reading list. But see? Perspectives and tolerance of differences takes TIME and trust and context. That took over a year of hearing his voice (and his second book) to win me over. I still will "argue" some points when we listen but more often than not, I find myself respecting and listening.

I find it weird how people cannot separate a book, podcast, film, music choice, or art from the creator, person, artist or belief system. I find it odd, that if I like Jordan Peterson, some people accuse me of being anti feminist or anti- trans when that could not be farther from the truth. I believe in free speech and JP is a huge contender for it. I find it odd that when I say I read Glennon Doyle, it's assumed I back her up all her ideas and followed her on social media. I did not. I find it odd that because I like shows like Easy A, some of my conservative friends think I have no moral compass. Ironically the show’s theme used to apply more to my conservative friends, but later I found the opposite in how I was being labeled, diced and attacked by some of my liberal community. The films’ commentary on people’s judgments seemed to apply to both groups. I find it weird when people find out my favourite show is Glee from season 3 to it's ending, they label me immediately, especially if they have not even viewed some episodes I love from later seasons. They do not understand that watching and absorbing the songs inspired some of my best actions in life. 

Why do we judge people by sole statements and factors? Can human beings be complex and nuanced and full or paradox? If we are made in the image of a God that created intricate wonders beyond our current science, how much more precious and mysterious are we? “You are fearfully and wonderfully made.” Psalm 139:14

My daughter is an ENFJ. She cannot even be in the room when Ben Shapiro is on. She has a visceral reaction. It makes sense because her ENFJ personality thrives on harmony. Shapiro is NOT a harmonizer. My daughter sometimes agrees with aspects of the content, but cannot stand his approach or harshness of point. Julianna cares deeply for the wounded and will approach life that way. She needs to honor that. Just as many ENFJs will feel the same. As long as she still sees Shapiro as a fellow human being, it is ok for her to listen to other voices that work on her level more often. But the same cannot be expected of all personality types. I need to honor that I am the paradox as an INFJ. I WILL see merit to both sides. When I truly listen I find undercurrents of humanity in each. It’s not a better way of being…but it’s not less either. I don’t expect it from my friends but I am ME and will still work out my perspectives in this way. I ask for respect from those who work differently. I strive to give the same respect back. “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be call sons of God.” Matthew 5:9

People are so complex. We can be paradoxes or enjoy opposites and still hold on to our morality. We can have stances but still engage with the other "side." Ironically, when I became slightly more vocal about conservative links I had seen, when I previously had given plenty before from the other side, I was given grief from many self identified liberals. I’ve since learned to refrain on sending links on most topics. Back when I was still on social media, there was a day called Blackout Tuesday. I did not participate due to multiple reasons. I was called a white supremacist simply because I did not post a black box. It astounded me that people thought this was an indication of how I viewed anyone different from me. 

“Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.” Matthew 7:1-4

One of my favorite companies banned J.K. Rowling’s Harry Potter merchandise. Oddly the small company was known for carrying her products, so it was surprising when, due to a statement Rowling tweeted about gender issues, they labeled her as a trans hater and discontinued her books. At the time, I was still on social media, so I left a comment asking: Since when do we expect all of our authors, celebrities, businesses and people to be infallible and rise to a level of perfectionism? They make mistakes, sometimes large ones, but don’t we all? How is it right to then delete our complete associations with things that are still wonderfully good, just because of a mistake? Why are we bowing to perfectionism in speech or deed? Does it mean people can do whatever and hurt whatever? No, but does it mean we can enjoy fandom, art and beauty regardless of the creators lifestyle choices or poor living etc. I imagine that if we banned all of the people who made mistakes - we would no longer be reading, watching, savoring art or learning - because half of our history is terrible. When the memories and history of a people is erased, it is easier to rule them. People are flawed. So we stop listening to Michael Jackson or stop reading J.K. or stop enjoying a Picasso? Not that I particularly see Picasso as art, but each to their own. Where will the line end? When will we stop censoring in the name of freedom while ironically taking freedom away? We expect freedom of speech but then we heavily sanction people who exercise it? No, it doesn’t mean we excuse terrible behavior or put up some personal boundaries, but if companies ban authors they don’t agree with where will it end? Who will decide? And how will we find the person who will always be 100% politically correct? We change people story by story. We ask for better treatment in the context of our relationships and that changes the world. Harry Potter spoke to many outcasts. The books and films carried me through depression. J.K. is brilliant for creating it. Does it mean she’s not human or that we will agree with every life decision? Banning an entire world just because she created it, seems counterproductive to the true issues.

In the feed thereafter I was the top commentator for likes, but I was also equated with Hitler and called a homophobic, trans phobic, and an anti Semitist. What??? Luckily, the one very rude comment deleted it after other strangers supported me and disputed their comment, but the damage was done to a degree. And this is part of the reason why I am no longer on social media. I strive to take both support and disagreement with a grain of salt. Both can change on a dime. Neither should define me. I should only define myself through the One Whom Sees. “The eye is the lamp of the body. So, if your eye is healthy, your whole body will be full of light, but if your eyes are bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light in you is darkness, how great is the darkness!” Mathew 5:22- 23 

The very people who praise me can dispute and vice versa. This is the price of freedom, the truth of the ego, and a matter of perspectives taking. Of course, I struggle with it many times. But let me be clear. I am NOT a victim. I have been before. Sometimes I can not help but feel victimized and fight the specific injustice, but I refuse to define myself from that narrative simply because there have been some hardships.

I'm human so I naturally go through all the stages of grief when friends turn on me, or misunderstand, or accuse, or assume I am not "educated." I circle back to rage often until I can calm down. It takes some self-control to not answer in kindness and sometimes I fail. “So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets.” Matthew 5:12 

The silencing culture astounds me. The policing of jargon is damaging. I honestly never thought I would see the day when liberals would be just as cruel to me, and cause as much hurt, as the fundamentalist Christians did. I don't know which one was worse- people knowing your context and judging and being cruel- or people not knowing your context and being judgmental and cruel? I guess both are bad in equally different ways.

“But seek the welfare of the city where I have sent you into exile, and pray to the Lord on its behalf, for in its welfare you will find your welfare.” Jeremiah 29:7

And so… I have found this to be true. Everyone has the capability to be cruel on any political spectrum. One is not more worthy than the other, liberal or conservative, or the many other parties. One is not more "noble" than the other. Both have merits. The opposing political structures also have massive downfalls. If we are basing our worth on a stance, our foundations will easily crumble. 

“Everyone then who hears these words of mine and does them will be like a wise man who built his house on the rock. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house, but it did not fall, because it had been founded on the rock. And everyone who hears these words of mine and does not do them will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell, and great was the fall of it.” Matthew 5:24-27

On the flip side, I have had friends/family who disagreed with my sources or links, but have been above and beyond understanding and kind, from both sides. They knew what their foundation was built on. They had opinions but since their love was built on Solid Rock, they choose to SEE the face of another. I have had friends that I will stick by whom have stuck by me, even when we disagree. When I am asked how I can be friends with people who have belief systems that can be downright degrading to certain lifestyles...I say, "Honestly, I don't agree with that system of beliefs and it's been aimed at me, at times, in a different way...but in the end, I love these people and they love me. They make mistakes. They are fallible humans. But I don't work the way of only being friends with what I agree with constantly (or at least I don’t feel I should work that way.) I feel if I did that I wouldn't have any friends as I fall on both sides. I can also be perceived as insulting too." My husband aids me in this mentality. He is my fierce protector, my memory and calm voice. I disliked that he opened up my world in many ways to politics, but I'm also indebted to him for walking alongside me, in the navigation of all the tricky emotions that are packed into the choices we make.

“If you faint in the day of adversity, your strength is small. Rescue those who are being taken away to death; hold back those who are stumbling to the slaughter. If you say, “Behold, we did not know this,” does not he who weighs the heart perceive it? Does not he who keeps watch over your soul know it, and will he not repay man according to his work?” Proverbs 24:10-12

I’ve been told that I can be defensive. Perhaps it is because I have been friends with both teams my entire life, defending both, to a degree, some more than others in politics, beliefs and many stances. But that does not mean I have unchangeable core values. My core value is this; “He answered, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind and love your neighbour as yourself.” Luke 10:27 

I’ve tried to be less defensive but then I realized that I am better at playing defense. Offence often makes me uncomfortable or I quickly retreat. I’m not a star player generally. Being a goalie would be my nightmare...but I’m good at defending once a play is in motion. That’s not a bad thing. “But in your hearts honor Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect.” 1 Peter 3:15 I need to remember timing is everything. Gentleness and respect are crucial. Sometimes I’m pulled off the field altogether or decide to sit out. But in general I was made to be on defense. I defend for everyone who is in my playing field ... and I need to respect that in myself. I also need to respect the offence players even when the aggression makes me feel attacked. I have to remember to respect that role and it’s legitimacy. I need to respect the kicker or star player as elite in their realm. Does it mean we can’t try each other’s roles or stop playing the game? No, but it does mean that there is room for each player to be their best typically when they can. “Gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.” Galatians 5:23

I know enough of both sides of the political scheme that I could easily just conform to whomever I am with. But I have done that before and paid a hefty price inside of myself. To quote a movie I've always hated (Princess Bride. Another example that I can learn and quote from something I don't fully enjoy or support.) "Life is pain and anyone who tells you differently is trying to sell you something." I choose pain WITH love. I hope for gentleness and self-control. I am living in dusk filled twilight. I do not expect you to join me. But I ask that you respect it as legitimate as living in sunshine or moonlight. I love the entire twenty-four hour span of the day, but I need to be twilight dusk or twilight dawn.

“Kindness is often mistaken for softness, and, let me tell you, friends... That is a mistake you don't want to make. Kind people are not born that way; they do not stumble into it. Kind people are forged in fire and darkness and imploding stars. They have steel cores. Throw a punch and you're going to break your hand. Kind people are kind because they know firsthand that life isn’t.” GeekDawson

                                                   
In the end it’s all rhetoric to me that’s socially constructed. Intent and context to context matters most.  Song Choice; Living in Twilight- the Weepies
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9G2B0qaT5IU
Honestly, this expresses me best. I could easily be a full hermit. I have in the past besides my immediate family and may need to go to that mode for a bit soon for my sanity but at the same time I avidly love the people in my life and am still grateful even if there are many mixed feelings. But music expresses me best;