You're Still the One- Twenty Years Of Marriage Together

"I remember trying not to stare the night that I first met you, you had me mesmerized... I thought I loved you then but now you're my whole life, now you're my whole world...like a river meets the sea, stronger than it's ever been. We've come so far since that day and I thought I loved you then!" Brad Paisley

He was a 'Chip N Dale' for Miss Teen Night. 17. On stage with cuffs, ripped off at the shoulders unbuttoned dress shirt and a bow tie with a charming smile and Steve Harrington hair. I turned to my friend, "Who is THAT?!" I had never felt such a zip of attraction before. She stated, "Oh don't even try. He's way out of your league." That night I mentioned his weird last name to my dad (and pronounced it wrong!) briefly and then forgot about him until my father realized he worked with his brother. They crafted an acceptance to his application to college a few months later. Behind my back, they wrote, "You are accepted to this college on the condition you date the Director of Enrolment's daughter on a six month probationary period." I was appalled. He thought it was a message from God. He stated that as soon as he scoped me out at my job cashiering, and I turned around to smile at him, he was hooked... 

"Looks like we made it, look how far we've come now baby?...They said, "I bet, they'll never make it." But just look at us holding on. We're still together, still going strong. You're still the one I run to, the one that I belong to, You're still the one I want for life. You're still the one that I love. The only one I dream of. You're still the one I kiss good night. Aint nothing better. We beat the odds together. I'm glad we didn't listen. Look at what we would be missing!" Shania Twain

We were engaged 7 months later. We were constantly told we would not make it. So we hired 7 different marital counsellors from 7 different churches. 7 months later we were married. 7 seemed to be our number. Teenagers can be strong willed. I expected our path to be tough because I'm an old soul whom overthinks, but I also knew, deep down, that our love was unique and I would love him till the day I died. With each milestone passed, I would hum Shania's song, thankful that thus far, we beat the odds together.

"Remember when I was young and so were you? Time stood still. The love was all we knew...Remember when we gave our hearts, made a start and it was hard. We lived and learned, life threw curves, there was joy and there was hurt. Remember when? Remember when old ones died and new were born and life was changed, life was dissembled and re arranged. We came together and fell apart and broke each other's hearts. Remember when? The sound of little feet was music, we danced to week to week...Remember when? Thirty seemed so old, now looking back, it's just a stepping stone to where we are and where we've been, said we would do it all again. Remember when?" Alan Jackson

Having a newborn and pregnant again before twenty was blissful and tough. I would do it all again. We nestled into each other and built our foundations. There was joy. There was hurt. As the years turned, the ordinary and extraordinary blended into sunsets. Our family was born. Meanwhile loved ones died and we definitely were disassembled and re arranged. Grief does not make all people kind. Only healed grief can be a balm...a wounded healer. We had to learn that lesson after both of our hearts were broken by life and each other ...for a time...but we always chose to come together through our blunted feelings or harsh words. Those stepping stones brought us to where we are today. I would do it all again.

"These times are trouble and these times are good and they are always gonna be. They rise and they fall. We take them all the way that we should, together you and me...When I said I do, I meant that I WILL, till the end of all time, be faithful and true, devoted to you. That's what I had in mind when I say I do." Clint Black

I take vows seriously. I try not to speak something I do not mean. Honestly? I struggled with my wedding day and parts of my honeymoon. I preferred our smaller, ordinary dating moments or random spontaneous sunset watching, country driving evenings. But the part of my wedding day that sticks, in the right way, was when I said I do. Because I meant that I would be devoted in good times in bad... It was true from the start. I was sick and standing in front of over 300 people...not my forte. But I was doing it because I loved him. My Uncle Chris, who was a recorded country singer and sounded like Alan Jackson, sang Tracy Byrd's 'Keeper of the Stars' and my heart wished a thousand 'thank you's' heavenward that I had someone who I wanted to protect and cherish and whom understood and adored me.

"It was no accident, me finding you. Someone had a hand in it. Long before we every knew. Now I just can't believe you're in my life. Heaven's smiling down on me. As I look at you tonight. I tip my hat, to the Keeper of the Stars. He sure knew what he was doing when he joined these two hearts. I hold everything when I hold in my arms. I have all I ever need- thanks to the Keeper of the Stars." Tracy Byrd

I would like to think we have become better together. I would hope that I am more than I was. But I KNOW that he is still my ONE. He has the capacity to render my heart into bits of frustration in one moment (and believe we are going to divorce that day!) and in a few hours I am shocked at how easy it is to forgive and move on. His love dances in the dark.

"Dancing in the dark, in the middle of the night, taking your heart and holding it tight..Oh it's a beautiful thing, don't think I can keep it all in. I just gotta let you know what it is that won't let me go. It's your love- it just does something to me - it sends a shock right through me and I can't get enough. If you wonder about the spell I'm under - it's your love. Better than I was, more than I am. And all of this happened by taking your hand, and who I am now, is who I wanted to be, and now that we're together, I'm stronger than ever, I'm happy and free...and if you asked me why I've changed- all I gotta do is say your sweet name." Tim Mcgraw and Faith Hill

Our song doesn't get old to me. I hear it when the crickets chirp at dusk and the smell of summer BBQ's sing sticky sweet. I hear it on cold blustery days when smells of chocolate chip cookies permeate the air. I hear it on the radio when a new song sings how I FEEL or an old one reminds me of what I felt before. I hear my love in his chuckle which is, besides my children's voices, the most beautiful sound in the world to my soul. Our song is in the mundane, magical ordinary. We do best when we just ARE. 

"Ordinary? No. I really don't think so. Not a love this true. Common destiny. We were meant to be. Me and You. Like a perfect scene from a movie screen we're a dream come true. Suited perfectly. For eternity. Me and YOU. Everyday I need you even more. And the nighttime too. There's no way I could ever let you go. Even if I wanted to. Every day I live, try my best to give, all I have to you. Thank the stars above that we share this love- me and you. " Kenny Chesney

We are notoriously terrible at Anniversaries. I am usually sick or have my period every SINGLE year. Andenomyosis, Endometriosis, PCOS and Anemia all make this an exercise in pain. (Birth control doesn't work for me and I can not do the recommended hysterectomy.) So my husband usually spends the day trying to make me feel comfortable. We are usually broke. It IS true that a downside of marrying and having kids as teenagers is that it IS hard to build a financial foundation or catch up. So we don't usually even buy gifts and sometimes we don't even have the funds to travel to the next city over for a coffee.  We have had three anniversaries out of twenty when we bought larger gifts...and we have never gone away together.  I would not recommend it to MOST people because not knowing if the groceries or mortgage will go through sometimes is tough, tough, tough...but at the same time, those who have a very strong love and are extremely dedicated to each other, can make it through if they have just enough to scrape by. Any less than what we had, I am not as sure, because many aspects can break a marriage. I do not underestimate that. Some years we have just enough, a couple years we had more than enough, but usually we just scrape by...and it teaches us different things about life. We do other things well. But as far as travelling the world and diamonds and non thrifting shopping??? We are rich in our love. I would rather write him a love letter and listen to our favourite songs as we drive around our favourite country roads than have epic adventures. While a posh hotel would be welcomed, in the end - it's about us. It's about just BEING with him.

"Last night I had a crazy dream, a wish was granted just for me, and it could be for anything. I didn't ask for money or a mansion in Malibu, I simply wished for one more day with you. One more day. One more time. One more sunset baby, I'd be satisfied, but then again, I know what it would do, leave me wishing still for one more day with you. First thing I'd do is pray for time to crawl. I'd unplug the telephones. Keep the TV off. I'd hold you every second. Say a million I love you's - that's what I'd do with one more day with you." Diamond Rio

The first time I heard the Diamond Rio song "One more Day" we were dating and I bawled. I was already worried I would lose him. My poor guy suffered through years and decades of tears about losing him. I always said that I hope we die together. I have had this fear of losing him since I have met him. I am often shocked we made it to twenty years. Each time I am annoyed at him and I hear that song...I let it go...I remember what matters. One more day. One more moment to choose forgiveness. One more moment to love. He is a life that has been given to me to cherish, honour, protect and love. He's my whole world, given to me from the Keeper of the Stars, and gifting me with a new world in my home, with the three babies we made together and loads of memories swirled into our paired existence. I don't see how I could love him more...but I have said that before...

"I've seen the storm clouds in your past, but rest assured cause you are safe at home at last. I rescued you, you rescued me. And we're right where we should be, when we are together. I know the questions in your mind, but go ahead and ask me one more time. You'll find the answer's still the same, it wont change from day to day for worse or better. Will I promise to be your best friend? And am I here until the end? Can I be sure I have been waiting for you? And did I say my love is true? Baby I will, I am, I can, I have, I do. I know that time will disappear, but this love we're building on will always be here, No way that this is sinking sand on this solid rock we'll stand forever. Baby I will, I am, I can, I have. oh I will, I can, I have...I DO." Paul Brandt

I was born with a flair for the dramatic. In my mind, my story has always been an epic tale. I feel love and ordinary moments deeply which means that I also feel collective suffering and pain easy too. I used to hate this about myself. I didn't understand it either. I heard an analogy recently by Joy Clarkson which resonated; "The same capacity that enables me to rejoice so fully makes me vulnerable to the great consuming pain and loss of our world. Some days holding these two worlds inside makes me feel like I have a superpower. I am like a carbon monoxide alarm for the world. yes, the smallest of things can set me off- joyful and sorrowful- but isn' that the point of such a device? What good would an insensitive CO2 alarm be?" 

Philip taught me that my sensitivities and differences were a gift from God. He cherished what I struggled with. He laughs when I go off on a dramatic tirade. If I was him I would not have the patience. I live moments of tragedy over and over again and it rips me apart. He stitches me back together with the reminders of the little things I love. I could not ask for more than our time together when my favourite lyrics seep into my soul, the sunshine warms my face, and he is holding me with his familiar muscled arms. I feel safe. I feel like I am actually OK. These are the moments I thank God that I am alive. These are the moments I cherish existence. When I realize I have FOUND all I have waited for.

"... I've seen the sunset dance...I got real high on Rock N Roll and seen a lot of dreams come true but ain't no moment like when I am holding on to you. Baby all through the years, I've been moved to tears by the wonders of this old world, but one of God's mysteries that never fails to get to me is the moment that I am holding on to you." Miranda Lambert

Twenty years. It feels like maybe 7 tops! How did we get here? Where did it go? Part of me knows it went to days of fighting and loving, laughing and crying, holding and dancing, singing and yelling, breaking and redeeming. He often will tell me that he finds me more beautiful than when we first met at 17. I actually believe him. The queen of physical insecurity calms down when I hear him say that. I have always known he is the better looking half in our marriage. I don't mind. Those smile crinkles man! And those bulging biceps and that charming chuckle. I can't compare. So I don't. But he thinks I surpass him and I am fine with fairy tales.

"Has it been (20) years since we said I do? I've always heard marriage made one seem like two, but you're looking better than you did back then. You still make this ol' heart give in. And if I had it to do all over. I'd do all over again. If tomorrow I found more change to begin. I'd love you all over again. " Alan Jackson

I love him more than yesterday and I hope we still have forever to go.

"It's in the way you move me, the way you look right through me, still brings me down to my knees every time you smile. And after all this time love, It's still hard to get enough. The very first time I thought you were the one, who'd make all of my dreams come true. I STILL DO. I'm still amazed every time that we kiss. I still do. I'm never gonna stop feeling like this. Like the first time that I feel for you. They all thought we were crazy- sometimes I think they may be right- thinking we live life minus a day." Paul Brandt

On our good days? It's hard to get enough. I want time to pause. My heart still gets my seventeen year old zaps. He gives me some nightmares, but mostly he helps me build dreams. We tend to live life minus a day. We fly by our intuitions and are often unconventional. We are truth tellers which many do not understand nor necessarily like... but we get that about each other. It's one reason I believe we have lasted. We have told the truth of our struggles to love each other but also kept respect utmost. We have truthfully lived our feelings. We have been honest in our communication even when it hurts but we also remind each other to live the GOOD, the BEAUTIFUL and TRUE. For every hard moment or word, we strive to make 5 more good, beautiful ordinary or lived kindness.

"...We were meant to be together and that's why we can roll with the punches, we can stroll hand in hand, and when I say it's forever you understand that you're always in my heart, always on my mind and when it all becomes too much, you're never far behind, and there is no one that comes close to you that can ever take your place, cuz only you can love me this way." Keith Urban

He is often the face of God to me when I can not see my way through. It's almost like God said, "Here. She sees so much and feels so much but the one thing she struggles to see is her worth. She knows I love her, but she does not ever feel she is worthy...and that is why I brought you to her so early in life. You will have more years together than you will have apart. I have blessed the broken road that has led her straight to you. She will learn my Grace mostly through you. She will learn love. She will become beauty because you will be her mirror. She will find that your cherished love is only a faction of mine and she will finally have moments of understanding." And my heart weeps with gratitude to Ineffable Grace. The Divine embodied in a gift.

"I like the feel of your name on my lips. I like the sound of your sweet gentle kiss. The way that your fingers run through my hair, and how you're scent lingers even when you're not there. I like the way your eyes dance when you laugh..and how you convinced me to dance in the rain, with everyone watching like we were insane but I love the way you love me. Strong and wild, slow and easy, heart and soul, so completely, I love, the way you love me." John Michael Montgomery

On this anniversary of our twentieth spiral, I lift my heart up with gratitude. I am so grateful to be alive with him NOW. I expect more hardships, brokenness and struggles. But if I have been taught one thing it is that beauty and pain are intertwined here on earth. You can not have one without the other. If one can not be embraced or reconciled, the other will not be either. I'm learning to embody them both without apologies or excuses. The beauty is also in the future. There are more sunsets to be stunned by. Moments when I look around my living room and see my eldest son smiling as he builds an ATAT, my daughter giggling at a meme, my youngest strumming his Ukulele and my husband catching my eyes. He knows what I am thinking and we share a smile as our gazes sweep around the room. We can not get enough of this EVERYDAY LOVE.

"You just get better all the time. Darling, don't you change a thing. Lately you're the only song I want to sing. You're my reason to try. You just get sweeter every day. The little things you do and say. If only you could see you through my eyes. You just get better all the time. Oh and I get the feeling we can make it babe, as long as you are by my side, you're the music in my ears, the laughter when the tears are falling down through my life." Tim Mcgraw

Philip, You are the main song I have been gifted to sing. Our love is the same old, same old,  keeping it new. Yet, I can not get enough of our lyrics set to the song of life. I love the daily phone calls when I hear your voice. The voice that grounds me and enables me to find my own. I wish you could see you through my eyes. You are my hero and also the one I often have to pick up by the bootstraps. You say I am your spiritual compass and you are my physical one...and mostly that's true...but sometimes I realize I have learned many spiritual truths through loving you. You're my best friend but more so, my soul mate. I know those do not come along often in life and I am so glad my eyes were opened enough to SEE you and that you saw me. I recognize something eternal when I look into your gray blue eyes. Thank you for twenty of the hardest and loveliest years of my life. Baby I will, I am, I can, I have, I still DO. xoxoxo Yours Kissa

For a post written this Valentines Day from my daughter and how she views how my husband loves me ( along with a home made video she made of some of our highlights that you can watch with password) Click HERE:https://worldwecreate.blogspot.com/2022/02/guest-post-like-my-father-loves-my-mom.html

Songs referenced in the post (click for the beautiful lyrical song links):

Then- Brad Paisley

Still The One- Shania Twain

Remember When- Alan Jackson

When I said I do- Clint Black

Keeper of the Stars- Tracy Byrd

It's Your Love- Faith Hill and Tim McGraw

Me and You- Kenney Chesney

One More Day- Diamond Rio

I Do- Paul Brandt

Holding On to You- Miranda Lambert

I'd Love you All Over Again- Alan Jackson

Only You Can Love Me This Way- Keith Urban

I love the way you love me- John Michael Montgomery

I Still Do- Paul Brandt

You Just Get Better All the Time- Tim McGraw

GUEST POST "Like My Father Loves My Mom." To My Dad- Love Your Daughter

Enjoy this guest post from my daughter;

This post is dedicated to my Dad specifically, but I also made a video to both my parents near this 20th year of their marriage...Mom and Dad: You have been such a romantic example to me, in both the tough and the good times. Cheers to 20 years of Valentines together!"

I recently found this song by Jax, Like My Father in my suggested for a playlist I was making and decided to see what it was. So I clicked on it and while listening my eyes started to get glossy. After finishing the song I knew I had to share it with my parents, as I felt like it was their relationship to a T that I have seen throughout all my life. I showed it to my dad. After a few minutes of being in my room I came out to him listening to it in the kitchen while he was doing dishes. My heart melted and we spent around forty minutes listening to all of the artist's other songs together. My dad was so excited to show mom and both of them got teary when watching the music video. 

My mom suggested that I write this post on the song. I agreed that it was a great idea as we all love it deeply. I also thought it would be nice to write it for my amazing dad. So let's get into the song which I also made my own video of my parents to below...

"I want to come home to roses, and dirty little notes on Post-its, and when my hair is turning grey he'll say I'm like a fine wine better with age. I guess I learned it from my parents, that true love starts with friendship. A kiss on the forehead, a date night, fake an apology after a fight."

There have been so many times in my life that I witnessed my dad buying my mom flowers and leaving little notes for her. 

My parents always love trying to bug us and make dirty jokes especially my dad. Lots of times when they start kissing my dad will pop his head up and say "kids close your eyes!" We all exclaim "eeewwwww Dad!!" But I like seeing them so in love.                                                                                   

Throughout the years my dad has always said things to my mom like said in the quote above "you're like a fine wine. Better with age." In the quote below "And when my body changes shapes he'll say, ' You look hot today." My mom loves it when he says these things even if she has a hard time believing it. 

I want a love like my parents as said in the song. "I guess I learned it from my parents, that true love starts with friendship" They have taught me what true love looks like. And though they did not start out as friends, they became best friends as they were dating and have stayed close even after the hard times.                                                                                                                                                       

I want someone who will kiss me on the forehead and has date nights with me like my parents do for each other (even if they don't get enough date nights due to having three kids). I love how this song says "fake an apology after a fight" I remember being taught that in relationships you sometimes have to fake it till you make it and fake apologies. Otherwise you might never say sorry. 

"I need a man who's patient and kind, gets out of the car and holds the door. I wanna slow dance in the living room like we're eighteen at senior prom and grow old with someone who makes me feel young. I need a man who loves me like my father loves my mom."   

My Dad has shown these (patient and kind) characteristics throughout his life. Not perfectly of course. He is always striving to be better.  My dad truly is a kind hearted, sweet man.                                             

When there is fun or romantic music on, I will often see them holding each other close and doing their ridiculous dance moves or swaying side to side. They always look like they are enjoying each other when they dance and I love seeing them be utterly ridiculous (which I hope to be with my future husband).  (See video below.)                                                                                                                                                       

I feel like my parents keep each other young. My mom keeps the relationship young because of her innocence and her funny childish ways sometimes. And my dad does because of his humour and also his childish ways.                                                                                                                                            

The way my dad loves my mom so deeply and beautifully is something that I've always wanted in a future spouse. "I need a man who loves me like my father loves my mom." 

"I wanna road trip in thе summers. I wanna make fun of each other. I wanna rock out to Billy Joel, And flip our kids off when they call us old. He'll accidentally burn our dinner, And let me be the Scrabble winner, And when my body changes shapes, He'll say, "Oh my god, you look hot today."

My parents have gone on many road trips with and without us. I think it's when they get time to talk the most and what a better time to talk then driving around. They have always loved these drives and have taught us to enjoy it just as much (especially in the summer).      

There is always non-stop making fun each other in our house. My dad is usually the source of it. It's fun to see my mom and dad make fun each other. They do it a lot and are still in love so that says something haha.    

 "I wanna rock out to Billy Joel..." We are a very musical family so obviously this is also something that I hope for. Like I said before my parents like to dance together and "rocking out" is definitely something that they "try" to do. 'Try' being the operative word as  they do crazy dance moves that are very interesting to watch. I can't wait to freak my kids out with weird dance moves like they do to us.                                            

Now if we ever call them old... oh man...their reactions  are always big if they don't laugh. And yes we have been flipped off when us kids have said that they are old but of course this is all fun in games and hilarious as it's very dramatic (*clears throat. Dad*.)                                                                                     

My dad rarely ever burns our dinner. He is the main cook in our house and makes the best meals to nourish our bodies. I luckily took after my dad in the kitchen. I'm totally ok with my husband not loving the kitchen or having a talent in it like my mom....since I'm hoping to do 3/4 of the cooking, but we shall see.                                                    

When my dad heard this song for the first time when she says "And let me be the scrabble winner" he exclaimed, "Ha I would never do that!" Which is true, he really wouldn't. My parents are very competitive but it's very funny to see little tantrums (and game boards) being thrown by the ever sore loser. 

"And if he lives up to my father, maybe he can teach our daughter, what it takes to love a queen, she should know she's royalty"

I hope my husband lives up to my father; kind, hardworking, gentle, truthful, and most of all faithful to me. I hope my future spouse can teach our daughter what it looks like to love a woman. Just like my dad showed me, by loving my mom, what it looks like to be loved by a man. Treating her like a queen so that she knows she's special and royalty.      

    "I need a man who loves me like, my father loves my mom."

Thank you dad for being such a great guy who loves my mom and all of us kids so deeply. Thanks to both my dad and my mom who showed us kids what a wonderful relationship looks like and how to treat our future mates. I love you so much.

And to my future husband, I'm so excited what our future holds for us. P.S. I made a video of my parents for Valentines of them below- password: love :

password: love

Original Music Video here:

Meet Professor Vader Bhaer (Our Cat), Living Romance, And Country Songs Summer Magickal Life Playlist

*Country song links to the lyrics are after the asterix. Click to go to a video link or find the beautiful (and sometimes ridiculous) songs on Spotify. If they are in this post, they are definitely on repeat in our home!*

On a date drive at the end of May, I randomly said to my hubby, "I feel like we are missing something from our lives...like maybe a cat. Which I know is weird. But in order to have a cat we would need an older one from a home we trust, whom is already neutered, de wormed, and pretty placid in temperament...and the cat would of course have to be long haired grey or black as we both know that is the type I love most easily...so basically impossible." I laughed, and my husband, whom is used to my manifestation mumblings just smiled and replied,"While not entirely impossible it is highly unlikely."

On June ll th, I had excess clothes which were meant for my sister in law but she didn't want them, so last minute we drove to my aunt's home in town and asked if she wanted the box to look through. The first sentence she said to us was, "Sure and do you want a cat?"( Due to unforeseen circumstances in living the cat needed to be re homed  even though it was deeply loved and cared for.)  My hubby and I looked at each other and started laughing, "Um can we see it first? What gender is it and what's it name?" She replied, "Vader and it's a five year old boy." My heart began to pound because #1 we love Star Wars and that boded well. #2 Vader most likely meant it was a black kitty. We saw him and I knew deep down that he was probably meant for us, but still unsure I asked if we could have a trial period and if he was de wormed. My beloved aunt not only offered to take him to the vet first to get de wormed but agreed to a two week trial with no strings and brought over all of his stuff. 

Fast forward to Father's day, which was a few days past when we were originally going to receive him, and we though it was perfect, due to the fact that Vader was George Lucas' spin on the German word for father which is Vater...Another sign that things were going to work out. I have never had a pet (other than a few tries with new puppies and kittens that did not work out...) and I have not been much of a pet person. I knew my heart was gone when we went into the pet store and instead of being completely disgusted, I was only put off by the smell and bought way too many cat toys and treats. 

We ended up adding to his name after we got to know his character. He is a courteous cat who rarely meows (unless he is exploring a room.) He rubs against our legs when he wants the litter changed four times a day and of course we do it for him immediately. He knows my eldest son will do it the most, so the cat will often be found leading the way to his food or water. He knows my youngest son is the best at playing with his birdie stick...he only stares at me if I try to play with him but as soon as it is in my son's hands he jumps and begins to play...and he goes to my daughter for morning snuggles or to sit in her window. He seems to be an Introvert but is friendly to strangers, although he is jittery with new sounds. He is so easy and mellow which suits me entirely.  He switched over to a pellet litter easily without a fuss. He gives me my space which I also appreciate. 

And his biggest love is my husband....and I don't blame the cat for that. My husband is an early riser, thus the cat waits for him to wake, walks through the morning routine with him, then climbs onto his lap in the library while my husband spends an hour reading Philosophy books before work. He likes to come to me to get brushed twice a day. He will sit at my feet and turn his belly up waiting for me to begin the brushing. He looks like a little fluffy bear in our window. Thus, I came up with the name Professor Bhaer based on the sweet love interest of Jo's in Little Women (whom also reminds me a bit of my hubby at times.) It ties in the German factor but also suits Vader because the kids still call him VaderBhaer. I often shorten it to Professor.

He claimed my daughter's old American Girl doll spot, tucked on top of our Library rock wall, so we let him keep the bed from his throne overlooking the Library. He is adorable when he sleeps. He is gorgeous and I think he knows it. Anyone who sees him remarks on his beauty.

There were four stipulations I had when we took the cat which I stated to my family and the only reason I decided I could handle a cat in our home. If any of them are met, we will have to re home him, but so far they have not happened and my family tries their best to make sure those elements are controlled as best as possible. But at least we have him for however long we do and are giving him a beautiful home.

My husband says he knew I was smitten when Professor became the King of the house..."Well, he seems to have won you over and usurped your Queenhood my love. I don't know which one of you is ruling whom more but I have realized watching him that you have definitely always had a cat personality." When I complained that Professor Bhaer seems to want snuggles when I am busy and ignores me when I can actually give him time, my husband replied, "Hmmmm it's like living with someone else I know. Maybe he is an INFJ cat who wants what he can not have and then gets restless with what he has...you know like when the kids are gone you immediately miss them and want them home but then when they are home you want some space...or when I go to work in the morning and you want snuggles but then I am home later and you are busy with your own agenda...methinks we got a version of you as a cat."

Which, seeing my husband interact with him, makes me feel better about my life in general. On most days I know I am adored by my spouse, but seeing him get a kick out of the personality traits I also display, makes me feel amused. I also love that Professor seems to favour him...he's got good taste...Aaaannnddd I have spent way too much of my time talking about our cat which is a completely new thing for me.

**********

Every summer I go back to my country roots in music and simplicity which brings me back to my magic. I am a complex creature whom can feel the magic of BEING mixed with down home roots. I usually begin to upload my playlists in the Spring, with 90's throwback country and sometimes a bit of new stuff mixed in. This year I was happy to find numerous new catchy songs I found to add to our life's playlist. My lucky family gets to hear the tunes blare on our hour long drives, during chores, and on our front porch. My son recently remarked, "You know country isn't my favourite of all your music, but in the summers when you put it on, I feel calmer...like sensory simplicity and the love of family is mixed into the lyrics and I feel like I am living a story that matters." Amen. 

"It's been way too long since you slipped away, I just can't forget, I can't pretend it's ok. No other one could ever replace you, so i'll keep on believing and dreaming of you. Soft steel guitar, oh how I've missed you, words from the heart, let me hear you again. Sounds from the soul, fiddle I need you. Sweet country music where you have you gone? ” Where Have You Gone- Alan Jackson

I realize each summer, how much I missed my country tunes and country views. I love my small town anthems and backroad celebrations of love, family and the simple life. No other genre can make me cry so hard or feel nostalgia or the NOW. From the heartfelt to the quippy and zippy... What's your country song?

"Did you grow up on a tractor, did your daddy let you drive...Did you cruise down a back road with your Dixie land delight? Are you on the Chattahoochee on a barefoot blue jean night?... Everybody's got a small town anthem, everybody gotta a story to tell, everybody gotta a hallelujah , everybody been through a little hell. When your rollin' down a two lane highway, and you turn your radio on, tell me baby what's your country song?... Are your friends all in low places underneath the neon moon? Were you already country back when country wasn't cool?...What makes you turn it up and raise your cup every-time you listen?"*What's your Country song- Thomas Rhett

"Man it feels good to be country again...Tucked my boots in the back of the closet, they didn't feel like me no more. But I dug them out and slipped them on and they haven't left my feet since then, man it feels good to be country again... I traded sunsets with my wife for hours on my phone and even though I was right beside her I  still wasn't really home. But last night we built a fire and watched the moonlight kiss her skin... man it feels good to be country again." *Country Again by Thomas Rhett 

The Buffalo and Elk Farms behind our home are some of my favourite places to visit. For awhile in my twenties, I explored other sides of my persona and neglected the country aspects. At one point I was almost embarrassed of my country side. I would get the hillbilly stereotype (which can be true at times and I tend not to run in those circles) of drinking every weekend with bad choices, judgement on differences, sleeping around and keying up exes cars, mixed up with the down home, honouring of roots and choices balanced in ethics. When I was especially liberal, I didn't like to admit to my circles that I loved my country tunes because they would confuse me as conservative. I read a book once that remarked, "If you are not liberal leaning in your twenties, you have not learned full empathy and compassion and if you do not become more conservative in mid thirties onward, you have not grown into life's responsibilities or learned how to pair the wisdom of tradition with the previous compassion…” Or something like that - I can’t recall exactly … It sounded reasonable to me. Luckily, with age, I have learned that I can be multiple aspects of myself all at once and still be true. Each one aids in balance...especially those rooted in my growth years. 

I never want to trade sunsets with my husband for hours on my phone again. I used to do that. I thought what I was doing was important or world changing or that the people on the other end of texting needed me more than my family. But as Mother Teresa once said, "If you want to change the world go home and love your family." I don't want to miss the patterns on moth butterflies, nor the sound of Buffalo clomping across the prairies, or the way the wind sways the curtains on the front porch or the way each member of my family has their own unique individuality stamped into their expressions. I value the family traditions we built, while being flexible about change, growth and acceptance. I know it is BOTH/ AND when I am living my best life. I also realize my life is not for everyone nor would it feel fulfilling to some. However, I know that love, some form of roots as one ages, community, freedom of expression and a basic set of ethics serves everyone. It can simply look different in varying contexts. 

"Well, it's been a long time, since I flew past that welcome sign, smelled the sweet of them pines, and it's honeysuckle, belt buckle paradise, oh, that wrap around town you thought that you owned, where you learned how to live, yeah, until you got gone, And you think that you change, but you find that you don't cause you can't outrun what you raised up on." * Down Home Roots Run Deep- Chase Rice

I asked my husband recently how I can be so country, yet not really fit in with the country crowd either...He replied, "Most people are not just one thing nor linear...but I think with your personality and romantic leanings, you take the best of all that you have known and try to apply it. You are like a tree that does not forgo it's roots as it reaches elsewhere but you are very diverse in your expressions yet they are all authentic...Maybe it's because you fashioned your Autistic obsessions of film into yourself as it is more unique in that regard? You know that where you came from helped bring you here and instead of hating that fact, you often try to embrace the best parts and even if you mix it with a bit of rosy nostalgia, it is still true. I learn loving life through loving you." I mean, yea he is the lifeblood that keeps me going and he crowds my mind with his spells and word charms. With words like that he just brings me home. 

"Sun comes up on the coastline, watch your shadow dance on red sky, feel your hair run through my fingers, oh your memory how it lingers, not a day goes by, I don't need your smile, I don't feel your heart in every mile, empty streets and whistlin' pines, not a day goes by you don't crowd my mind."- *Crowd my Mind Brett Eldrige

"...kick back in my flip flops...the only thing on my agenda is beers and sunshine, bonfires and summertime, back porch time...Cuz everybody's drowning in a world that's gone crazy, don't know how to fix it but I think maybe, turn on the good times, turn off the TV, yea the only thing I need is beers and sunshine."*Beers and Sunshine- Darius Rucker.            Sometimes it does feel like the world has gone crazy and I honestly do not know how to fix it...but I know how to fix aspects of it for me and those I love...

I feel that the more time spent on devices(computer/ T.V./ phones) and the more I used to "collect" followers or connections in the name of goodness, the less I saw of those around me...nature, my family, friends, community, sunshine, yummy food, bonfires and front porch sittin'. I adore my front porch and deeply miss it during our cold winter months. I am trying to find the balance between using my phone for pictures and the occasional text/ email/ blog post with people I care about (and I am grateful for those modes to a degree) and immersing myself in the beautiful world around me. 

My husband will gently mock me (in a way that I don't mind) when we are on a drive and I put my hand out like I am stroking the waters outside my van window. He will chuckle if I am caught doing it (because sometimes I just can't help myself- I am just so caught up in the beauty that I want to embrace it.) The roots of my surroundings run deep within my soul. I feel part of the nature which encompasses our home and it feels like part of me.

"...In between sips of coffee, he poured this wisdom out, he said if you want my two cents on making a dollar count, buy dirt. Find the one you can't live without. Get a ring, let your knee hit the ground, Do what you love but call it work...send your roots down deep and add a few limbs in your family tree and watch their marks in the grass in the yard all grow up, cuz the truth about it is, it all goes by real quick, you can't buy happiness but you can buy dirt." *Buy Dirt- Jordan Davis

As a teen, I would stay home on Country Countdown day to hear tunes I loved. I would quickly run to my cassette tape if I heard a catchy tune and press record to enjoy the song later. I loved my country countdown and I still will put it on if we happen to be driving on Sunday afternoons. While 90's country is still my main choice, this post is proof that there are still some good country songs being made. 

"...How about you let this cowboy take you way...you know I like it, love it, you want some more of that, you make me smile like I did, when we were radio kids, Catching that count down on Sunday all the way to one babe. When there was; "Do you love me , if you do, check yes please, girl ya know you think my tractors sexy, gotta me spinning like a juke box junkie, You make me feel like 90's country..."*90's Country- Walker Hayes

I was a radio kid and country wasn't exactly the coolest in our small town, but some of my best friends also shared the love of twang with me. One of my biggest dreams was for a cowboy to sweep me off my feet and share ranching dreams with me. When my hubby was dating me, he caught wind of this and showed up at my door in full cowboy gear (which was a stretch from his 6 inch mow-hawk, baggy jeans wearing, big necklace jewellery self). He even composed a country song which he sang to me on a hay-bale (that a friend lent him) which he dragged into a local farmer's field as a date....and I liked it, I loved it, I wanted more of it:)

"When the new wears off, and they get to getting old, sooner or later, time's gonna take it's toll. They say nothing lasts forever, but they ain't seen us together or the way the moonlight dances in your eyes, Just a t-shirt in the kitchen, with no make up and a million other things that I could look at my whole life, A love like that makes a man have second thoughts, maybe some things last forever after all. FM stations on the outskirts, blue jeans after years of shift work, all fading out like I always knew they would, The strings on this guitar the first love lost on a young heart, those things are gonna break after the getting's good, cause the new wears off, and they get to getting old but maybe some things last forever after all."* Forever After All- Luke Combs

"Water towers were made for hearts and names, Friday nights were made for football games, falling leaves were made for falling in, front porch steps were made for goodnight kiss and I was made for you. Yea I was made for you. "* Made for You- Jake Owen

"Her day starts with a coffee and ends with a wine, takes forever getting ready so she's never on time for anything, When she gets that "come get me" look in her eyes, well, it kinda scares me, the way that she drives me wild, when she drives me wild. Beautiful crazy, she can't help but amaze me, the way that she dances, ain't afraid to take chances and wears her heart on her sleeve. Yeah she's crazy but her crazy's beautiful to me. She makes plans for the weekend, can't wait to go out, till she changes her mind, says. "Let's stay on the couch and watch TV" and she falls asleep... She's unpredictable, unforgettable, it's unusual, unbelievable, how I'm such a fool for her."- *Beautiful Crazy -Luke Combs

"...I like old blue jeans, guitar strings, and dirt roads, ya know. I like girls that like the woods, I like kissing em on the hood. I like green tractors, Dukes of Hazzard and grits, ya know, country stuff. Country stuff, Country stuff- I like country stuff. Yeah, I'm talking about tin roof rains, front porch swings, back door, front door, both got screens, Calling turkeys, beef jerky, sweet tea...Y'all it's all good."* Country Stuff- Walker Hayes

"...Can't imagine anything the two of us can't do. Through the years, you never let me down, you turned my life around, the sweetest days I found, I found with you. Through the years I've never been afraid, I love the life we've made, and I'm so glad I stayed, right here with you through the years... I swear you taught you everything I know and I can't imagine needing someone more, through the years it seems to me - I need you more and more, through the good and bad, I knew how much we had, I've always been so glad to be with you...it's better every day. You've kissed my tears away, as long as it's ok, I'll stay with you...when everything went wrong, together we were strong, I know I belong right here with you. Through the years, I never had a doubt, we would work things out, I learned what love's about by loving you."* Through the Years- Rascal Flatts

My bare-feet were propped up on the dash while we were listening to new country tunes on the radio when a song came on called, "Fancy Like" by Walker Hayes. We immediately cracked up at the lyrics. The song was oddly appropriate. My husband and I had just had a "date" and grabbed lettuce wrapped burgers at Mcdonalds...it wasn't in our diet plan but it was what we could afford. Cuz we are fancy like that. 

"My girl is banging, she's so low maintenance, don't need no champagne poppin' entertainment, take her to Wendy's, Can't keep her off me, She wants to dip me like her fries in her frostin'. But every now and then when I get paid, I gotta spoil my baby with an upgrade, eh eh, Yea we fancy like Applebeas on a date night, got that Bourbon street steak with the oreo shake with some whip cream on the top too, two straws, one check, girl I gotcha you... We fancy like... Don't need no mansion to get romancin'..."*Fancy Like- Walker Hayes

 

"...body like a backroad, driving with my eyes closed, I know every curve like the back of my hand, doing fifteen in a thirty, I ain't in no hurry, I'm gonna take it slow just as fast as I can..."- *Body Like a Back Road- Sam Hunt

Our back road dates have been my favourite since we have been 17. The fresh feeling of youth still feels relevant even as we age. I don't know how, after twenty years, we still find new back roads to make out on. I love driving with my hubby, listening to music. He has memorized most of our range roads from here to each of the surrounding cities and I adore him for it.

"Baby last night was hands down, one of the best nights, that I've had no doubt, between the bottle of wine and the look in your eyes and the Marvin Gaye, then we danced in the dark, underneath September stars in the pouring rain, and I know that I can't ever tell you enough, that all I need in this life is your crazy love. If I never get to see the northern lights (we do) or if I never get to see the Eiffel tower at night, oh if all I got is your hand in my hand, baby I could die a happy man... I don't need no vacation, no fancy destination, baby your'e my great escape. We can stay at home and listen to the radio and dance around the fireplace."* Die a Happy Man- Thomas Rhett

Music is the rare experience that gives me the range of feeling I sometimes can not express otherwise. Country is one of the rare ones that not only makes me laugh but can reduce me to (rare) gulping tears. The songs about children growing and leaving... get me...as well as any song about losing a husband. The newest one was by Walker Hayes ,who sings a song to the future husband of his wife in the case of his demise. The first ten times I heard it, I could not stop crying and had to text my husband each time...When my daughter heard it for the first time, her and I both exchanged teared up gulps and my sons started laughing at us. My hubby said all the lyrics apply except that it should be LOVES glitter ( and all things sparkly) instead of hates:

"She don't give two cents about money, likes a little coffee in her honey, let her sleep late as she wants, home is her favourite restaurant, don't you dare come home if you're hammered, better watch your mouth and your grammar, she loves babies, hates glitter, you better shave before you kiss her...and if she ever misses me, please don't let her."*Don't Let Her- Walker Hayes

I struggle with sensory aspects of life, but I also thrive in them due to the same issue. I am not a sensory person, I am intuitive and live in my head, but country songs can help me be in the moment. When I hear the lyrics, it resonates...the thoughts I notice in my head manifest into reality and I realize with clarity, what I have and how grateful I am. I have had many moments that make it into the best country songs. They are not just lyrics but my reality,

"Red leaves on the river, footprints in the sand, cold walk in December, warming up your hands, sun dress on the front steps, sun up by the lake, blanket down in the backyard lying wide awake...That's a memory I don't mess with...Moonlight on the back seat, breeze through the wires, Springsteen on the speakers, girl I'm on fire..."* Memory I don't mess with- Lee Brice

                    

"Where the money runs out, that's where we begin, right smack dab where the black top ends…fallin' right out of the clear blue collar sky, yea just lovin' this life. On the dirt road side of the county line, ain't rich but we're doin' all right, got my honey on my arm, Jesus in my heart, livin' like a lyric out of Fishin' in the Dark, and we work hard, live right, tear it up on a Saturday night, on the dirt road side of the county line. We like to keep a little mud on the tires, country on the dial, let the night roll on for a country mile, round and round this town we go, never growin' up but man it never gets old."*County Line- High Valley
            
 

"yea I'm tired of wastin' my time, on traffic jams and boss mans, chasin' a dime, You can spend your whole life, tryin' to make a killing, but what's it worth without a little living? Don't want to look back at all the things I am missing.."* More time Fishin- Thomas Rhett

                                     

I have expressed before how blue collar workers(click) are underestimated, but in country music they are celebrated which I love. It honestly never gets old...the summers and back roads and yelling out *"Fishin in the dark by Nitty Gritty.

"...there was dirt on daddy's clothes... All we had was us. And that little bitty house and a lotta love. We had it all when we didn't have much... that old porch light that led me home at night...I can still hear grandma reading that red letter book of John, I can still smell coffee in the kitchen, with old Don Williams on..."* We Didn't Have Much- Justin Moore

My grandma passed away last fall, but the lyrics above triggered a poignant memory from my childhood. Grandma's house always smelled like coffee brewing, and old country (Don Williams being one) was always playing while she puttered in the kitchen or sat at her table, covered in plastic, with her worn Bible sitting open to the red pages. Some things do not fade with time. In fact, often I find I am more in love with my husband than I was when I first met him. Even some of the lusty feelings often remain strong. I hope we still have many years to go... and despite what most of culture promotes, I KNOW without a doubt that there is something satisfying to full commitment...whoever that happens to be with. Yes, we have had tough years and of course I believe in divorce to a degree in varying contexts, but if possible, I feel that making a true commitment, and sticking with it, brings something that life can not give otherwise.

"I can still see that dress you were wearing, with those yellow wildflowers, I can still smell that vanilla in your hair when I was spinning you around, We just met and I knew then but I couldn't say it out loud, so we just swayed while the music played, kinda like we're doing right now. Another year down and baby somehow, our song never gets old. The honeymoon phase and butterflies fade, but I'll never let you go. We were just kids stealing a kiss and it feels like forever ago. But I love you more than yesterday and we still got forever to go."* Forever to Go- Chase Rice

"Rooster crow meant coffee pot, no trespassing meant don't get caught, hit the town in that parking lot where we grew up, it was ask her to dance, leave room for Jesus, Friday nights were lights and bleachers, ridin' around cause gas was cheaper where we grew up. On country music, baseball diamonds, findin' us a fishin' hole, them sunday mornin' sermons, tailgate learnin'. sippin' somethin' cold. They born and raised us on faith, hope and love, and made dang sure we were dang sure proud of where we grew up. You could trust a man with a handshake, Last one through, man, shut the gate. It was either Ford or Chevrolet where we grew up..."* Where We Grew up- Thomas Rhett

I know how good we have it and how much I had growing up...miles and miles of freedom. Our one red light blinking at the four way stop is still the only traffic light in my hometown, which my old soul cherishes. My husband calls me "A Romantic Four" (Enneagram) whenever I talk about my hometown surroundings. But I can still recall the Sunday morning sermons, even though I raised my family differently, I know I am also whom I am today because of, or in spite of them at times. I am grateful. I used to know 3/4 of the town. I am not that girl anymore, nor do I desire to be. Most people think we have moved. As I age, I am finding more value in connections, but I won't be the girl collecting people anymore either, simply because it the friendly thing to do. There is a balance. Just because someone knows everyone, does not mean they will necessarily add value to one's life or that they are exceptional. It can come down to temperament, insecurity, life priorities or numerous other aspects...some good and some that need re -assessing. I guess I know because for awhile I was that girl. We try to keep a good name but that means different things to different people. We heard in our twenties that we were the Wolves in Sheeps clothing, the strayers, the rebels, the liberals, the witch...but now I don't think we are much on anyone's radars and have no idea what they think...and on most days I do not care. But I do still strive to keep a good name in the sense of living within our ethics...It is between god and us only.   

"...Keep a good name that's the way we were raised, them main streets and tractor seats we put some country miles on, them friday nights, wide open skies, back forty gettin' wild on, sweet by and by, I saw the light in a little church way on the back, I grew up, grew up on that....feet on the dash with the subs in the back, we grew up on that. Big dreams on a dirt road with the small town sun sinkin', barbed wire, bon fires, one red light blinkin', home team, blue jeans, let her wear your jacket, had it so good, we didn't know how good we had it."*Grew up on that- High Valley 

But of course we have bad days and struggles. Yet, when I am at my lowest, my family can pick me up with their love and I hope I can also do that for them. I try not to let current events, years, or defining tragedies or history define me. The day to day is so much more nuanced. We just strive to make the best of whatever we have and then pick each other up when the going gets tough.

"...If I was down on my luck, you would pick me up...you will lift me up. When I feel like I'm dying, you come around with the good love, good love, good love. Make me feel like it's alright, yea you pick me up..."*Good Love- Shy Carter

"If I go MIA, right around sunset time, after a long hard day, you know where you can find my chevy dust cloud stir, behind some good-wrench tires, way past the trespass sign, by the barbed wire...if you don't see me till tomorrow, blame it on the two lane, no name way out in the middle of nowhere, where that gravel gets you flyin, like a free bird, reverb, one hand out the window, like I don't care, Til' there's peace of mind, way deep down in my soul, if I got country on the radio, you can blame on on the backroad. If you can't call me up, it's cause I ditched my phone, somewhere in the backseat...Just had to shake a little rust off..."* Blame it on the backroad- Thomas Rhett

"Thank you Lord for the small things, like me and her on the porch swing, the summer nights and fireflies and the sound of my ol six string. Blessings on blessings on blessings on blessings if I still have breath in these lungs, I'm thankful for all that is done. For my mamma, for my friends, for the love that never ends, for the songs that make us dance on this ol' dirt road, for my babies, for my girl, for the way they change my world, waking up today, I just wanna say Thank you Lord. Thank you for the hard times, for lightin' the way in the dark times..." ** Thank you Lord- Chris Tomlin

I am so grateful for Sunday Soccer games with strangers and friends who take time away from their phones and social media to just BE...even if I rarely show up and definitely do not play. Yet, my heart overflows with gratitude for the experience my family has, and in a way, by default, I have. I love that I see my best friend from high school playing her heart out, doing mini flips, and still being the best player out there with her muscular, in shape form doing back kicks and hearing her husky laugh echoing for everyone to hear. That sound is HOME to me. She is home. I am grateful for concerts with my sister where no masks are required and smiles are full of warmth. I am grateful for good food made by new acquaintances from the Dominican Republic and paid for by old friends. I am grateful for the sharing of meals, ideas, BBQ's, firesides, chips and making cookies with my former bestie while listening to country music. There are so many aspects of life, I forget to take the time to say thank you for, until I hear a song that reminds me.

"You take my hand and you make my heart dance, with that throw back romance, that will last my whole life long, your smile is always shining, your clouds all silver lining, you're mine and I am finally where I belong. I was a weed that didn't tumble, was a bird without a sky, was a wave without an ocean, didn't know where I was going, till you saved me like a Sunday, I was running without air without you there...You're the kiss that's waitin' for me...the ever after in my story baby..."*Without A Prayer- Tim and The Glory Boys

"I ain't watching TV today, bad news it can just stay away, if you haven't got anything good to say, then shut your mouth. Got my windows down... and radio set to my favourite song. I'm gettin' those good vibes, I'm livin' this good life, I'm breathing on God's time and I ain't gonna waste one breath. I'm soaking it all up, I got me a full cup and there ain't nothing gonna spill it, ain't nothing gonna kill it, wavin' those worries goodbye. I ain't trying to hear the negative, I'm just trying to change the narrative.."* Good Vibes- Chris Jansen 

I know changing the narrative (which truthfully annoys me on most days when I think about the majority narrative currently) starts with me. Sometimes I have to set up boundaries, even with my hubby and tell him to stop telling me the news. When the song above came on, I played it for him and said, "This is how I feel sometimes. I just need to LIVE you know? Don't tell me anything that is not relevant to our world. Obviously share if a storm is coming our way or if someone we love in another country needs help or something that pertains to anyone we love directly, but otherwise (and I say this with love), shut your mouth...or I'll gladly shut it for you." And he laughed as I kissed him.

"The older I get, the more I think, you only get a minute, better live while you're in it, cuz it's gone in a blink. And the older I get, the truer it is, it's the people you love, not the money and stuff that makes you rich. And if they found a fountain of youth I wouldn't drink a drop and that's the truth, funny how it feels I'm jus getting to my best years yet. The older I get, the fewer friends I have, but you con't need a lot when the ones that you got, have always got your back. And the older I get, the better I am, at knowing when to give and when to not give a damn....And I don't mind all the lines from all the times I've laughed and cried, souvenirs and little signs of the life I've lived. The older I get, the longer I pray, I don't know why, I guess that I got more to say and the older I get the more thankful I feel for the life I've had and all the life I'm living still."* The Older I get- Alan Jackson

Tis' true that the older I get, the fewer friends I have. But I use that term loosely...because it's less of the "friends" which were actually just people I knew a bit, but they were not deep conversation or us adding to each other's lives in supportive ways to keep us the best for ourselves or our little families/ lifestyles. In a way, I have met more people in the last 6 months than I have in the last five years ...and I am enjoying the connections, but I am also more careful about what I give my time to. It's that AND/BOTH again, but I am so grateful for the ALL of them, including the ones life naturally ebbed from. But I am especially thankful for  those whom stay around even when the going gets tough or we have different views...we can still be friends. 

I wish I could capture to you, the beauty of what I see every day. Sweet dreams are made of these things. I wish I could harness the feelings of a Sunday Drive with the ones I love most, and give that feeling to anyone who is drowning in darkness. One would think these moments are "too innocent," "too idealistic," "old fashioned" or "naive" and maybe those are all part of it, but I would take those words over many others. Innocence often begins from saying no to other aspects of life. NO is not always easy to say or do.  Idealism often is created through inspiration and paying attention to beauty and joy. Old fashioned can be mixed with current ideals and ideas, but still hold true to deeper ethics that have been proven to improve life quality in the past. Naiveté is sometimes better than being completely woke yet miserable, bitter, jilted and complainy. Joy often begins with some tough choices and it does not always come easily. But sometimes, it is as simple as a Sunday drive, watching the sunsets, trees and gorgeous delights of nature outside. The ribbon of life's road is often winding through darkness and light, going towards a destination that sometimes I hope I never reach. It's the ordinary, extraordinary, things that mean so much and bring the magickal gift of contentment into my life's playlist.

"They didn't ever say where we were going, we just climbed into the backseat, eyes wide open to the picture show outside, I guess we really didn't understand it all. Remember looking up at them in the front row, hands touched together, almost out of sight, it's been along hard week but now the slow release of a Sunday afternoon. And we were only young but they were trying hard to reach us, how was I to know that there was something so worth keeping? Cuz we were watching the world through an open window, trees lined up like dominoes, the old car could find it's own way home, it's the ordinary things that mean so much, that's where I learned it all, from them, to fight, to love, to laugh again. Man, I thought we were only wasting time out on a Sunday drive. The song warms your soul just like an old friend. Singing songs along that ribbon of a road. And everyone you love is sitting there, so close, you're never thinking that you'd ever get old. No, you'll never get old. Just watching the trees through an open window...I never said where we were going, I just helped them to the back seat. Dad just laughed and said, "Son, don't drive too far your mamma gets pretty tired these days." After a few miles I guess they recognized some places and I listened as they reminisced about a world that they had always known and how it's changing. Probably never gonna be the same again. I caught them in the mirror they were holding hands and smiling, looking younger than then had been in years. Oh all through the years we were watching the world through an open window, trees lined up like dominoes, the old car could find it's own way home, it's the ordinary things that mean so much, that's where I learned it all, from them, to fight, to love, to laugh again. Man, I thought we were only wasting time out on a Sunday drive." *Sunday Drive- Brett Eldridge

* Semi related : if you have Apple TV + the show Little America episode 4 is a half hour show based on a true story of a man from Nigeria who finds meaning in cowboy culture . 

Song choices: All the above lyrics. Click on the names of the artist above for links or find them on spotify- Considering I fit 32 songs/lyrics and 100 pictures in this post...it's a bit long- However, I will leave a few of my favourites below:)