The 'Wicked' Movie- A FULL CIRCLE Moment

* There are no spoilers for the movie unless you know nothing about the original broadway play.*

The first time I heard this song Defying Gravity in 2005 my heart beat wildly. My aunt had sent me a fuzzy Broadway bootleg clip of Idina and Kristin. She stated, "I think this will be up your alley." Little did she know that she would fuel an obsession that would take me through the next twenty years of my life. I watched Defying Gravity and the emotions thrumming in my chest sang, "This is it. This is the song I have always been looking for!" The untold story of the Wizard of Oz through the Broadway Play Wicked hit my heart in a very personal way. While I loved the bubbly character of Glinda, it was Elphaba, the seemingly wicked, whom I could strongly relate to. I found pirated versions online of Idina Menzel playing Elphaba and Kristin Chenoweth as Glinda. (In those days there wasn't streamlined social media nor the clips we have today. It took hours of searching and I also did not have any Broadway friends. I was alone in my Broadway obsession's at the time.) 

I bought the full soundtrack on Itunes and listened to it over and over again. I had to guess the storyline from the songs until mainstream media finally had more accessible information on the entire play. I ordered Broadway merch online from Ebay. Anytime I saw the word "Wicked" on anything Halloween I would buy it. My husband has the soundtrack memorized from the multiple times I played it to the city and back. Also, whenever I was upset (which was a lot in those days) I also played it. I fell in love...my only other prior loves coming close to that level in media were Gene Kelly dancing in the rain and Judy Garland singing in any movie, but Judy especially singing Over the Rainbow in the Wizard of Oz. The first screenplay I wrote at age eight was a knock off of the Wizard of Oz in which I forced the neighborhood children to practice and perform for our parents. Of course I was director and Galinda the Good witch swirling in a pink dress and feeling like the world was an amazing place. ( I was a bit of a diva I’m told. In my twenties I got a lot of flack for it so I mercilessly squelched that side of my persona.) But truthfully, I wanted to be Judy Garland until I read her biography at age ten. I was five when I cried for hours over the shortness of life. I cried for my teddy because he didn't have a soul. I sobbed for Judy Garland because she was no longer alive. It was my first metaphysical crises. I don't know what brought it on exactly. I think the main trigger was that I had just finished watching Meet Me in St. Louis with my mom and she happened to mention that all the people in the movie were dead. Maybe, she thought, that being only five, this fact would breeze over my head. Instead it breezed into my brain and remained there forever. The truth of time was already hammering its rules into my subconscious. 

Each year I would google Wicked movie remake rumours, hoping my favourite original Broadway gals Kristin and Idina, would be included. Fast forward to this year of 2024, the night before my movie attendance, and I woke to nightmares of hating the movie. I was nervous and dreading it more than I was excited about it. Would they ruin it for me forever? Would the obsession that calmed me during my post baby blues of my third child, carried me through my Autism diagnosis at a time when barely anyone was discussing Asperger's Syndrome/ Autism, and brought me through lonely hours of washing dishes as a mother of three belting out the soundtrack over and over again, be irrevocably ruined forever by this movie?

From the moment the opening started, I was left breathless. The dashing Jonathan Bailey Dancing Through Life completely crushed any lingering whispers of doubt. He may have surpassed Gene Kelly for me (in that moment) which is saying A LOT. The movie did not feel like 3 hours - I could have stayed longer (which anyone who knows me would be surprised at, because I constantly check the time at theatres as I tend to have panic attacks in them.) I am eager about part two. It also helped, that a journey that began as an isolated obsession, was shared with a van full of 6 theatre gals, whom belted out the showtunes from the original the entire way there, playing with harmonies and expressions of each character. We even dressed up together, which I did often as a Witch from 2005 onward, but in a conservative town, the word Wicked was often just chalked up to the evils of humanity (along with most witchy things until Harry Potter movies created a happy mainstream beauty to that witchy wonder.) I can not count how many times I was asked why I had that word 'Wicked' all over my house or what my obsession with witches meant, or the meaning of the lyrics to Defying Gravity that were a decal on my library wall. Which is understandable when it is out of context, but I would get so excited when the odd person would know what it was or be open to hearing ALL about it. To come to a place in societal time when dressing up in costume is barely a blip on people's radars (or gets the full compliments) and Wicked is one of the most searched news currently, it feels like a full circle moment. 

A couple years ago, when we did our renovations, I gave most of my Wicked stuff to my daughter. I was trying to be more grown up. I was trying to fit more into my town. Maybe if I had less Wicked words around my home, the church people groups would host more events at our home? I noticed that while people raved about our family and our home, when we offered to host official churchy things, it was gently rebuffed even though our home is set up to entertain and host. Luckily, we are still massive hosts in the community to those who may not fit, and those who love to be a part of our family existence. But at the time of getting rid of stuff, I thought that maybe people would be less scared of me? Although, the caveat to this was some very conservative friends, whom loved me, knew about my obsession, and even though they did not understand it, they would buy me witchy things for my home. One friend brought me a signed photo from Idina Menzel (I cried) and another brought me witchy shoes and brooms ( cried at that one too!) One of my dearest blog friends from down in the States, made me a witchy quilt with parts of my shirt from the Broadway version and other material I sent her. It is still one of my most treasured possessions. In fact, I can think of many lovely gifts my home was filled with from people who cared including wicked T shirts and memorabilia. I adore that about my life.

 

Needless to say, last night I asked my daughter if I could have my stuff back. To which she replied, "Of course mommy, I kept it for you, I know you go through these extreme stages and I knew it was so much of your soul that hopefully something would re ignite and remind you of that." Maybe the decal can eventually find its way back on to my living room sliding door at least? I miss it. 

In all honesty I still feel you can’t beat Idina or Kristin in Broadway’s Wicked but it didn’t ruin it for me at all. The sound felt a bit “muddy” at times and the dancing a tiny bit modern but beautiful, and there were a few times that I missed the original humour of the quirky Broadway charm…but those are my only notes. I have a feeling after multiple watches this may become my new movie obsession. As for the soundtrack - I try to listen to the movie one but it just doesn’t hold up to the quality of the original Broadway soundtrack - so I always end up switching back to that. The vocal ability of the original broadway cast is phenomenal. 

Today, I dug through my old blog archives from a previous blog I took offline, and found more than a few posts on the topic of Wicked. When Glee sang their first Wicked song, I bawled. Finally something mainstream was sharing my love with me. Finally, I heard people talking more about Wicked.  Broadway across Canada brought it home to me a few years later, and each time it came to my vicinity I attended. First with my sister, than my entire little family, and then my good friend and finally my husband and I. I found the post I wrote after my first attendance written in 2011. I feel I have had a lot of growth since the writings of the post, but the core of whom I am, and the deep love I have for each song in the musical has not changed. Now the world shares the love with me, and I am better for that sharing. Now I have friends who are re igniting my love of musicals and Broadway. The heart of whom I have been since a toddler, but often pushed aside in social circles due to baffled looks, is now understood by multiple people outside of my sister, children and husband! That old soul is rising like a Phoenix. I now I see that I’m also a lot like Galinda ( to the point my husband thought she acted more like me in the movie … it’s funny the lenses we see ourselves in as opposed to how someone else sees us?) My father asked my husband, “Which one do you see your wife more in because for me I saw her in both strongly - isn’t that really weird?” 

My husband laughed and replied, “ That's what I thought! She has such a two sided strong persona !”  My mom would state something akin to, “She was more Galinda as a child and teen and Elphaba as a young adult.”  Which is accurate to a point - I was oblivious to my differences with autism into adulthood created a rude awakening and brought up a few issues of my childhood… ( lol my daughter was jealous she wasn’t compared to anyone but she said it was fair since it was my favourite film ever and we see her in many other films.)

 I see my past years of becoming as tumultuous and full of drama and mistakes. I was awkward (still am but not quite as much.) I sometimes was self absorbed while trying to figure out who that self was. I lacked confidence often due to sometimes being quite isolated. But now, I see that the person I am today is slightly more balanced. I quite like her. I know she is IMAGO Dei. I see her in a different light. She also now fits the swirls of both pink and green comfortably without needing excuses as to why. Wicked was a large part of that journey. I know without a doubt, that the CREATOR of all that IS good, loved her and this journey for her too. The one WHOM IS has a surprisingly different set of standards and I know that while I was singing, SPIRIT was enjoying the heightened joy of my soul, right along with me.

(The broom a dear friend gifted me with too and I also got teary. I love it!) 

To see that full circle journey, I am sharing my old post down below along with some previous photos. Enjoy!

Post edit: My best friend from HERE ( https://worldwecreate.blogspot.com/2019/03/sad-endings-can-equal-calm-beginnings.html?m=1 ) wrote to me after we watched the movie together and stated, “ Alphaba, really did remind me of you! Totally!! Head strong, good morals, the weight of the world on her shoulders, scholarly:) yep!“ 

***Below posts were Written in 2011. Keep in mind that terms I use like "Aspie" were ok at that time and even promoted. Also, there are aspects of myself then, that I have let go of now...but I find it beautiful to see this full circle of what was written more than a decade ago!***

Excuse me for this completely frivolous post. I am shamelessly promoting 'Wicked'. One word:

Phenomenal.

This is my favourite Broadway Musical. The comedic script inconspicuously brings several deep themes into the audience's mind. Contrasting the hidden depth is the artistic design. It is apparent from the tiny beads covering the gorgeous costumes, to the dragon head topping the magical set, that all the little details showcase talent. Exceptional. I have listened to these songs on Itunes with the Original Broadway Cast recording over and over. Indina Menzel and Kristin Chenoweth sing for that compilation. If you are a fan of Broadway hits at all I would recommend looking it up on Itunes. 

The lyricist Stephen Shwartz is brilliant. My spirit flies high when I hear 'Defying Gravity,' My passion is ignited with 'As Long As Your Mine,' laughter is invoked for 'Popular,' and 'For Good' brings all past friendships to the forefront of my mind. 

These passionate feelings simply from listening to a few songs were nothing compared to the live experience. "Everyone deserves a chance to fly...To those who ground me- take a message back from me. Tell them how I am defying Gravity. I'm flying high."

To anyone who longs for a place to belong, or the soul who feels a bit different... WICKED speaks to you. I would not recommend the original book. Although the writing is well done, I found it quite perverted. (This is coming from someone who can be quite comfortable with sexual content but I found the original Wicked book lacked taste.) However, the play would not be in existence without the book... which gives a slight point of redemption. The themes in the play focus on friendship, misunderstanding, discrimination, judgements, and the age old adage that appearances can be deceiving.

(It was tough to perfect a wicked look when hundreds of people were waiting their turn for a picture. Ah well.)

My sister gave me tickets as a Christmas present...and I have been waiting ever since. We both decided to go full out. Not many were dressed up for an afternoon which made it that much more fun. We even bought cheesy matching shirts and indulged in a pre-show Ozmopolitan drink. ( Fabulous green vodka.)

I think she wanted me to stop saying "yay we're here" so she stuffed the cherry down my throat. I at least kept hers a bit away:) I cracked up when the picture was done...after I stopped gagging...

At our after show meal, my waiter asked if I was one of the actresses in the Broadway production. (The bonus of living in a hick city full of wranglers and cowboy hats. Needless to say he was tipped well:)

I completely relate to Elphaba...although I have some ditzy pieces of Galinda in there. I think perhaps that is why I love this show. I may not be green but I can relate to not being the skinny gal, the spunky blond, or the gal whom life comes easier to (although let's be real, sometimes it does and I am happy for those times.) I understand wanting to hang out in libraries or museums instead of clubs and parties. I understand passion at an injustice threatening those who may not stand for anything. I understand finding fulfillment in books or a craft. I often make a mess out of trying to do good...which ends up being bad. I understand being misunderstood. Being taken as wicked or witchy when I am just being me. In fact the more I think on it, the more I see myself in Elphaba...at least she gets some magic out of the deal...well, and the man too I guess. Thank God I did get that!
 I am in love with Wicked. If you ever get a chance to splurge...
Try Wicked.

"Something has changed within me. Something is not the same. I'm through with playing by the rules of someone else's game."-(Defying Gravity) My life anthem. In three sentences. A song that I want played in the video montage at my funeral. (Yes, I want a cheesy video montage.) (lol 2024 update - I don’t want this at my funeral. Ha ha;) 

In  the book Asperkids Jennifer Cook O Toole describes her Aspie daughter's obsession. "The following summer, when her dad and I went to see Wicked: The Untold Story of the Witches of Oz (2003) on Broadway, she was so enthralled with my descriptions of the plot and music that she literally begged me to pull up bootleg recordings of Elphaba the witch on Youtube. The soundtrack became background music to our lives, posters decorated her room...That love has never gone away. Last year at age 7, I finally took her to see Wicked...(Jennifer goes on to describe that her daughter also has an obsession with Athena and the Percy Jackson series...I also love those.) So what did this tell me about my child? Actually, it wasn't that hard to see if I sat with her "friends" for a while. In WICKED, we learn that the villain  the one who is "different," is actually the heroine. Against all odds, Elphaba will "defy gravity," flying upwards, embracing the awkward witchy costume others have assembled for her as they continue to misunderstand her efforts to "do good." From high atop the theater, she sings defiantly to the jeering mob below, rejecting their slanderous name calling. Elphie is free of their intimidation and condemnation. No. No amount of disdain can topple her..."- Jennifer Cooke O Toole

"As loud as my daughter could yell, as tall as her little body could stand, my daughter was saying that yes, she knew she was different, but that was because of- not in spite of- her very differences that she mattered, that she belonged..she too was hoping that there was a real place she belonged. She needed the world to know that she was neither wicked nor weird, she was just supposed to be. And so I spoke in her language. I hugged her and sang a line from Wicked, because I knew nothing would be more potent than her own special interest in letting her know I GOT it. I heard her. Softly I called upon the lyrics of friendship and admiration. She, too would change the whole world, like Elphie had changed those who truly knew her, "for good."- Jennifer Cooke O Toole

Like Elphie sings, "I'm limited. Just look at me. I'm limited...and just look at you. You can do all I couldn't do Glinda." The fact is...I AM limited. I feel continually misunderstood in my efforts to do good. Those who are normal seem to get accomplished easily what I sweat to put into practice. I have often longed to be free of the condemnation and constant correction of others. It's an Autistic/ Aspie issue. I know it definitely is, which may be tough for some to understand, but my differences have coloured every interaction of my life. When all I want to do is change someone indefinitely for GOOD.

I want to know that I have impacted my friends to the point that they would be tempted to use For Good at my funeral. Yes, I am that passionate about it. "I've heard it said, that people come into our lives for a reason, bringing something we must learn, and we are lead to those who help us most to grow, if we let them...and we help them in return."(For Good lyrics) I feel many people have been led to me and away from me. I do believe it is because I stretch people...and they definitely stretch me. I would not have it any other way. I want to have that impact. That strong reaction. I think it is why many can not foster long term relationships with me, and why many women are either intimidated or loathe me. (Yes I have heard the stories and I have bawled my eyes out because I did not know what I did. I was myself. And by being myself I am often disliked. I am not saying this for pity. Just stating a fact like Aspies often do.) The song goes on as Glinda sings to Elphaba, "But I know I'm who I am today because I met you...who can say if I've been changed for the better but because I knew you I have been changed for GOOD." That line is the greatest compliment ANYONE could give me. It's the inner desire of my soul. Elphaba sings back, "So let me say before we part, so much of me is made from what I learned from you. You'll be with me like a hand print on my heart. And now whatever way our stories end. I know you have re written mine by being my friend." That is how I feel about every significant friend that has crossed my path. There are some crucial friends who have made ME because of what I learned from them. Being an Aspie, I absorb characteristics, I watch nuances, I find personality traits I want or can relate to and fashion them into myself. I partially make myself up out of facets of whom I choose to be friends with. It's just how we learn to relate. Luckily, I have chosen well. I would say I have very good taste when it comes to people to imitate, give back to, and become friends with.

I make a lot of mistakes. I know I am not the easiest friend to live with. I make people passionately angry at me, and slightly annoyed, and also strongly endeared. It can not be easy to sit on that rollar coaster ride. I often send this line out to all I know; "Because I knew you. I have been changed for Good. And just to clear the air. I ask forgiveness for the things I have done you blame me for."
Glinda sings back, "But then I guess we both have blame to share, and none of it seems to matter anymore." I WANT that. I want the blame to be shared. I want my contacts to see that in their own lesser way they also had a different part of responsibility...and then I want it not to matter. Because it does not to me once reconciliation is talked upon.

(My husband gave these figurines for my thirtieth and he hand painted Galindas hair as they were both from the Wizard of Oz but he wanted them to be reminiscent of wicked. There wasn’t much streamlined paraphernalia and I squealed when I opened them!) 


The Wizard and I...This song hits home because Elphie sings about how she hopes the Wizard will explain her curse/gifts ect and change her exterior to match others, and how she will finally have some merit after living with constant rejection. In childhood I was often overlooked, or chosen as second best by my friends. The song, "I'm not that girl" sums it up perfectly, "Every so often we long to steal to a land that what might have been but that does not settle the ache we feel when reality sets back in. Blithe smile, light limb, she who's winsome  she wins him. Gold hair with a gentle curl, that's the girl he chose and heaven knows I'm not that girl. Don't wish. Don't start. Wishing only wounds the heart. I wasn't born for the rose and pearl. There's a girl I know. He loves her so. I'm not that girl." I feel I should be one of those girls who manages to keep nails immaculate. The ones who complete a polish of their entire being on a daily basis. I wonder with awed curiosity how they live? As much as I lived under that illusion in my past or can create it for photos; I am NOT. That. Girl. Perhaps that is why Elphaba is one of my favourite roles? Perhaps that is why I cried through all the songs in Wicked's musical the first time I heard it 8 years ago? Perhaps it is why I play the songs in my darkest times to remind myself who I am? Perhaps many school mates thought high maintenance when my name was brought up? Truthfully, I am the green girl who does good deeds only to be accused of being the witch. No good deed...The only factor of high maintenance on me was the self inflicted time constraints of the illusion I created. While dusty memories were created by these illusions that won't be traded, I still wonder how many more could have been without it? Maybe it would have been worse? Illusion can also bring beauty. Beauty can hold inspiration. But not all the time. Sometimes a hazy sort of lovely bliss is also in the messy. The undone corners. My best galpal was like Glinda. She wasn't blond but she was everything else. She knew how to make people laugh, what to say, how to be sociable, how to move...everything I was not. I may as well have been painted green. I was awkward, had a lot of heart but did not always know how to communicate it. I was bookish like Elphie. I was interested in justice, and doing good despite what the current rules were. It was too serious for most adolescents. My husband came into the picture and finally I felt somewhat worthy. (?)  I felt like maybe, just maybe, people were seeing me for who I was. "As Long as Your mine" is my top passionate song. My husband gave me those feelings and it helped me grow into future choices. "I need help believing you are with me tonight...My wildest dreamings could not foresee, lying beside you with you wanting me."(As long as Your mine Lyrics) Even being passionately loved she doubts. My life's cross to bear. No matter how much I am loved, there will be a part of me that doubts. Her love interest sings back, "Maybe I'm brainless, maybe I'm wise, but you've got me seeing though different eyes. Somehow I've fallen under your spell and somehow I'm feeling it's up that I fell." WOW. Perhaps this is why I have always wanted to be a witch in any play. I want someone to fall under my spell...my husband says he has:) I always wanted to help someone see life through different eyes. My husband paid me the ultimate compliment by turning to me once when this song was playing (not knowing any of my hidden thoughts at the time.) He seriously spoke, "That is how I feel about you. That is what you did to me." My mouth dropped open and then I laughingly started to cry from pure bliss.

When Elphie and Glinda sing "What is this feeling" about how much they loathe each other when they first meet...I can relate. Most of my friendships started with mutual dislike in some form or another..and then we overcame it...which made our ties even more powerful. We came to understand and by understanding we found our preconceived notions powerfully fall away.

The ultimate song for me is still Defying Gravity, ""Something has changed within me. Something is not the same. I'm through with playing by the rules of someone else's game." I AM through...finally near age 30, I am done playing the games of the normal world. Religion, School, Rules, Social conduct, Should's, Grammar..."proper " ways to speak... "Too late for second guessing. Too late to go back to sleep. It's time to trust my instincts. Close my eyes and LEAP. It's time to try Defying Gravity and you can't pull me down." I just want to live my life, "I'm through accepting limits cuz someone says they're so! Some things I can not change but till I try I'll never know. Too long I've been afraid of loosing love I guess I've lost." There has been a lot of love lost...and this song made me realize that it is time to be done regretting it...or being afraid of loosing what I already have lost. "Well, if that's love it comes at much too high a cost. I sooner try Defying gravity. Kiss me goodbye I'm defying gravity...Everyone deserves a chance to fly...and if I'm flying solo AT LEAST I'M FLYING FREE. TO THOSE WHO GROUND ME TAKE A MESSAGE BACK FROM ME! TELL THEM HOW I'M DEFYING GRAVITY. I'm flying high. I'm defying gravity." -My favourite line. I think of so many moments since being married, so many moments of people telling me what I am, who I should be, how I am selfish when I was trying so hard to be the opposite, and all the confusion with relationships that were surface level (Friends of mine- do not count yourselves in this) and I would rather fly SOLO. Freedom is integral to my being. So is acceptance but I am learning that is a bit tougher for an Aspie longterm.

Elphaba is more than a character to me, the songs are more than melody, and Wicked is more than an obsession. As Jennifer Cooke. O. Toole writes, "I hoped if I could devour enough names, dates, and places, God would send me to a time and place far away where I truly belonged. Obviously, this wasn't it. And that is what a special interest is. To those outside the Aspie world, our perseveration of a topic is exhausting  ..To an Aspie, our special interest is the gateway to the world we construct out of facts, fantasy, and logic. As much as you hear, it is only the tip of the ice burg of the wealth of thought, the seduction of belonging, the sacred- YES SACRED-dimension where we cannot mess up or be excluded. Where no one will ever skip and sing in celebration that we are "dead."(Jennifer Cooke O Toole. pg41) My sacred heart calling is to be accepted, to change the world for good, to defy the stupid rules and make an impact.
Love
Kmarie

 

Creating Safe, Inspiring Havens/ Decorating for Magic/ How to make the Home Calm for Autistics

This was published in April 11/ 2011 Our house has gone through multiple renos since then but I put this back up for posterity sakes. *This post can apply to anyone but I am directing it specifically to those with Sensory Sensitivities. For more photos of my home click here:https://www.pinterest.com/KAlluraMarie/bohemian-living-librarykitchen-magical-master-kids/

If you want to know how to do something or where I got something feel free to ask in comments or email me on Pinterest or here.

Home should be a haven of safety. A place where irritation is at a minimum and sensory overload is almost non existent. Unfortunately, for many Autistic children especially, home is often still a place full of frustrating sounds, textures, smells and sights. Each Autistic person is unique with a certain set of interests, obsessions and comforts. Therefore creating an Autistic Safe Haven can be highly individual just like creating a home for anyone is HIGHLY individual. But just like there are standard rules in general decorating, there are some standard tricks and considerations that help the atmosphere in a home for *most* Autistic/ Aspie individuals. First off you need to pay attention to a few key factors in creating security and beauty:

*1: What do you (if you are the Autistic) or your Autistic loved one (s) value? Make sure these values are reflected in each room.

*2: What are the top three interests of this individual? (A general theme is usually better than embracing all styles in each room unless your kids/you are Bohemian like me:)- then make it work for them/you!) Make sure these interests are a big part of their personal place in the house to some extent (if possible.)

*3:What behaviours of comfort or security does this person engage in, when upset? Do they cover themselves with a blanket? Do they hide in the closet? Do they scream until they can't stop? This information will give clues as to what will set their minds at ease during stress and conflict. Have these items in obvious places.

*4: What foods, textures and smells spin them into a meltdown? What foods, textures and smells calm them down? Apply this into creating the best possible environment. Get rid of anything that is frustrating, smelly or hard to handle. Even if it is beautiful things- if they can not be enjoyed and cause tough emotions- give these items to someone who can appreciate them. Even for myself, I let go of the guilt if something that SHOULD be beautiful to me is quite frustrating or gives a yucky feeling. I simply move it along to someone who CAN appreciate it and replace it with something that enhances the beauty in my life.

*5: Apply this information along with some basic decor guidelines (like the rule of three, colour psychology, ect.- google these.) It may take some sleuthing but it is worth the time and effort.

The first step in creating a home with maximum benefits for Autistics/Aspies is security. If we are continually feeling threatened then we can never move into our maximum benefits. Do not invite people into your home that you or your children feel massive social anxiety about or who do not respect most of your decisions in life. We love to share our haven with those who truly love and respect us but it still has to be on our time and with respect to our children. Social anxiety is a big deal and we need to feel safe in our own homes because everywhere else we are forced to participate.

From The Outside:

*We have heavy locks on our outdoors and window locks that make me feel better about life. I also have heavy "light- blocking" blinds on most of the windows. One day I would like to add outdoor shutters for storms ect.

*Gardens (suited to allergy triggers of course) that are appealing and provide secret hideaways and magical pathways for the imagination are huge factors in peace and tranquility. Plus, learning how to care and nurture plants add to the value of life. Gardening is good for the mind and soul of anyone but most Autistics especially benefit from a cozy yet safe place in nature. (I recommend the book Front Yard Gardens. See Library for link.) Keep gloves around that fit well and lotion as we do not appreciate our hands being dry or dirty on most days. Choose plants that are low maintenance but beautiful. Limit exposure by having set times of day to go out and creating nooks and shaded areas for creative play. Keep it clean and safe. No chemicals should be used on anything as Autistics are especially sensitive to these toxins in their bodies, and dangerous tools should be locked up from children. Side note: My kids love to chew on dill and the smell is calming for them, so we make sure we have a patch every year not only for canning but for enjoying while outside.

 About PLANTS:

If possible every room should be home to a few plants. This is crucial for well being and levels of toxicity...that especially Autistics are sensitive to. Plants clean the air and up immunity which really contributes to the quality of life. We used to kill every living plant in our home but now it is an inside garden. Here are a few tips to how we achieved plant life!:

*Usually three plants will do better than one as they feed off each other and make better oxygen. A few types that are hardy are tropical, toxic ones (if you have cats don't buy toxic plants!) but otherwise they are AWESOME air purifiers and detox workers. 

*Cactus (Esp if you are prone to forget watering) and Spider plants are easy. Its all about the light, water and quantity. They need a drink of water in a new environment and a little more care the first few weeks. In general most types of plants do better if they are slightly moist after the first good water and not watered until dry. 

 ( adding quotes to our stairs)

*Southern light is usually the best with our plants but a few types flourish more in Northern or Western/ eastern. Plants are kind of like people...As ridiculous as that sounds, I see mine as living breathing beauty and when one is not happy I move it around, re pot it with better soil or give it more water until it breathes life again. It took me awhile to get to this stage:) These links are great!:

http://www.thisoldhouse.com/toh/article/0,,191977,00.html

http://www.almanac.com/content/houseplants-growing-tips

There are so many benefits of plants and after awhile plants in the house are barely even work...once you get used to them. In fact I find a lot of joy from tending them when needed and my kids adore them. They follow by my example and often argue about who gets to spritz the plants with water.

On the Inside: Room By Room:

Entry: If shoes are exposed on shelves an earthy toned or "calm" coloured curtain will help make the mess feel less intrusive. (I have a very hard time seeing and stepping in puddles of mud. It makes my hands feel dry and my psyche frustrated.)

If the entry is full of sunlight add some plants in higher places. The Entry gives the tone of the home, if it feels welcoming, the rest of the house will eventually follow. We have a huge window above our door that lets in an abundance of light but it was often too harsh for us, plus it felt like people could still see in our home...so every fall we collect dried leaves and press them into wax paper and tape it up. It's beautiful, filters in light wonderfully, and gives us privacy. My kids love to participate in making it. I am not crafty. I enjoy decorating and collages but I despise crafts, but this is easy. All you need is wax paper, tape, dryish leaves and an iron.

Bathroom:

*In regards to cleaners and soaps: I am especially sensitive to odours and can actually get stomach flu symptoms if I am triggered by what are seemingly slight smells to others. I choose soaps that are "happy smells to us" with low toxicity. If we are low on money I just buy a regular Emu Oil Soap for washing. Minus the lavender and tea tree essential oils we use, our house is generally fragrance free. Occasionally, we will boil cinnamon on the stove top to add scent and clean our air. (We have forgotten this a time or two and ruined pots.)

I find COLOUR is EXTREMELY important for Autistics. Like anything, it's individual...Some prefer differing tones, but as a general rule it is important to stay away from anything with greyish hues, sickly green or too much dark blue as we are more likely to get depressed (and if you DO have dark blue like my son's room, balance it out with a light gold.) IF you must have yellow choose a gold/yellow to decrease sickly feelings. I try to stick to a fairly earthy palate with bold walls thrown in for fun. In our bathroom I chose Benjamin Moore's Pine Cone Brown. I find this colour calming, dark and earthy. I hate showers so it helps to have a nice environment to motivate me. We only clean our bathrooms with tea tree oil/lavender spray and vinegar. This has cut down on A LOT of illnesses from the toxic cleaners. We also do not buy shampoos with sulphates or parabens because of the adverse affects we experience.

 Living Room: 

More photos here:https://www.pinterest.com/KmarieAudrey/bohemian-living-room-and-kitchen/

I like a lot of colour. We live in a place that is WHITE 8 months out of the year so our eyes are starving for colour. However, if I lived in a warm, green climate I would choose light colours for a fresh feeling.

*Colour really depends on your climate and preference although it is best to stay away from aggravating colours. Click here (http://magazine.foxnews.com/at-home/feeling-moody-10-room-colors-might-influence-your-emotions ) or  find other links on colour psychology. We do not use blue very much in our home because of our long winters. I also like to name our Spaces. Our living Room is called "Bewitched Autumn Haven"

*My rule is to not keep anything that makes me or the kids feel edgy...or anything that bugs me. I get rid of all decor that does not feel beautiful or useful. Most of the stuff in my house is comprised of sentimental items from others, cozy blankets, and comfort beauty. If a texture bothers the kids- we toss it or give it away. I also use pieces that are meant for other "uses" as decor items. If it makes me happy, I use it, however I want. Our house is all about comfort and magic.

*We especially like light catchers. LIGHT is crucially important to well being. We love to watch the rainbows from these dance in our living room. We all appreciate the subtle dance of light. I hang them from tacks above my window with fishing wire and a fishing knot...we collect these wherever we can find them. Sometimes when I am especially stressed, I sit in the living room and watch the rainbows from these catchers dance across the walls. My kids also become entranced by them during the day.

Everything on my walls has meaning. I am obsessed with the Broadway Musical Wicked and my husband is obsessed with Lord of The Rings so we incorporate those obsessions into our home. In our children's rooms we honour what they are obsessed or have a special interest with (this soothes and comforts as well as inspires.)

*If you like the patchwork quilts in our home like the Wicked one see this site: http://squaresofhealing.weebly.com/ K made my quilts and they are so beautiful.

My kids grew up surrounded by these inspiring items and respected them. I've heard some say our house is not child proof but it is very rare for visiting children to take an item out of place and when they do, I let them. It is supposed to be lived in. Children LOVE our home. We are also obsessed with books, so we make sure to keep the books that inspire us or are magical or written well and give away the ones that do not.

Cushions and blankets are very important to Autistics (but in the right fabric...some are too scratchy while others feel too dry!)  I love to shop at thrift stores or antique markets. I ONLY bring home that which I truly love and when I splurge, I spurge on lighting, blankets and plants and books. I cover up old boxes with blankets or fabrics to use as shelves ect.

The Kitchen"The Cozy Coven":

We are not exactly cooks so our kitchen is not used a ton for cooking major meals. We eat simply with gluten, preservative, sugar free alternatives. In our kitchen we have the same non toxic cleaners as the bathroom.

*I am a rule breaker. I believe if it is lovely to you and it works- DO IT. So I use fabrics and store books in my kitchen. However, I make sure these things are away from water sources and the stove.

We only keep the very basic and minimum amount of dishes that we need. This helps us all feel less overloaded.

*Contrary to what one may think- we are not overloaded with our walls and stuff because it is what we enjoy and we live in 8 months of white- seriously WHITE outside for eight months of the year. Do what YOU enjoy. I know other Autistics who have nothing on their walls because it goes the other way for them.:) If I see a blank space I need to fill it. I have a very hard time sitting in blank rooms...they echo...and my ears feel off and I feel dizzy. I find I am most grounded in a home that is full of life and colour...But that is just me...my kids are also like this. I have nothing except my Christmas decor in storage, because everything I love is out to use. If it needs to be stored- my rule is that it should probably go out of the house (minus useful items that are at least going to be used quite regularly in the future like tools or such.)

 *Filtered water, supplements and tea are staples in our kitchen. Autistic gut is not a laughing matter. Healthy water is important and we often need a dietary support thus the reminder with the filtered water system and vitamins in the  picture below.

Bedrooms:

*Bedrooms depend on each person. The standard issues for MOST Autistics are: Colour, lighting and cozy hide outs. We make sure that in each room there is a secluded place where the child can hide or retreat. It usually is a small space with comfortable items. This is akin to Temple Grandin's squeeze machine but not as obvious when they have friends over ect. It just looks like a hide away. Pretty, sparkly items that reflect light are important to both my boys and my daughter.

When the children were under five they all shared a sleeping room and had a playroom next door. I wish I would have kept that longer as it worked beautifully but I caved into the pressure from peers and family to give them each their own room based on gender. I regret that. My daughter STILL asks to sleep in her brothers room every night (she is eleven.) I realized that with anxiety disorders and Autism, they were better off having nights together and playtime in the bedroom next door. We now allow them to sleep in each other's rooms whenever they wish and I do not believe this damages them in any way. My daughter now has our old room as we have renovated our basement:

"Enchanted Winter Woodland":

My eldest son loves space. He wanted a canopy like my daughter had...and I realized most boys really appreciate canopies, so I saved for his birthday. His quilt was his only Christmas present from us one year and he was very happy with it. I prepared him by getting him to help pick it out, telling him the cost and what it would mean if he obtained it (no other Christmas presents) and how special it would be if he actually received it. He was ecstatic at Christmas. Our children receive enough toys from grandparents at Christmas and Birthdays, so we often buy them room stuff as gifts for our budget. In the long run it pays off in their emotional safety and comfort.

*I find that comforters, wall stickers and paint are the main items in a room worth paying for and if invested in and chosen wisely, they usually last a long time.

The pictures below were the Whimsical playroom when my children shared a sleeping room. I really wish I would have kept this arrangement longer. We all loved this room.

 The "shelf" the toys are sitting on is an old water bed top I found at a garage sale for five bucks. I asked the lady if I could just have it without the frame as I immediately saw the use in it.

 As you can see, every toy was in sight. All the toys are out in the open as options but hopefully not too overwhelming.
*My eldest son prefers his toys to be categorized in boxes with his lego spread out on tables. This is what we do for him now in his own space. It depends on the child.
*I NEVER get rid of any toys that are sentimental because this causes huge meltdowns. It may seem insignificant to me, but it could be a big comfort to them. However, we also have quarterly cleaning out times where we sift through excess stuff. I believe this teaches them discernment. It is important, if doing this, to constantly communicate and explain the feelings of each person as they get rid of stuff. Autistics/ Aspies especially need more time to process.

Since this post was written we turned the two little rooms pictured above into a library. We took out the walls, added a bay window from Habitat for Humanity and my husband did a boxed ceiling to cover the previous joint marks. A library helps give the home soul. Here are the updated photos:

Re painted:

This is my youngest's room. My husband built corner shelves- which make a HUGE difference in feeling organized. His room is called "Evergreen Forrest";

repainted:

My son is obsessed with stuffies and forests. He says his stuffies are his family and treats them as such so I wanted him to have a space that reflected that.

My eldest son's room is focused on space. He wanted it all dark blue so I made a deal with him that he could have blue accents and a blue ceiling if he had a gold wall. He had a meltdown but I did it for his peace of mind...after it was done he loved it and was glad it was not all dark blue- His room we dubbed "The Celestial Garden":

 His room is very long so I broke it up in "two" with the sleeping area slightly divided by a desk my husband made with a star canopy...This is on the other side as his Lego area which is his other obsession and he is very picky about his sets so it keeps him organized.

 His bed...in another built in my husband created.

Our House is a Hobbit Hole in many ways with tended gardens, comfortable blankets, low lights, classic stuffies, magical books, and not many interruptions.

Master Bedroom "Charmed Winter Cottage":

We decided to build our Master bedroom in our basement with a bathroom suite around the corner by the purple chair and a walk in closet behind the red curtain. We take up half the basement with our boys on the other side (their rooms are pictured above.) From the outside our home looks like a typical starter home but because of the price and location we wanted to make it a forever dream home. Even if it was not the home we planned on having for a dream home we made it into a home of our own dreams thinking creatively. This gave us great joy and a feeling of rooted ness that I think is lost in our culture. I spend money on bedding, curtains, mirrors and flowers but otherwise I find discounted items from garage sales, estate sales, Kijiji and repurpose items around the home. For instance we had an extra door so I decided to use it as a headboard with a Lord of the Rings quote from Etsy. To make the bed look fluffy and feel heavy I put two feather quilts in the duvet. Since the basement is cold this works well. The closet is behind the red Curtains. Fireplace mantel still needs to be finished.
These were dead trees in a lot we had that we spray painted white for a wedding and then used in our basement.

The rule of three:

My husband made these beautiful shelves and I kept the decorating simple with a few things we value.

The Lord of the Rings Quote on the Door Headboard:

Custom closet under stairs built by my husband. A little detail goes a long way.

*If I don't like a picture I change it. I buy a higher quality magazine full of pictures I love and make a collage (see picture below.)

*Music is also important for both our plants and our family:) We make sure to get a little bit of everything. My eldest son hates all music and needs quiet time- thus we moved his room to the quietest part of the house and he has noise cancelling headphones as well. My daughter prefers pop and classical music and her Ipod is VERY important to her. My youngest likes old rock and can not clean his room without putting on a cd...or he cries with frustration. It may not seem important but it is to him and it's the only way he can seem to manage cleaning his room. We all take turns with music or each put on headphones with our own devices.

*There is also plenty of quiet time with all electronics turned off. But electronics are also key to Autistic's communication, so we do not ban electronics in general.

Laundry Room:

Using a natural brand of detergent like 7th generation or  Costco's Ecos Laundry detergent or Lavender Kirkland Naturals is crucial to overall health. *Regular laundry detergents contain harmful ingredients like parabens, phthalates, phosphates, NPEs/APEs and more that can cause allergic reactions, irritation and even cancer. Use a fragrance free Bounce or a Ball for the dryer for static.
* My children HATE tags so we cut them out and we only buy fabrics that they are comfortable with. They are involved in picking out their clothes with some guidance. We want them to feel at their optimal. I find the same rules apply to myself. I actually like to buy at a place like Plato's Closet or Consignment where the clothes are already shrunk and worn in so I know which I will love (plus designer items are cheaper.) I made the mistake of buying fabric softener...it has caused light rashes on each of us...try to be as natural as possible.

*What is important to me will not be important to you perhaps, but I recommend keeping colour, lighting, music, plants, toxicity, socialization, security and inspiration as the top ingredients to an Autistic haven. Also keeping all the senses in mind and feeding the senses with the least upsetting scents/feelings/sights and sounds. The most important information from this post are the top five points I put at the beginning in bold. Find what eases life for you.

Questions or Suggestions? What am I missing that works for you?

*To see more thoughts on Autism/ Aspieness click on the Autism/Asperger's label below.

I love this song. 80's rock is my ultimate feel good music genre...and this is how I feel when I decorate my house:)