Thriving while surviving: Fun and Joy (Part two)

My previous blog post expressed one side of my coin. But there is another… one that surprises me! Two days after I wrote that post, I tried out for a small part in a local play. I forced my son and begged my hubby to try out too. My daughter was already gunning for a specific part ( that she received) and my other son did not have availability in his calendar… but we tried out and got our respective parts. 

I haven’t been on the stage in twenty years due to the sacrificial years of childbearing combined with chronic illness issues. When I finally did feel strong enough to feel the pull - I thought I was too old and rusty. It’s funny how life works out. I’m reclaiming my voice ravaged by Lymes/ Anemia/ and Fibro with voice lessons. I’m saying yes to things that would have terrified me before - and enjoying them!

Half a year ago, my daughter provided me with invaluable friends that feel like they have always been a part of my fabric of existence. All of them are in the arts in some form. All of them are a range of a decade (to two) younger than me. Yet, I consider them my friends. I believe most of them consider me a friend too. A couple in particular have become exceptionally close. These friends have brought out attributes of myself that were squelched or needed to take a backseat in other seasons. (It’s also a matter of right time/ right place.) 

I don’t regret my previous seasons. They’ve shaped me into the person I am today. I don’t regret the many times I stepped out of expectations for me ( to work/ to serve/ to put my children in school/ to go to church/ to not go to church/ to have my kids in official things or normal activities / to conform/ to be in all the things/ to perfect all the roles …)  in all my seasons I wanted Spirit to be first. I trusted Spirit to guide us in the kingdom upside down when it was tough. I wanted to live as a Being not just a doer and wished my children the same.  There were many times our decisions looked impossible to others ( generally they weren’t and just required others sorts of sacrifices unrecognized) or like failure, but they built the home and the beautiful family and community we have today. 

This is a new season. I’m still the same person with similar issues in any given season of health… but I know more strategies, work arounds and supports. Yet, I’m being stretched in a fun way. I’m being taken gently out of varied comfort zones in ways that suit me. (In areas of singing, dancing, socializing, and all that comes with the beautiful community of that.) I know I wouldn’t have tried out for Newsies if I didn’t have Darta, Autumn, Eden and Natasha in my life. Each one played a different part. Thank God. Because I have been taught a new lesson… One CAN suddenly thrive alongside certain levels of surviving. The key component? Faith and community. Having a previous season where I learned how to say a healthy no so that now I’m more familiar with what I can say YES! To.

I prayed that I would learn how to have fun for years. It felt like a frivolous prayer… and while I did have fun with my husband, children and friends… I didn’t have any outlets for my particular interests besides books. My Elphaba was honoured while my Galinda sat mostly silent. That was ok, but sometimes I wondered if I was so caught up in disability and chronic illness rhetoric, that I forgot sometimes about the other side of the coin. There was a time a few years ago when I realized I sounded more like a victim, than a person with struggles made in the image of God. My issues mattered but God was before them. My interests matter too but ONLY WITH God beside me. 

I’ve had a few breakdowns lately on a level that my husband hadn’t witnessed since my miscarriage days… just to show that everything is not perfect- BUT I’ve also had so many fun and happy moments I wouldn’t trade! I prayed for wisdom in diet and health and slowly it’s been making a change. Not only have I met younger friends but also wise aged friends like Sandy. Sandy is almost a couple decades older than me but feels my age. She comes to pray with me ( something I generally dislike to do with others) and for the first time in my life it feels restoring and good! Age truly is relative and not significant when it comes to Kindred Spirits. Or my past friends who’ve mixed with my new friends for varied book studies that sustain and go deep into the wonder and grit of life. Or the constant friends I’ve had for years, who see these changes in me, and instead of begrudging me or asking if I’m in an odd happy midlife crises they state things like, “ it’s about time ! I always knew you should be in a play!” Or “You’ve always had a beautiful voice and now I get to hear it more.” Or “ this looks like so much fun! This suits you! I’m so glad you are having a blast.” 

I sit back and all I can think is - Beauty, Wonder, Community and Imagination can save lives. They can take us up out of ourselves and out of the alternative of nihilism, pessimism and victimhood. Is there still great suffering ? Yes. Does grief need its place? Absolutely! Are there seasons? Always. But if a dry season lasts decades or the same complaints continue through ones entire life- the question needs to be asked… Can we instead look for whatever is true, noble, good, lovely, admirable and pure? Are there still flecks of beauty to be had? Can there be choices of perspective and daring risks that suit us- to  step into that  beauty?

Some days I’m in pain and out of breath and my life still matches my last post. But now, I often choose to lean into my community, ask for opportunities and seek out the good and beautiful I’m equipped to partake in. It comes with discipline, harmony, compassion and a calmer approach to life’s dramas. It also is a blessing and its own sort of miracle that I attribute to my Creator who made all things good and truly does love joy. 

Wishing you glimpses of joy and beauty this season in your life! May you say YES to the goodness enveloping you with gratitude and find support during inevitable grief.

“What miracles, what wonders, what greatness belongs to you… your mercy grows through the ages, your faithfulness is firm, rising up to the skies…you’ve healed me inside and out from every disease… you’ve crowned my life with mercy… you’ve supercharged my life so that I soar again like an eagle in the sky. As my whole heart explodes with praise… how you’re marvellous miracles exceed expectations… as I make music…my heart oh God is quiet and confident all because of you. Awake oh my soul… with songs of light. Wherever i go i will thank you. Your love stretches to the skies…” ( Broken Part 2 Michael W Smith) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3kA-3RvDDN4

Song choice: The Most Beautiful Things- Tennille Towns 

 https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=QtxXPGc-0qo