Wednesday, January 24, 2018

"A Million Dreams" Lyrics and Life, The "Tightrope" of Marriage, INFJ's, and The House that We Built for the Rainy Days.

*For my actual thoughts ( and initial displeasure - I went in a skeptic and came out obsessed!) on "The Greatest Showman" see bottom of the post. All musical lyrics from this post are taken from the musical.*

~The Library pictured above was actually two rooms and a hallway before. Here it is pictured after we knocked the walls out and put in a new window from Habitat for Humanity~:

"I close my eyes and I can see, A world that's waiting up for me. That I call my own. Through the dark, through the door, through where no one's been before, but it feels like Home. They can say, they can say that it all sounds crazy. They can say, they can say I've lost my mind. I don't care, I don't care so call me crazy. We can live in a world that we design."- Lyrics to 'A Million Dreams'

When I was a little girl I would spend hours dreaming about my future home. I would wish I was a princess or a girl sequestered in a cottage. I would explore old building sites, little forests and gardens and imagine a world that felt like home. Often these dreams would feel more like my home than where I lived. Every night I would imagine places, things and my future husband in this world that I wished to make. I can recall walking through heritage parks or old homes and dreaming of what the inhabitants lives were like...then I would think about what I would wish for my life.

"Cuz every night I lie in bed. The brightest colours fill my head. A million dreams are keeping me awake. I think of what the world could be. A vision of the one I see. A million dreams is all it's gonna take. Oh a million dreams for the one we're gonna make." - Lyrics to 'A Million Dreams'

'A Million Dreams' is the perfect 'INFJ' anthem. INFJ's dream of making the world a better place and to design safe places of mind and body. They are often the ones awake at night with a million dreams. Often I am awake, not out of desperation or gloomy thoughts, but with bright colours.

My favourite times alone at night are when I am re arranging a room in my home, decorating or planning in my head. I can hardly wait until the next day when I can put my dreams into reality. I wake up to notes like "Plant moved above shelf to maximize light" or "Witch should be near Cottage" or "Purple needs to be taken out of the scheme- it's too distracting." Most of my notes barely make sense to me in the morning but the dreaming is just as much fun as the action. Almost. I still prefer the dreams being grounded in reality. Having a futuristic yet concrete way of making dreams happen is more of a hallmark of an INFJ in comparison to an INFP type.

"There's a house we can build. Every room inside is filled. With things from far away. Special things I compile. Each one there to make you smile. On a rainy day."- Lyrics to 'A Million Dreams'
(I should have taken the yellow aphid traps out before I took the picture.:)

I was often a collector of old things, vintage pieces, and concepts. With each film I watched from varying time periods, I would pick out lamps, lights, carpets, and create my style based on pieces I loved. My home is an eclectic mix of the late 1800's, early 1900's, Victorian era, Medieval era, 1930s, 1940's, 1950's, 1960's, 1970's and 1980's. I also incorporate all seasons, at all times of year, with the primary season taking centre stage. My sister was looking around once and remarked, "I don't know how you manage to pull off having four seasons at once in your home but it is surprisingly cohesive and doesn't drive me crazy." When we give tours ( because apparently our house is known for it's tours and we have people ask for them) the main compliment is along the lines of, "It's magic. I wish I could live here. It must be so much work to dust (It's not. One pleasurable hour a week.) but I feel like I am in a movie or another place. I feel at home even though it is not my home. It's just magic." The people who come to our home look around with stunned faces and often say it's hard to take it all in.

But this didn't just happen. It's been a dream activated for years. I married a man who followed my lead with my desires and basically crooned, "However big, however small, let me be part of it all...share your dreams with me. You may be right, you may be wrong...but say you'll bring me along to the world you the world I close my eyes to see..." He trusted my dreams and entwined them with his. Together we built a beautiful home out of an ugly starter home because of these brightly coloured dreams. We rewrote our stars.

But people thought (and still do!) that we were crazy for spending so much time on our home. And for having project after project. Or for changing colours and bringing in more plants, more furniture, and more books. I learned design from Sara Susanka's "The Not so Big House."

We recently had a group tour and three people couldn't get over the fact that our house seemed to have tripled inside as opposed to what they saw outside. They thought we made a good use of space. I learned architectural planning from Ms. Susanka and my husband went to Journeyman school to build my dreams and have a job on the side. I explained what I wanted, used books to plan out rooms, lights, space, shelving ect...he knew correct measurements and how to make dreams into reality. I decorated and filled every room with things from far away and near. "Special things, I compile, each one there to make you smile, on a rainy day."

I have to swallow back tears thinking about the effort, joy, hardship and beauty that has gone into our home. My goal was to build a place where my children could thrive with sensory needs. But also a sheltered soul friend for myself and the one I loved. I have always wished to protect my husband the ways that I can. I knew I was good at creating safe places of the soul and body. I knew I could, if given the resources, make magic. Take a piece of the world and fill it with all things good.

At a time in which Minimalism was trendy and before plants became an Instagram craze, we DID seem crazy. Now we fit in rather well because maximalists, jungles inside and bohemian decor are accepted uses of space...but a decade ago they were not...I never want to be on trend with my home, but currently we fit a few, although we still break moulds. Which I like. Overall, it's about comfort and magic. Practicality mixed with imagination and sprinkled with loads of plant life.

"They can say, they can that we've gone crazy. They can say, They can say we've lost my mind. I don't care, I don't care if they call us crazy. Run away to a world that we design."- Lyrics 'A Million Dreams

We have actually run away to a world that we designed. Years ago we desperately wanted to move. We researched all sorts of cities, towns, and countries. We put our house up for sale and rent numerous times. Our basement was a slab of concrete and we were squished into three bedrooms upstairs. We disliked the community we lived in and felt like we didn't belong. But then we had an epiphany. We realized that we create the pockets of the world we live in. We worked hard to save up and renovate cheaply. We compiled materials and began slowly building a place that we could find magic in. We wanted a place where we could sequester ourselves away, make choices to buffer from the communities we found toxic, and rebuild both home and the people we surrounded ourselves with. We found home both as a concept and a tangible. It was the best decision my husband and I ever made for our family. And a million little dreams was all it took.

"Every night I lie in bed. The brightest colours fill my head. A million dreams are keeping me awake. I think of what the world could be. A vision of the one I see. A million dreams is all it's gonna take. Oh a million dreams for the world we're gonna make."- Lyrics to 'A Million Dreams'

"However big, However small, let me be part of it all. Share your dreams with me. You may be right, you may be wrong. But say that you'll bring me the world you see. To the world I close my eyes to see. I close my eyes to see."- Lyrics to 'A Million Dreams'

This weekend I took down my Christmas Decor. I usually wait till February first due to seasonal depression. I find keeping my lit trees up longer also keeps hope up. However, today I arranged the rooms by colour (my primary mode of arrangement is colour balance) and snapped some photos. The beautiful part is that every single aspect of our home has meaning. We get rid of anything that is not useful or lovely to us. Many of the things scattered around are gifts, or parts of memories, or obsessions or interests of each person in the home. It's unique to us. No one else would be happy in it like we are, but they can enjoy the magic from time to time.

"Every night I lie in bed

The brightest colours fill my head..."

A million dreams is all it's gonna take....a million dreams for the one we're gonna make. For the world we're gonna make."- Lyrics 'A Million Dreams'

 I wanted the place I dwelt to have wonder. I dreamt of incorporating aspects of all the films, music, books and people who shaped me. I wanted heaven on earth. A slice of harmony in a world of chaos. A place to belong. A pocket that brings happiness. A canvas to create. A home of my own to shape, play with and work on. A place to smile, to dream, to love and to bring life...and maybe ease the pain in death...I wanted what I have. "You may be right, you may be wrong, but say you'll bring me along to the world you see..." Isn't that a beautiful phrase? I am so glad my husband wanted me to bring him along into my visions of the future.

The happiest memories I have to date, are the renovations on our home and the decorating involved with seasonal changes. I loved the children helping out and my husband working alongside of me or taking his turn beforehand. The music would be blasting while we would smile across the dusty room at each other. Then he would wink slyly at me, throw his tools down on the floor, toss me across his shoulder and run with me to another room while I screeched and the children giggled.

I remember walking into my son's constructed room and hearing my boys giggling as they plastered drywall and speckled each other...

 I see my daughter smiling giddily as she laid flooring because she knew she was working in the place she was going to dream...

I fondly recall my best friend and I painting my daughter's room. Her and I travel the world together in philosophy, health, sociology, psychology, and thought. We bring each other along to the worlds we close our eyes and see. We also share the same desire to make our world less chaotic by shaping our homes. "The brightest colours fill my head..."

I see my mother and father in law co creating with us. This was a huge moment in our relationship because we often would throw them for a loop. Yet they jumped on our crazy bandwagon and lent a hand in creating our place of being. My mother in law recently passed away so this memory means even more. Each time I walk into our closet and look at the Bewitched paint colour I smile and think of her goofing off whilst she painted. "The brightest colours fill my head..."

I can see other family members, my father, mother, grandparents and friends, all sharing moments and creating with us.

 I can see my daughter, barefooted, moping up the last bits of dust on our finished library. The sun was warming up the room to the point that it felt like summer when it was in the midst of winter. The room was empty and I looked up from my last minute paint touch ups. She looked at me at the same time and we both smiled. Time stood still and I quickly grabbed my iphone to capture her again so I could further ingrain the moment into my memory. "A million dreams..."

 Most of all, I see my husband, at his prime, when we both had energy...before unexpected death, disease and the world weariness set in. Before we walked the tightrope. I see him working on each aspect of the make me smile, laugh and feel protected. Many of his 'firsts' were on our house; tiling, drywalling, ect. but it doesn't show because he built every bit with his perfectionist tendencies.
"But I'd follow you to the great unknown. Off to the world we call our own. Hand in my hand and we promised to never let go. We're walking the tightrope. High in the sky, we can see the whole world down below. We are walking the tightrope..."- 'Tightrope' lyrics

He built me the world which I envisioned. He made my dreams a reality in the ways we could afford. Now when I lie awake at night, he is part of all the visions and reflections. He makes the world with me. It's ours together. "Never sure, never know how far we could fall. But it's all an adventure that comes with a breathtaking view. Walking the tightrope with you. Ooo, ooo, ooo, oooo with you..." "Tightrope Lyrics."

During "The Greatest Showman" I cried during the song "Tightrope" because it felt like it encompassed the last couple years in our journey. "Mountains and valleys, and all that will come in between, desert and ocean. You pull me in and together we're lost in a dream, always in motion, so I'll risk it all just to be with you. And I risk it all for this life we CHOOSE."- 'Tightrope' lyrics

"Hand in my hand and you promised to never let go, We're walking the tightrope. High in the sky we can see the whole world down below. We're walking the tightrope. Never sure, Will you catch me if I should fall? Well, it's all an adventure that comes with a breathtaking view...Walking a tightrope with you, oooh, ooo, ooo...with you."- 'Tightrope' lyrics
A World that We Design:

"There's a house we can build. Every room inside is filled. With things from far away. Special things I compile. Each one there to make you smile. On a rainy day."- Lyrics to 'A Million Dreams'

*At first I wasn't a huge fan of "The Greatest Showman" premis. I knew that PT Barnum actually was a generally horrid person who exploited the outcasts of society. He was a liar and thief. I had to suspend reality and pretend that this was a whole new show and then I enjoyed it. I liked the whimsy. At first I thought that it wasn't epic like La La Land ( I found at first but it's incorporated into my life more effortlessly than La La Land) but with each viewing I like it more. So maybe it is epic? I find I can sing more of the songs on a day to day basis. I also like how it spoke to many who feel alone/outcasted and that the writers intentionally went for an inspirational, liberating story instead of bleak. I probably would not have paid to watch the true to life version. I have incredibly high standards for musicals. The cinematography was gorgeous. If I pretend it's a different story and hope that most people know the truth but instead focus on infusing more inspiration in the world, then I can get behind it. I did originally dislike how misleading it could be to people who didn't dive deeper and then uphold P.T.B as a goal. PT Barnum was one of the guys in history who actually perpetuated myths and ableism and provided further isolation of the outcasts... but I wish life could have been like the movie and maybe the writers were trying to give that twist?  It's time for some lighthearted fun...Most musicals are escapism and touching or provide an outlet for emotion. Our family went together for my second viewing. Each time I watch it I fall in love with it more. My husband said it was the best film he had seen this year which shocked me. He even liked it better than the very funny Jumanji! 'Wonder' was my Initial favourite this year but "The Greatest Showman" has gradually won that space. All three of my children loved it and wanted to own it when it comes out. I also dislike Circuses, and always have, so that probably did not help my initial reaction but the songs, acting and sequences were gorgeous. The songs "Tightrope" along with "Rewrite the Stars" and "A Million Dreams" had me teary and were beautiful because they directly applied to my life.

Song choice:- A Million Dreams:


Re Write the Stars:


Anonymous said...

Beautiful blog post about making your home 💗 you are an inspiration and have inspired me to start loving where we live and slowly create their space I desire even if I don’t like our home. ( you know what I mean 💗) MLW

S said...

Wonderful, wonderful home! when imagination turns into reality it is called "home," how many of us have such vivid imagination in the first place and forget about turning it into reality? You have and have turned your dreams into a place called home! Your house is like magic. Let me add in details what I feel about your home since viewing your videos, its a house of your own imagination and it reflects your mood and bears your personal signature. Maybe it is your current mood. Its full of natural elements ( are those ferns real?) and it is very unique and incomparable. The natural elements in your home takes us back to nature without even really needing to go to a natural place. Its always a delight to see your home which is like a cozy, happy, safe, and innocent place in a uncertain, harsh, complicated and dull worldl. Thank you for sharing with us:)

S said...

Thank you for sharing your post and also for adding my comment. We too had our own home but we had to sell it off recently as we have been travelling due to my husband's job. One day, we will also live in our dream house, I guess. But now, we have been living in rented homes and we are changing homes quite often. Home is a place of deep attachment and the translation of our dreams into reality, in fact you said it right, (the translation of) a million dreams. For introverts ( or maybe for INF types or aspies) a home has a major or central influence in their life because they prefer to stay most of the time indoors and gets energized by being at home. Extroverts ( most if not all ) mostly feel bored at home and want to get outside. For them, home has significance because of family ties and not because of what the beauty of the home or (the color or decor or the safety or peace at home) can provide. For me, a home is all. It is like a friend. Once I wrote an essay on what my home means to me and why it is my most treasured place and best kept secret ( secret hiding place :)

Kmarie said...

MLW: Thank you...yes if you know you are staying somewhere for awhile it is worth making it yours. xoxo. I completely understand.
S: I loved your thoughts and if I was not already friends with you- you would have sealed my heart with those words. LOL..seriously though...and yes different seasons affect different moods. Yes those are real ferns...they like the light I think....I try to bring as many plants as my home can handle because most of the year I spend inside. I am sorry you had to sell it off...that is do a beautiful job at making little comforts at these rentals though by the pictures I have seen...I can tell home is still a priority to you and that is important- even in rentals. I agree that it is especially important for introverts...It is a friend. I would have loved to read that essay! It is a secret hiding place to share with our loved ones...I love that thought:)