Friday, May 6, 2016

We Found Love Right Where We Are- For my Husband and Evergreen Soul- A Marriage Post.

* I am experiencing technical difficulties with my fonts and colours- please bear with me**The Numbers in this piece co -ordinate with various songs I will leave as a list at the bottom of the post.*

To My Husband and My Ever Green Soul:

We are going on fifteen years. We made it passed the point the stats said we would. In fact we travelled thrice over.  The teenage marriage facts whispered behind our backs or said to our faces no longer hold validation. Not to say that we have been without our struggles. But baby- I am glad it's you I struggled with. I am sooo "lucky to be in love with my best friend. Lucky to have been where I have been. Lucky to be coming home again... Lucky, we're in love in every way." (1)






Even though you told me that the Boston song 'I'm Livin' for you' is word for word how you feel about me- I also live for you. (2) I love the way you kiss me good morning despite my zombie state. I love the way you take me the way I am. I love that, despite the fact that you are married to a woman who drowns oceans (click) and an INFJ (click), you savour the paradox and mystery. I love that you call my impulsive passions entertaining. I love that you often find me the most appealing without make up, wearing sweatpants and flaunting my post babies body. I feel that only you can love me that way. (3) I have never met anyone who has just understood. There is no one that comes close to you, who could ever take your place. As long as your mine I will make every last moment last. You have said phrases similar to what Fiyero crooned to Elphaba, "Maybe I'm brainless, maybe I'm wise but you've got me seeing through different eyes. Somehow I've fallen under your spell and somehow I'm feeling it's up that I fell. Every moment- as long as you're mine. I'll wake up my body and make up for lost time. They say there's no future for us as pair. I may know. I don't care. I will follow the moonlight until it is through and know I'll be here holding you... as long as your mine."  And I am your Elphaba begging, "Kiss me too fiercely, Hold me too tight, I need help believing you're with me tonight. My wildest dreamings could not foresee, lying beside you with you wanting me. Just for this moment. As long as your mine. I've lost all resistance and crossed some borderline. And if it turns out - it's over too fast. I'll make every last moment last...as long as you're mine."(4)

You are my Thor. You even speak like him in your larger than life booming voice and your old skool vocabulary. You are the hot man of my dreams with the bulging biceps. Not only is your body the strong protecting type but your soul also protects all that we are. You took the dreams of my heart and made them a reality. Yet, you have never, not once, turned those muscles towards me in anger...nor even in teasing. You treat me with delicate tenderness. You are always careful of the way I easily bruise. Your physical strength is a quality I admire because I will never own it. You can have my emotional steel and I will borrow your arms to carve out our home. 

"I don't leave any room for doubt when it comes to you and me, you know all about, the way I feel inside. You know how hard I try but that don't mean that I can't love a little stronger, dig a little deeper. You tell me that your the lucky one, but I see things differently- I have just begun to show you that you mean everything to me. But I still feel the need to love a little stronger, dig a little deeper...anything to please you."(5)

 I love the way your voice deepens when you laugh. Or how you are able to make strangers feel welcome. You allow people to be seen as worthy. Your gift is your humour and ENFP (click) personality. You are my inspiration. The meaning in my life. (6) The lyric to every Chicago song. The tune to every epic romance. We may not have had much money, oh but honey we have had fun! (7) The world would be colourless without you. Every night I pray for one more day. (8) I know every curve and bend from your heart down to your soul and I want more time to love you better. I want to grow old with you. (Although I would rather grow old SLOWLY:) "Just you and me. You are my love and my life. Simple and free. Baby you're everything I've ever dreamed of. Give me your own special smile, promise you'll never leave me. Life is so easy when you're beside me."(9)


Inspired by the subtle steady heart of the one who loves is one of life's ultimate gifts. Under the spell of drizzled sentiments, humanity can take a deep breath and just be. From juicy young love to the fruitful old, there are many expressions of partnership. The dusk of love brings creativity. Sweet words, salty encouragement, smoky sentiments are the seasonings for the main course. With the meaty depth of love, or the steamy passion of first kisses also comes the invigorating fact that someone has decided to single the loved one out. It is in that positive couple hood that I am honouring, with you, my turtle duck, today. 

Brilliant lyricist Mark Heard once wrote about love in poetic terms; "Head full of this kaleidoscope brain freight- heart full of something simple and slow. Love is not the only thing, but it's the best thing. Love is never everything. It's the best thing. Too young to bear the burdens of the ages.Too old to keep an innocent pace...You see me like a prism sees a candle, I'm scattered into differing hues, Reality is happening at random. You're warming up the yellows and blues." (10) You warm up the yellows and blues.

Our love is a roller coaster. From the easygoing rhythm of our lover's laughter to the serious tones of just getting each other through life. The ride with it's twists and turns, shady groves, mirrored rooms, comedic screens, dancing cars, big beds, quiet waterfalls, self-improvement counselling, sun dappled moments and rainy storms, makes life interesting and worth it. 

Babe, you are just incredible. All easygoing charm and tender hearted adorableness. You think deeply, drinking in the knowledge of life with an open hand. Thank you for introducing me to Personality Hacker podcasts (click), Krista Tippet On Being podcasts (click) and Heritage Podcasts (click). I love gathering our children in the library and spending lazy afternoons colouring and dozing off as we listen to a complete liberal arts education together. I love that you laugh with gusto when you bring out the Eske anger in me. For some reason, it makes you laugh, and the sound of your soul bubbling up is the only plug for my seething rage. Suddenly, I melt. You bewitch this witch and my spells become love. The smile crinkles around your eyes make me think of this song,  "You got that healing that I want...woah there's loving in your eyes that pulls me closer. It's so subtle. I'm in trouble. But I love to be in trouble with you. Let's Marvin Gaye and get it on. Oh baby, you got that healing that I want. Just like they say it in the song. Until the dawn...You got to give it all to me. I'm saying mercy mercy please...I just want you for my own. I got to have you babe." (11) 


I love that your wrinkles will get craggier with time and that I get to witness the changing of life within you. While on one hand some of my freedom was taken away when I chose to marry, in another way a new door of freedom opened up for me to find love that take all my flaws and sees them as beauty. 

With your ADD I feel like I am waiting on you all. the. time. Which is why your ringtone for my phone is "At Last." (12) The song makes me smile and dissolves my irritation instantly. My heart is wrapped up in clover whenever I look at you. "I found a dream that I could speak to. A dream that I could can call my own. I found a thrill to press my cheek to- a thrill that I had never known. You smile, you smile, oh and then the spell was cast. And here we are in heaven. For you are mine at last."

The best in life I have in front of me. I don't need perfection. I don't need a stunningly asymmetric body or a outgoing, break through personality. I don't even need to shut the door to go the bathroom or excuse myself after a lusty burp. It's all there to share...with YOU and our three children...and it is strangely wonderful. The best things in life are not outside of myself. There is pleasure in the moment when I walk in the door and all three children yell, "mommy" and bulldoze me over. Or when you look at me sans make up, with a muffin top, a few zits, but a dazzling smile and you say, "Wow you are incredible!" And I know. I am the luckiest girl in the world. "...I've seen the Rolling Stones, Got real high on Rock N Roll, Seen a lot of dreams come true but ain't no moment like when I'm holding on to you. Baby, over the years, I've been moved to tears, by the wonders of this world. One of God's mysteries that never fails to get to me is the moment when I'm holding on to you. Ain't no moment like when I'm holding on to you. I've seen a new born child put stars in her mamma's eyes...but ain't no moment like when I'm holding on to you." (13)


I don't want fame or fortune, or even to be known for what I have done or whom I have changed. What I want most...I already have. It does not mean I will not be depressed or restless at times but it does mean that for 85% of my life I am extremely grateful. I am awed by what I have been asked to keep as my own- the husband, children, family, friends, bloggers- I have these people. This LIFE! This incredible responsibility to not squander.


When I fight with you, my husband, I feel the most at risk. I hide under my clothes in the closet, something I only do during desperate moments, and sob. You find me after the time you take to cool down, and you sigh, crawl into the tight space between clothes and pull me to your chest. And even though we may still exchange words you hold on. We have had a few years that were fraught with turmoil in our relationship and will have more. My philosophy during these tough times was to love you like I am going to lose you (14). And you adapted Brad Paisley's anthem, "Love her like she's leaving." (15) There are moments when I look at you or I look at myself and I KNOW without a doubt that we belong in this flawed moment, where beauty and desolation collide. I will have both and I want to write about both. I want heaven to be what I already have 85% of the time. I want it to be what it IS. The moments when we are sweetly connected in all our un-striving. When children adore us and exhaust us at the same time. Cherished moments when we plant our trees together and re pot the soil in our home gardens. BEING matters...just me and you and those we love...in a moment of plain normal interaction. Like Anne says to Gilbert in Green Gables, "I don't want diamond sunbursts, or marble halls...I just want you." 

"When your legs don't work like they used to before. And I can't sweep you off of your feet. Will your mouth still remember the taste of my love? Will your eyes still smile from your cheeks? Darling I will be loving you, till we're seventy. And baby, my heart could still fall as hard at 23 (and did!) And I'm thinking about how people fall in love in mysterious ways, maybe just the touch of a hand. Well, me, I fall in love with you every single day. And I just want to tell you I am. So honey now, take me into your loving arms. Kiss me under the light of a thousand stars. Oh darling, place your head on my beating heart. I'm thinking out loud- baby we found love right where we are....cuz honey your soul could never grow old, it's evergreen. Baby, your smile's forever in my mind and memory...Baby we found love right where we are." (16)

Baby, we found love right where we are.  Love always and Yours;

 The Song list mentioned in this post is below with Youtube links and I would highly recommend enjoying them all at some point- lovely works of art!:

















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7 comments:

Philip CalledtoQuestion said...

Thanks for all your sweet words. I love you too so very much. Can not imagine life without you. You're the best around. :)

Kmarie A. said...

"Nothings ever gonna bring us down..." I don't think I can ever hear that phrase without singing the rest of the song....but that tends to be my life- a song for every phrase:) which is why a post of my soul friend is full of lyrics- to me it is so personal even though ironically the lyrics are shared for all through time. I can see you in the swirl of notes and hear our memories in the lyrics. I love you too.

S said...

It was lovely reading about your husband and about his place in your life. It is so touching, the way you have described your relationship with him and the bond that both of you share.
You have mentioned in many posts earlier about how hard he works in his job and at the same time, takes care of you and your children at home too. This is really commendable.

Both of you look so sweet together, your relationship is really very sweet.Children can learn the meaning of love and they can also become compassionate and loving towards their future partner seeing how their parents relate to each other. So, both of you have already set a very good example of how a relationship should be in their life.
The Ed Sheeran song truly captures the essence of a couple in love, growing up together. Thank you for sharing this post and the songs.

Kmarie A. said...

S: Thank you. He does work so hard in every aspect. It is commendable.

Thank you for those compliments. It is nice to know we look sweet together! I hope they do learn key ways to communicate successfully through us. :)

I LOVE that song by Ed Sheeran! It captures so much beautifully. I am glad you enjoyed the songs!

Boniface Mbithi said...

It is so touching, the way you have described your relationship with him and the bond that both of you share.
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Boniface Mbithi said...

Both of you look so sweet together, your relationship is really very sweet.

Kmarie A. said...

thank you very much for the kind words. May you have the blessing of beautiful relationships.