INFJ: The Magic, The Oddness,The Door Slam, And the Dark Charm

2021 update: According to marketing formats ENTJ is the rarest type, followed by ENFJ then INFJ. 

*NOTE: As I have mentioned before in posts, personality is ONE aspect of being human and your individual make up. Environment, upbringing, birth, health, trauma, life experience, mental or cognitive differences, genetics, beliefs, gender preferences, country of origin....there are so many aspects that make up YOU. However, I firmly believe finding your accurate personality helps you understand more of yourself and how you work. Take a free test HERE: http://www.16personalities.com - or sign up with an email and take test here http://www.personalityhacker.com/genius-personality-test/ (this site has amazing insight, podcasts and videos.) The key is to answer as you ARE and not as you would want to be like. Meyers Briggs/ Keirsey is what the 16 personalities is based on and has research behind it for a reason. It is more of a descriptor of what you value and how you work out of the world in regards to communication and relationships. I am speaking with authority about INFJ because I am one. However, I make sure I am also reading up on all of the other types and I listen to every single Personality Hacker. Understanding more than just your type is key but writing about YOUR type can help the world. I encourage you, if you are not an INFJ, to write about your type and feel free to link it in the comments, as we need more personal stories on other types out there:) *

This blog post will probably be of interest to you only if you are an INFJ, love an INFJ, are extremely curious, or just enjoy learning about people.

Over the years, I have discovered how important it is for self understanding. Since my personality type is complex and rare, I have also learned how important it is to explain myself, to the best of my ability, to the people who need to understand me the most. This means my husband, children and best friend. INFJs understand me best because this personality type is the rarest in the world making up less than 1%. But my world is also magnified and brought to beauty by other fellow kindreds of all types of personalities.

It's not often that I find my tribe. It's even rarer for me to read an article and agree with the entire post. I found three that highlight particular attributes of the INFJ and I will highlight my favourite paragraphs (which happened to be tough as each article in it's entirety was my favourite!) and add my thoughts below. If you are in INFJ or happen to love an INFJ or are just simply interested in that type of magic and crazy please check out the entire articles as they are spot on.

 THE MAGIC

"The INFJ is freakishly intuitive. This is probably the other most important thing to know, because ultimately it accounts for their "superpower", which looks a lot like psychic ability but is really just hyper-intuition. Get ready for the INFJ to basically read your mind all the time, tell you your business before you even know it, and routinely predict events that will come to pass. This is largely an unconscious process, but the partner of an INFJ will probably realize at some point that at all times, the INFJ is reading the environment around them. They are taking the emotional temperature of everyone in the room, assessing body language, watching interactions, eavesdropping, sorting data, analyzing, questioning, filing new information, rejecting old information, looking for patterns. Constantly vigilant of everything and endlessly receiving data. (This sounds like a lot of work, but for INFJ it is effortless and reflexive; it's just what their brains do.)  This can be off-putting to people who misinterpret it as a judging function. It is not. Despite the "J" in the name, INFJ is decidedly not a judging type. They get the "J" because what gets extroverted (shown to the world) is a decision-making function, extroverted feeling. But they are actually a classic prospecting type, with some vast majority of their energy going towards (neutral) information-gathering. As such, yes, they technically are analyzing you, but it's not intentional, and ultimately it stems from a deep desire to understand you (and everyone/everything else)."http://millercounseling.blogspot.ca/2015/02/care-feeding-of-infj.html

This particular bit of information is often tough for people to understand. I am not a judging personality but I will assess every detail and know things you may not be aware of quite yet. It's not something most people would love and I try to keep this aspect of myself a secret. It's also important to know that this is only a general accumulation of details most people miss. It is effortless but it is not cohesive. You are still you and you have so many other factors that make up yourself that I will not know. I LOVE this aspect of my personality for the reason that it connects some patterns quickly and I can figure out what is happening on a general sphere. I have learned to let go of people who immediately take my information gathering as judgment. I can't explain it and if they are not people who interact with me everyday then it's not important to know. I love my superpower. Most people describe it as "scary."

"Typically, an INFJ is pretty even-tempered and reasonable, if somewhat prone to defensiveness, and while also perhaps quick to get their feelings hurt, they are also usually quick to forgive once it gets sorted out. (Read: once you've taken responsibility for and recognized how you were hurtful. Just saying "I'm sorry" is generally not sufficient; they want to know that you really understand why it hurt their feelings). "http://millercounseling.blogspot.ca/2015/02/care-feeding-of-infj.html

I am quite quick to get my feelings hurt but I am also just as quick to forgive. I am also often described as "cold." I do not often "get" poetry but I can be poetic on occasion. Most likely I will choose logic first. This is often a key difference between an INFJ and INFP. (See bottom links for more of this mistyping.) I am reasonable in general and even tempered. I loved how the above quote said that a "sorry" isn't enough. I always ask my husband WHY he is sorry. It's true. I find apologies insufficient if one does not take responsibility for their transgression. I hold myself to the same standards. 

"As for the "so serious" misperception, while the INFJ admittedly can get stuck (or even intentionally revel, because in all honesty, there are few things INFJs love more than to get deep) in non-stop heavy thinking/conversing, they actually can be quite light-hearted when in the right company. They love clever wordplay and are not easily offended; they tend to enjoy the company of people who push the envelope and are somewhat outrageous with their humour... There is a genuinely playful, incisively witty aspect to the INFJ personality that often gets overlooked if it isn't encouraged, or if they are in a relationship where humour isn't fundamental... People who do get their humor, and who encourage and draw it out, will get endless delight and occasional outright shock out of engaging in witty banter with the INFJ." http://millercounseling.blogspot.ca/2015/02/care-feeding-of-infj.html

Often I get told I am serious, but as my husband and children know, I can be extremely funny at times. I don't take myself too seriously even though I do feel the heaviness of the world on most days. My husband will be exploding with laughter at something I say or do which in turn makes me laugh.  He's good for me. If I did not have him to bring out my playful side I don't think I would laugh much actually. I AM serious. But I (apparently, according to those closest to me) can be hilarious. I do love outrageous people who push the envelope. I like to initiate dance parties with my kids and I will do stupid things to make them laugh. Unless I am overtired or super high from an obsessive interest or connection, I don't show this side of myself to most people. I tend to have moments with my Rationalist friends or my ENFP hubby when I can not stop cracking up. In this zone of comfort exchanges, I can give witty banter and delight in off humour (often borderline risque or dark) quips. I find this type of relaxed fun to be a rare magic in my world.

THE ODDNESS

"Accept that they don't know, because a) most people are not as intuitive as you are and b) you are a treasure island and they have most likely never visited one of those before." "http://millercounseling.blogspot.ca/2015/12/how-to-be-infj-in-world-that-isnt-made.html?m=1

I have met people who are intuitive but not in an INFJ way...It's rare to find that, and each time I do find someone quite as intuitive as me they ARE an INFJ. And it is almost statistically impossible for each person to have an INFJ in their life. Unless you are this type, it is unlikely you will figure me out (which is partially why I wrote this post.) I understand. I have learned I can't hold this against people...the biggest favour I have done for myself is accept that most are baffled by me and that is Ok. If I want them to know me better, I need to explain and give them a map.

"I know you are at your core a warm and loving person, but let's face it: you can be kind of prickly sometimes... I know that the prickliness is hiding a gooey center... Most people don't know this. If what they see is a bunch of sharp edges and pointedness, they are not probably going to stick around to find a way around that into the beautiful garden paradise your prickliness protects. They are simply going to assume you do not want them in your space, which sometimes is true but often is not." http://millercounseling.blogspot.ca/2015/12/how-to-be-infj-in-world-that-isnt-made.html?m=1

I laughed at the porcupine description with the gooey centre. When I read it to my husband and son they both exchanged "the look" of complete agreement. I am aware, in most situations, that I come across as  prickly. The truth is that I often don't want people in my space, but sometimes I do. This was more profound in my twenties when I longed to get close to people but did not understand my inner workings and why I was off-putting. Now, I mostly have my tribe so I don't need to explain my prickliness. They get it. They know I am both prickles and mush.

"You have to intentionally make yourself appear open and warm and inviting to the people you actually do want in your space, so that they know it's safe to approach you. Most people are not going to take liberties with you, because they will intuitively sense that you are not someone to take those liberties with. (Although the ones that do are often the ones you love best, because they are brave and undaunted by your forcefield. They bust right in like "you're going to love me, deal with it" which you secretly like. These are gonna be your ENFP types, most often.)"http://millercounseling.blogspot.ca/2015/12/how-to-be-infj-in-world-that-isnt-made.html?m=1

My husband is an ENFP. Basically we have the best love match according to the personality charts. In our birth charts we are less of a good match. Most of our annoyances come from his Gemini ENFP colliding with my Scorpio INFJ. I have an Enneagram 4 with 5 wing with Autism, I am a highly intense, paradoxical individual. He is an Enneagram 7. 

We  are SO MUCH MORE than our personality type and there are many factors involved. However, the personality typing helps aid in understanding for how we work out of the world. Especially if we pay attention to our functional stacks. (Personality Hacker covers functional stacks well.) Our ENFP/INFJ match gives us certain advantages and strengths to our relationship.

It makes sense that my husband had to bust right into my sphere. When we were dating he confessed within the first two months that he was falling in love with me. I looked at him and replied, "Oh how nice." He practically forced his way into my heart and I am so relieved he did.

"You're constantly taking in and sorting information and moving it around and changing your mind accordingly without even being aware you're doing it. You can come off pretty inconsistent because of this (see: capricious, mercurial, moody). You know that's not really what's going on, but you have to tell people where you're at in real time lest you appear wishy-washy and confused/confusing." http://millercounseling.blogspot.ca/2015/12/how-to-be-infj-in-world-that-isnt-made.html?m=1

My extended family seems to think I am the epitome of moody. I am thankful someone gets that I am actually not wishy washy at all but I DO change my mind a lot. It's easy for me to jump from A to Y stance in a short period of time compared to some people who do not even find a Y stance in their lifetime and I jumped to it in a span of ten minutes.

"The degree to which you experience (suffer from?) ambivalence is much greater than most others, and most people will not understand it. Ambivalence is when you feel equally powerful but totally contradictory things at the same time. It's like, "I feel this way, and this opposite way at the exact same time" or "My instinct is to respond this way, but then when I really think about it, I think this way is probably better, but that other way sounds good too, and both are true." You really have to clarify how you feel before you try and include most people in your process or they'll be like "what  are you even talking about"  http://millercounseling.blogspot.ca/2015/12/how-to-be-infj-in-world-that-isnt-made.html?m=1

YES! My most accurate descriptor is a paradox because of this feature in my persona. Most people can not do this and let's face it- INFJ's are magical like any other type can be, but we are also used to being perceived as odd. A fact I love, but for the vast majority it is easy to hold prejudices or dislike people (or concepts) who/which can not be fully explained. I don't bother including most people in my process. It honestly takes too much effort and most of the time it still baffles them. I do however try to include my closest loves in my process who have had a history of generally trying to peel back my layers or understand. They deserve more.

 "Don't mistake your brilliance at tuning into other people's feelings for any kind of competence at interpreting your own. You kind of suck at that. You need people to check you on your particular brand of crazy. You need people who know you well enough to bypass your defensiveness and hold up a mirror for you to see where you might be making a mess...You tend to want to believe the best of people, and can be pretty laughably naive in this way." http://millercounseling.blogspot.ca/2015/12/how-to-be-infj-in-world-that-isnt-made.html?m=1

And this is why I have a best friend (INTJ) whom I basically have to talk to everyday. I need to verbalize to process my own emotions. I write on the computer or I talk to her on the phone for about an hour everyday. She is amazing and I love hearing her stories. She is my person who will protect my naïveté. She's like a second therapist except I also have the benefit of being equal with her and hearing her own methods of magic.

"Be careful with your superpowers. Your gift is making other people feel truly seen and held in safety. When you tune in to a person fully, they completely fall in love with how that makes them feel, which (you know) really has nothing to do with you, but everything to do with that feeling...because people are much more likely to feel close to you than you feel close to them, and you can be inadvertently hurtful because they may think something very special is going on when really you're just being how you are... In other words, know that you are not like most people. It takes you a long time (or a very specific and wonderful dynamic that speeds the process) with a person to really feel like you are being seen, but that isn't the case for most others. So when you turn your warmth on a person, they will feel like the sun is shining on them and only them. And it is, but that's because it's just how you are. Your warmth and deep humanness and the comfortable space you provide people to be their authentic self is a thing that connects them to you almost effortlessly. You come off to others as wise and knowing and deep, and it will make them feel like you understand them more than anyone ever has. Which is probably true, but it comes so naturally to you that you may not realize it's making that person feel like they are incredibly special to you. They may be kind of special to you, but in a way that like 85 other people are *kind of* special to you. Be aware of this disparity, and don't unintentionally create a bunch of one-sided relationships where either a) there's a major disconnect in how you feel about each other or b) you end up feeling like they are just taking from you and not giving you anything back, when they don't even know that's happening at all. You may not feel like doing this is costing you energy, but in the end it's not a great dynamic for you or for them." http://millercounseling.blogspot.ca/2015/12/how-to-be-infj-in-world-that-isnt-made.html?m=1

Unfortunately, this happened a lot before I realized this was 'a thing' about five years ago. It still happens to me occasionally, but now I am aware of the disparity. I no longer hold it against people when I get them but they don't get me. I used to wonder what was wrong with me or why they were not seeming to put in as much energy into my perspectives. This is also the reason I have less relationships now. Most of my relationships were one sided and it wasn't good for either of us long term.  It also makes me slightly sad because I can not help how I am. It's distressing that I make people feel like I basically threw out their special relationship with me. When in fact, it was special in the way that all relationships tend to be special for me, but not particularly a stand out...in most cases.

"You can be mean as fuck when you're hurt or angry, and once you say the awful things you instinctively just know to say, you cannot ever take them back" http://millercounseling.blogspot.ca/2015/12/how-to-be-infj-in-world-that-isnt-made.html?m=1

Having accurate insight into people is a deep responsibility. I knew even when I was a child, that my words could wound a person to their inner core, exposing secrets they did not know they had. I decided (because remember the gooey centre bit?) that I didn't like this 'superpower' when used accordingly. I don't like to hurt people. I can be mad. I WILL door slam ( see below) if need be, and I can be VERY mean if pushed over the edge, but I don't like to be. Even when I am mean, I hold back 70 percent of what I could say. My husband would back this point up if he could. Even holding back, I still can be pretty harsh. Knowing people's deepest insecurities and how to push their buttons is a huge responsibility. Sometimes I just wish I could get mad like a normal person and say semi hurtful general things without having to watch my words so I don't push a person to complete unravelling. I have yet, in my adult life, to let go of myself and say what I could, and that is a relief. I am thankful for my incredible self control in certain areas like this.

The DOORSLAM

Ok, so I didn't know this was an actual personality habit until it kept popping up in Pins on my Pinterest. So I checked into it and my jaw dropped a bit.

"You may have heard of the notorious INFJ Door Slam. This is when the INFJ completely closes the door on someone, shutting them out of their lives for good. It seems like a fairly harsh action for such a warm and caring type....INFJs are deeply emotional individuals, although they may not show it constantly. They care very strongly about others and feel emotions on a powerful level. When they care about someone they devote much of their lives to making them happy. INFJs rarely spend time tending to their own needs, often dedicating their lives to the needs of others. Their biggest goal is to help people and they often hope to make a real difference in the world around them. They take their connections to others very seriously, making it very hard for the INFJ to leave even a bad relationship behind. The INFJ does not “Door Slam” someone lightly, this is something that takes a lot of time before the emotion builds up much too strong for them to continue." http://personalitygrowth.com/the-hard-truth-about-the-infj-door-slam/

 "This often happens because they care very much about people, often allowing them to push them too far. Eventually the INFJ realizes they can no longer deal with this sort of emotional abuse from someone that they love, so they must remove them from their lives... The INFJ doesn’t do this lightly, and the process often hurts them very much. They want to believe in people, but even the strongest individuals can only take so much pain. Eventually the INFJ becomes completely emotionally burnt out, causing them to move on from someone’s life. This often takes time after time of the INFJ being upset and emotional, trying to resolve the problem. Eventually, they see no other option but to let go of the person that is harming them."  http://personalitygrowth.com/the-hard-truth-about-the-infj-door-slam/

Looking back I realize I have done this probably about six times in the last decade. My best friend mentioned she has never known someone like me who takes so much crap from people constantly but then I can suddenly freeze those people out from a tiny slight (which means it was my final straw in a long sequence of chances.) This is what is truly happening and I sent her this article right away to which she replied, "That makes so much sense. Completely you." It takes A LOT to get me to this point. "They are very protective over the people that they care for, making them capable of becoming almost dangerous towards someone who harms them. It takes much less for the INFJ to Door Slam an individual who harms their loved ones. The INFJ finds this entirely necessary and justifiable, since it is for someone that they care about. They will shut this person out with ease, often done with a very clear and rational mind. The INFJs are extremely loving, which also makes them very protective people. There really is nothing worse than hurting someone they love and they will make that clear." http://personalitygrowth.com/the-hard-truth-about-the-infj-door-slam/

I find it way easier to shut the door on someone who has hurt someone I love. I do this rationally and I do find it justifiable. It's a calm reaction I have without much emotion. For instance, I am not much of a mamma bear in comparison to most moms. I expose my children to harsh realities and I don't jump to their defence all the time. However, when a family member continued to push their religion on our kids over and over, the final straw for me was when this person casually told my husband that perhaps Autism was a form of sin. The very fact that it was said so casually told me what I needed to know. It was the clear moment for me that no healthy benefit could come from an interaction with this person and my children long term...or their children because they will grow up with the same mentality. It's sad but it is reality.

 "Before the action of shutting someone out of their lives occurs, the INFJ goes through a very long stream of attempts to resolve the problems. They will most likely be emotional and put their best effort into fixing the issue. They do not want to cut people from their lives, especially not someone they once cared deeply for. The INFJ often takes time to come to the decision that they must move on from a relationship. They take their commitments very seriously, wanting to build strong and lifelong connections." http://personalitygrowth.com/the-hard-truth-about-the-infj-door-slam/

I think deeply and hold myself accountable for all my actions. I realize that a door slam comes with repercussions and once done you can never go back to the way things were before. It's a serious gesture.

 "They have to shut off from this person, almost as if they are dead to them. The INFJ considers the loss of a relationship much like a death, and they have already spent time mourning this loss. At this point they are simply removing the final memories of the lost relationship. This is no longer the mourning period, the INFJ has completely come to terms with what has happened. If the INFJ is still emotional or upset, than there is hope to resolve the relationship. Once the Door Slam has happened there is no going back. The INFJ has made the decision to move on and to them it is already done. "http://personalitygrowth.com/the-hard-truth-about-the-infj-door-slam/

Once I am at this point, it is already done in my mind. I have already mourned months before (it's an entire process.) It is literally like a death in my mind. A death of what was. I treat it accordingly. I find it interesting on movies when they scream, "You are DEAD to me!!! DEAD!" I can see how that is the emotional moment when one realizes that a door slam is necessary, but when it actually comes to pass, it is far less emotional. When a person is truly dead in the emotional sense to someone, the grieving is already finished, there is no feeling other than a basic respect for what was.

Some people have asked what to do to avoid this door slam;

"Simply avoid being shut out by an INFJ, by being a reasonable human being. They will take a lot from the people they love, but eventually it becomes too much. They will only cut someone out for continuous emotional abuse, or for abusing someone that they love. If you are kind to the INFJ, they will see no reason to shut you out. They understand perfectly that people make mistakes, they will even be willing to help you resolve your issues. Being honest with the INFJ and trying not to hurt them, is all you truly need to do... If down the road (a long long way down the road) the person who was shut out appears to be changing their lives and making better choices, the INFJ may consider giving them another chance. They will definitely be more cautious, building walls to prevent this person from hurting them again. They may consider being friends with this person, but they will likely never regain the closeness that they had before." http://personalitygrowth.com/the-hard-truth-about-the-infj-door-slam/
I have given second chances before. It's true, the relationship will never be quite the same. I may become friendly with the people again, but once my trust is gone, it is never regained fully. Basically this means that an INFJ theme song for most people they love is  ***"Ain't no Mountain High Enough" but then if pushed to the brink the song switches to "My life" by Billy Joel.

CHARMED

As with every personality, an INFJ has it's struggles and benefits. I love who I am and what personality I work out of the world with because it is ME. I also love the other 15 personality types.

Growing up and even now, I often think of people before something significant happens to them. The ones I love occupy my dreams in almost psychic ways and I often know when someone is pregnant, breaking up, or considering a life changing decision. My children think it is uncanny how the phone can ring and I will yell out who it is before they can check the caller ID. I'm not often wrong about this type of connection, if ever, but that sounds pompous. When I am wrong, I know it. I simply trust myself no matter how many doubt. Our pattern recognitions, observing skills and gut intuition contribute to this seemingly psychic phenomena. Really an INFJ is just very observational and able to connect seemingly unrelated aspects of life imagined or speculated to make a full picture of future realities. 

There is a certain darkness surrounding INFJS .We have darker humour, a capability to get lost in causes or struggle with our sensory side too much, or to even become a bit of a Trickster, but most of the magic comes from light. Every personality has it's darker bits...especially if a person is unhealthy to begin with. INFJs can see both sides of life a bit more strongly than MOST of the other types, because we experience both sides simultaneously (feeling/ thinking and dark/light.) 

"...please always trust your INFJ magic. Because it's real. It's legit. You are magic. You know things no one else knows, and you feel things no one else can feel, and you can predict what will come to pass with remarkable accuracy. You are hyper-intuitive in a way that almost literally seems like magic. You may think about people just before they call or text you, or dream about something that comes to pass, or ask exactly the right question because you already know the answer without knowing how you know. Your incredible intuition is a thing to behold. It is your superpower. Trust it. Know that your gut is usually right. Don't be bullied into second-guessing yourself. You know what's going on well before anyone else does." http://millercounseling.blogspot.ca/2015/12/how-to-be-infj-in-world-that-isnt-made.html?m=1.

At lunch I told my family I was writing a post about me as an INFJ. I asked them to describe me in one sentence without any further description of my post. My eldest daughter replied, "Mom. Creative, cute, weird, interesting, fun and hilarious." My eldest son laughed, "Hilarious, awkward, and other stuff." My youngest son smiled and said,"Cute, funny, weird and sweet." And my husband's response was my favourite, "You are an Impasse and Aporia (which my spell check wrote as apple rehab)... an impossible possibility."

That about sums up an INFJ...an impossible possibility. I am charmed by each personality and could write beautiful insights into each and the struggles that are unique to certain workings of the world. But because I am an INFJ, this post was easier to write with confidence. Even within shared personality letters we each have our own individual stamp of unique qualities. INFJ's are simply another magical piece of the human complexity.

A post based on the insights of Michael Pierce's video on INFJ and including many of his quotes from the video segment  can be found here: http://worldwecreate.blogspot.ca/2016/10/infj-michael-pierce-video-segment.html

Funny Videos made by INFJ Frank James on all the types can be found on his channel here:

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCxc0c4cOfFmSUnzX9uY7Jww?sub_confirmation=1

For the Sensors:http://www.erikthor.com/2018/01/17/ever-thought-youre-actually-just-smart-sensor/

A post about INFJ Boundaries:

INFJ- If I cut you Off- Chances are I handed you the Scissors.

A post about the many contradictions, paradoxes and ironies of the INFJ can be found here: http://worldwecreate.blogspot.ca/2017/07/the-many-contradictions-ironies.html

A post on the struggles between N and S types in Extended Family Relationships:

http://worldwecreate.blogspot.ca/2016/06/n-and-s-types-in-familial-relationships.html

I also broke down and quoted Personality Hacker's brilliant video on Personality and Forgiveness here:

http://worldwecreate.blogspot.ca/2017/05/personality-and-apologies-forgiveness.html

A post on Explaining the Difference between Introverts and Extroverts and Common Mistyping Personality Mix ups:

http://worldwecreate.blogspot.ca/2017/10/explaining-extroversion-versus.html

WHY INFP's and ISFJ's can be Mistyped Commonly as INFJ's:

https://thoughtcatalog.com/heidi-priebe/2016/11/how-mistypes-have-warped-the-descriptions-of-each-intuitive-mbti-type/

The 5 Biggest Misconceptions of an INFJ:

https://www.psychologyjunkie.com/2017/06/15/5-biggest-misconceptions-infjs/

This is a great article on INFJ compatibility: http://psychologyjunkie.com/2015/10/21/are-you-compatible-infjs-and-relationships/

16 personalities: https://www.16personalities.com/infj-personality

Kiersey: http://www.keirsey.com/4temps/counselor.asp

I also LOVED this site and found every word accurate: http://personalityjunkie.com/the-infj/ and this one: http://infjunraveled.tumblr.com

To read more: https://culturaldisasters.wordpress.com/2015/07/02/the-elusive-infj/ (there is also a test link on there to clarify if you are an INFP or INFJ) and here are many of my favourite INFJ pins :https://www.pinterest.com/KAlluraMarie/infj-personality-infps-intj-quotes/ and https://www.pinterest.com/KAlluraMarie/infj-article-links-and-mbti-charts/ and https://www.pinterest.ca/KAlluraMarie/infj-memes-and-quirky-infj-posters/

 Personality hacker has podcasts and videos on each type. Here is a few of their INFJ links:

http://www.personalityhacker.com/resources-infj/

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=630ikWb61cs

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=88atj7wAtKs

http://www.personalityhacker.com/podcast-episode-0034-infj-personality-type-advice/

InFJ versus INFP: http://www.personalityhacker.com/infp-vs-infj/

 A post about INFJ combined with Enneagram 4 with 5 wing/ Scorpio/ Autistic and loving the loner life here:

http://worldwecreate.blogspot.ca/2016/05/loving-loner-life-happy-hermit.html

***Ain't No Mountain High:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ni7HVJO8sHM

My Life ( glee version of Billy Joel):https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e458grA3W5U

Song Choice: INFJ lyrics "'Cause every night I lie in bed. The brightest colours fill my head...A million dreams are keeping me awake. I think of what the world could be, A vision of the one I seeA million dreams is all it's gonna take.A million dreams for the world we're gonna make. There's a house we can build. Every room inside is filled. With things from far away. The special things I compile. Each one there to make you smile. On a rainy day..." A Million Dreams.

It has been said that INFJS are apt chameleons so I thought this song was a fun one for that in honour of the late, great Bowie:

My husband also suggested this song. He says her lyrics and actions remind him of the complexity and fire of the INFJness...ha ha ("you can tell me when it's over if the high was worth the pain...It will leave you breathless or with a nasty scar...") I guess only an INFJ could take that as a fun joke and compliment...

Proposed Improvements for the Hospital Environment (Life saving/ Boost to Economy/Improved life and deaths ect.)

"A visit to a U.S. hospital is dangerous and stressful for patients, families and staff members. Medical errors and hospital-acquired infections are among the leading causes of death in the United States, each killing more Americans than AIDS, breast cancer, or automobile accidents (Institute of Medicine, 2000; 2001). According to the Institute of Medicine in its landmark Quality Chasm report: “The frustration levels of both patients and clinicians have probably never been higher. Yet the problems remain. Health care today harms too frequently and routinely fails to deliver its potential benefits” (IOM, 2001). Problems with U.S. health care not only influence patients; they impact staff. Registered nurses have a turnover rate averaging 20 percent (Joint Commission on Accreditation of Healthcare Organizations, 2002)." (Quote from HERE_ CLICK)

"The research team found rigorous studies that link the physical environment to patient and staff outcomes in four areas:

1. Reduce staff stress and fatigue and increase effectiveness in delivering care
2. Improve patient safety
3. Reduce stress and improve outcomes
4. Improve overall healthcare quality" (Quote from HERE_ CLICK)

As a person with a chronic disease I have spent too many nights in emergency rooms. While I am thankful for the healthcare I have access to and am eternally grateful for the medical workers in my past, my time spent has brought up a few potentially life changing ideas for Hospitals to implement. Because I believe in some of these ideas wholeheartedly I am lifting the copyright for this post only. This article may be plagiarized, added to, circulated, hash tagged...whatever forum works for you to share- share it. Probably others have had these ideas but I am putting them out there for writers to improve upon, researchers to add data to, and business managers to circulate to hopefully government attention.

In varied parts of Europe some hospitals incorporate bits of beauty and sensory appeal into their hospital spaces. Not only do they have shorter hospital stays because of this but they also have an overall improved quality of life. I am not talking about patient satisfaction or bedside manner. There are many doctors who could improve in this area but are still good doctors who prevent death. This actually isn't about the doctors at all or about being an environment like the Ritz. It's about a few small changes that can improve the air quality in hospitals cutting down on germs and big strain bacterias, a few inspirational improvements for mental health to put less pressure on nurses, and making use of our businesses to not only boost health but economy.

This article (CLICK HERE)  talks about how one third of our hospitals may close by 2020. Some of our most intimate and vulnerable moments happen at hospitals and we are not paying enough attention to how we can change the rates of death and optimize comfort without catering like a four star hotel.


PLANTS and GARDENS
The most important factor to start out with is plants. CLICK HERE for information on how hospital gardens not only help patients heal but also employees. "One finding, in particular, surprised Cooper Marcus and Barnes. Stressed hospital employees accounted for as many visits to hospital gardens as stressed patients, and interviews confirmed that staffers depend on the greenery." Every hospital should have a small indoor greenery room. In addition to this, each room with a window should have one toxic air cleaning plant up in a high corner where no one, other than the watering staff, can reach it. Many tropical plants are hardy, cheap and effective in removing germs from the air. They are only toxic when ingested or sometimes touched. If it is in a far corner of the top part of a room it will not only help with germ control but improve a patients well being simply by looking at it. The only exception would be in rooms that have patients who self harm as they may be tempted to ingest but otherwise this idea will help cut back on dangerous bacterial strains circulating in the air, patient discomfort, and improve employee health. Local gardening business can offer plants half price to hospitals but still be making money due to demand. The cleaning staff can add watering once a week to their list which will also improve their attitude as it is proven that simply taking care of a plant can boost quality of living. It's a win win.

HUMIDIFIERS

"Correct humidity is essential to patient health, staff comfort and prevention of electrostatic damage to medical equipment." "A comfortable, healthy atmosphere is necessary for rest and recovery. If a health care environment is too dry it will not only hinder a patient’s recovery but will also encourage infection and further illness. Deviations from the mid-range of relative humidity (RH) of 40-60% can reduce air quality by causing an increased growth of bacteria, airborne infection, sore eyes, sore throat, increased static and dust, and premature coagulation.  

Dry air will attempt to pull moisture from all possible sources in a room including mucous membranes. Mucous membranes are our bodies natural defense against airborne infections. If our membranes dry out we are more prone to colds, flus, and viruses." Quotes taken from THIS ARTICLE_CLICK) and Here is another article citing similar finds (http://www.condair.com/human-health-comfort-humidification/hospital-healthcare-humidification-humidity-humidifier) I realize these are companies stating their facts, but even on a personal level, those of us who use humidifiers find that we are sick less, have a shorter duration of illness, and as a bonus we provide our plants with nourishment. The emergency department in each hospital should have humidifiers for the proper square footage of the space. There are companies who specialize in this and there are many options out there. This not only saves the staff but saves our hospital dollars in general because less super bugs are costing less money to fix, less germs are being spread around reducing the costs, and less nurses are taking time off or are sick themselves spreading their germs in the air. This strategy should also be used in any room that contains bacterial and viral patients for the sake of both patients and health care workers. It may cost more initially but long term the costs WILL go down. 

CLOROX AND AT LEAST TWO BATHROOMS PLUS A STAFF BATHROOM FOR EVERY EMERGENCY DEPARTMENT

In my home town the small emergency department has one bathroom for seven beds and one staff bathroom. No matter how small the department, if a space has more than four beds it should have at least two bathrooms. Many patients are throwing up or having diarrhoea and one bathroom is not enough. Staff need to have their own to cut down on what they spread and contract and patients should have the option of two. I know there are bed pans ect for emergencies but to add an additional bathroom when building any new hospitals is a must. This will also cut down on what is spread. In each bathroom there should be a regular supply of clorox wipes or at the very least a note on the door asking patients and staff to not only wash their hands but use soapy warm water to wash and dry the toilet handles and the water handles and door handles each time *unless they are too sick to accomplish this of course but many could. Clorox may be pricey but perhaps they could provide a discount and still get more business to work for the company? I am not a business person and I ask whomever circulates this article and knows business to crunch numbers for me. Regardless this idea would cut down on circulation of disease along with less crummy work on the cleaning staff.

COLOURED PAINT ON THE WALLS ALONG WITH ONE NATURE SCENE

Anxiety affects the nervous system and the bodies ability to heal. Colours have been proven to make a difference in patient health and the rates on which the patients will recover and stay out of hospital. Please read this paper for more: http://etd.fcla.edu/UF/UFE0000857/edge_k.pdf "Choose colors that coordinate with existing furnishings.

Choose colors that are not believed to be harmful to the patients. Test a variety of color palettes.
Test various hues, intensities, and values.
Remove as many of the environmental factors that may effect a patient’s recovery as possible." To help choose a colour check out a site like this: http://www.healthcaredesignmagazine.com/article/healing-hues-choosing-paint-colors-healthcare 

In addition to colour other than white on the walls, there should be on healing nature scene in each room. This does not have to big ( 11 by 14 is good) and it should be wipeable on canvas or something similar but should contain either trees or water as a healing, neutral place to rest the eyes. Many patients focus on images like this when they are dealing with pain. It not only makes an easier time for medical staff but increases the self worth and belief crucial to convalescing for patients. This can be outsourced as a challenge to local artists by donation ect. The role of the physical environment on death rates, stress and overall well being is huge and can be addressed with a few pictures.

BLANKETS WITHOUT HOLES:

I love when the nurses warm up blankets for me as I physically do better and mentally prepare myself for whatever is ahead in my journey with this small comfort. Unfortunately with holes in blankets this warmth is very short lived. I had a wonderful nurse once who kept warming up my blankets because each time she didn't I went into into a form of shakes and shock  due to a condition I had. She could have been saved her valuable time and my peaks of stress could have gone down with a blanket without holes. Even a costco throw blanket is better than many blankets the hospital has. Body temperature is a crucial part to recovery and peace. I know it has to be easy to wash and less texturized for germs but there are many fabrics that may be able to achieve this balance.

HONEY INSTEAD OF SUGAR for all foods in the hospital, teas and coffees. TEA bars instead of Cola Machines

Sugar is one of the biggest culprits to prolonging illness. It has a directly negative affect on bodies and causes organs to work that much harder. It is also a huge part of hospital food. While I disagree that hospital food should be amazing, it should be nutritious. There should be no other option for non diabetic people besides honey for sweetener in teas and coffees. Unless there is an allergy, honey is not only soothing but beneficial to health and aids in recovery time and lessens bacteria. If this is outsourced from local farms at cheaper prices everyone wins.

Also herbal teas and decaffeinated options should be in place of every cola box in a hospital. If people are that desperate for cola they will find a way to get it anyway.

There are many other ways we can improve hospital care. This is a starting point that will lead to other improvements. I could suggest many other practices and mentalities but I feel this is an important start. Small changes that could potentially create huge change.

In North America hospitals are where the majority of life begins and sometimes ends. It is the starting brick to life. Health is the cornerstone to a strong country. For too long we have neglected the environments of the places we go to heal, begin our journeys into life and too often die in.  While too many changes would not be feasible there are small adjustments we can make to our hospitals to promote faster healing times, memorable birthing experiences, and healthier care workers. Some of these ideas can give business opportunities to bigger companies like Honeywell, Tetley or Clorox and smaller local companies, greenhouses, and honey farms. At first there will be a start up cost but in the end these ideas will save thousands of dollars in longer term health care costs.

Please pass this article on, tweet it, Instagram it, show it to local business owners or people who have access to spreading big ideas. Take whatever words you wish that are mine in this post as I am lifting my copyright for this POST ONLY. For the rest of the blog there is still copyright and no duplication is allowed unless given permission for my words and images.

Be the change you wish to see in the world.

Women like Me...We "Drown Oceans."

*This is a post for me on my birthday week. I dedicate this to the original blog girls and to Nyssa, Glynis, Sangha, Rachel, Kirstin, Hillary, Amy, Keren, Sara and Shelley O. You “drown oceans” - you are made in the image of the one whom IS- with grace there is beauty. Do not hide the light within- go light your world!” 

My husband often calls me a witch in the most flattering tone. The good kind like Elphaba, Galinda or Galadriel or the witches of lore.  He says it with reverence and slight believing, to the point I almost think that I am. I know he is sensing the muchness in me. He is seeing what most do not see, as I know he is using the basic definition of witch which simply means “ wise woman.” I know he is simply a beloved mirror giving insights to a greater Mirror. I know he is sensing the conflicts of culture, the definitions that can be paradoxical and that he is redeeming good what is thought of as contrary or negative.

 "Women like you drown oceans"- The first time I heard the Rupi Kaur quote it stuck to my bones. What did it mean? Why did it resonate? Instead of insulting the phrase pleased the type 4w5 (enneagram personality) heart.

 I hope I know how to contain my oceans to cause the least harm.

 I keep dreams coiled beneath my bones and passion flows through my blood like a river. He starves my fears and I feed his freedom. My mantra is to have the grace to accept all walks of life but this does not mean to accept abuse. This grace to accept is also for myself. I need to accept the beauty and grace given to me in order to accept it in others. I am in a messy state saved only by Grace given to all. 

My husband says I scare him a little in the best possible way. This humbles me. He says I remind him of  LIFE. What a complex statement! I appreciate that he does not take me for granted for the soul fire I sometimes am. Nor do I take his calming tonic for granted. He sees the fire in my eyes and instead of running or challenging he wants to play with it. I’ve been given my match.

 I accept my capability for darkness. I know my type of darkness and know what I can do. I do not feel my type of darkness is a threat but I do believe we all have capabilities inside our souls. I accept mine. To take an example from the T.V. series Once Upon a Time; This means that I am not a Snow White. I am more of a Season 3 Regina (the Evil Queen.) My husband often says while we watch, "She is you..."  And I am oddly flattered. I secretly hope so! (After season two of course and her redemptive balancing of light love.) I have been told I can be a force to be reckoned with. Sometimes I feel so vulnerable I don't think this could possibly true. However, I know that generally I will get past my feelings to do what is necessary.

Sensing the shadows and becoming part dark and light I feel rejected by the part of culture that embraces the lies and is believed by the masses. Yet, also I see beauty in them. I simply do not want to partake of it. I am a commotion, an ocean, waves upon waves of lavish water that can drown or quench. I often burn to brightly for this world. It can cause pain. I feel that sorrow. 

I know I am great on most days because I am Imago Dei which makes me great or “good” (after years of therapy and putting in the work of acknowledging this grace instead of trying to work for it by merit.) I have been shattered but this was simply because I am already beautifully broken. I break myself more than most and NO ONE can dish out the challenges I give myself. I need no one who tries to do this to me because I can be my own worst enemy. Aren’t we all similar in this regard? ? But I also should step up to be my greatest advocate after a long journey of being less than I should be. We are called to more.

I wrestle daily with disability. My paradoxes. My suffering gifts. Dealing with disability ever balances and softens the side that believes so much in my muchness. I know I am worthy and have fought years to believe in that. I have everything going for me and yet nothing at all...and in this I am free. For some reason this tempts people to interrupt my indwelling greatness. Why? Please Don't. We should all aspire and celebrate the goodness we all encompass at varying levels. 

"She is the phoenix who has risen from the ashes to which she has been reduced, this time wiser, stronger, and more powerful in her own right. She is the fire. Looking for someone to warm…to enlighten…but never to burn…she is a bird in flight, that one can only see if they believe in her…she cries tears that can heal wounded hearts, souls, and bodies in her rising she is cautious and aware of her own vulnerability yet still just as inquisitive and observant as she ever was ...she is a little dark and very mysterious. But will not omit truth and overlooks nothing. Contrary to the shallow minds of the world she is alive. She does exist. She is the phoenix and she has risen again…" K.W. G.

My hope is that I will stand my ground once I return to ash.  I wish to deal with pain like a Phoenix. I know I will crumble and be destroyed at first, but then I hope to rise more beautiful and stronger than before. From dust I was created and dust I will become but in the meantime I have been given LIFE. 

 I know I am ash. I also know I am beauty.

 Its probably true that mostly I live life on my own terms due to great privilege and freedom...yet it is also due to great heartache and choices. I am aware and ever grateful of this dichotomy. It's a humble sort of rising from my terrible depths to the beauty of my surfaces.

*Quote above by Warsan Shire*

 I'm something not everyone knows how to love. That used to be a knife in my soul. I have had moments where I thought it would be easier to disguise the brilliance in me...the brilliance each one of us owns but feels we should hide. I realized I can not make homes out of human beings...only a home for myself.  I have tried being "normal." I have dealt in depth with different religions, stances and perceptions of life that were not mine to be...and I found chains.

 I do not believe I am above anyone but I believe I am individualistic and free. I am, like everyone else, Imago Dei. We are all shades of this becoming. Being has a bit of grey. My own beauty does not diminish any other, but it IS my own to celebrate.

 In the past , without meaning to , I have broken the cage and possibly the person trying to cage me. When the metal strikes they may find themselves on the ground crumpled under the iron forced by their own hands. At other times, most times truthfully , the brokenness is brought on by my own cage that I must ask help to break. Why do I cage myself? Why do I try to cage others? Why do I allow others to cage me? With Imago Dei there is freedom - why don’t I grasp that mercy?

 I am worth it and I'm not afraid to be on my own. We each have a choice to stand up, grow up, show up or get up and leave. I try to allow people to leave. It's the ultimate belief in freedom. But I also ask of those I love to show up, grow up (but not out of childlike wonder- just grow up in boundaries and grace) or stand up. I ask of myself this the most.

Don’t we all long to be beautiful? In my story, when I am true to the Source, I think I proverbially drown oceans. I drown them not because I am but because I am part of the ultimate I Am. A mystical undergoing of drowning and coming out gloriously in tact. A baptism of encompassing beauty. I know I contain multitudes of paradoxes and ironies. I find myself in places not many who have been feel they can speak upon. A sacred sort of knowing.

Within all this, I know I am perfectly imperfect. This soul flies. This soul drowns. This soul IS. This soul is redeemed.  In disasters we find the rawest forms of simple beauty. We catch the fragile pieces and find hope spark.

I'm sun and rain and fire and ice: *http://www.lyricsfreak.com/g/garth+brooks/shes+every+woman_20058066.html

I’m in need of grace but modelled after the ultimate I AM. I’m full of mistakes that are covered by grace only … but for the parts that seem flawed? In weakness, we are often made whole. We can sparkle while atoning. I can BE.  I’m allowed to be quirky, become more, embrace my God given muchiness and music. 

Because of Grace my darkness sparkles. My love crackles. I wander off the edges of the world.

Song Choices:

Girl on Fire- Naya Riveria

*My husband dedicated the song 'Every Woman' By Garth Brooks to me:)but it's not on youtube due to copyright...so he said to put on Brad Paisley's' Everything' for this post:

My daughter suggested this song after I read this post out loud...my lovely little firecracker...For me this song is the opposite...I am a pearl but I used to be a shell of myself...allowing others to snuff out my light or say who I am is wrong. Then I woke up.:

Explaining Sensory Sickness and Halloween Sensory Overload in Children

Update 2021: six years later and sensory sickness has happened to me less and on a larger scale, on the rare occasion. Most times I only get to a cranky point when dressing up for short  periods which shows that processing the information in my own post below, and utilizing it created growth of perception for me to stay out of situations ( for the most part) that encourage this. It’s not all controllable and my brain still processes sensory information differently but I a more able, with my knowledge and my support team, to avoid most circumstances that cause sensory sickness. I still am surprised when sensory overload overtakes me often but I have a quicker turn around most days.  My children also have had less instances with time, awareness and techniques. This first step of putting words to the experience ( in this post) was part of our healing journey. We can now dress up in ways that are fun for us while minimizing discomfort on most days. I feel this post is important in explaining symptoms, causes, and  my processes can aid others in understanding those who seem off in sensory circumstances. Especially to caregivers  who may not understand what is happening to those who can not express their inner  thoughts and feelings ...

A BRIEF HISTORY

Every Halloween I forget I have sensory issues. For some reason logic is thrown out the window with my internal dialogue, "This year it will be different... I have come to know myself SO well that I will normalize perfectly." Yes, I am an idealist and unfortunately sometimes this transfers into idealizing my own life moments before they even happen.

Albert Einstein once said that insanity is doing the same thing over and over again yet expecting different results. With that in mind the last decade, we have done something extremely different each Halloween...yet the results are the same; sensory sickness for me. My husband says my sensory thresholds are lower than my children in some cases and Halloween is one example. My children have been sick seven out of ten years but I have been sick for every single one. One year I don't count because I was hospitalized with the Norovirus, which inspired my ritualistic love affair with my hand sanitizer, but every other year I have been sensory sick.

Sensory sick is an extension of sensory overload or can be combined with sensory overload. When a person who experiences sensory overload has spent a prolonged time in an environment that causes their body to react in a different manner than those who do not experience sensory overload would in the same situation it often leads to sensory sickness. It can involve any (or usually ALL) of the senses and is similar to a drug induced symptoms or manifestations. I have learned through therapy and life circumstances how to (somewhat) manage this. The odd time I will be completely taken off guard and not realize until way later what is happening. Unfortunately, the realization usually happens hours after an epic meltdown or alarming symptoms. Not all autistics experience sensory overload at high levels, but most have variations of sensory overload due to our various perceptions of the world.

My version of sensory sick comes with it's own set of complications. At first I feel great. I am costumed up and have enjoyed my prepping time to get to the point of being ready. I love dressing up. As a child all I played is make believe. Now I realize that is because I did not understand myself but KNEW I did not fit in. I imagined living in the early little house on the prairie days or the 1940's singing with Gene Kelly or dressing with Marilyn Monroe flair. I was always someone else. It was easier to mimic people I admired. A typical aspie girl desire to fit in is often accompanied by mimicking. This served me well in many cases but I never realized that the stomach pains and panic I would get later in the evening were BECAUSE of dressing up. My love affair caused as much pain as it gave joy. To this day I admire people who can go for prolonged periods of dressing up, wearing heels or make up or costumed in some bizarre statement without getting sick later. However, as a child and teen I DID have a longer tolerance for this sort of thing. In therapy I have learned how to not be sick every day of my life but I'm still me and the way my senses choose to interpret information to my body is often not appealing.

 HOW IT STARTS

About twenty minutes after I am in my outfit... I want to get out of it. Anything past  an hour is painful. I dress up because I enjoy the process of doing so, snap some pictures to remember all my effort, and then ideally I jump in the shower to wash it all off and get into sweats and a t-shirt. The problem is that most events I dress up for are not shorter than an hour. While I could go see Wicked in sweatpants and a T shirt...I don't want to. I take off my outfit the second we are out of the theatre and in our van. I love having a van because it has blacked out windows and I can change easily in the back which draws less attention (and germs) than a bathroom. I kick off heels for flip flops and push my seat back so I can semi lay down to take the pressure off my ever stressed out gut. Oh the glamourous life I lead.

In previous years for Halloween we have tried:
*Staying in to watch movies 
* Sending the kids with their dad 

*Attending an alternative dress up party at my best friends house (She was incredible and understood my early need to go home but a few others at the party were condescending about my seemingly lack of support for my best friend. I was very sick that night and my kids had meltdowns.)
* Dressing up to go out to eat and coming home
* Only going to my parents, grandparents and husband's parents and handing out treats for an hour after
* Only handing out treats
*Attending a murder mystery dinner
*Skipping town and heading to the city ( this was the worst idea ever...nothing is scarier to a home town aspie than a city on Halloween night:)
*Changing our diet (this helped a lot. We don't partake in any Halloween treats and my parents and grandparents make up a special care package for my kids of gluten free, sugar free snacks. I think this explains my kid's last two Halloween's without sickness.)
*Attending a Star Wars Identity forum (this was my only successful Halloween event- see post script)

While each of these scenarios had their fun moments, ALL except the last one, ended in sickness for me. I love Halloween simply for the fact that many aspects of it suit me. It suits my witchy side and the part of me that loves to play a role. It suits the rebel in me and the individualistic parts of my soul. It also suits the geeky obsessive parts of me that drool over superhero paraphernalia, cult fiction, and Star Wars outfits...I am the girl who kissed Vadar at a Star Wars event and leaked two tears when I watched the latest Star Wars trailer and Han Solo came on the screen. Yup, in that way Halloween suits me perfectly. I love the sparkly, happy decor part of it and despise the disgusting, bloody, scary aspect. I am a fluffy sort of Halloween person. I like the cute fake spiders and the bright orange pumpkins. As a child I was torn between being a princess or a witch...the princess won. Now as an adult I pick Bellatrix or Regina or something witchy. Yet, the concept is the same for me...I love Halloween because the 'freaks', 'geeks' and 'rebels' can be out and don't get flack for it. Halloween is also appealing to creative types. We love coming up with costumes around our home and doing the make up for it. We love decorating and the creativity and imagination it requires.

Other than Christmas, Halloween is my favourite holiday and thus it is my toughest (besides Christmas) because I see what I COULD be doing, enjoying or participating in...and I kind of want it. Yes, I have a fulfilling life and I have had many beautiful holidays...but just ONCE would I love to not have to go to bed early on Christmas Eve and savour more of the moment. Just ONCE would I love to dress up in a heavy costume and not feel the weight of it constantly or pay for it for days to come. My brain simply can not process the onslaught of information and takes hours to calm down. (At the time of publication, I read this to my daughter and at this point she yells, "ME TOO MOM!")

EXPLAINING SENSORY SICKNESS

Sensory sickness for me starts with a slight feeling of unexplained panic. At the time I do not attribute it to sensory stuff because my brain just does not work that way, despite being on that same road many times. It takes awhile to catch up. So instead I say comments to anyone around me like, "I think I may be coming down with something" or "Does anyone have the flu here because I may have just caught it?" or "I feel like something REALLY bad is gonna happen" or "I have to get out of here NOW." There is a distinct need to escape. I feel like I need to claw my way out of whatever get up I am in and make a run for it. Just in case my control ever snaps I wear cute little black shorts and a crop top under anything uncomfortable. It hasn't happened yet but I am prepared.

After this feeling of dread and panic comes the tingles down the arm, the numbness on my left side of my body and stomach clenching. The chills and a low grade fever follow. Yes, it is possible to get a fever with sensory sickness because the body is sending out the wrong messages to the brain to fight something that isn't even there. I start to shake and feel out of my body. I run to the toilet several times but nothing comes up yet. The only time something may come up is if I have left my body way beyond what it could handle. If I catch it in time or right around the time of panic and do not force it to endure longer I will not vomit or have the runs...but if I force a longer fortitude a full on stomach flu WILL happen. This is intense sensory sickness.

EARLY SYMPTOMS OF SENSORY SICKNESS OR OVERLOAD IN CHILDREN

*unexplained crying
*unexplained fit throwing
*a verbal fit
* kicking, screaming or hitting
* pulling or tugging at clothes
*staying silent or mute
*falling asleep in the middle of chaos
*shutdowns
*irritability
*inability to focus
*nervous movements of hands, drumming of feet, stimming anxiously to soothe, antagonizing those around, picking at skin, poking others
*running away or disappearing
*grabbing stomach
*curling up into a ball
*clinging to a parent
*disappearing to the bathroom

The pictures below are last year- We had a few little temper tantrums before the event...including my own:)

Not all of these signs will mean a full out sensory sickness but most will show that the child is having difficulty processing sensory information. Most of the time, if it is a light manifestation, the child needs time to adjust, explanations to aid them, and someone who can think outside the box to find a more comfortable way of participation if that is the goal. Also remember children should not always be forced to participate and this comes with it's own set of consequences - a post for another time. What is most important is a safe place to be and to hopefully avoid illness induced by sensory overload.

HOW TO HELP SENSORY SICKNESS BE SHORT LIVED 

The only solution to ease sensory sickness that I have found is a dark, quiet, comfortable, warm room and plenty of downtime or stimming for some children. Most of the time, this involves sleep if the ill affects are in advanced stages. Some children may need to twirl if it is their bodies that hurt but not their stomachs. For myself, stimming makes it worse due to the nausea. I need to lie still but I will rub my feet up against each other. My body will be unable to get warm. I will either have to sit in a hot shower or my husband will put at least four weighted blankets on me. I will shake until my body normalizes it's internal temperature. The shakes are violent and seizure like. Once my temperature is normalized then I can start to feel my muscles unwind which in turn helps my stomach stop twisting and my oesophagus stop triggering me into thinking I am going to vomit. This usually takes about half an hour. After that, I know I am in the clear for vomit or the runs which will happen after this time if my body does not regulate. After warming up, I just keep repeating a mantra in my mind. Usually it is "This will pass. You have done this before. You will wake up with a light sensory hangover but if you take it easy tomorrow you will be fine." I have to tell myself this over and over again. My body is betraying me. It is telling me that lights will hurt me and noises will cause vomit. My body tells me that it has a rash from the clothes or painful marks but it does not tell me accurately that these will go away. Instead it's alarm system is high. I have to combat this with my mantra, certain sleep positions, and deep breathing until I fall into a fitful sleep. I want to be alone for all of this yet I don't want to be alone. My solution for this is to have someone I trust (usually my husband) tuck me in, make sure I don't start vomiting, and leave me once I regulate a bit with the assurance that I will be checked on quietly every 20 minutes for the first hour until I am asleep. Once I am asleep he needs to come to bed and cuddle me so that when I inevitably wake up feeling crappy, his normalcy is beside me. I feel the heavy comfort of his arm around my body and I am able to go back to sleep. If this does not happen I can start the cycle all over again. I need a full sleep before I can conquer the cycle. If the room has a fan or any light I will not calm down no matter how much I try .The room feels like it does after a bomb...eerily weird, screechy and blurry.  It's how my brain is perceiving information.

If your child gets sensory sick they may act out. They may act aggressive or take off running or rip off their clothes. They can't explain what is happening...they just need to escape. I wrote in THIS post, "Often those with sensory overload can feel the overwhelming amounts of visual, auditory, tactile, and olfactory information that is coming from everyone in the room. Remember the last time you had a really bad flu? Picture yourself in your darkened room and suddenly someone turns on the light, another person comes in smelling like whatever you just threw up, someone else blasts some music that is high pitched, you hear talk of people who just died from the same flu you are fighting and you suddenly feel paranoid, your headache flares and someone decides that you will feel better if you are forced to walk around, finally someone comes and sits in your space and tries to talk to you while you are dealing with all of this. It sounds dramatic but that is often a typical moment for those of us who experience sensory overload in a large unfamiliar gathering with many factors involved."

CONCLUSION

Children may not be able to express how they feel with sensory overload or ill effects from sensory overload. You may think they simply came down with a flu or a weird bug. I am an adult with more than nine years of cognitive therapy behind me. I know the workings of the brain and try to read peer reviewed reading (and more importantly first hand experiences) and research. I KNOW what's happening to my body once I have time to clue in, yet I can not stop my worst episodes. If I can't do it- a child certainly can not be expected to STOP.

Children may feel a vast conflict of emotion. They probably want to be like the other kids. They want to have friends. They want to dress up sometimes or be a part of festivities. They may not want to do any of this but still want to be with their parents. Or they may have some combo of both. Some children need to still do "normal" events...but it should be THEIR choice with guided supports. Some children will only suffer minorly but it still affects the way they view the world in the future. It is important to help them recognize how they feel and what these feelings are from. I do not like it when people compare me to a normally wired person. For instance, "You are not really sick. No one gets sick from wearing the wrong outfit or partying. You are just overwhelmed. Take a minute and get yourself together. Behave appropriately."

This is wrong on so many levels. The fact is my body IS really sick. It is attacking itself. It is telling my brain I have a virus or bug which explains the flushing or low fevers or chills. I do not make this up to get attention because I hate attention when I feel vulnerable and I also am usually having fun when the panic starts to set in. 

However, what does help me is to normalize my situation...by normalizing I mean validating "MY normal." For instance, statements like, "You have been through this before, your body is reacting to the overload of information. Your body is doing an amazing job at what it knows how to do. I am sorry it causes you pain and let's try to do everything we can to minimize this so you can get back to your beautiful existence without as much trouble." Yea, I realize most people do not talk like that, but because of me, my husband, children and best friend DO say statements like that now. It can become a norm. Sometimes we need someone to simply sing us home. Home is an important concept for those who suffer sensory issues because it is the one place we have control. See THIS post. It's important to celebrate the ordinary moments and obsessions we have that give us joy because we will also inevitably have moments of complete sensory chaos. Despite being different, we need to feel safe and like we can at least belong where we live. Celebrate us home.

Have you experienced sensory sickness? What helps you?

Song Choice: Celebrate Me Home- Kenny Loggins

Post Script: My only successful Halloween event was this a couple years ago.

 Before we went in, we spotted R2D2. (For some reason my brother took these at a weird angle. (R2D2 could walk, and make the same sounds as in the movie...

In the above picture I jumped and was surprised because his face turned around to look at me...

 Then he surprised me with a whistle. (Picture below) A Cat Call whistle...and I died laughing along with all the other spectators. I patted him on the head and said, "You have always been my favourite. Now I know why." When I watched my first installment of the Original  Star Wars in grade five, I would have been ecstatic to know that R2D2 would one day whistle at me.lol