Sunday, May 6, 2018

Guest Post: The ENFJ Personality Type From the Eyes of a Young Teen

*This is a guest post by my young ENFJ daughter, writing about some of her experiences.* Enjoy!

Some ENFJs might not totally agree with me on this post. There are so many other things that play a part in personality. For instance, I'm a Gemini, an Aspie, and I struggle with OCD Anxiety so all of these things could play into what I write. Just keep that in mind.

The ENFJ personality is Extrovert, Intuitive, Feeling, and Judging. The functional stack can be found HERE.

In my opinion the ENFJ is one of the least talked about personalities. Typically as an ENFJ, I am either focusing on other types, or I want to be nice and listen to other types first. For me, if I bring up my type I feel like I'm being self absorbed or not thinking about the peoples types around me, which I tell myself ''I should be doing.'' 

I always find it funny that on films or media, sometimes nice people are made fun of. Like when we make fun of Canada, Hufflepuff, (both of which I belong to) and in this case the ENFJ. The part that I find even more funny is that we get so exited that we are even mentioned. I don't think this should be. I mean it's fine... every so often, but I would like to be talked about in a real, positive way too. So that's what I'm going to do here. I'm going to put the ENFJ in the spotlight. 

The spotlight is something that the ENFJ likes very much. Definitely not in a bad "self absorbed seeking" way and not for too long... We want others to get complimented and treated nicely too. Adjust that light on me sometimes and I will appreciate you a lot. I will probably even think about you for at least three days. Normally after an interaction like that most Extroverts will be on a high. Yup, I know it's crazy that a few really nice compliments will cause us to be thrilled. Even if we have a 'not so great time' you can bet we'll go home a little more happy then before we saw you.

ENFJs are really caring and will go out of our way to make sure other people are happy. It makes us happy to help people. This can be a good thing but also can be negative. In these moments we won't be thinking about ourselves at all. We don't want to risk somehow making the other person uncomfortable. For example if I'm at someone's house and it's hot - I'm not going to bring it up. I figure if you are overly warm, you would've said something so you must be comfortable. This isn't always the case. If I'm at a house that I feel comfortable in, I might tell you what I'm feeling, but that's only if I'm really suffering or you're my family.

ENFJ's are probably one of the most feeling types. I go through a million emotions a day. (But I am also a teenager.) I would even say that ENFJs are sort of like empaths. My mom is an empath type too but as an INFJ, she is my sister type. We meet in the middle of emotion. ENFJs are very intuitive to other peoples emotions and can almost sense what they are feeling. For me it's a curse and a blessing. Its hard to balance people's feelings and your own. If somebody is crying, it's most likely I'm going to start crying too. My family always jokes that I cry at least once a day which is close to true. I would say I cry every three days. My mom and my INTJ brother barely ever cry and if they do it breaks my heart. If they cry it means they're at a very fragile state. Crying is how I release all the stuff that's bothered me, made me mad, or upset me in some form. Lots of people think this is ridiculous but I'm totally fine crying. After I cry I'll feel better and like I can let go of everything I was upset about before.

I always say if there were a show to go to the ENFJ personality it would be ''Dreamworks' Trolls - The Beat Goes On.'' I know it's a weird show but the values and rules are everything I believe in. When I first watched ''Trolls'' (the movie) I loved it when the Trolls bracelets glowed and they had to stop what they where doing and hug whoever was next to them. Hugs mean a lot to me. I feel like everybody needs hugs.

The song hair in the air (from ''The Beat Goes On'')  is a song that's totally me. These are the lyrics '' Live it up (Hey!) Everyday you wake up singing. Turn it up (Whoo!) the party's just beginning. All together, you and me. Hair in the air, we're family. We got everything we need.''- ''Yeah, we made it through the dark. Harmony is everywhere put your hair up in the air.''- Dreamworks Trolls: The Beat Goes On theme song.

The harmony part of the song is my favourite part. Harmony is an important topic to ENFJs. Disrupting the harmony is something that will annoy the ENFJ. We work very hard to create harmony and keep it as long as possible, so if anyone disrupts it they will be on the bad side of the ENFJ.
Honestly, the bad side of the ENFJ is not that horrible. We will be mad at you but we'll most likely keep it in (unless you are family then you might get glares, yelled at, tears or all of the above). If we do blowup on you, it's likely that we'll say sorry pretty soon after. We put up with quite a bit so if we get mad it's because you have done or said something (that to us) is really unacceptable. Even if we do get mad though we'll try very hard to keep it as under control as we can.


This picture above describes the ENFJ very well. I'll start with lively. We love having fun, talking, parties, and more. My friend always jokes that I'm ''always happy." I am when people are around. ENFJs are very alive, out there, and will almost always have a smile on their face. 

Worrier. I've been called this on many occasions. I worry all the time about random things. If I go out and see people I worry if I'm going to say the right  or wrong thing. Even at home I worry I did something bad if someone says my name in a certain way. Its just what I do. 

Optimistic. I am very optimistic if I want to be and I'll try to make other people optimistic too. I mean come on, it feels good to be optimistic. 

Oversensitive. Even just today I've been called oversensitive a few times. For me I'm more sensitive to tone. So if someone says something that to me sounds harsh I will feel upset. I admit I do have to work on it a bit. ENFJ themselves will mock this trait. But it is something that makes us who we are and we shouldn't be ashamed of it. 

Now I'm going to go over the ''unhealthy'' ENFJ. When we are unhealthy we will be very hard on ourselves and almost no one can get us out of our slump. This (as Personality Hacker describes) is the Three Year Old process witch is Accuracy. We want to be so accurate that we will think we aren't doing good enough. Another thing I learned from personality hacker is that it's also unhealthy if your Driver (Harmony) goes to your Ten year old process (Sensation) for advice. I don't know too much about this but if you want to learn more you could listen to Personality Hacker podcasts. Click HERE.  to listen to the loops that certain personalities can get stuck in.

CLICK HERE for a list of famous ENFJs online. Here's a list of the people who I think are ENFJs or I saw online that I thought were interesting:
Emma Watson (Actress, Feminist), Emma Stone (Actress), Julia Andrews (Actress), Jennifer Lawrence (Actress), Oprah Winfrey (Talk host, Self Help), Helena Bonham Carter (Actress), Faramir (Lord of the Rings), Bofer (The Hobbit), Peeta Mellark (The Hunger Games), Snow White (Once Upon A Time), Uncle Iroh and Katara (Avatar the Last Airbender), Asami (Legend of Kora), Poppy (Dreamworks Trolls), Lilly Potter and Cedric Digory (Harry Potter), Katy Perry (Singer), Sara Bareilles (Singer), Barack Obama (Former President of the United States), Leslie Knope (Parks and Recreation). For bad guys there's not much (because, hey, we are pretty much angels.:) but there are some things that are saying that Loki (Marvel) is an ENFJ or INFJ and Hans from frozen. 
If you have any questions as to why these characters are ENFJs or any questions about the ENFJ then just leave a comment and I'll try my best to answer them.

There is so much more that makes up the ENFJ. We are special and unique in our own way. I hope this gave you a little bit more knowledge on the ENFJ. If you want to know more on the ENFJ there are links at the bottom of this post that will take you to articles that will give more info. 
Thanks So Much for Reading!!                                                                     


Song Choices: Unique- Lenka, Hair in the Air- Trolls Theme  Here is a song for ENFJs. WE ARE UNIQUE!

This is the song that I wrote lyrics to up above. ENJOY!


Stephanie Steeves said...

Beautifully written - well done! You seem to have wisdom beyond your years. As a ENFJ I can relate to everything you spoke about. And yes, the oversensitivity trait can by others and society be seen sometimes as a flaw however I see it as a superpower. It give us compassion, passion and makes us fiercely loyal and I, like you, wouldn't change it for the world!

“You might belong in Hufflepuff, where they are just and loyal, those patient Hufflepuffs are true, and unafraid of toil.”

sn said...

Wow! You did a great job. This was very informative, personal and fun. I loved the format as well. Steph is right, you do have wisdom beyond your years. I love everything about you, You are one of the most kind, loving and compassionate people I know. You truly are all the good things you pointed out. As for what you perceive as negative, those traits also contribute to all the positive about you so it’s win win. I am so proud of who you are. I hope you keep writing and speaking out. You have a lot to offer - wisdom, compassion, fun, kindness, loyalty, passion and so much love. Oh, and did I mention that I love that you love to give and receive hugs. ❤️

Anonymous said...

Very interesting and well researched. I’m proud of you. My great granddaughter
You areBlessed. You are also very beautiful inside and out,Keep up the good work
Love grandma

MLW said...

What a great informative post on the personality of a person who has an ENFJ personality! I really like how you wove in your own experiences and feeling with the strengths and weaknesses that a person who is an ENFJ can experience. I totally related to this post so much. We have much in common. Keep up the writing. You have a strong and needed voice and You clearly have a gift of being able to communicate thoughts and to draw others into your perspective and experiences.

Kmarie said...

Thank you all!!! I loved reading these comments they made me feel wonderful.

Stephanie Steeves: Thanks. I'm glad you could relate. I like what you said about it bing a superpower. Do you like Harry Potter?

Sn: I really like what you wrote to me. Thanks. Love you.

Anonymous: Thank you grandma. thats sweet of you to say. and I'll try. Love you.

MLW: I'm glad you found this informative. It's good to know that my post could relate to other ENFJs too. I'll try to write more in the future. Thank you very much! - Sophia

Ashe Skyler said...

Thank you! Us INTJs may be rare, but there are libraries of articles about us online and I am craving info on other types, particularly Extraverts. My son is a Gemini, suspected Aspie, and I'll be very surprised if he doesn't end up as an ExFP. Your post was very helpful.

Stephanie Steeves said...

Yes, I love Harry Potter! I had a hard time with the last two books (and their movies) and to this day have only read and watched the last one once but I love the first 5 and re-watch them pretty regularly.

Kmarie said...

Ashe Skyler: I'm very glad you found it helpful. Ya you're right there are a lot of articles on the INTJ and the INFJ. I'm glad I could help with that. Thank you so much for reading!

Stephanie Steeves: I really like you. I'm glad you became friends with my mom again lol. Harry Potter is my absolute favourite book series and movie series. Ya I cried a lot reading the last book... and after I finished cuz it meant that I was done reading it for the first time. I watch them a lot too. My favourites for the movies are the third, fourth, and sixth.

Kmarie said...

Hey Cupcake. This was insightful. I think you found your writing style. Instead of it being fictional - I think you flourish with combining your unique way of looking at the world with your heart for people and with advice. Kind of like your mammitta I think:) I LOVE the way your mind works. I love that you gave sound examples, quotes and wanted to leave songs on the bottom like I usually do. As Anne says "Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery" but you did more than made this your OWN. I loved learning about your ENFJ persona with you. You're one of my best friends. xoxo
K (mom/ that woman. ect.:)

S said...

Firstly, thank you for writing this post. I have been reading your mother's blog for such a long time. Every now and then, she mentions about you in her blog and posts your photographs. So, it seems that I know you in person already even if this is the first time I am actually interacting with you !

You are such a sweet lady, that's what I think of you. Your writing is also very mature and wise. I have an ENFJ aunt and another friend. I am sure about my aunt's personality type (but not my friend, she might be an ENFP). I agree with all the traits that you have mentioned. I also feel that as an ENFJ, you might be feeling a lot of "emotions", specially for other people. Also that you are very kind and that you have a tendency to not get irritated or not complain even if you are in discomfort. You tend to suppress your discomfort in public. You sacrifice/care a lot for others to the extent of ignoring your own needs. I am be wrong but this is what I saw in my aunty. You are harmonious and like to keep all your family members and friends "united" so that they get along well with each other. You value "togetherness" over "individuality".

About crying, you have got a friend ! I too cry a lot (in private) to let go or release overwhelming emotions !! Crying cleanses my soul !!

We need people like you because this world needs peace and harmony and someone who can feel the emotions of others. The world has become such a competitive and achievement oriented place that we may forget to empathize sometimes. But people like you reminds us to become empathetic and loving and caring, again and again.

About the negative traits of an ENFJ, I think you are right, you have a tendency to worry not only "on behalf of others" but also on "what you might have done wrong " or "what you could have done to improve the situation". Such tendencies can give you a lot of stress. So, I hope you take care of this. Remember, all relationships ( or most relationships) involve a fair amount of reciprocity (or give and take) and boundaries have to be set if these needs are not met. You are also special and important, just like others. So, I hope you do not forget to extend compassion to yourself and your soul while giving compassion to others.

Actually, it is not so much about "you" or your personality or what you should be doing (or not doing). You are absolutely right in your own place. But people tend to take advantage of your goodness because they lack it within themselves. So, I hope you understand that there is nothing wrong in being "nice". Just make it a point to see through others, if possible. Rather than rescuing or helping others all the time, sometimes let them handle their own "issues", all by themselves. By doing so, you will strengthen them and make them responsible for their own actions. They will become more accountable, responsible, independent and strong and the pattern of co-dependency or relying on you for everything will lessen, and you will be free to pursue your own "interests/hobbies/goals" and take some time for self-care.

I wish I could write some more but I don't want to give too much advice. You will be able to figure out everything on your own, in due course of time. Please keep writing and sharing your posts through your mother's blog. I will read them.
I wish you all the best, and I want to say one thing more, your smile is so sweet and open and pure, it makes me happy when I see you smile every time in your photographs:)

Anonymous said...

what a great job! You are so smart, articulate, and self aware. I am so proud of you! Your family and friends are so lucky to have in our lives.

Keren xoxoxoxox

Kmarie said...

Kmarie A.: Thanks mom. Love you so much. I can tell you every day how much you mean to me. Love you mamitta.

S: You're very welcome. I feel like I know you too. My mom talks of you fondly and i like the stuff you send us. I enjoyed it. Thank you for thinking i'm a sweet lady. That makes me very happy. You are right about everything you wrote. I am more about togetherness. I don't know many people who cry a lot so it's nice to know I've got a friend. Ya the world does need more people like me lol. I wish there was more harmony in the world. Ya I do stress a lot especially when I'm out and I don't know what to say. I'll try to be really good to myself as well as to others. Ya I'm always worried that I will get taken advantage of. I hope that I will be able to see through people. I'm so glad that you will continue reading my posts and i think I will right more. It was fun. I wish you the best as well. Thank you so much sometimes I'm not sure about my smile and I'm glad you like it. Sorry I took so long to write back. It was the end of school and I got distracted:)

Anonymous: Merci! I know they are! lol!

Kmarie said...

that last comment was by Sophia not Kmarie

S said...

Thank you so much for leaving a feedback ! Sophia, such a lovely name !! Keep writing and inspiring just like your mom. Lots of love from your newest reader!!

Amy said...

What a beautiful and insightful post! I learned so much about you and the ENFJ personality, Sophia! I too loved what you said about being a Hufflepuff too! My son is a Hufflepuff and an ENFP. I could see a lot of him in what you shared here. Beautifully written! Thank you so much for sharing what you have learned about yourself and the ENFJ personality profile.