Thursday, February 20, 2014

Family Size: Is Bigger Better is Smaller more responsible or Is it all Relative?



This link may seem unrelated but it is an important piece to any decision in life. If a person can remember these ten points, it is easier to choose what type of life to live:
http://livelearnevolve.com/10-painfully-obvious-truths-everyone-forgets-too-soon/ (This is a life changing link.)

I have been thinking upon family size recently. To those who know me, it's no secret that I want more children... that may or may not be in our future. But eight years ago I was all about permanent birth control, family spacing, smaller family sizes ect. For a brief moment I almost bought into the first world message that having more than two children was maxing out the world's resources and wholly irresponsible. Enter my third child and my whole world changed. The jump from two to three is unexplainable but it changes a mother.

Here is the deal...family size is all relative:)  Like every other choice in life, choosing family size is individual. Sometimes, choosing more children is irresponsible and selfish. It can be reckless to add more if the ones in care are being abused or misused. It can also be proactive, environmentally friendly and helpful to add more tax payers, more people to care for the future orphans, widows and loners...and if raised responsibly, more people to care for the environment. It isn't solely about the number. It is the ideals, heart, and honour behind closed doors. Choosing family size is personal. Deeply and wholly personal. We can not judge until we are there. For some, one is an honour and enough. For others it is two or four or eight. Some women can not have any of their own. For them birth in other ways, whether it is birthing adoptions, foster care or projects to inspire and support, are meaningful and true.

 I met a man who has spent years in the medical profession dealing with families. When I said that one day we hope to add more he replied,"I have seen couples who hate their children or make comments about their children maxing them out every day...it's not just a post partum thing...it's decades later that they are telling me this. I see people who NEVER should have had kids...but then I see a person like you, whose obvious love for your children outshines any negative you may feel at times. You have  had hard years but you see the children as deep wells of blessing. Someone like you balances the scales, and however many you have, you will be blessed and honoured."

Spacing has been important to me simply because my body had a tough time with pregnancy, also with sensory overload, I needed time to learn my triggers and deal with my own issues. My mind also suffered with post partum. I needed this time. There are more articles about one child families and two child families out there, not including the super religious folks whose mantra is the opposite. I do not fit into any category fully but I used to read the one child articles more to support my choices. The first world propaganda is obsessed with birth control and family control. The religious worlds are sometimes obsessed with multiple to the point of ruin. YET there are religious folks who SHOULD have that many because they are loving it and good at it. There is always the opposite too. And there are families of two that are wonderful at two. If we are choosing family size based on other people's opinions, we are not living with the ten obvious truths of life.

The medical man's statement comforted me. Family size is not about what we "deserve" as many women are barren and "deserve" not to be, and many women who can pop out the children should maybe think twice. Within that, we do not know really. Some women seem to not be capable but yet create beautiful moments for their children and vice versa. Many barren women create the most life, and many women who can pop out multiple children are also good mothers. It is all circumstantial.

 I have always liked the number five but who knows what our future will hold. I like any number when it pertains to my friends. I believe whatever we have is what we should be grateful for. Many articles I have pointed out in the past support smaller families.  I wanted to go the opposing way today and give articles supporting larger ones. Please keep in mind what I have prefaced with. It is all individual and we can not judge what another does:) Please also keep in mind that these are VERY PRO LARGE FAMILY- I am NOT advocating PRO anything. I am not fully on the "large family is everything side" nor "the small family is wiser, more intellectual and environmentally sound side"...I am in the middle and respectful of all expressions if they are respectful of mine. I can argue for any side well and honestly I have been on both sides of perspectives. Please keep that in mind. These opinions are not mine but may help in FORMING mine:)




http://articles.latimes.com/2011/may/08/opinion/la-oe-schlaerth-large-families-20110508

Those who are close to us know why we choose to homeschool and it's not for typical reasons that most large families do in some regards. We love our time as a family and seeing each other for the majority of the day. Like the first article I recommended of Ten Obvious Truths...our obvious truths point to OUR life. Other people will read that SAME article, honour it, and live a completely differing life. Life is short and we like to spend it together at home...But this is only ONE way to live. What did you get out of that article on how you want to live? What ways suit the ten obvious truths about life, for you?




*Some people may be insulted by this song. Obviously it shows the extreme opposing values of our system. A lot of people fall somewhere in the middle, but it's always good to point a little humour at both camps. Unlike some of the comments, it's not saying have no morals...it's asking the listener to actually adhere to their internal morals, not anyone else's. If one is looked on as a prude because they are strict- so be it. If one is looked as a slut because they are more liberal- so be it. BE who YOU need to be. Don't listen to the lame judgers who can't think for themselves. Think for yourself instead. Say what you think and love who YOU love. There will always be someone to hate you, your message and your life stance...ignore it. Life is too short. Choose out of love of course, but do not swing your arrow to point towards someone else's story or to judge what you believe SHOULD be right for them. Love who you love. You ARE who you love to some degree, so choose wisely but also be a house full of grace.