The latest email from Sarah Clarkson, a favorite author of mine, stated, "My soul has been tired and harried. I knew it and tried to give myself space and grace for renewal. But I also understood that I needed to create some structure or healing for myself too. I've been off of social media because of that since Christmas Day. For the first couple of weeks or so, I felt a little disjointed at the lack of dramatic benefits in my life from my fast from social media. But three, then four weeks in, I realized that my mind really was slowing. There was a different pace to my thoughts. I found myself capable of inwardness and recollection that has been really difficult to me for many months... I'm grateful for the space I've gained in being away from social media. It's a tangled world and there's a tension there as I miss the friendships and beauty and connection of that space. I'm trying to think well, pray well about what it looks like to engage in a creative, sustainable way. I'm curious how you think about these online worlds, this tension between connection and quiet. I'm examining that much in myself these days. But also savoring the hush of this break."
My answer to Sarah's question is specific to me, but I am a firm believer that it could be beneficial for probably 80 percent of the population. I also know of others who have a moderated version of social media engagement. They go on for their business for an hour each day, or if not in business, they only allow for a timed check in once a week. Even that feels a bit harried. My answer? Two years ago around this date, I cold turkey quit. My ability to concentrate, feel peace, savour the good life, give my time to friends via text, in my home, or enjoy books, have time for renos, schooling my kids, taking time with my husband etc. all have improved drastically. The beautiful changes in my life are directly in association to how long I have been off of social media.
I miss it sometimes truthfully. Mostly the inspirational part, but I have found myself looking in my direct vision, to the people I love, and also inward for wonder and inspiration. This method is a slow drip of inspiration in comparison to a deluge, but it suits. It took the first year off to learn to sit in boredom again. Two years off, and I realize I am coming home to parts of myself that were alive as a teenager in the nineties. I actually often forget there is an entire new way of Being. When I see the rare advertisement somewhere I will often wonder, "How did they get those personal pictures of those people's lives?" Then I am jarred with the realization of the otherworld online. Where I am not. Where my opinions no longer need to be stated or circulated. Where the quick hits no longer form who I am. I call it the 'otherworld' because it is another form of living- in imagination, thought and mind. It's not all bad, but it's a new frontier, and until it learns to be more civilized, boundaried, and less self-involved, I am not fully interested. Oh there is beauty too. Of course there is! Wherever there is humanity there WILL be beauty. But I think I can find that in other ways. I am compelled by love to choose LOVE in engagement instead of from a distance. There is a difference of people knowing of what I do and being KNOWN and vice versa.
I miss being involved sometimes. I do miss the convenience of finding book recommendations or quick hit health tips or home decor looks. I can still find those things but it's slower, and yes sometimes even a little desperate, but eventually the right book comes, or a person hooks me up with new health information, or my home ideas come from myself entirely or my personal surroundings. It took months, but I now am involved in life in an entirely old, but new way. Walks are uninterrupted, talks are slow, and my scheduling is flexible. I can make room for the people who need or ask it of me. I always loved that Christmas song, "Let every heart, prepare him room...and heaven and nature sing..." There is a reason this song is titled "Joy to the World." How can we have true depth of joy if we do not prepare room? How can we sing with nature if we are staring at a screen instead of engaging in our surroundings? If we do not make room for quiet thoughts, engage in boredom, and distance ourselves from opinions or news, our vessels become too full. There is only so much capacity of random information that a person can have before burn out happens. We were meant to MAKE, to CREATE, TO BE. We were meant for meals and laughter, heartache shared and tears, quiet contemplation watching a sunset, and finding meaning no matter the circumstances.
I realize this makes me sound irrelevant or old. Frankly I do not care. Although, I did care the first year. Occasionally, when a friend forgets about me because I am not witnessing their life conveniently on a screen, and I do not hear the baby announcement or see the pictures of the latest reno and hear about it from someone I thought was less of a friend that I thought I was, I FEEL it. But then I realize that is probably not the friendship I fully want to engage in. I suppose I have high expectations for those in my life, and for me in the lives of those around me. I want flawed human connection that involves both scheduled and drop in coffee, movies on blah evenings, a shared thought of how to better our lives, confidences whispered about hopes and dreams, and time to just BE. I live my best life when I am engaged in seasonal living. I live best taking a moment to stare at the wonder of the moon, watching the flakes of snow tuck in snuggly on to an evergreen tree or the sun bounce off of my window crystals. In relationships this transfers to taking the time to hear a friend's laugh or woes, even if I had to move some of my schedule around for game/movie/coffee night. Sometimes it means stating a different date because my husband or children need me more. Regardless the season of living ENGAGES.
Guess what? It's surprising how many beautiful souls are around us, waiting for us to take the time. I have adored getting to know those put in my path. I have been surprised by Joy. Surprised by humanity and Divinity intertwined. There is an ebb and flow of strangers, close confidantes and basic friendships that are spread out in engagement, but important in the spacing. For a few long-distance loves, casual texting, sharing pictures via email and personal videos takes longer, but I have built a trusting repertoire, like old fashioned letter writing in the new century that is enriching. It's slower than social media, but it is still using the technology in a moderate, respectful way. My friend Amy and I have never met, but it feels like she lives next door. We met on this blog, followed each other on social media, and when I went off, she texted or emailed, and sent me some of the pictures and thoughts personally. Even though it was more work. Even though it took time. She is one of my soul kindreds. My point is, there ARE friendships beyond media.
I read recently there is an epidemic of loneliness and depression, even though our world is the most "connected" ever. Distress comes to us all. Isolation can happen in a crowd. Pain is inevitable. But some of this can be redeemed. In fact, all things can be redeemed. Often though, the beautiful redemption of life, comes after a sort of confession, or a realization of 'missing the mark.' I realized I was missing my mark by scrolling through my screen, taking on other people's thoughts and feelings instead of engaging, mulling them over, and discerning what was mine and what it is not of my being. I value Spirit. The Spirit of Life. The spirit of people. The spirit of the earth. The spirit of BEING.
Until recently, I thought contributing to the world was giving much of myself away in thought or reasoning. It's a needed stage in life but I'm happy to be in a new one. Where the cocoon of the womb of secrets is a protected space of belonging. Where rest is flexible. Where relation is flawed but true and those who I take the time for, and who take the time for me, witness the importance of BEING, instead of only being narrated to. There is a two-part dialogue where hopefully, ideally, the other person comes first, and not my words first for them to like with a quick heart of acknowledgement or respond to each and every time.
I do not want to make any readers feel less than or wrong for their choices. Because we each must face our own behavior, identity and choices...and what works toward SPIRIT (Beauty, Joy and Grace) in one person's life, may not be right for the next person. However, this is my testament to my becoming offline. This is a secret I feel I can share. There is so much more of course. But this behavior change and how I live and what I live for, has changed so drastically. I still struggle. There is still pain and sometimes it's hard not being part of the Otherworld. Yet, the time...the slow gritty transformation, the holy fear, the respect for life... practicing PRESENCE of God and BEING...preparing ROOM, it has been a game changer for myself. Perhaps my story can also give another a reverence for their own choices and a strong respect to make a tough change? Sometimes the harder choices in life become life giving. Saying no to the social media time blocks enabled me to say yes to many in person BEINGS. I have learned to live less for myself and hopefully, ideally sometimes, I can GIVE a bit more...there is hope for so much more.
To the Beauty of BEING and Preparing ROOM
Song choice: There is JOY to be found so :
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=-OJSZLHTk-8
I find specific country music helps me value the small, beautiful things in life ( the songs about family, children, country, nature , God… the lyrics can be fun or ridiculous or just full of the wonder of life moments…here are two of my playlists…) I used to share an account with my daughter and make a lot of playlists on her account but then I got my own and just added to them - thus the two names on the playlists ;)
Country Mix 2021/22
https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7utmVp7TrdkPQPqQRI9CYt?si=qYIh_ey3SmitRq30GMQLtQ
90s country
https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5q6EcIDLDP47RWafgb7DGe?si=bvFmhXOCTc22wlvSObJEFQ
13 comments:
I can understand your decisions. We are all at different junctures of our life, doing what suits us the best. Some of us are lucky that we can do exactly what we want, whereas, others cannot, due to social pressures, family dynamics or occupational hazards. Also, we are limited by our neurology. And health, of course. The only way we can get out of this crisis is perhaps by being more spiritual and I am doing exactly that. Indian sages do not advocate getting away totally from the world ( like the solitary monks & hermits) but to strengthen the mind so that we can participate in the worldly affairs & yet remain calm/ centred in the midst of chaos. The philosophy I am referring to is "NON- DUALISM" as practised by sages like Ramana Maharshi, Nisargadatta maharaj & Jiddu Krishnamurti. And my current favourite spiritual teacher is Sister Shivani of Brahmakumaris ( you may search for her videos in YouTube).
We all want to have a peaceful mind & home. We all want happiness. Nothing can be more important than that. We are trying to remove all the obstacles that may take us away from our inner peace & happiness. Removing ourselves from (or participating less in) social media can be one such measure. As you said , removing yourself from the media helped you in participating directly in the world.
If we are not true to ourselves then it becomes difficult to feel alive or even, help others. So, time away from social media will definitely strengthen the soul and help us to be a better person. Particularly the toxic aspects of the media is more harmful. There is something good too, overall- for example, spiritual content or motivational stuffs/nature/ feel good/ informative content. Then too, we must be mindful of the time spent there & the quality of the content.
As an autistic person, our sense of Overwhelm & High Sensitivity during a personal or global crisis gets heightened & perhaps surpasses that of the average/Neurotypicals. That is why, the Pandemic forced each one of us to self introspect. In many ways, I myself have transformed a lot after the Pandemic. Understood my priorities & my real self better. So, I can relate to all that you are sharing. All the best & take care ,
With Love,
Sanghamitra
Sangha;
I always look forward to your comprehensive and wise comments. I agree. I do also think about 20 percent of people DO need social media and I exclude people whose business for their way of living needs these things. For instance I think social media is very healthy for my father in law who is alone and older in our cold climate, it's part of enriching his social experience. But for many whom I hear complain, "My life is too busy- I can not manage it." "I am so stressed- the world is a horrible place." or "All those "Liberals"/ "conservatives"/ or certain people groups ( insert inflammatory language summing up an entire population here) are ruining our world." These are statements from being on social media too much and influenced by the news ect...Well, in that case, I DO believe the tougher decision and finding another way would be beneficial.
Sometimes the hardest things to quit are the most beneficial for us and I do not feel we validate this for many people or even advocate for strong boundaries on social media like we do in real life. I do also agree that people with certain health restrictions can not see people in real life time as much (in an institute etc and for that it is life saving) but for most of us, even in differing health conditions and neurology (me being autistic and having autoimmune disease I understand this too and I am so glad you brought it up:) there are creative ways to engage outside social media while still using technology in balance too I think. But yes, there are exceptions always.:) The BOTH/ AND of life.
I love your suggestions. I recall you sending me a similar book years ago that I greatly benefited from. I think there is a place for Hermits and monks, but for most of us, we do need to engage in community and the world. I am finding that now more than ever and it's so beautiful. I am so glad you are benefiting from this wisdom. Your beautiful soul has a lovely way of engaging with the world.
Oh how I love that paragraph you wrote about knowing ourselves. Isn't that the key to whatever is true, noble, lovely and pure? ( Rhetorical of course:) You stated it so aptly. Thank you!
You are so right! The global conversations, rules, regulations, disease, sickness, approach...everything in these last few years has changed us all! I also agree that the sensitive people and Neurodiverse probably felt it even more. Those ripples are still after shocking and affecting me too. I learned so many lessons about myself and others. In some ways I am strangely grateful for it but I think that is the beauty of redemption. It does not mean something is not terrible or a form of suffering but that perhaps something of it can be redeemed with a beautiful lesson or some sort of goodness. I am glad you found that too.
I love seeing photos when you send them via email and your suggestions for reading/ songs- your way of relating is so beautiful too. You are a kindred soul that I am honoured to interact with and call friend. xoxo
If we were all identical, the world would be incredibly boring instead of incredible.
I had dropped all of my social media. Done with the drama, the constant updates, all that annoying stuff. Strictly a few online penpals, whether by email, Discord, text, or RSS feeds for blog posts. Then I met a group of martial artists who became very dear to me and I begrudgingly got back on for the sake of them since most of our communications for upcoming classes and events is through social media. I'm may be back on now, but I'm strict with my feed so it doesn't flood me with useless garbage or fry my nerves with constant harassment, and I think I've found a way to balance it in my life so it is simply another avenue of communication on the same shelf as phone calls, texting, and emails, something to enhance my relationships rather than replace them. A tool, instead of the putrid prison it usually is. And I'm in no way advocating for everybody to use social media. Lord knows I'd ditch the phone if I could because I can't stand how jarring it is for it to suddenly ring!! I wouldn't ask somebody to use a method of communication they dislike or isn't good for them when I'm struggling with it myself.
Amazing! We do need to find a balance - sometimes we need to unplug.
Ashe:
So true;) individuality within community is so important! It’s cultivated best with a combination of solitude and communion.
I recall you going off social media and how beneficial it was- and I’m so happy that you found a balance going back on that is boundaried and works like a tool and not relationship substitute- you truly hit the point home with that observation. I am so happy that you have found your martial arts world of belonging - it suits your strong and straightforward spirit so much !
I believe in seasonal living - that what works for us in one season may be against our soul growth in the next. Many things in life can be good or bad in life depending how we use them - including tools and how we view them. I don’t regret most of my time on social media - it was valuable in how I used it the first couple years- but then I started paying attention to what I was absorbing, what I engaged with or witnessed in comments and the stress I carried and none of that made up for the good I got. But I’m not ruling it out for the future in business if needed or something. However I am concerned for children and teens especially who also see adults examples . In the social dilemma it was stated:
Since 2011 U.S. Hospital admissions for Non Fatal self harm for girls 10-14 has gone up 189 percent! 189! For girls ages 15-19 it has gone up 62 percent since 2009. It's up TRIPLE.
Since 2010 the US suicide rates for teenage girls has gone up 151 percent in the 10-14 age range in comparison to the national average from 2001-2010. That IS the influence of social media. “
That is just for the USA. FOr teen girls ages 15-19 it has gone up 70 percent. Do we want our preteens and teens subjected to this?? I feel it’s so layered and it IS directly correlated with suicide rates, loneliness and violence. Recently a police officer friend was telling me how difficult it is to help the inner schools and the bullying that is unjust caused by social media. One of their families had to go into protective custody due to a video that misled the public into believing a boy was a bully when he was defending himself - the video did not show he was missing an arm but how it was shot made it look like he had a boy in a headlock with said missing arm wailing on a kid. It went viral and they were getting death threats from countries on the other side of the world. Context was lost. It’s constantly misleading … it’s a wild frontier that is not yet civilized. In some ways the internet is freeing but when misused it is not. But social media goes beyond that - it’s owned and censored by certain companies, regulated and content can be manipulated. There is so much more beyond that - my children are not on it. Often I get asked how they are so well adjusted, communicative and attentive… and each of my kids has respectively add, autism and anxiety! So I do think for ages under 24 it should be a no go. The internet for research and quality expression - sure. But social media sites? A healthy adult can barely manage it… but that’s another tangent and I digress! I am glad you are a good example for others though on what works and what doesn’t and have found your groove for your season! Xo
Thanks anonymous. Agreed. Our brains were not made to process all that information at such a rate. We were made to take time too… unplugging is absolutely necessary even in the non other world life - so in the other world it’s imperative ;)
what a thought provoking blog.. I loved it. I am discovering that when I don’t immerse myself in the latest developments of Covid, WEF, war in Ukraine, Iran, the latest outrage from Ottawa etc, my mind is more at peace and able,like you say, to really focus on the people around me..
Keep sharing the good news..
Many blessings to you all
Wow wow wow wow! This message needs to be heard! I still dabble in social media here and there. I haven’t deleted my profiles yet but delete the apps often from my phone. You inspire me and I find I long for the clear mind that not participating in social media can bring. I love you, K! Our friendship is a treasure - thank you for being you and for being my kindred ❤️- Amy
Kmarie:
I totally agree. On all your points.
As a younger teen, my first forays were on forums and chatlines. I remember a lot of cyber bullying, and also how back then you were a ninny if you called it bullying. "Bullying only happens offline!" they said. I'm glad today it is acknowledged cyber bullying is real, and I have no doubt it's having a negative impact on a lot of kids, and adults no doubt. Modern technology is like a bad combination of small town gossip on a large playing field. Like your example of the defensive kid getting death threats from around the world, the internet greatly multiplies how far a backlash can grow from a misunderstanding.
Back before my break I had subscribed to things I felt I "HAD" to subscribe to. Pages and people that honestly got on my nerves. Since coming back, I only follow the tiny group of people I like, and then pages that are largely upbeat, thought provoking in a good way, or funny. Or delicious. I like my kitchen witches. I was in my thirties before I figured out how to regulate my feed in a healthy way. It is very far from perfect with the annoying algorithms that try to prioritize posts out of order. I have yet to figure out how to regulate my access to the news and I'm still cold-turkey on that outside of stray bits of conversation I overhear while walking through the store. Like some other commenters have said and like you posted in a prior blog post, it's not good for our mental health to carry the weight of the world's problems on our shoulders and in our minds.
The censoring and manipulation is a whole other ballgame, and unfortunately just a digital continuation of the censoring and manipulation that's been part of information systems since hunter-gatherers were chatting by their campfires. These days it's just marginally easier to call people out on trying to control information.
MR:
Yes, unless we are in a position to do something about it or have a direct family member or close friend in those places - I firmly believe our time is better spent making a difference where we ARE and of everyone did that - and those who are local aid workers were supported for the community selected globally - instead of everyone trying to be - our world would be less stressed/ self absorbed in the name of “knowing” and “helping” when most of the time it’s just “advocacy” words with little action anyway and a whole lot of chaos.
When we can attentively focus on those put in our path it may seem slower or less rewarding in a sense to not see big results in a jarring way but I think that slow growth changes the world and changes ourselves for the world for the better. Is it hard? Self sacrificial ? Humbling and frustrating and even sometimes boring or unmeasurable??? Yet, yet … at times you can feel that ineffable undefinable mystery in the background trusting that God is bigger than we are and to bloom where we are.
You do that well and our family has been hugely impacted by you - thank you for the good work you set out to do!
Amy:
Thank you for being my kindred! I love our voice chats and am so glad this inspired you in some way… There IS a clarity but I honestly think it happens after the 1.5 year mark - like any change or transition- the first few things can be dramatic but that drops off to adjustment and learning to fill time differently and finding a new relationship with people - that building all takes time .
You are a treasure too . Xo
Ashe :
So true about manipulation and control being with us from the beginning !
Lol I love that you added delicious in your list!:) ha that’s great! I love witchy kitchens too! Currently my kitchen is full of naturopathic tonics that are healing me ( and I’m always surprised when they work for some reason ;) and to an onlooker it looks like a lot of useless vials but to me - it’s a beautiful testament to the healing power of nature. After all witch originally simply meant wise woman - and many biblical translations were made during a period of time when that was regulated in a very very negative way - not worshipping things or delving in dark arts I understand ( and for that I define as dark what is sacrificing of others in any way / manipulation/ evil intent to exploit another/ selfish motives - basically common sense) but not allowing the term witch to be engaged with or not allowing God given healing tonics from nature or natural birthing methods or witchy wise kitchens or the respect of nature or … lol I digress on this tangent ! Ha ha but I getchya - I love when a kitchen is creative and healing and full of inspiration! We are doing a reno on ours currently and the ultimate goal is community healing / solitary healing / and a place of goodness and Grace. Love it!
I love what you’re doing with your feed - you are right there are different seasons for things. Even for myself this blog is not what it was for me. I get anxiety now after each post and it’s not as enjoyable or as much of a creative outlet however, I still value it and the people like you I share it with when I’m on it. I’m finding my current season is very active with my kids, my husband, my faith, my home, my cute black cat, and my yard - very tactile for the majority of things. There is so much beauty in the world too even when I’m in chronic pain flares and I can barely stand up. Luckily in my current season those days are few and far in between… Or when I’m dealing with a death or something very hard… I still find the moments when I can look up to the sunshine or see something in nature beautiful. Sometimes it almost makes it worse and I wish it wasn’t so in a way. When I’m suffering it almost makes it suffering a tiny bit worse for a moment but then when I concentrated on it truly I realize there is goodness to be had. And I’m really trying to cultivate my place in this world I’m still alive enough to be in it! Ha ;)
As always I appreciate and value your thoughts. You have many bright and beautiful things to say and that’s to ponder! I love how you live your life fearlessly
Yes, that is wisdom.. Jeremiah 45:5 says: Do you seek great things for yourself? stop seeking.. This was spoken by Jeremiah during a time of great turmoil in the land.. But Jeremiah was obedient where he was planted. and his reward: "I will give you your life as a prize.." Often times we are inclined to get embroiled in changing the world but fail to make a difference where we live locally.. Let it not be so for us. Our greatest impact is the the people we rub shoulders with every day..
Best wishes as you press on being faithful where you planted..
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