Spot therapy for Trauma/Autism / Faith and Christmas: Spirit Life Shaped by Small Soliloquies of Solitude: Christmas 2024

The monologue whispered in starts and stops to my captive audience of one. I was mostly unaware that I was being witnessed because I had to stare at a metal dot above the presence hovering beneath. It was a new method called Spot Therapy I was encouraged to try. The audience was captive because I was paying him to be, yet he was also familiar. As a child he was a neighbour much younger then I, that I occasionally looked out for. Now in an odd twist of fate he was looking out for me. 

My first thought was, “Life is strange and the moments of coinciding serendipity can be so odd.” It took a few minutes to get over the weirdness of it all, but I felt my other two therapists were right. Talk therapy for 19 years could only do so much. It was time to access the back part of the brain, backed up by the science and research on a MRI, to deal with subconscious triggered trauma that occurred mostly in my twenties but a few childhood experiences as well. 

Oddly, this progressive scientific process was being done in a church. Yet, I was paying good money for it. When previously my other therapy was in a clinical setting for free. It all felt rather upside down. A wonderland induced to find my muchness. It suited my path. 

For once, I didn’t have as many words at the ready, but the small bursts of soliloquy to myself were both perplexing and profound. I felt silly at first, but over the time spent almost alone, yet witnessed, I was shocked to find a few tears slipping down my face. I didn’t feel overall emotional, and I’m not prone to cry in front of others unless enraged or confused. My dramatic discourse no longer felt dramatic in the negative sense of the word. It felt real… yet strangely othered … like a bubble was wrapped around trying to puncture my subconscious. My brain almost felt tired and itchy. The tears were coming from a place in the back of my brain that I was not fully aware of. 

The compassionate witness gently spoke, startling me from my reverie, “Tears are common. In fact it’s rare not to experience them when the process is working. They are almost a visceral response from the brain body connection. Can you tell me what you’re feeling in your body?” 

I was used to telling everything I’m thinking or feeling. 19 years of regular therapy will do that to a person. But speaking accurately about what my body is doing at an exact moment? As an autistic person I am both insanely in tune with my body and completely out of touch with it. It’s a frustrating paradox. Panic attacks from smells seem ridiculous in hindsight. Under reacting to a broken foot is disjointed. I usually process AFTER the incidents happening to my body or I bury the memories and kill off any lingering feelings with determined diligence. To be asked what I was feeling in my body, in practical terms, felt like a complex math test. At times, during the process, I thought, “Great, something else I am incapable of doing. I can’t even engage in spot therapy properly because I’m thinking too much. This isn’t working.” Yet when I spoke those words out loud while staring at a metal dot, immediately a breakthrough happened. On the heels of doubt and honesty, a shift of consciousness happened. I couldn’t explain it… I still can’t. The process was not fully finished in one session but something both scientific and mysterious happened. 

Faith feels like that. Mystical and practical. Mixed. 

“We aren’t really taught to value little things in our world or to be faithful in them. From the close of our childhood, we are taught to reach for the stars, to trust and value those who accomplish big things. As if the bigness of an accomplishment, an audience, a sales figure, a degree, an idea proves their worth. Trust what is big, follow what is mighty and successful, give everything to become this too. I must confess I hesitated to open this chapter with the story about motherhood because so often the insight culled from the care of children is seen, even by those who think they value it, as too small for universal application or spiritual insight. But Jesus claimed, and lived, the opposite , I mean, obviously, he said the kingdom of heaven was made up of those who had hearts like children. But he also and almost continually refused the importance, the bigness and visibility, that we seem to think is so vital for influence or significance in the modern world .” (Pg. 134)

The above quote is  by Sarah Clarkson from her new book “Reclaiming Quiet,” which I have happily devoured twice. This has often been my trajectory in life- a battle between being seen and then submitting to the small. Pursuing those like me, the misfits and misunderstood and often tough to love. The ones drawn into my story because they want a witness too, for a brief moment. The ones, the world, including the Christian world often, look at in a Nietzschean mindset. Purposefooled people.  I don’t have any accolades nor can my story be shared in a way that shows any lasting impact. Yet, I can state, after years of wrestling and lasting moments of deep, fulfilling (sometimes lonely at first) quiet that I am immersed in the presence of that I AM. I’m in good company and perhaps it’s not meant to fit in or feel comfortable most days? Perhaps each encounter is a season? The hurt done is normal, yet dramatic each time. The glory given is a holy hush. It’s a Both/And situation. One does not negate the other. 

“I’ve been reading the gospel of John each morning before sitting down to write this book, and I’ve been amused and a little disturbed in myself for how often Jesus confounded his disciples, and all the people who loved him by his refusal to walk the paths of influence or visibility that everyone thought he should. They kept on thinking he would in someway, storm the gates of power. They kept waiting for him to declare his authority and more in such a way that he could rally an army to his aid. And he… Healed grungy, desperate people, and told him to keep it a secret. He spoke in parables that children might love but the adults misunderstood, ducked out of sight, and went up on lonely mountains by himself. He cuddled children and went to houses of ill repute and pursued powerless people.” (Pg. 135 Reclaiming Quiet, Sarah Clarkson) 

The author points out, that after the feeding of the five thousand, a power filled moment, when many probably thought it was regime changing stuff… Jesus basically hid. “And thus, they couldn’t king him or force him upon him a power he did not seek or approve. This follows a series of little dramas to leave those who follow Jesus confounded in their notions of influence and power and belief.” (Pg. 135 Reclaiming Quiet, Sarah Clarkson) 

Often I’m immersed in a soft soliloquy, unaware of my audience. Yet, this audience is in me, around me, immersed and saturated in my Being- if I only choose to see this fact. The Spirit of Three, is still there, even if I don’t choose to see. My life is much muchier with sight. The wonderland suddenly feels "right" or at least righteous upside down. The sense that was nonsensical is now made noble, pure and true.  “In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning. Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.” John 1:1-5

Established in one sentence is an interconnected relationship. The life of ALL mankind. Are three in one in every single bit of ALL of creation? In all things Good? Surrounding us with no end and beginning? And if so, is this life coming gently through the whole universe? Even in unbelievably atrocious people is there a thread of potential light? (My answer would be a resounding YES!) 

 Is everything God? NO. But is there a consistent union yet…distinction? I believe so … and in the moments of solitude I can taste and see…

The other side to this freedom, also means that I, as a unique person, can choose to turn the flow of God and all that is Good … to evil. The love of a Triune God brought life, each one of us encompassed within, but with a choice. Life without love, can choose to dwell in a moment of dark. Yet, due to being loved so much, I am encompassed by this Light Force that is willing to endure all things, For and WITH me, so I can become more of a fully fledged person- dwelling in light even while suffering… This applies to the Christmas seasons that are pictures from Courier and Ives or chapters of Faust.  Obviously, my wish would be for each reader, that the Courier and Ives picture print is more of an accurate depiction. 

The goodness I choose to see, is often shaped by small moments of solitude interconnected with intentional community. My Beauty is made GOOD by a Refiner’s fire of quiet and relationship. A Peace that transcends all understanding where the North Star beckons. I often get chills on my arms picturing the angels in the field by night beckoning a messy birth.* The supernatural mixing with shepherds covered in the smell of earth and sheep dung. Sanctified. A vulnerable baby celebrated while also being hunted. Tender mixed with the tough. The mess does not negate the beauty.

"For unto us a child is born." May you feel that blessed encompassing good this Christmas and know you are not alone, even if it feels like the end of all things. 

Song Choice (See Below) Silent Night - Journey to Bethlehem - Lecrae and Fiona Paloma - movie scene Journey To Bethlehem - The Nativity Song (Lecrae, Fiona Palomo) (Movie Scene) ft. Lecrae

* Some Religious peoples or Christian’s may not like the above clip or movie, due to some inaccuracy and cute cheesy moments, but  I feel the heart of it is accurate- I love the musical “ Journey to Bethlehem.” Not only is there a gorgeous song of Mary singing “Mother to A Saviour and King,” but there is a moment where Lecrae appears with the angels in the field and sings “ Fall on your knees, oh hear the angels voices.” And every single time I get teary and goosebumps. Because that moment would have been even more miraculous in real life! How amazing!!! In a sense, that moment is even sometimes offered to me in the ordinary. How astounding and humbling is that?!?!?!

Advent: Meaning in the Pause

 To the Souls that are intertwined on this journey:

As the snow swirls in and out, so do the people in our lives… we make room, we let go, we share, we become… in sharing our stories other stories are enlivened. 

In the advent story - there is waiting, there is pause, there is a holy hush, there is time taken to gather, to celebrate with the song of angels… 

In this age we are expected to be in "the know” for politics and world events but our minds and bodies were not made for that. Media is not God. We were made for community and solitary contemplation. We were made to create and make order. It’s those simple moments … when cinnamon orange is in the air or spiced pine and we REMEMBER. It’s the pot of chili shared with slow conversation about the delights and hardships of our lives with a few trusted souls. It’s the laugh in the board game, the song vulnerably shared, the quiet sip of coffee. 

In nature, if we pay attention and take our holy night of dark cold or humid tropical, God inspires. Creation was the first act. The first gift. Creation sings the root of why we exist. Our existence is not for our political opinions, our stances or even well intended interests nor our social media squares. What gives your soul the softened slow exhale of belonging? When do you KNOW that even in terror, there is calm, there is goodness, there is right? When do you feel the settled magic of Grace? … Follow that moment, prepare ROOM for that feeling, make intentional space for it. 

It has been said that “Life is what happens when you are busy making other plans…” I find that God is like that too… and often I am met with Jesus “on the way" to other events or plans I thought were more important. Yet, I’m learning that flexibility, saying “yes” more often than “no” has given me invaluable moments when God's Grace has shown up. I can get impatient. I can think I’m too busy to take the time for the conversation someone needs to have...but then I miss out. Again and again I’m surprised by how many miracles are in the waiting. Just like advent. I now try to keep our family schedules flexibly open enough - to prepare Him room. Because if Jesus ministered on his way to places, and took time out of his much needed rest, to heal, give food and share stories with others… why am I not? Much of his ministry was “on the way…” travelling, being interrupted, sitting at a well waiting for a drink… stopping at Martha’s home … And as a babe his long awaited birth was an exercise in waiting. 

The beauty of this season is that it’s not just about giving. It’s about receiving too. It’s as simple as receiving love. Receiving the stranger. Receiving the long lost friend. Receiving the lonely. Receiving the invitation. Receiving Living water. Accepting the gift when we may not have one to give. It’s simple. It’s that moment when the sun crests into the window and warmth seeps into the soul. May you have that this advent and holiday season. 

May you see your gifts and receive with a spirit of thanksgiving! "Who says there can't be magic when the world is in doubt? Who says there can't be joy when the lights go out?" -(Magic lyrics)

Song Choice: Magic- Lindsey Stirling featuring David Archuletta

You're Still the One- Twenty Years Of Marriage Together

"I remember trying not to stare the night that I first met you, you had me mesmerized... I thought I loved you then but now you're my whole life, now you're my whole world...like a river meets the sea, stronger than it's ever been. We've come so far since that day and I thought I loved you then!" Brad Paisley

He was a 'Chip N Dale' for Miss Teen Night. 17. On stage with cuffs, ripped off at the shoulders unbuttoned dress shirt and a bow tie with a charming smile and Steve Harrington hair. I turned to my friend, "Who is THAT?!" I had never felt such a zip of attraction before. She stated, "Oh don't even try. He's way out of your league." That night I mentioned his weird last name to my dad (and pronounced it wrong!) briefly and then forgot about him until my father realized he worked with his brother. They crafted an acceptance to his application to college a few months later. Behind my back, they wrote, "You are accepted to this college on the condition you date the Director of Enrolment's daughter on a six month probationary period." I was appalled. He thought it was a message from God. He stated that as soon as he scoped me out at my job cashiering, and I turned around to smile at him, he was hooked... 

"Looks like we made it, look how far we've come now baby?...They said, "I bet, they'll never make it." But just look at us holding on. We're still together, still going strong. You're still the one I run to, the one that I belong to, You're still the one I want for life. You're still the one that I love. The only one I dream of. You're still the one I kiss good night. Aint nothing better. We beat the odds together. I'm glad we didn't listen. Look at what we would be missing!" Shania Twain

We were engaged 7 months later. We were constantly told we would not make it. So we hired 7 different marital counsellors from 7 different churches. 7 months later we were married. 7 seemed to be our number. Teenagers can be strong willed. I expected our path to be tough because I'm an old soul whom overthinks, but I also knew, deep down, that our love was unique and I would love him till the day I died. With each milestone passed, I would hum Shania's song, thankful that thus far, we beat the odds together.

"Remember when I was young and so were you? Time stood still. The love was all we knew...Remember when we gave our hearts, made a start and it was hard. We lived and learned, life threw curves, there was joy and there was hurt. Remember when? Remember when old ones died and new were born and life was changed, life was dissembled and re arranged. We came together and fell apart and broke each other's hearts. Remember when? The sound of little feet was music, we danced to week to week...Remember when? Thirty seemed so old, now looking back, it's just a stepping stone to where we are and where we've been, said we would do it all again. Remember when?" Alan Jackson

Having a newborn and pregnant again before twenty was blissful and tough. I would do it all again. We nestled into each other and built our foundations. There was joy. There was hurt. As the years turned, the ordinary and extraordinary blended into sunsets. Our family was born. Meanwhile loved ones died and we definitely were disassembled and re arranged. Grief does not make all people kind. Only healed grief can be a balm...a wounded healer. We had to learn that lesson after both of our hearts were broken by life and each other ...for a time...but we always chose to come together through our blunted feelings or harsh words. Those stepping stones brought us to where we are today. I would do it all again.

"These times are trouble and these times are good and they are always gonna be. They rise and they fall. We take them all the way that we should, together you and me...When I said I do, I meant that I WILL, till the end of all time, be faithful and true, devoted to you. That's what I had in mind when I say I do." Clint Black

I take vows seriously. I try not to speak something I do not mean. Honestly? I struggled with my wedding day and parts of my honeymoon. I preferred our smaller, ordinary dating moments or random spontaneous sunset watching, country driving evenings. But the part of my wedding day that sticks, in the right way, was when I said I do. Because I meant that I would be devoted in good times in bad... It was true from the start. I was sick and standing in front of over 300 people...not my forte. But I was doing it because I loved him. My Uncle Chris, who was a recorded country singer and sounded like Alan Jackson, sang Tracy Byrd's 'Keeper of the Stars' and my heart wished a thousand 'thank you's' heavenward that I had someone who I wanted to protect and cherish and whom understood and adored me.

"It was no accident, me finding you. Someone had a hand in it. Long before we every knew. Now I just can't believe you're in my life. Heaven's smiling down on me. As I look at you tonight. I tip my hat, to the Keeper of the Stars. He sure knew what he was doing when he joined these two hearts. I hold everything when I hold in my arms. I have all I ever need- thanks to the Keeper of the Stars." Tracy Byrd

I would like to think we have become better together. I would hope that I am more than I was. But I KNOW that he is still my ONE. He has the capacity to render my heart into bits of frustration in one moment (and believe we are going to divorce that day!) and in a few hours I am shocked at how easy it is to forgive and move on. His love dances in the dark.

"Dancing in the dark, in the middle of the night, taking your heart and holding it tight..Oh it's a beautiful thing, don't think I can keep it all in. I just gotta let you know what it is that won't let me go. It's your love- it just does something to me - it sends a shock right through me and I can't get enough. If you wonder about the spell I'm under - it's your love. Better than I was, more than I am. And all of this happened by taking your hand, and who I am now, is who I wanted to be, and now that we're together, I'm stronger than ever, I'm happy and free...and if you asked me why I've changed- all I gotta do is say your sweet name." Tim Mcgraw and Faith Hill

Our song doesn't get old to me. I hear it when the crickets chirp at dusk and the smell of summer BBQ's sing sticky sweet. I hear it on cold blustery days when smells of chocolate chip cookies permeate the air. I hear it on the radio when a new song sings how I FEEL or an old one reminds me of what I felt before. I hear my love in his chuckle which is, besides my children's voices, the most beautiful sound in the world to my soul. Our song is in the mundane, magical ordinary. We do best when we just ARE. 

"Ordinary? No. I really don't think so. Not a love this true. Common destiny. We were meant to be. Me and You. Like a perfect scene from a movie screen we're a dream come true. Suited perfectly. For eternity. Me and YOU. Everyday I need you even more. And the nighttime too. There's no way I could ever let you go. Even if I wanted to. Every day I live, try my best to give, all I have to you. Thank the stars above that we share this love- me and you. " Kenny Chesney

We are notoriously terrible at Anniversaries. I am usually sick or have my period every SINGLE year. Andenomyosis, Endometriosis, PCOS and Anemia all make this an exercise in pain. (Birth control doesn't work for me and I can not do the recommended hysterectomy.) So my husband usually spends the day trying to make me feel comfortable. We are usually broke. It IS true that a downside of marrying and having kids as teenagers is that it IS hard to build a financial foundation or catch up. So we don't usually even buy gifts and sometimes we don't even have the funds to travel to the next city over for a coffee.  We have had three anniversaries out of twenty when we bought larger gifts...and we have never gone away together.  I would not recommend it to MOST people because not knowing if the groceries or mortgage will go through sometimes is tough, tough, tough...but at the same time, those who have a very strong love and are extremely dedicated to each other, can make it through if they have just enough to scrape by. Any less than what we had, I am not as sure, because many aspects can break a marriage. I do not underestimate that. Some years we have just enough, a couple years we had more than enough, but usually we just scrape by...and it teaches us different things about life. We do other things well. But as far as travelling the world and diamonds and non thrifting shopping??? We are rich in our love. I would rather write him a love letter and listen to our favourite songs as we drive around our favourite country roads than have epic adventures. While a posh hotel would be welcomed, in the end - it's about us. It's about just BEING with him.

"Last night I had a crazy dream, a wish was granted just for me, and it could be for anything. I didn't ask for money or a mansion in Malibu, I simply wished for one more day with you. One more day. One more time. One more sunset baby, I'd be satisfied, but then again, I know what it would do, leave me wishing still for one more day with you. First thing I'd do is pray for time to crawl. I'd unplug the telephones. Keep the TV off. I'd hold you every second. Say a million I love you's - that's what I'd do with one more day with you." Diamond Rio

The first time I heard the Diamond Rio song "One more Day" we were dating and I bawled. I was already worried I would lose him. My poor guy suffered through years and decades of tears about losing him. I always said that I hope we die together. I have had this fear of losing him since I have met him. I am often shocked we made it to twenty years. Each time I am annoyed at him and I hear that song...I let it go...I remember what matters. One more day. One more moment to choose forgiveness. One more moment to love. He is a life that has been given to me to cherish, honour, protect and love. He's my whole world, given to me from the Keeper of the Stars, and gifting me with a new world in my home, with the three babies we made together and loads of memories swirled into our paired existence. I don't see how I could love him more...but I have said that before...

"I've seen the storm clouds in your past, but rest assured cause you are safe at home at last. I rescued you, you rescued me. And we're right where we should be, when we are together. I know the questions in your mind, but go ahead and ask me one more time. You'll find the answer's still the same, it wont change from day to day for worse or better. Will I promise to be your best friend? And am I here until the end? Can I be sure I have been waiting for you? And did I say my love is true? Baby I will, I am, I can, I have, I do. I know that time will disappear, but this love we're building on will always be here, No way that this is sinking sand on this solid rock we'll stand forever. Baby I will, I am, I can, I have. oh I will, I can, I have...I DO." Paul Brandt

I was born with a flair for the dramatic. In my mind, my story has always been an epic tale. I feel love and ordinary moments deeply which means that I also feel collective suffering and pain easy too. I used to hate this about myself. I didn't understand it either. I heard an analogy recently by Joy Clarkson which resonated; "The same capacity that enables me to rejoice so fully makes me vulnerable to the great consuming pain and loss of our world. Some days holding these two worlds inside makes me feel like I have a superpower. I am like a carbon monoxide alarm for the world. yes, the smallest of things can set me off- joyful and sorrowful- but isn' that the point of such a device? What good would an insensitive CO2 alarm be?" 

Philip taught me that my sensitivities and differences were a gift from God. He cherished what I struggled with. He laughs when I go off on a dramatic tirade. If I was him I would not have the patience. I live moments of tragedy over and over again and it rips me apart. He stitches me back together with the reminders of the little things I love. I could not ask for more than our time together when my favourite lyrics seep into my soul, the sunshine warms my face, and he is holding me with his familiar muscled arms. I feel safe. I feel like I am actually OK. These are the moments I thank God that I am alive. These are the moments I cherish existence. When I realize I have FOUND all I have waited for.

"... I've seen the sunset dance...I got real high on Rock N Roll and seen a lot of dreams come true but ain't no moment like when I am holding on to you. Baby all through the years, I've been moved to tears by the wonders of this old world, but one of God's mysteries that never fails to get to me is the moment that I am holding on to you." Miranda Lambert

Twenty years. It feels like maybe 7 tops! How did we get here? Where did it go? Part of me knows it went to days of fighting and loving, laughing and crying, holding and dancing, singing and yelling, breaking and redeeming. He often will tell me that he finds me more beautiful than when we first met at 17. I actually believe him. The queen of physical insecurity calms down when I hear him say that. I have always known he is the better looking half in our marriage. I don't mind. Those smile crinkles man! And those bulging biceps and that charming chuckle. I can't compare. So I don't. But he thinks I surpass him and I am fine with fairy tales.

"Has it been (20) years since we said I do? I've always heard marriage made one seem like two, but you're looking better than you did back then. You still make this ol' heart give in. And if I had it to do all over. I'd do all over again. If tomorrow I found more change to begin. I'd love you all over again. " Alan Jackson

I love him more than yesterday and I hope we still have forever to go.

"It's in the way you move me, the way you look right through me, still brings me down to my knees every time you smile. And after all this time love, It's still hard to get enough. The very first time I thought you were the one, who'd make all of my dreams come true. I STILL DO. I'm still amazed every time that we kiss. I still do. I'm never gonna stop feeling like this. Like the first time that I feel for you. They all thought we were crazy- sometimes I think they may be right- thinking we live life minus a day." Paul Brandt

On our good days? It's hard to get enough. I want time to pause. My heart still gets my seventeen year old zaps. He gives me some nightmares, but mostly he helps me build dreams. We tend to live life minus a day. We fly by our intuitions and are often unconventional. We are truth tellers which many do not understand nor necessarily like... but we get that about each other. It's one reason I believe we have lasted. We have told the truth of our struggles to love each other but also kept respect utmost. We have truthfully lived our feelings. We have been honest in our communication even when it hurts but we also remind each other to live the GOOD, the BEAUTIFUL and TRUE. For every hard moment or word, we strive to make 5 more good, beautiful ordinary or lived kindness.

"...We were meant to be together and that's why we can roll with the punches, we can stroll hand in hand, and when I say it's forever you understand that you're always in my heart, always on my mind and when it all becomes too much, you're never far behind, and there is no one that comes close to you that can ever take your place, cuz only you can love me this way." Keith Urban

He is often the face of God to me when I can not see my way through. It's almost like God said, "Here. She sees so much and feels so much but the one thing she struggles to see is her worth. She knows I love her, but she does not ever feel she is worthy...and that is why I brought you to her so early in life. You will have more years together than you will have apart. I have blessed the broken road that has led her straight to you. She will learn my Grace mostly through you. She will learn love. She will become beauty because you will be her mirror. She will find that your cherished love is only a faction of mine and she will finally have moments of understanding." And my heart weeps with gratitude to Ineffable Grace. The Divine embodied in a gift.

"I like the feel of your name on my lips. I like the sound of your sweet gentle kiss. The way that your fingers run through my hair, and how you're scent lingers even when you're not there. I like the way your eyes dance when you laugh..and how you convinced me to dance in the rain, with everyone watching like we were insane but I love the way you love me. Strong and wild, slow and easy, heart and soul, so completely, I love, the way you love me." John Michael Montgomery

On this anniversary of our twentieth spiral, I lift my heart up with gratitude. I am so grateful to be alive with him NOW. I expect more hardships, brokenness and struggles. But if I have been taught one thing it is that beauty and pain are intertwined here on earth. You can not have one without the other. If one can not be embraced or reconciled, the other will not be either. I'm learning to embody them both without apologies or excuses. The beauty is also in the future. There are more sunsets to be stunned by. Moments when I look around my living room and see my eldest son smiling as he builds an ATAT, my daughter giggling at a meme, my youngest strumming his Ukulele and my husband catching my eyes. He knows what I am thinking and we share a smile as our gazes sweep around the room. We can not get enough of this EVERYDAY LOVE.

"You just get better all the time. Darling, don't you change a thing. Lately you're the only song I want to sing. You're my reason to try. You just get sweeter every day. The little things you do and say. If only you could see you through my eyes. You just get better all the time. Oh and I get the feeling we can make it babe, as long as you are by my side, you're the music in my ears, the laughter when the tears are falling down through my life." Tim Mcgraw

Philip, You are the main song I have been gifted to sing. Our love is the same old, same old,  keeping it new. Yet, I can not get enough of our lyrics set to the song of life. I love the daily phone calls when I hear your voice. The voice that grounds me and enables me to find my own. I wish you could see you through my eyes. You are my hero and also the one I often have to pick up by the bootstraps. You say I am your spiritual compass and you are my physical one...and mostly that's true...but sometimes I realize I have learned many spiritual truths through loving you. You're my best friend but more so, my soul mate. I know those do not come along often in life and I am so glad my eyes were opened enough to SEE you and that you saw me. I recognize something eternal when I look into your gray blue eyes. Thank you for twenty of the hardest and loveliest years of my life. Baby I will, I am, I can, I have, I still DO. xoxoxo Yours Kissa

For a post written this Valentines Day from my daughter and how she views how my husband loves me ( along with a home made video she made of some of our highlights that you can watch with password) Click HERE:https://worldwecreate.blogspot.com/2022/02/guest-post-like-my-father-loves-my-mom.html

Songs referenced in the post (click for the beautiful lyrical song links):

Then- Brad Paisley

Still The One- Shania Twain

Remember When- Alan Jackson

When I said I do- Clint Black

Keeper of the Stars- Tracy Byrd

It's Your Love- Faith Hill and Tim McGraw

Me and You- Kenney Chesney

One More Day- Diamond Rio

I Do- Paul Brandt

Holding On to You- Miranda Lambert

I'd Love you All Over Again- Alan Jackson

Only You Can Love Me This Way- Keith Urban

I love the way you love me- John Michael Montgomery

I Still Do- Paul Brandt

You Just Get Better All the Time- Tim McGraw