Wednesday, May 30, 2018

The Other Side of Boundaries: Value Those Who Genuinely Care For You. The Rare Beauty of Deep Connections. Accepting "Socially Inappropriate" Behaviours as Beauty too. Expressions of Gratitude.

Boundaries and letting go are important concepts for an INFJ to learn. They have been my focal points for about a decade. I will forever be learning in the realm of "appropriateness" and proper boundaries. But there is a counter balance to this lesson. Luckily, for me, this counter balance comes more naturally. However, in the past, it threw me often into the deep end of other's grasping hands of use or desperation. So I had to learn to bury my depth of caring. I began burying it with distant friends, then in immediate circles, and finally this mentality even bled into my relationship with my husband. Luckily, my children were always my constant. They continued to allow me to be ME. They adored me as I was and am. If it wasn't for them, I think I may have locked that aspect of myself forever in the dark recesses of my soul.

But they were there. With their unconditional love, support, and acceptance. And I saw that it didn't matter how intense I was, how absolutely quirky or ridiculously animated I became...whatever I was, and how tightly I held on to them- they loved me back or more for it. When I showed them every day how much I cared in varied ways, they didn't ask me to put up more boundaries. They simply accepted. Of course I had a few natural, healthy boundaries, but I didn't have to actively practice "boundaries" with them the way I had to with others. What a relief that was!

Boundaries are important. For the rest of my life I will be writing, implementing and learning about boundaries, letting go, and allowing growth to take me in different directions. But there IS another side. And I will forever constantly be torn between the healthy endeavour of fitting in, being socially appropriate, and making healthy parameters around myself and my family...and being whom I naturally am at my core; an extremely giving, innocent, intense, deep and quirky person who craves time, depth and emotional connection.


A few years back I found a balance between these two aspects. But life is a journey of growth, mistakes and successes. This new season, I am re learning what I already knew. After my aunt died, there was a moment when I realized that, "There is one less person in the world who loved me for ME. Who thought my quirkiness was brilliant, who wanted to protect my innocence, who believed in my words, and wished the best for me. One less person who thought my temper was valuable and amusing and didn't take offence when I was "off," distant or moody. And one less person in the world who I felt the same for back." That hit me hard. 

Recently, one of my former best friends from High School was over. We see each other a few times a year and pick up where we left off for the most part. She will forever be another person who loves me for me in varying aspects. Religiously we are worlds apart and have conflict. But when it comes to my quirks or fears, she has my back. And I have hers. We were talking about her grandparents passing away and she astounded me with saying the exact same phrase I said above. She softly remarked that there were now less people in the world who loved her for HER. Who didn't care if she was fat or skinny, rebellious or kind, successful or failing in any regard...they just loved HER. At that moment I, once again, realized why we are still friends. Our brains often formulate the same response to life. Our ethics are similar even if our beliefs are not. We wish for authenticity and connection, beauty, innocence, sweetness, and family ties. For the most part, we both see value in the same places. We laugh boisterously together and she shares memories with my daughter. That, is invaluable.

This had me thinking about all of the people in my life. It is tough to express, in the busyness of life, how much a person can mean. A single connection out of the blue can change our lives. One text conversation can alter our destiny. People are often conduits of growth. We often forget to thank them. Until one day we realize they are absent. They are either far away or out of this life. If they have passed onward without our expression of gratitude that is a moment that can never be given back.

Luckily, in the cases of my aunt and my mother in law (both of whom passed on in the last couple years) I have text feeds that I went out of my comfort zone to express my gratitude for their role in my life. Because I knew the end was coming. I was able to make a video for my MIL and show it to her in one of her awake moments, of the children and my husband, to a song, to thank her for everything she had done in our lives. With my aunt, we shared a couple vulnerable conversations. These conversations have slowly become an engrained part of my soul. They shape how I am with others. They shape my responses in mind and heart.

Strangers can also change our lives forever. Blog writers, books, music, film, actors, past friends, distant relatives, frenemies, close friends, besties, spouses, extended family, children, children's friends, neighbours...Each of these people may be in need of words of encouragement. Their beauty deserves to be celebrated. Kindness should be acknowledged. Care deserves gratitude. And often I bury my overwhelming gratitude because it is not considered "socially appropriate." Yet, the me before boundaries, regularly gave this without thought. When I was 26 years old, I found out that a gal in town despised me. I was so shocked because I didn't even know her. I knew OF her, but I had never had personal interactions with her. So, I began to watch for her downtown and nod with acknowledgement. When that didn't work, I dropped off a gift at her house through a mutual friend with a note apologizing for anything I may have done to offend and hoping an offering of goodwill would suffice. I didn't want another enemy. I wasn't trying to control how someone felt about me. I just wanted to give peace a chance, because that is who I am.

Of course it backfired. She thought I was weird. She told our mutual friend, "Who does that? Who leaves a gift to someone they don't know? What's her angle?" But I stuck to my guns because I knew I did my best. People will judge or perceive you how they view the world. It's not your job to change that. But it is your job to make sure you are acting within your own ethics. I wanted to try for peace. I wanted to acknowledge that she was a beautiful person in her own way, even if we would never be friends. And I knew we wouldn't be because of our personalities. But I wanted to show my acknowledgement of who she was. Do I regret that action? No. Because I know I went into it with thought out intentions and a pure heart. Did I cry later when I found out that I was labelled a freak even though I had to overcome some cowardice to do the action in the first place? Yes I did. It hurt to be so misunderstood. But I came to the conclusion that I understood myself, I knew why I did what I did, and there will be people who don't get it...and that's ok. I am still glad I did it. To me, it's not about the ending, or hopeful resolution (though both are nice bonuses if given), but trying my best, within whom I am, to acknowledge another's existence in peace and gratitude. 

Those situations happened too many times to count in my past. I still give awkward gifts to my Dentist, my Hygienists and basically any professional that helps me. I don't do this to get anything, but instead to show my gratitude for their roles in my life. I sometimes get weird looks. But most of the time, I get astounded shock followed by, "This is exactly what I needed today." My dental receptionist, whom I barely know but has always been so kind to me on the phone, remarked after a gift, "My niece died this week and your gift was the one unexpected bright spot in my week. Thank you. It had me teary in a good way which was a welcome relief."

We don't always get the privilege of knowing how our words of beauty affect others. Sometimes we do not need to know. But we need to give. Gratitude doesn't just serve the one receiving, but also the one giving. When we acknowledge the crucial words, role or love someone has given us with thankfulness, we also see our own growth, our paths, and the love infused around us.

The lack of these words in our lives is a loss. Some of it comes down to laziness. To combat this, I actively try to write a few words of kindness, acknowledgement or beauty back to someone in text, on Instagram posts, or in email as soon as I read. For instance, if someone writes something vulnerable, I hope to validate their bravery. By writing a few words I am essentially saying, "I see you." That matters. Kind comments matter. Every comment I have received on and off my blog, about how my words helped someone, are now part of the fabric of my being. Some are from strangers I will never see or know, yet they are interestingly a part of me. While others are faces I cherish, belong to, and get to love in a tangible way. Both are of value.

As I have practiced boundaries, I have given less in this way. I used to give gifts, send letters, emails and cards all the time. It wasn't bad of me to stop. In fact, I needed to give myself a new phase with practice emphasized on only giving to myself and a few key people. Yet, at the same time, I have missed that girl a bit. The brave one who constantly stepped out of her comfort zone because she saw beauty and wanted to value it by acknowledging it. A girl who cried in her closet when people found her terrifying or weird, but still stuck to her ways of being in the world anyway ,because she knew it was HER beauty and goodness. A girl who was used to people running from her open arms because they didn't know what to do with her love, but she loved anyway. Maybe it was too intense at times. Maybe "socially inappropriate" too, but it was HER truth. 

The quote above was a phrase similar to what my husband used to say to me when I would cry after these experiences. Sometimes he would sway me from sending an email, not because he didn't believe in my words, but because he knew the receiver would be less than perspective taking or kind. He wanted to spare me more grief. But other times, he knew the grief would come but knew I had to honour who I was. He would wait to pick up the pieces and tuck them back into my soul to be used again. What a lovely expression of love. He would tell me that I was one of the only genuine souls he knew. That my Aspie self gave an alien sort of balance to humanity. He encouraged me not to lose this muchness.

On the flip side, I had to learn how to do this in a less scary way...for the most part. People are scared by genuine care because often it is used to mask sinister behaviour. I had to learn to accept this fact. To work around it. Or to sometimes act in spite of it. But over time I became too socially appropriate. I am often more appropriate in conduct, words and deeds than my "normal" friends. I have become that obedient trained puppy, in some regards. While my behaviour now often gets rewarded from the masses, I have lost some of that joy. That unshakable trust and love given has diminished a bit. And I want it back.

I will not be the same person I was years ago. I have learned too much. But it's time to re adjust my own balance. To value those who genuinely care for me and to just be ME when I give back, regardless of what is thought of me. My biggest gift to those I love is often my words in writing. I need to honour that. Be it in a card, text, email, post, comment ect. I have held back for almost a decade. I learned some good lessons. Many of which I will implement and take with me. As an INFJ boundaries will ALWAYS be needed, necessary and hard to balance. But as an Autistic person, it is important for me to also BE whom I am, which IS socially inappropriate. The few who have seen my genuine soul in this regard, like me even more for this part of me. They may laugh sometimes or get a kick of amusement out of my social blunders, but they find it refreshing too. I need BOTH. I AM both.

If you are an INFJ whom has never practiced boundaries, you may need to go the other way. I have spent a better half of a decade in that zone and I don't regret it at all. But now it is time for a new phase. I am unsure how it will look. I will make mistakes. It will be interesting to incorporate the new boundary filled me while unlocking the hidden intense parts of my soul I buried deep in most situations because I wanted to make other people comfortable. There are different situations for the different sides of persona. My children have taught me that we are most worthy of love, being whom we are. Boundaries are accepting that those who can not see that, can walk away. Being genuine requires us to still be that person that we are regardless.

It is such a gift to have someone see you. In words or deeds. As I am writing this numerous faces are flashing through my head. Elementary and High school friends, relatives, far away friends, Internet friends, called to question participants, professionals, frenemies (people who I may not be fond of or they may not be fond of me but we also played a role in each other's decisions by doing so), therapists, neighbours, parents of friends, children of friends... beautiful, unique souls that are all a part of me...and I am intensely grateful. In this circumstance I refuse to tone down my intensity. I am overwhelmed with teary happiness that I have witnessed aspects of these people's lives and they have witnessed mine.

To all of them, and to you, the stranger reading this blog, I acknowledge you. I wish I could have a deep conversation with you. Be it once and short but valuable or an ongoing friendship. I wish I could express my thankfulness to the unique place you have in my fabric of existence. With some, we have had these conversations and will again. With others, the future is waiting in bravery, and some will unfortunately never have an expression other than this.

With Deep, Intense, Genuine Thankfulness for your place in this world and my place in your world;

"Where there is love, I'll be there. I'll reach out my hand to you. I'll have faith in all you do. Just call my name, and I'll be there. I'll be there to comfort you, build my world of dreams around you, I'm so glad that I found you. I will be there with a love that's strong. I will be your strength. I will keep holding on..."

If Tomorrow Never Comes- Garth Brooks: "So tell that someone that you love, Just what you're thinking of, If tomorrow never comes. Cuz I've had loved ones in my life, who never knew how much I loved them. Now I live with the regret that my true feelings for them never were revealed. So I made a promise to myself, to say each day how much they mean to me, and avoid that circumstance where there's no second chance, to tell them how I feel..."

Glee- You have more friends than you know "Those who love you the most may need more time to grow..."

Friday, May 25, 2018

Ferritin Improved on the Whole30 Reset/Our Subsequent Adaptation Changed Our Life! Gratitude and Daily Delights of Energy. For Once in My Life...

On a rainy night recently I decided to clean and do some Paleo baking to add occasionally back into our lifestyle diet change. (My emphasis is on Coconut flour and natural wholesome ingredients.) Our home smelled of lemon and baking. It looked basically as perfect as it can. While each family member had their well deserved breaks, I decided to have the upstairs to myself. I made my daughter's bed with fresh Thieves Oil smelling linens, folded the last laundry load (of seven) and baked while my sparkle mood lighting created tranquillity and soft Steve Tyrell's " Simple Life" played in the background. Then we all went out to listen to the crickets and frogs while we ate a cookie. It was my version of perfection. And it is a day that would have left me in bed for at least three days recovery if I had attempted it a few months ago. Energy truly is a precious resource in life.
*"For once in my life, I have someone who needs me. Someone I needed so long..."

I found a fantastic millet flour chia seed breakfast cookie to add some variety to a meal sometimes. Instead of potatoes or a starch the kids and I are going to bake a few times a week to give us a break on the budget for food since we are not doing rice ect... as a filler and I'm happy with the ingredients. 
I've lost four inches on my belly, which wasn't the point of changing our habits, but I'm happy and hoping it will continue to the size I am most comfortable in. Finally after years of trying different things this seems to be re setting my hormones. My therapist calls Keto or Whole 30 the hormone balancing diet if one can stick to a form of it for a few months. He's sending me for blood work soon as he thinks it's already changed my hormones more than medication! Especially my thyroid and iron levels. Fingers crossed! (The rest of my family lost three inches, 3.5, 2.5 and 2.5 on waists too.) 

"Someone warm like you, would make my dreams come true..."

What is more important than weight though, is the energy infusion I am finally feeling! I finally have the gumption to do activities I have not tried in years. In the last few weeks alone I have gardened, cleaned the entire house without help a few times, re arranged my daughter's room and furniture, planned a tiny renovation, kept up with my exercising, taken several trips to a nearby city for long days, and have finally had the energy to self care a bit more. I am actually CARING about some of my beauty regime again. As in, I have the energy to look into facial care products and actually care for my face at night. The years of exhaustion made their mark but I was too tired to care most nights. Just getting through the days was my ultimate goal. But now I am taking baby steps to actually care for myself and my family in a more energy infused way again. I am not even close to "normal" yet but spinach and protein 3 times a day is a game changer in my life. I wish I would have done a week re set of Whole30 a few months after our first Whole30 a few years back! And I wish I would have stuck 80 percent to eating that way, like we do now. I don't plan on going back to those other foods anytime soon. I feel FANTASTIC compared to before. Which matters to me.

There is a part of me that feels a tad robbed by my exhaustion looking back. For the first time in two years, I have been regularly tucking in the kids at night. Anemia took moments and deflated them. It not only stole the oxygen from my blood but sucked out the colour from daily deeds that I could have savoured. I rarely could do tuck ins because one more step was too much. I know that I tried my best 3/4 of the time to achieve more than what should be expected from someone with that low of oxygen and blood levels. I know I showed up how I could, but I still feel robbed. And I can't find anywhere to put the blame. It could have been worse but it also could have been better. I know that, now, I just have to continue to live the best I can with the energy and body and conditions I have but sometimes looking back ... well looking back is not the way for me to go. But I need to also recognize I have some grief and resentment towards my body and my blood and what that has meant. But overall, my feelings have been joy, gratitude, healing and every day bliss. Which is more valuable to me than the size of my waist. 

*"For once in my life I won't let sorrow hurt me, not like it's hurt me before..."

There are naysayers to any type of diet including Whole30/ Paleo/ Keto but I feel I am proof of results within moderation. My skin has started to clear up. I feel stable all day (no blood sugar dips or exhaustive moments. My husband also remarked he feels the same.) My energy is making a come back. My iron and hormones are still in progress but seem to be re setting slowly. I am getting my life back to doing what I wish to do. Before our Whole30 week re set, I was laying in bed for at least half my day because I just could not function otherwise. Now, after the first week, and adding a few foods back in but keeping the majority of our dietary needs Whole30 approved for the last 40 days, I have yet to be back in bed after I wake up! (Minus during my cycle which still puts me back quite a bit.) I am sleeping by eleven latest with no insomnia (minus cycle insomnia.) I hit the pillows in the evening after a full day of being on my feet!

*"For once I can touch what my heart used to dream of..."

It feels like the world is mine to slowly conquer. I now am getting a taste of what typical people can do in a day and what a gift it is! I am not at normal capacity yet, but this extra energy is a gift. I am focusing anything extra I get on my family and friends when I can. But also self care. Food truly is an important piece of the puzzle. My entire family has had benefits from eating the way we have. Each of them has improved in energy, mood, weight, and spirit.

*"For once I can go where life leads me. Somehow I know I'll be strong."

There comes a moment during most days or nights when I'm overwhelmed with gratitude for what I have. Usually it's when I'm looking at my children or the sparkle light in my room or him next to me. My whole house invokes my gratitude because we crafted it as our own. I felt this way even before I had energy, and I believe that perspective is an important aspect of living, no matter how one feels or struggles. Each inch of our home expresses each of our personalities and our imaginations and hopes and the love surrounding... and that's what fills my heart up. Even if I do have disease or symptoms that rob. I just have to look around my home or yard to see my purpose my beloved my belonging, and inspiration. If I'm honest and there is an afterlife I would want it to be exactly this forever -this house, him, and them for eternity doing what we generally do and I'd seriously be happy. I get sad for my future self often and have to remind myself, if I live that long there will be other beautiful moments, and I can look back knowing without a doubt I cherished what is mine.

This lifestyle diet also brought our family together even more. Each meal prep is done with all of us, cleaning, cutting, soaking vegetables, while hubby makes the meat. We talk while we prepare our nourishing food. It takes time but it's time together so it does not feel like that much of a sacrifice.

*"For once I have something I know won't desert me. I'm not alone anymore."

Despite hardships, I honestly have what I never knew I always wanted (to quote Fools Rush In.) This epic, every ordinary love, is mine. Sometimes it's worse than a movie but most days it exceeds the classics - maybe not to anyone else who would switch places with me but to me and whom I am - it suits. I know I'm lucky. I know it's partially crafted, but partially just what was what, and partially unknowns. It's beauty is a gift I daily treasure and nightly struggle not to panic over losing and remember to just enjoy what is given when it is given (and also attained). It's magically mundane but I could live like this forever and my cup overflows. But with the benefits of energy and clean eating, it is magnified. And also, oddly, a calmer, stable sort of existence. Life feels slightly less urgent but also more fulfilling. Energy is a gift. Nurturing, hormone free meat is a gift. Fresh vegetables, fruits and nature's bounty are worth their weight in gold. They are worth the extra budgeting. Because in the end, the body isn't everything, but it is the vessel we travel in through this life. If it can be improved with changing a few habits, even though at times this is hard, it is worth it all.

*"For once I can say this is mine, you can't take it. As long as I know I have love, I can make it!"

*This song is how I feel right now:

or this version:

or this version:

Post Edit: Several months later my ferritin fell eating Whole 30. As of February of this post my dietary lifestyle is now more restricted due to the Whole30.While I like the concepts and initially lost weight and gained ferritin it did NOT serve me well in the end. Now both my daughter and I suffer gas issues that we have never HAD before and only started after the Whole30 and we are trying everything to fix this...months later and it's still bad. If I could go back I would not go on the WHole 30. I would just add meal preps, herbs and spices more into our diet and take an approach of Brittany Nickerson in THIS book instead.

Sunday, May 6, 2018

Guest Post: The ENFJ Personality Type From the Eyes of a Young Teen

*This is a guest post by my young ENFJ daughter, writing about some of her experiences.* Enjoy!

Some ENFJs might not totally agree with me on this post. There are so many other things that play a part in personality. For instance, I'm a Gemini, an Aspie, and I struggle with OCD Anxiety so all of these things could play into what I write. Just keep that in mind.

The ENFJ personality is Extrovert, Intuitive, Feeling, and Judging. The functional stack can be found HERE.

In my opinion the ENFJ is one of the least talked about personalities. Typically as an ENFJ, I am either focusing on other types, or I want to be nice and listen to other types first. For me, if I bring up my type I feel like I'm being self absorbed or not thinking about the peoples types around me, which I tell myself ''I should be doing.'' 

I always find it funny that on films or media, sometimes nice people are made fun of. Like when we make fun of Canada, Hufflepuff, (both of which I belong to) and in this case the ENFJ. The part that I find even more funny is that we get so exited that we are even mentioned. I don't think this should be. I mean it's fine... every so often, but I would like to be talked about in a real, positive way too. So that's what I'm going to do here. I'm going to put the ENFJ in the spotlight. 

The spotlight is something that the ENFJ likes very much. Definitely not in a bad "self absorbed seeking" way and not for too long... We want others to get complimented and treated nicely too. Adjust that light on me sometimes and I will appreciate you a lot. I will probably even think about you for at least three days. Normally after an interaction like that most Extroverts will be on a high. Yup, I know it's crazy that a few really nice compliments will cause us to be thrilled. Even if we have a 'not so great time' you can bet we'll go home a little more happy then before we saw you.

ENFJs are really caring and will go out of our way to make sure other people are happy. It makes us happy to help people. This can be a good thing but also can be negative. In these moments we won't be thinking about ourselves at all. We don't want to risk somehow making the other person uncomfortable. For example if I'm at someone's house and it's hot - I'm not going to bring it up. I figure if you are overly warm, you would've said something so you must be comfortable. This isn't always the case. If I'm at a house that I feel comfortable in, I might tell you what I'm feeling, but that's only if I'm really suffering or you're my family.

ENFJ's are probably one of the most feeling types. I go through a million emotions a day. (But I am also a teenager.) I would even say that ENFJs are sort of like empaths. My mom is an empath type too but as an INFJ, she is my sister type. We meet in the middle of emotion. ENFJs are very intuitive to other peoples emotions and can almost sense what they are feeling. For me it's a curse and a blessing. Its hard to balance people's feelings and your own. If somebody is crying, it's most likely I'm going to start crying too. My family always jokes that I cry at least once a day which is close to true. I would say I cry every three days. My mom and my INTJ brother barely ever cry and if they do it breaks my heart. If they cry it means they're at a very fragile state. Crying is how I release all the stuff that's bothered me, made me mad, or upset me in some form. Lots of people think this is ridiculous but I'm totally fine crying. After I cry I'll feel better and like I can let go of everything I was upset about before.

I always say if there were a show to go to the ENFJ personality it would be ''Dreamworks' Trolls - The Beat Goes On.'' I know it's a weird show but the values and rules are everything I believe in. When I first watched ''Trolls'' (the movie) I loved it when the Trolls bracelets glowed and they had to stop what they where doing and hug whoever was next to them. Hugs mean a lot to me. I feel like everybody needs hugs.

The song hair in the air (from ''The Beat Goes On'')  is a song that's totally me. These are the lyrics '' Live it up (Hey!) Everyday you wake up singing. Turn it up (Whoo!) the party's just beginning. All together, you and me. Hair in the air, we're family. We got everything we need.''- ''Yeah, we made it through the dark. Harmony is everywhere put your hair up in the air.''- Dreamworks Trolls: The Beat Goes On theme song.

The harmony part of the song is my favourite part. Harmony is an important topic to ENFJs. Disrupting the harmony is something that will annoy the ENFJ. We work very hard to create harmony and keep it as long as possible, so if anyone disrupts it they will be on the bad side of the ENFJ.
Honestly, the bad side of the ENFJ is not that horrible. We will be mad at you but we'll most likely keep it in (unless you are family then you might get glares, yelled at, tears or all of the above). If we do blowup on you, it's likely that we'll say sorry pretty soon after. We put up with quite a bit so if we get mad it's because you have done or said something (that to us) is really unacceptable. Even if we do get mad though we'll try very hard to keep it as under control as we can.


This picture above describes the ENFJ very well. I'll start with lively. We love having fun, talking, parties, and more. My friend always jokes that I'm ''always happy." I am when people are around. ENFJs are very alive, out there, and will almost always have a smile on their face. 

Worrier. I've been called this on many occasions. I worry all the time about random things. If I go out and see people I worry if I'm going to say the right  or wrong thing. Even at home I worry I did something bad if someone says my name in a certain way. Its just what I do. 

Optimistic. I am very optimistic if I want to be and I'll try to make other people optimistic too. I mean come on, it feels good to be optimistic. 

Oversensitive. Even just today I've been called oversensitive a few times. For me I'm more sensitive to tone. So if someone says something that to me sounds harsh I will feel upset. I admit I do have to work on it a bit. ENFJ themselves will mock this trait. But it is something that makes us who we are and we shouldn't be ashamed of it. 

Now I'm going to go over the ''unhealthy'' ENFJ. When we are unhealthy we will be very hard on ourselves and almost no one can get us out of our slump. This (as Personality Hacker describes) is the Three Year Old process witch is Accuracy. We want to be so accurate that we will think we aren't doing good enough. Another thing I learned from personality hacker is that it's also unhealthy if your Driver (Harmony) goes to your Ten year old process (Sensation) for advice. I don't know too much about this but if you want to learn more you could listen to Personality Hacker podcasts. Click HERE.  to listen to the loops that certain personalities can get stuck in.

CLICK HERE for a list of famous ENFJs online. Here's a list of the people who I think are ENFJs or I saw online that I thought were interesting:
Emma Watson (Actress, Feminist), Emma Stone (Actress), Julia Andrews (Actress), Jennifer Lawrence (Actress), Oprah Winfrey (Talk host, Self Help), Helena Bonham Carter (Actress), Faramir (Lord of the Rings), Bofer (The Hobbit), Peeta Mellark (The Hunger Games), Snow White (Once Upon A Time), Uncle Iroh and Katara (Avatar the Last Airbender), Asami (Legend of Kora), Poppy (Dreamworks Trolls), Lilly Potter and Cedric Digory (Harry Potter), Katy Perry (Singer), Sara Bareilles (Singer), Barack Obama (Former President of the United States), Leslie Knope (Parks and Recreation). For bad guys there's not much (because, hey, we are pretty much angels.:) but there are some things that are saying that Loki (Marvel) is an ENFJ or INFJ and Hans from frozen. 
If you have any questions as to why these characters are ENFJs or any questions about the ENFJ then just leave a comment and I'll try my best to answer them.

There is so much more that makes up the ENFJ. We are special and unique in our own way. I hope this gave you a little bit more knowledge on the ENFJ. If you want to know more on the ENFJ there are links at the bottom of this post that will take you to articles that will give more info. 
Thanks So Much for Reading!!                                                                     


Song Choices: Unique- Lenka, Hair in the Air- Trolls Theme  Here is a song for ENFJs. WE ARE UNIQUE!

This is the song that I wrote lyrics to up above. ENJOY!

Tuesday, May 1, 2018

Now That Autism Awareness Month is Over, I will talk about Autism and Dyspraxia. Valued but in Need of Support.

Autistics May be Different in Process but The Human Element Still Shines Through:

It's May. Autism Awareness month is over and now I will blog about being Autistic for a moment. I have a tough time with A.A month. It is pretty much everything Autistics don't want it to be. I feel THIS brief post by another Aspie explains this thought more. She quickly covers the main reasons why inclusion and awareness are failing and how our world is still perpetuating harmful myths and facts. But then she says; "Meanwhile, autistic people are living, loving, laughing, thinking, creating, caring, acting, performing, helping, supporting, advising, campaigning, sharing, uplifting, amplifying, celebrating, commiserating, learning, working, teaching, making, saving, rescuing, mentoring, encouraging, inventing, designing, innovating, suffering, shouting, crying. Speaking. And all the other things that humans do. We’re here. It’s time to accept us, and appreciate us as a part of the world we, and you, all live in together."

I used to have a blog dedicated to all things Autistic. It was a needed phase in my acceptance and diagnostic journey. Now, I feel I am in a different stage. I feel that my words and life show what an Autistic's "normal" looks like to ONE person. And I don't have to mention it much anymore, until an issue comes up I can't ignore or I suddenly get a desire to talk about being Autistic specifically. I feel autism is an organic part of who I am. Sometimes I fight for acceptance. Most times I quietly create it. Neither is better. Both are valid. I love blogs dedicated solely to Autism. I glean from them regularly and believe they are a needed place in this world, where stories from actual Aspies/ Autistics are often silenced.

One of the biggest issues I run into, is people assuming my process is like theirs. Because I look "normal" and act somewhat "appropriately" it is assumed I process the situation the same. That maybe my sensory overload is not all that bad. Or I can "stretch myself" beyond what I say I can. This also applies in the world of perspective. Even people who have known me for years, have the tendency to forget that I do not work they way they do. They forget that just because I process verbally does not mean that I expect them to see the world the way I do. Or that just because I sound, in a statement, like I am making a judgment, that I actually am expecting them to "take my side." I don't work the way most people do. Even my husband sometimes forgets this for a second until he is reminded again of how odd I can be. Recently he stated, "You know, most people in the world, if they talk about people at all (which is a natural process), have this expectation for others to back talk, take up their mantle or give pressure to induce a negative emotional response to someone they are upset at. They like their tribe to support them by disliking the person who has hurt or abused them. You are not like that. You can absolutely dislike someone but still be ok with your friends being their friends. You can stand in the same room with someone you door slammed and be polite, civil and cause no disruption to the rest of the relationships unless the other person instigates. People get upset sometimes when you verbally process because they assume you are having the same motivations as most people. When you just verbally process to figure things out. Because you are an external feeler and also have a social disability, you need more information in some areas before you use your intuition to guide you. You are about knowledge seeking to find the overall picture and understand the people involved. Even your considered "enemies." Where as most other people seek information to destroy or get people to "their side." Of course you have valid anger and emotions but your neutrality when it comes to perspectives IS unusual."

Yes, we are still part of this human race even if we are different. Our humanity should be remembered even if we are often likened (and sometimes feel) like we are part of an alien species. We still have the souls, hearts and anatomy of humanity.

Dyspraxia and Physiotherapy:

I have mentioned before HERE how Physiotherapy has helped my life as a chronic pain sufferer. But there is another side to Physio. Half of the time, my reasons for coming in, are because I injured myself. Doing "normal" activities like getting out of a vehicle, walking on the treadmill, lifting my nephew, or completing chores can have terrible affects. The worst one in my books is doing Physio exercises completely wrong and having to go back to Physio for heat packs and massage healing.

I have written about the struggles of being an adult with Dyspraxia HERE. I have mostly adapted to a life with my level of severity. I would say out of all my nuances, Dyspraxia is where I am the most severely impaired compared to most on the scale. It affects me every day in obvious ways that I try to work around. My independence is drastically cut down by being Dyspraxic.

 I can't judge pressure well and my body awareness is lacking. Recently, I spent nights in the shower in agony because the pain woke me up at 2 am due to an exercise gone wrong. Finally I called in and  my therapist told me to walk backwards on the treadmill and also to use heat on any affected areas. When she did her assessment, she told me I pulled my hip flexor. It went into protective mode which means pain upon certain movements. I thought at one point that either my ovary had a large cyst or my bowel was acting up. See, I am not good at body perception. I also pulled out my Quad and Hamstrings. I had muscle fibre lumps that tightened deep into the leg. I thought maybe it was a blood clot. I am always astounded at how much of my pain is often muscular when it feels organ related. Often my muscles are associated with weird nerve paths that are typical of those with diseases like Fibromyalgia or Lyme ect.

It turns out I was also walking backwards wrong. I was kind of marching in place instead of sliding my leg fully back which was triggering my already inflamed hip flexor. Le sigh. I am one of the only patients who is not discharged after a few months of rehabilitation. She went to the board and asked to keep me on as a casual patient who can call in any time due to my pain conditions and my lack of body awareness. They made a "special" exception to my case, upon review. I can call in whenever I injure myself without having to register again. My poor Therapist. Just when she thinks we are making progress, I come in telling her I can not do a certain exercise. I try to do it in such a way that she still feels she is helping me. I want her to feel empowered and inspiring because otherwise my support could be taken away.

The fact is I NEED her. I need her to tell me when it's muscular and why. I need her to remind me how to move in the world. Over and over again. We often go over the same concepts. Because being Dyspraxic, I unfortunately, will need this type of support indefinitely. She insisted on taking pictures of my posture performing a simplified exercise for my weak hip. She wanted me to copy my own photos at home. I thought this was brilliant (picture above.)

Different, not less or more. Valued but in Need of Support:

Inclusion can not be about "being the same." The main goal should not be focusing only on what is similar for people. While that is hugely important, it is missing a key piece. Anyone who is born as a minority does experience the world differently. They WILL need different treatment, circumstances and support. This is crucially important to their health and being. Do they also need people to see their similar humanity? You bet. But that should be included in basic respect. Everyone deserves to be equal in respect and love. Yet, within a life, there should be a different treatment of a person who has different needs. In these circumstances, one size fits all will not work. We need people to be open to possibilities and perspectives. Just because a person requires more in one area and maybe less in another does not mean they are "taking too much" or a "societal burden."

I believe I give a lot to the world. But I also take what I need when I can too. And this is why I can give. I am heavily supported. When I am not, I find other ways. It has not been easy to build my support. I still sometimes run into obstacles that make me feel six years old. I regularly have encounters that induce self doubt. On the rare occasion I will be found crying in my closet (my ultimate meltdown mode.) I need people like my Physiotherapist. She stems her frustration when she sees me again or I "failed" one of her easy tasks.  It is just a fact that I will regularly hurt myself in daily activities. Sometimes it's laughable. Sometimes it's depressing. Luckily, she sees I try. I bring her little gifts and make her laugh. Because I know a regular support is rare in our society that wants to "get em in, and get em out." Especially in the medical world. I know I have a responsibility for her to see how she is doing something large in my life.

I AM different. Sometimes that is stunningly, shockingly clear, even when I already know this fact. I feel slapped by my abnormality at times. Then, for quite awhile, I can feel almost normal. I go about my day under the allusion that maybe I am NOT that different. Maybe I am just quirky? End of story? Ha.

Regardless, I am never under the impression that I am more because of my conditions, nor am I less. I am valued within my own structures and with a few of my people. I provide value too. Yet, on the other side of the bread, I am in need of "more" support than a typical person walking through life. This is what inclusion truly is. Allowing a person to be part of humanity the way THEY CAN. Maybe pushing occasionally to meet "normal milestones" or to help them fit in so life is a little easier. But also allowing them to set their own limits and help them find a way to adapt to life in the world in the ways they feel the most comfortable. We have one precious life, and we should be allowed to minimize painful sensory onslaught or avoid the situations that are terrifying to us but nothing to others. We should be able to find work or a way of living that honours our soul in the ways we can give. It is about meeting us where we are at. Yes, growth is a part of any existence but natural growth is far different from forced.

However you are in the world, you will find your existence easier by being honest with yourself. Seeing your strengths as value and your weaknesses with acceptance. To know thyself is one of the quickest ways to live a life of content. Do bad things still happen? You bet. But the overall feeling of this type of life is peaceful because you know your value. And you LIVE it.

Embrace your story.
 Song Choice: Back in the Saddle again- Gene Autry, Fantastic, Fantastic That's You- Louis Armstrong