Wednesday, April 7, 2021

Dear Canada: Is this What the Land of The Free Should Look like?

Recently, my parents neighbour was speaking to my mother about the country he grew up in, "We escaped our Communist country for Canada. The changes were drastic. The ability to be free was rich. This became our new home as we raised children and grandchildren here, and yet, here I am again, in many situations that I found myself in when younger in the communist country. This is not the Canada I know. This leaves me deeply saddened."

Questions I have for Canadians in Strict Provinces;

How did it come to this? How is it, that California, which had quite the strict laws, is now more lenient in some aspects, than most provinces in Canada for protocols? 

How is Texas doing after their differing stances on protocols? Why is Texas not spoken of more often...sure it's cases surged a bit at first, but so far, they have gradually gone down, which is natural in the state of contagious diseases similar to the influenza. Yes, Coronavirus tends to have more symptoms and stronger infection rates, but this is not Ebola that we are dealing with. Yet, the fear is the equivalent due to news media. 

Is Belgium's latest law case against Covid protocols legitimate? Why or why not?

Why is it that one news outlet is being celebrated as trustworthy above any other? What happened to agenda free press (or at least a degree of professional investigative reporting)?

Since when is healthcare in conjunction with the criminal code? Should healthcare and the state be intertwined even in a health crisis? Especially with the actual statistics? 

Should the Minister of Healthcare be able to get the police force to shut down places of worship if they have not had one single case for months? Is logic being applied to many of the rules? 

Before each holiday (Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter) cases are shown to increase. A couple schools in the city regions remarked that the government gave them rapid testing kits for all their students a few weeks prior to Easter and the case count went up. Is this a co- incidence?

Have you actually compared death rates to infectious rates? Do you notice disparity? Do you notice that the death rate, is in fact, not as alarming as it is constantly shouted to be?

My Grandpa's nephew received the Covid Vaccine and died within a few days. There was nothing different in his schedule. He was perfectly healthy until his son found him and the family knew it was from the vaccine. Which CAN happen but the problem is that the autopsy report stated, "Cause of death unknown." We have now heard of this in a few cases. It is one thing to honestly report the side effects and death rates, but it is entirely another to use the benign, "Cause Unknown" conveniently when the cause is known by those closest to the situation. Why is this happening? 

As A Canadian Citizen:

Are you taking responsibility for your freedom of rights in conjunction with respect for the virus and the people around you?

Are you bravely speaking up on the unpopular, yet quite prevalent notion, that there is discrimination against the disabled, the poor, the sick and general freedoms for all people groups with many of the Covid protocols?

Recently we were at a local shop when a disabled women in a wheelchair on oxygen came in with her partner. Her partner was wearing a mask but she was not. She was detained for more than 45 minutes. I went and offered her a face shield but she stated that even that makes it hard for her to breathe. I confirmed with a health nurse I know, whom used to work in the Lung ICU department, that with many of her patients, even having something near their face, would make them panic and for many their oxygen levels are already low and it DOES make a difference. 

The way other people glared this lady down, shows the current state of our culture. The manager was as kind as he could be, but he kept stating he was following orders. Isn't that a statement we often find in some of the greatest travesties in history? Should our professionals in places of business be enforcers of law?Are we now entering times where ableism is an acceptable practice? Is it alright to ban differently abled people and those with medical conditions to not shop in your store? If stores keep banning people who legitimately can not wear masks due to oxygen or other medical conditions (even if they are complying with distance when possible, hand washing, and not entering the building when sick etc) then that store is complicit in participating in dehumanization. Laws can expire, but how we treat our fellow human beings should be based on individual context. A Grocery store is not a police state, but a place to get groceries. The workers at any store should be first and foremost servers and activators at their jobs which is providing groceries instead of policing people to follow government rules (which also have nuances and exceptions.) Safety can be a concern with washing etc, however,  judgement, following people around stores, revoking memberships and banning people who need to enter to shop, goes beyond the necessary job. What used to feel like a community place to shop, now feels like a judgemental place where the servers are exerting power over consumers. I would ask all businesses to reconsider some of their current actions and policies. At the very least, we hope that the staff can be reminded of their jobs as employees, instead of officers of the law. 

My husband talked to the manager. The lady still was not allowed in, but she couldn't be left by herself and the man needed to get their groceries. They found it difficult to navigate the online shopping. I found it unbelievable that an exception would not be made. They were keeping their distance. She was quite disabled. She left in tears. I wrote a letter to head office...and received no response. Is this what we want Canadians to be known by? Are we not known, world wide, for our general politeness? For our ability to be peacemakers and follow the spirit of the law instead of the letter of the law?

I wear face shields, because I find that people are kinder when they see my full face. People are becoming meaner behind their masks. They are outspoken, volatile and often cruel. Part of the rage is actually the lack of clean air going to their brains and helping with compassionate perspectives taking. We can also attribute much of it to human nature. When we hide behind our Facebook opinions instead of bravely having the real conversations (it is one thing if you are doing both but quite another if you are hypocritically only engaging in one) or when half of our face is masked, we feel freer to be less compassionate. Blood pressure can also rise breathing in our own carbon dioxide  for long periods of time which contributes to mood. Lack of seeing facial cues, full smiles, and reading people's lips are also contributing to the general lack of well being of the population. Discrimination is becoming prevalent against those whom are deaf, hard of hearing, or have varied health concerns. I feel, at least with a face shield, I can minimize these effects yet, still make those comfortable whom are very afraid of the virus and rely on their masks to save them.

Maybe part of the problem is Canadian's innate politeness? Maybe we feel that by following all the rules, we are being kind? Is kindness ever cowardice or a lack of spine to speak on tougher topics or is kindness always true?

What if some of these laws are becoming tyrannical? What if many of them are not based on logic? What if many of them are contradictory in nature or even contrary to some science? What if the stats are stated in a manipulative way? Statements like, "We are all in this together" are common psychological tactics. Which isn't always necessarily a bad thing at times, but it is crucial to actually be wary of these tactics and understanding of how many statements work to convince the mind of what is right. There are MANY layers to this.

I recently told a friend that we must pick our battles. I believe there is a virus that is more contagious and can have equal or sometimes worse consequences to a bad bout of influenza...especially in the elderly and those whom are compromised. It is not something to play around with. However, I also believe this is probably here to stay, and we need to learn to deal with it and live with it as we did the Influenza, which is still risky each time a person battles it. We need to incorporate hygiene and healthy food/ exercise/ sleep into our schedules and focus on immunity. Healthy immunity also has a social component. When we are socially engaged with others, our immune systems generally becomes stronger, we live longer, and we are less stressed. While that does not mean that we forget to wash or stay home when sick, what it DOES mean is that we need people. Even a year without seeing people in person, changes the brain and body make up of a person. 

What do I believe the battle of every Canadian Citizen should be? 

We should be, first and foremost, fighting for our freedom. We should have the CHOICE to see people in our own homes carefully. We should have the CHOICE to visit our loved ones with dementia in the hospital. The elderly should have the CHOICE to see people, even if it means their lives could possibly be cut shorter. I have talked to many elderly people who have stated they know that a cold, or influenza or food poisoning etc could wipe them out, but they would rather die living well and with the company of their loved ones than alone. Some would rather not see people and I respect that. It should be a CHOICE. Let me state again that this is NOT Ebola. The sad fact is, that many people are dying alone when they could be dying with loved ones which is a much kinder death. The culprit is the protocols. We can find ways to make this mostly safe. 

No Democratic Government, even in it's emergency state, should be allowed to criminally enforce people away from family members, neighbours and loved ones. Especially during this sort of crisis. Many people can choose not to see other people and that should be respected...but each person has different needs and a one size does not fit all. There is so much more to life than sickness or fear of sickness. And this is coming from someone with Autoimmune Diseases that has to be especially paranoid about this type of thing. But CHOICE matters. Our law enforcement should not be called upon to enforce these ridiculous rules. They should be where the true crimes are...and many genuine crimes are going up. Why are we not seeing this injustice? 

If anything, it would be reasonable to cap households at 20 people inside, since it is an unusual time, but that should be as far as a Democratic Government should go. Health care is not the main government in office. Many were not trained in political decisions and these 'leaders' were not voted in by the people. While they have their expertise to give, people should have the option of how far they need to listen. While basic respect is needed, compliance is not. 

I have talked to several Doctors, Nurses and Social is rare that I have found one whom believes this is what our society should look like for this type of disease. Due to the political component of it and the volatile society involved that is being brain washed by news 24/7, most of these people are not listened to, if they speak out. 

Ironically, 70 percent of the people I have talked to in cities, towns and places all over Canada and in the States, do not believe such strict measures are effective or needed. Yet, where are these people? We, the people, elected these officials. We can demand more from them. We can ask that our voices be heard. It is not okay to give up freedom and liberty in exchange for safety and health. There is a balance to be struck. So far we are leaning on a teeter toter and eventually one of these things is going to go flying out of our grasp. That is not something to take lightly. There can be DIRE consequences to seemingly little times of stricter measures. It is one thing if we stop this now. It is quite another if we allow this to go on. The call for balance should be heeded.

As I stated before, there is a difference between following the letter of the law and the spirit of the law.

 The spirit of the law should be this: 

We care and respect all people groups. We wish for our populous to be as healthy as possible but health is not just physical. We can incorporate respect. We can make different rules for different situations. Certain people will want more hibernation, while others need more social time. We must trust that most adults can make well informed, logical, responsible decisions. They are not Kindergarteners in need of a forced time out. We must care for the elderly and vulnerable...and sometimes that means BEING WITH THEM, while other times it means staying away. There is not a one size fits all. We must exercise healthy habits. We must wash and stay home when we feel sick to be nourished by those in our community whom love us.

In contrast to that...the letter of the law is unbending, non contextual, does not take multiple factors into account, can be discriminatory, authoritarian and prone to prejudice. It is boxed thinking in the name of peace and goodness. It is toted as justice but is not grounded in ethics, rationality, equity and fairness. If we are only focusing on ONE aspect to the detriment of all else- is it JUST?

My heart weeps for my country. For the civil division and daily injustice I witness. I am deeply saddened that friends are not free to have meaningful, yet opposing discussions. I am torn apart that Dementia patients are being left alone, without their people to touch their hands and remind them they are loved. I am broken for those who are poor who can not afford to stay home when they feel a tickle in their throats. I am in grief for the grandparents whom have not held their new grandchildren or died without any family contact this year. I am worried for the children that are growing up in masked society. I am concerned at the level of acquiescence most teens have for government and laws. Teens are supposed to be the rebels in society. It is a natural stage for the younger people to question the latest laws and not give complete obedience... yet due to social media and 'together' slogans, teens are choosing instead to comply, obey and exchange freedom for safety. This is not natural. There are many nuances to this...but most of all, the injustice of many of these "laws" in the name of "peace" have sent shards of unbelief into my soul. 

Where is the liberty? Where is the freedom? Where is the true love? It is a possibility to be relatively safe yet live. Death comes for us all. While we must prevent what we can to a degree, if we followed that logic we would have to go after the number one killer: Obesity. Are we going to tell people what they can and can not eat in their homes and enforce it? Are we going to enforce exercise in every home and tag those who do not comply or bar them for entry in restaurants? That would be ridiculous and against multiple rights. Many would call that discriminatory...and yet, is this not how someone with a cold is now treated? Is this not how someone who does not mask is treated? We are allowing the government to tell us how to behave and interact with other people and whom we can see in our own homes and businesses to a micro degree. How are we not seeing the parallels? Where has logic and rationality gone? 

Dear Canadians,

Does this feel like the land of the free? Are these these the stories we want the rest of the world to see? Is this the type of treatment, laws and protocols that we stand for in our young country?? Please help keep our land glorious and free . It is possible to achieve this while still respectfully staying home when sick.

 Song Choice: Wavin' Flag


Tuesday, March 9, 2021

Getting to Know You- Enneagram Four Type / Forgiveness/ Beliefs/ Friendships/ Feelings and Richard Rohr's "The Enneagram; A Christian Perspective."

*Contextual Note: I believe personality attributes can be boxes to jump out of in growth and awareness. Like anything, they can be used as powerful tools or weapons. They can reach toward beauty or destruction. The danger I see especially in these models, is not being "put in a box", but being tested wrong, then taking 'truths' that do not resonate as TRUE or taking a sentence that may not be accurate (even if much of it is) and dissecting it or applying it when it actually is not relevant. That can be destructive. However, I have seen so much merit in people discovering themselves. 90 percent of the time, I have witnessed those who have engaged with their accurate personality (be it MBTI, the Big Five, Enneagram, Birth Charts etc) become much muchier, and be better counterparts to the natural world they engage in. I have watched marriages flourish when they engage with the material honestly and with a drive to BE. I have seen children feel understood. I have watched people who were living embittered overcome their personal obstacles slowly to live richer lives. So, as much as there are dangers or those who believe it is also pseudo science (if it enhances life- does that matter?), with a guide whom cares about inner wisdom and intuition, these modes of understanding are worth the risk.*

*I have written about Beatrice Chestnut's (LINK) and Christopher Huertz (LINK) take on Four Enneagrams HERE and HERE along with another mantra post I wrote years ago HERE. Because I am a FOUR I feel more comfortable writing about it but I am open to writing about all types if requested. This post is based on Richard Rohr and Andreas Ebert's book, "The Enneagram; A Christian Perspective " (LINK). I feel it's also important to point out that just because I talk about a book, or even agree with many aspects, does not mean I endorse all the content. There can be many points I gently set aside. This is a Christian book and there is especially one part describing Autism in the Type Five section that deeply misses the mark. (The character in 'Rainman' was a Savant and had traits of Neuroticism which can be co conditions but are not hallmarks of Autism within themselves.) That said, I still found large parts that applied to my Type FOUR which are worth digesting. I recommend the book, even though there are large parts on Saints or Biblical verses that may not be familiar to many people, because chapters that applied to my family were quite enlightening and mostly accurate. I feel this book can open doors for people of all religions and beliefs despite the believers content. Isn't that what we all should do for each other anyway? We can state our truths and enhance our friendships, with both challenge and freedom of choice, while still respecting the differences. I feel we can read books and recommend them without having to be 100 percent in agreement or even finding a lot to disagree with! In this post I am focusing on the few paragraphs (~) that especially resonated in my soul, but there is so much more in the FOUR chapter to read, and the book so I still recommend going to the source. * (Yes, I am leaning heavily into my FIVE wing for these two explanatory 'disclaimers':) 

When I read Beatrice Chestnut's lengthy chapter on Fours a couple years ago, I cried a lot due to many unflattering paragraphs and struggles that glared at me from the pages with their stark truths. I had to face myself. With Richard Rohr's book, I found more solace in the Four type. This could probably partially be explained by the fact that I did a lot of soul work after Chestnut's book to balance out my 5 and 6 wings and work on my struggle with FOUR envy.  Rohr's book is like the Moon's gentle glow on a concrete parking lot. Suddenly the concrete almost sparkles with the reflection of shared kindness.

~"Fours put their gifts to work to awaken a sense of beauty and harmony in their surroundings. They are highly sensitive and almost always artistically gifted; they can express their feelings in dance, music, painting, the theatre or literature. Everything with a vital energy attracts them and they grasp the moods and feelings of other people and the atmosphere of places and events with seismographic precision." (Pg. 98) ~

I feel lifted to euphoria when I am surrounded by the beauty in nature, my home or in a great song or book. I FEEL words as if they were chocolate melting on my tongue. I experience a gentle wind as whirls of invisible colours dancing inside my heart, ready to take flight. I catch a whiff of my beeswax candles as I walk by them in my house, and feel a jolt of joy and serenity. When I contemplate the art in my house, I can sense the energy of creativity from it's source uplift and renew me- to the point that I feel like my soul is floating outside of itself. I can feel the energy of another person and adjust mine accordingly to bring what is most often needed. I love vitality and the energy it induces because often I can also get lost in melancholy or lost in feeling that is undirected. I can also get lost in the glory of solitude or the onset of each season to the point that I forget I am human and am just part of it all. It's a feeling that can not be captured justifiably by the many descriptive words we have wonderfully created. 

~"The life of Fours is primarily shaped by longing; the longing for beauty and the wish that the world and life would fit together into a harmonic whole. Dostoyevsky once said, "The world will be saved by beauty." Fours believe in this principle." (Pg. 98) ~

Sometimes, Often, my longing for harmony and beauty is painful. I believe often in Dostoyevsky's words. How can we not heal from beauty? (When a FOUR says beauty- they mean the SOUL of everything including aesthetic beauty but not in the one size, perfect complexion of Hollywood. We mean nature, the essence of people, and the great works people create etc. )

~"Fours revere great authorities; important poets, musicians, gurus or counselors who have something "deep" about them or something "special." Only this sort of of "inner authority" counts. Formal authorities that aren't backed up by their personality make no impression on a FOUR...Their nose for the "authentic" is infallible." (Pg. 100) ~

For better or worse, this is my truth. I am not impressed by formal 'authority', institutions or inauthentic networking. I gravitate towards those who are authentic in their pursuits, their love and honour their inner depths.

~..."And they prefer to buy their clothes in a secondhand shop or a boutique.." (pg. 100) ~

I was surprised to find this statement, as I thought it was just because as an Autistic person, I prefer lived in, pre shrunk clothes. When I discovered Platos Closet, my budget and my happiness improved. I only buy clothes that are secondhand for the most part and find the originality and hunt for pieces, especially rewarding. I like clothes with a story I will never know.

~"Fours have a tendency to idealize the "unwashed masses" and can write great romantic novels about the 'noble poor' (Victor Hugo). But they do this form an ivory tower and in reality they can hardly endure living in real dirt and hardcore poverty." (Pg. 100) ~

My family laughed at the quote above and I cringed. I do deeply admire the "unwashed masses" so to speak and often write or do deeds for them. However, if I had to live in extreme poverty, I know I would probably be the first to give up or not withstand the hardships. While we are considered under the poverty line in Canada, we are still enriched beyond measure and I do admit that my home could be viewed by much of the world as an ivory tower. I can't do much about this fact in myself, except to know my limits and be aware that I have this tendency and to give when I can as much as I can, when appropriate. We need people who have more too because they can also give. I know many who have way more than I, whom I am so thankful for because they give to the world in a way I can not. I do not envy what they worked or made sacrifices for either, so at least there is that aspect I suppose.

~"Children, nature and everything that radiates originality awakens in them the longing for the simplicity and naturalness that they lost at some point." (Pg. 101) ~

You know those moments when a truth hits your soul so hard, you gasp with the realization that was only subconscious awareness moments before? The statement above felt like someone gently pushed me into a field of fragrant roses of knowing. That is why I love children and nature so much?!? YES! A resounding did I not know it was their originality that awakens my longing for simplicity?

~"Feelings are not expressed directly, but indirectly through symbols, rituals and dramatic styling. This is supposed to alleviate the pain of real grief and the fear of rejection." (Pg.102) ~

My home is a temple to this statement. I have symbols, rituals and dramatic styling squeezed into every open space. I need these to surround me to survive the grief and rejection that can often accompany me. Since I set up my hearth in this way, I am much more of a balanced person and can often be a strong comfort during grief and heal swifter from rejection I often feel. Before my house symbolized my inner soul, it was tougher for me, without the safe place and tangible reminders of my feelings outside of myself, to figure out a peace filled stance to meet the world with.

(Art by Lady Viktoria on Etsy) 

~"Fours sometimes live their lives like a Gesamtkunstwerk, a total work of art. Clothing, interior decoration, hobbies, circle of friends, and habits are adjusted to each other in a way that often seems accidental but in reality is carefully staged. Aesthetic points of view, which often can be appreciated only with difficulty, play the lead role here. One classic expression of the attitude is what is called 'Bohemia..." (Pg. 102) ~ learned my secret. In fact, I learned about it by reading this too, as this is mostly subconscious, but when I thought about it in depth, I realized, yea I carefully stage a lot in my home life etc. When watching 'Wanda Vision', when Wanda was controlling her world but not meaning to hurt anyone, my family would look at her gestures or the trauma covered by her bright smile and remark, "Scarlet Witch resembles you often." At first I was a little bothered but it was a fair statement. They went on to explain that it's actually quite flattering too, because of the amount of power she can use for good and influence, and the way she fiercely protects those she loves and some of her magical qualities. Then I was a bit more flattered. Funny enough, my former Bestie came over recently. We were chatting and she randomly said, "Ya know, our family is watching a show that often reminds me of you, mostly in a good way I think, but there was one part in the last episode that I had to sit back and whisper your name with a big wow. You may have heard of it? It's called Wanda Vision and the part I am talking about is when Agatha acknowledges Wanda's powers and calls her the 'Scarlet Witch.'" I laughed heartily, because my former bestie of 15 close years of friendship, despite two years apart, saw the same thing. ( SEE HERE for more on us.) So for her to see that too was obviously saying something....Also, yes I am quite Boho on occasion.

~ "The pitfall of FOURS is their melancholy, a 'sweet sadness' that lies over their whole lives like a fog. FOURS have to be depressed and suffer from time to time to be happy...the tragic romantics..." (Pg.103) ~

My eldest son laughed when I read that statement and said, "Woah mom, it's true, In order to feel happy you often need to first suffer or be depressed. You do remind me a lot of those Romantics we studied in history. I think you often put melancholy on a pedestal in comparison to you almost think fluffy happiness without depth is shallow pursuit. I don't think you mean to be snobby about it but it can come off that way." Ha...and yikes...and true.

~"Since FOURS as a rule direct their aggressions against themselves , it often happens that they are disgusted by themselves and their bodies. Although, they are generally slender and attractive, they tend to find themselves too fat and too ugly. They keep trying new diet plans..." (Pg. 105) ~

That song 'Total Eclipse of the Heart' can aptly explain how the paragraph above hit me. I thought it was just me being me, but yes I have a huge disgust with myself on a daily basis. Please note that this does not apply to other people nor do I think that certain features or weights make OTHER people less or more attractive. I actually only have this attribute, as only a four can have, fully reserved FOR MYSELF. With that out of the way, I have gone on pretty much every diet plan that is out there at some point and I still struggle with my weight due to autoimmune conditions. I secretly believe I was given an aversion to medical practices and surgeries and throwing up for a reason. It is no secret that I loathe hospitals and have Emetophobia...but if I didn't- I know I would have been Bulimic, Anorexic and already had a few cosmetic procedures (which are sometimes necessary or done from a balanced place but mine would have been from broken ness and personal disgust with myself which is not a good place to begin.) I am often the most broken inside over this disgust that I regularly have to work on. My husband says I see myself from a warped perspective. 

I often take pictures of myself to try to see what others will see and celebrate the beauty that can be...but then I get upset that I can not live up to the pictures I like of myself (for instance I love the picture below but often I do not look like that! I like that it shows the many grays I constantly re dye - I actually love them but I crave playing with colour. ) But even living up to some of my past images, can plunge me into despair. I'm still learning to love my outside self. I can literally hide out in my room for days if I feel this loathing triggered by pants that are too tight or new frown lines. This is a deep wound I am constantly working on in my persona. I do it a little less than I used to with wisdom and maturity, but it still seems to be my personal thorn in my flesh. I mostly direct aggressions against myself. 

~ "Normal" quiet happiness, of the sort others- apparently- enjoy, seems to a FOUR at once attractive and repellent, for that could mean the end of the sweet wistfulness that FOURS need to feel 'themselves.' The inner richness of melancholy seems to be more attractive than what others carelessly call 'happiness." (Pg. 105) ~

Paradoxes. How can someone be both strongly attracted and strongly repelled by happiness? It's there, always pulling me two ways.

~ "Many FOURS vacillate between phases of exaggerated activity and others in which they are withdrawn and quasi paralyzed. This manic depressive structure can in some people who are highly introverted (stronger influence of the FIVE wing) turn into an altogether depressive structure. Fours whose more success- oriented, extroverted 3 wing is dominant are by contrast often hyperactive. These 2 subtypes of FOUR do not look very similar at first glance." (Pg 106) ~

I think this part is better explained by Beatrice Chestnut in her section on Enneagram wings. I think this happens because FOURS have the go getter THREE wing and the introspective, ever researching, FIVE wing. If one is tapped into more than the other, the statement above can be true. A couple years ago I was heavily into my FIVE wing, to the point I almost felt more of a FIVE. It was unhealthy for me and caused much stress and depression. When I recognized this in Chestnut's book I began to lean into mysticism as the tonic for my soul, and also to honour my THREE a bit more without swinging heavily into it. After much soul work, I re took the test two weeks ago, and my score said that my wings were perfectly balanced. I could feel that difference.

~"Many FOURS take their feelings very seriously and are deeply offended when they are hurt. Criticism of their artistic expressions can wound them in their innermost selves and drive them into retreat..." (Pg. 106) ~

Yes, my feelings are part of my intuitive BEING. Thus, if someone discounts them, I can be set off immediately. I do struggle, because of my self rejection, with additional criticism, especially in the area of my expression. Aspects of the show 'Glee' (certain songs or phrases) feel like an inner artistic expression of my soul, thus it is the one show I can not discuss reasonably with other people. I ask them not to tell me their assessment of it. Assess anything else, but don't tell me you hate it, especially if you never watched later seasons or know my personal context. Just let it be. 

I have retreated at times, from friends who refuse to ever read my blog or blatantly unsubscribe. (This is different if random people unsubscribe or those who are not really friend level...although I still have to go through my self rejection issues in those cases.) I don't mind if friends delete, ignore or do not check in much but if they are my friend, I DO care that they just accept the parts or expressions of me that ARE a part of me. They are allowed to disagree, discuss, challenge kindly or ignore, but to go out of their way to tell me they are not reading me? To me, that is cruelty in it's finest form, because it is an artistic expression of self. Yes, I work on this and try to answer back kindly and compassionately even if I feel anything but...yet, I will withdraw after...that is guaranteed.

~"The gift, or fruit of the spirit, of redeemed FOURS is balance. At twenty-five, FOURS have already lived through all emotional space and experiences from agony to ecstasy. They know all the nuances of feeling and understand the human soul better than anyone else. If they muster the discipline to bring their emotional life into balance, they can become impressive personalities." (Pg. 107) ~

My first blog was called Acquiring Balance. For some types, balance is a dirty word. In fact, for some people, striving for balance can make them unhealthy. But for a FOUR, it is redemption. It is true, that I knew I had experienced the full range of agony to ecstasy before I was 25 years old. I do believe I understand the human soul better than most. Yet, disciplining my emotions into balance, has been my main aspect of therapy for the last 16 years. My paternal Grandma recently remarked, "If you've been having therapy that many years maybe it's not working." I laughed and said, "Grandma, in some cases that is true, but in my case, being a paradox and Autistic person in a mostly non Autistic world, I need a listening ear for my sanity. I need to be able to speak conflicting truths in a safe place. I need to be able to work on myself with support."

~"Healthy FOURS are capable of a depth of feeling that most of us have no access to. If they can make this genuine emotionality fruitful, they can express in concentrated fashion their sense of the beautiful and the really painful, then the real works of art will be created." (Pg. 107) ~

Taylor Swift is a great example of a FOUR whom does this.

~ "Redeemed FOURS are better than most others at understanding the guiding people in psychic distress. They are not intimidated by the difficult, complicated, or dark feelings of others, since they themselves have lived through it all." (Pg. 108) ~

Recently, my nephew was watching Disney's Raya (spoiler ahead.) When the families were united at the end, a tear slipped down his face, and his five year old self asked sweetly, "Can we rewind the part when they see their families again?" When he re watched, he sighed and snuggled into his father's shoulder. 

I felt those moments at five too. I still feel them. Most children would not ask to rewind that part. I also feel that this shows the consequences of some of our protocols in society right now (due to Covid) and how FOURS can show on the outside, what serious consequences can be happening, unnoticed, on the inside, to many people who are in forced or chosen isolation. 

FOURS are not scared of difficult, complicated or dark feelings in themselves or other people. We have lived most of it, in either imagination or deep feeling. We do not judge the feelings but we do assess them and try to heal the world through that awareness. 

~"The invitation to redemption issued to FOURS is the call to originality. Fours find their naturalness on the way to union with God. Their striving for authenticity, their love for children and nature are early hints of this goal in life. If they can admit that they live "in God" and God "in them", their soul will come to the rest and balance they have long yearned for." (Pg. 111) ~ 

Originality is quite important to me. So is the concept of Deity, even though my integration of that in my spiritual life looks like an eclectic mix to most people, it has both standard and mystical observations and is both based in facts and the ineffable. There were a couple years in our twenties when my husband was more of a proclaimed Atheist. I respected it, but the farthest I got was Agnostic. For my sanity, I could just not fully discourse with the mystical. Now, my beliefs have become more solid for myself, but I do not like to proclaim them or put them in a structured box. Yet, I do admit, that my type needs to dwell in possibility. I believe Deity IS possibility. When I say 'love' or 'beauty' in conversation, I am not defining it by the world's definitions. I am defining it by a FOUR which is a deep feeling of SOUL and balance of BEING. It's GOD in a way I can not explain. I do not know how to explain it beyond this in words...I can only FEEL it.

~"Fours must find their energy without constantly slipping from one extreme into the other, without being up one minute and down the next. It must not always be euphoria or depression. Their 'objective observer' has the job of asking: "Isn't a little joy and a little sadness enough- at least now and then?" ~

In my twenties I was either euphoric or depressed. Now that I tend to have more balance, sometimes I will admit to missing those extremes. Life feels a bit less muchier sometimes. On the flip side, people like me more, but do I like myself as much? Yes and no. I believe a little joy and sadness, every now and then IS enough...however, I also think FOURS need to take a lesson from someone who worked so hard on that aspect that a little became "regular" and "ordinary." I am now working on allowing myself the extreme moments of depression and euphoria once again too, because it IS a part of me. I squelched it completely on my road to balance, which was needed at the time, but notice how the statement above says, "At least now and then"? That is the key...NOW and THEN. It's also ok to have the innate in- born persona. 

~..."For this reason social commitment and working for peace and justice do FOURS good. In this they have to deal with the dirt of the world, which cannot be aesthetically transfigured....they have to admit the rage they feel against the person in question, and they have to stop adulating him or her in the wake of that loss." (pg.111) ~

I tend to praise my friends and husband in my rage as my first response. I give them the benefit of the doubt immediately. On the heals of my anger, a swift perspectives process takes place, that leaves me defending their side and contexts in my head. While this is lovely to create harmony and forgiveness in quick process, there is a darker side. I can re visit my rage again and again and distance myself because I do not want to feel the rage when I have already reasoned out their perfectly understood stances. But, my feelings matter too, even if I DO understand. I actually have to stop my tendency to put their feelings on a pedestal but contain my own. It is actually quite easy for me to move on, once I voice, in blog/ person/ writing my rage to a degree or tell the person, "Actually I am angry at you because of this ...but I also understand where you are coming from...however, I FEEL hurt and upset...." If I am not able to have a conversation with someone in this way, it is much harder for me to re figure the situation. I can eventually, but the re visits of rage turn into a sense of injustice of not being understood in turn. I need to work for justice and peace in myself first, before I can manifest out into the world. 

I have to admit that sometimes beauty can not fix all problems. Not all people FEEL harmony on levels that give them the ability to forgive swiftly, understand another's issues even if they do not share the same ideals, or validate all range of emotions. As a four, sometimes I assume that everyone works this way and wonder why can't they just tap into that feeling of intuition to find truth and justice? It's an awareness I am developing.

To my fellow Fours; It's ok to find your emotional voice. Try to also balance out being a caretaker in the world, within your voice. When we harness our inner Sun (by that I mean, our inner warmth centres of life giving freedom of choice and belonging and belief) we can bring meaning and substance, along with goodness to be a Divine catalyst for others. When we no longer give our power of choice away to institutions or governments, we find our warmth of hearth and healing while still striving to be the best citizens we can be. Forgiveness and letting go of heaviness and long standing hurts (or at least acknowledging rage that cycles back), brings feeling of lightness to the heart. This in turn creates empowered choice. Choice ultimately leads to peace. 

Ask yourself, "What makes you feel free TODAY?" Different days will have different freedom answers. Do you follow that feeling and build solid choices based on that feeling? Do you light pathways for others to contemplate and find their own freedom? FOURS get a lot of flack and misunderstanding in Enneagram circles. Know that if you are a FOUR, you have the potential to create. You are part of a group of inspirers, artists, and feelers who have the capability, when healthy, to lead, and change the parts of the world and communities that others are lucky enough to be in with you. There is a lot of soul work to be done of course, but as in any type, you have the capability within you to SEE yourself and activate upon awareness. You are as important as the other 8 types. You are part of a whole. Let the birds sing for you, let the sweetness of your feelings inspire, allow your rage to activate justice (even for yourself), dream under the stars without guilt, laugh with gusty abandon when you feel it despite others not "getting it", explore those 'sapphire skies' and do not discount the beautiful aspects of your own wonderlandy muchness. You are a person who can feel the adventures of feeling in melodies built into your own encompass twilight and sunrise in feeling on subtle breezes. At times life can FEEL so stunning with the simplest aspects. You have the capability to make others FEEL. Isn't that an emerald gift of homecoming?

~"One of the most important lessons many of us need to learn in this lifetime is that we are none of us an island: we thrive on profound and heartfelt relationships with others. When we experience conflict with someone we love, working through the pain, discord, and heartaches to find an even deeper level of connection helps us evolve spiritually and brings comfort, strength and wisdom like nothing else can. Similarly, when we continually work through our own fears and block around relationships in order to open up to others with true authenticity and vulnerability, we experience ever increasing levels of joy and personal expansion."- Tess Whitehurst ~

Song Choice: There are SO MANY songs for a FOUR type. Can I claim them all? Seriously... Instead of the many, MANY songs I could add here on an Enneagram FOUR, I am going to put a song that has helped me tap into my Wonderlandy ways the last couple years. Welcome to Wonderland- Anson Seabra  I FEEL this song. I FEEL it is my home. From his lyrics, I feel he could be a FOUR. His song "Broken" is definitely when FOURS are in melancholy and the internal self loathing, feeling struggle. His whole album of songs he wrote in his room (FOUND HERE) encompass the FOUR in unbalance , in certain wings and sometimes in full health . A couple of the songs are rated explicit but some of them are clean versions...and many of them show the unbalanced four who wallows in melancholy but a few of his happier ones are more of a four in savouring nature (Dawning of Spring/ Emerald Eyes/ welcome to Wonderland/ Trying My Best/ Don’t forget to Breathe)

Also, sometimes an unhealthy two thinks or tests as a four so do keep that in mind.

*For more, my husband and I do marital and single personality coaching. Please email for more. Thanks.*

Friday, February 12, 2021

Final Chapter; John O' Donohue's Anam Cara Book Study Questions and Quotes; The Faces of Death. Hope and Comfort. A Beautiful Blessing for You.

 * Ironically this is also a chapter that brings peace and hope...maybe that is not ironic? I seem to recall that John's thoughts on death were especially profound in his book "Beauty the Invisible Embrace" (which is my favourite book of his.) Other than the chapter 'Solitude is Luminous', this was my second favourite chapter. To see the other study chapters for John O Donohue's Anam Cara click on the bottom label of this post. *

1.) "One of the faces of death is negativity. In every person there is some wound of negativity; this is the blister of your life... Some people are having wonderful lives right now, but they do not actually realize it. Maybe later on, when things become really difficult or desperate, a person will look back on these times and say, "You know, I was really happy then but sadly I never realized it."..." It wants to make you a stranger in your own life." (Pg. 200) Have you felt the weight of negativity when things are going well? How do you acknowledge negativity without becoming addicted to it? 

2.) "There is no soul without the shadow of fear. It is a courageous person who is able to identify his fears and work with them as forces for creativity and growth." (Pg. 201) John's answer for this is healthy detachment. Name some ways, as a group, that you can let go of outcomes, control, people or things in a loving and healthy manner.

3.) "Some people are afraid of being themselves. Many people allow their lives to be limited by that fear. They play a continual game, fashioning a careful persona that they think the world will accept or admire. Even when they are in the their solitude, they remain afraid of meeting themselves. One of the most sacred duties of ones's destiny is the duty to be yourself. When you come to accept yourself and like yourself, you learn not to be afraid of your own are balanced. It is so futile to weary your life with the politics of fashioning a persona in order to meet the expectations of other people. Life is very short, and we have a special destiny waiting to unfold for us. Sometimes through our fear of being ourselves, we sidestep that destiny and end up hungry and impoverished in a famine of our own making." (Pg. 202/ 203) When have you lost your voice or yourself to conform? How does your soul feel when you can not be true to your own nature? How can you transfigure into knowing thyself?

4.) "Death is a lonely visitor...having someone close to you die is an incredibly strange and desolate experience. Something breaks within you then that will never come together again. Gone is the person whom you loved, whose face and hands and body you knew so well...this is frightening. (pg. 207) John goes on to talk about the different Celtic Irish traditions surrounding death. Did any of these examples stand out to you?

5.) How did you feel about the statements John made about if you are at someone's death bed, to make sure you make it about them if you can and save your shattered moments for later if possible? How do you help them find dignity and serenity and see calm in your face and try to make their passing as easy as possible. Death can be traumatic or it can be dignified. It depends on the circumstance. For those left behind the scars and trauma can be immense, but for those going onward, it is best to ease when possible. Death is also a sacred lonely journey for the one passing and the ones whom love. Feel free to skip this question in a group setting due to these factors unless someone wishes to speak about a death experience for healing.

6.) I personally love that the Irish do not leave the dead person on their own for the first night and that they are left in familiar surroundings (if possible) to be comforted as their soul slowly leaves their body. "Our consumerist society has lost the sense of ritual and wisdom necessary to acknowledge this rite of passage. The person who has entered the voyage of death needs more in depth care. "( Pg 214.) Do you have hopes for your own funeral or death passing journey? 

7.) "Physical death, then, is not about the approach of a dark, destructive monster that cuts off your life and drags you away to an unknown place. Masquerading behind the face of your physical death is the image and presence of your deepest self, which is waiting to meet and embrace you. Deep down, you hunger to meet your soul. All during the course of our lives we struggle to catch up with ourselves. We are so taken up, so busy and distracted, that we cannot dedicate enough time to the depths within us. We endeavour to see ourselves and meet ourselves; yet there is such complexity in us and so many layers of the human heart that we rarely ever encounter ourselves." (Pg. 217) Discuss the hopes and thoughts this statement brings.

8.) "When you think about it, you should not let yourself be pressurized by life. You should never give away your power to a system or to other people. You should hold the poise, balance, and power of your soul within yourself. If no one can keep death away from you, the no one has ultimate power. Power is pretention. No one avoids death. Therefore the world should never persuade you of it's power over you, since it has no power whatever to keep death away from you....The waste of time is one of the greatest areas of loss in only get once chance. You have one journey through life; you cannot repeat even one moment or retrace one footstep...if you are able to let go of things, you learn to die spiritually in little ways during your life. When you learn to let goo f things, a greater generosity, openness and breath comes into your life. Imagine this letting go multiplied a thousand times at the moment of your death. That release can bring you a completely new divine belonging." (Pg. 218) How does thinking about your death help you LIVE? Is it liberating to realize no one can have complete control of you in this regard?

9.) "Imagine if you could talk to a baby in the womb and explain its unity with the mother. How this cord of belonging gives it life. If you could then tell the baby that this was about to end. It was going to be expelled from the woman, pushed through a very narrow passage finally to be dropped out into the vacant open light. The cord that held it to this mother womb was going to be cut, and it was going to be on its own forever more. If the baby could talk back, it would fear that it was going to die. For the baby within the womb, being born would seem like death. Our difficulty with these great questions is that we are only able to see them from on side. In other words, we can only see death from one side..." (Pg. 223) I love this passage. I plan to read it to my children because it makes death both more of a mystery and less of one. It is a comforting thought. I don't have a question for it...Just wanted to point it out.

10.) "It is a strange and magical fact to be here, walking around in a body, to have a whole world within you and a world at your fingertips outside of you. It is an immense privilege, and it is incredible that humans manage to forget the miracle bing here. Rilke said, 'Being here is so much.' It is uncanny how social reality can deaden and numb us so that the mystical wonder of our lives goes totally unnoticed. We are here. We are wildly and dangerously free. The more lonely side of being here is our separation in the world....many of our attempts to pray, love and to create are secret attempts at transfiguring that separation in order to build bridges outwards so that others can reach us and we can reach them. At death, this physical separation is broken." (Pg. 225) Wow, this was a lovely paragraph. Doesn't it make you wish to suck the marrow of joy out of life and rejoice in all the good things you do have? If not, how can you cultivate that gratitude of BEING in your life?

11.) "Meister Eckhart was once asked,Where does the soul of a person go when the person dies? He said, no place. Where else would the soul be going? Where else is the eternal world? It can be nowhere other than here. We have falsely spatialized the eternal world. We have driven the eternal out into some kind of distant galaxy. Yet the eternal world does not seem to be a place but rather a different state of being..."(Pg. 226) "Maybe when a person goes into that world (the circle of eternity) he or she can look back at what we call past time here. That person may also see all of future time. For the dead, present time is total presence. " How did these statements make you feel? When I was reading this part I though that many I know would find it pagan or blasphemous...yet ironically in the very next part (see question 12) that dissolved. Can you hold these seemingly to polarities? Can you marry the so called pagan or mystic with the divine and God? 

12.)"They are now in a place where there is no more shadow, darkness, loneliness, isolation or pain. They are home. They are with God from whom they came. They have returned to the nest of their identity within the great circle of God. God is the greatest circle of all, The largest embrace in the universe, which hold visible and invisible, temporal and eternal, as one." Just when you think he is going one way or confused on his christianity, he goes another...and yet, the way that he does it is not pushy or mainstream religious but about comfort, mysticism and a greater comfort and joy. How do you turn to your nest of identity without putting mainstream platitudes or religious platitudes or sayings into this?

Since this is the final chapter I will leave his final, beautiful, peace filled blessing to each of you here. Read it twice. Savour it. Know it. Become it. Repeat it in your darker hours;

"A Blessing of Death By John O' Donohue

I pray that you will have the blessing of being consoled and sure about your death. May you know in your soul that there is no need to be afraid. When your time comes, may you be given every blessin and shelter that you need. May there be a beautiful welcome for you in the home that you are going to. You are not going somewhere strange. You are going back to the home that you never left. May you have a wonderful urgency to live your life to the full. May you live compassionately and creatively and transfigure everything that is negative within you and about you. When you come to die may it be after a long life. May you be peaceful and happy and in the presence of those who really care for yo. May your going be sheltered and your welcome assured. May your soul smile in the embrace of your Anam Cara." (Pg. 231) 

My Answers:

1.) At times yes. Luckily, living with difference in health and mind, it is easier for me to be grateful BECAUSE of the hardships and struggles I have daily. Each day without much pain is such a gift. The breeze after being cooped up is a caress, the note of a friend after being dismissed by others is like a balm of Gilead. I do acknowledge negativity. Every day. Sometimes, as you have witnessed, I must write about it to purge it from my system and process it in a way that can transform into some from of positive aspect (like education, awareness, positive anger on behalf of justice, compassion, perspective ect.) That is how I do not become addicted to it. When I notice myself slipping, I take out my gratitude lists which I try to do often or daily. I also realize no one has power over me fully so being aware I am my best I AM and satisfying myself with that fact, takes the power away.

2.) This is a group discussion.

3.) I have learned this lesson over many youthful years in my twenties, the hard way. But, the dividends of taking time to know myself paid off. In certain situations I still mask quite a bit or go back to my 'former' self out of habit or protection. But mostly, I am happy to say, I am at peace. I am at peace with my beliefs. I am at peace with whom I am. I am at peace with my personality types and aspects (an important part of my journey along with my Autism diagnosis which I am now also at peace with.) It is a beautiful thing to have peace even if one is still stressed or is a well of inner knowing in the pool of an I Am. It is beauty and grace even when one is suffering from food poisoning in the bathroom (which happened to me last weekend) but knowing that they are not alone in their hour of darkness. There may be pain. There may be moments of temporary panic, but underneath, that water of BEING encompasses with waves that even this time is a gift.


5.) I have been near the death beds of a few people in my life. I do strive to not show much of my emotion which has labelled me ( at times) cold or unfeeling. But for myself, I feel it is my gift to the one whom is dying to smile, talk to them as normal as possible but with more grace and help them find comfort or last minute healing. This can be tough too. I won't always be what a person needs and that is ok. Then I step back. I find I am the same to those who are suffering from losing someone- like when my husband lost his mother. I find that I approach it in this way. However, I know without a doubt - with four people in my life- there will be a reckoning. There will be no comfort. I know this about myself which is why I wonder if I will go first...but I also long to hold on as long as possible to continue to help guide those in my care for as long as possible and for them to guide me.

6.) Yes I do. Both my husband and I have agreed we do not wish for traditional funerals. We want just our little family of valued souls to BE together and celebrate and mourn. Then perhaps if the ones behind are ready they can organize a small gathering of souls to comfort and celebrate but it is not required. We want our death passages to reflect our life. Small, private, mystical, love filled and home based. We do not need more.

7.) This is an important paragraph. I'm leaving it empty of my answers though.

8.) I love this. A resounding YES!

9.) -

10.) It IS a miracle. Wild and free! Yes, it does. Not by pursing riches or pleasure for pleasures sake but when I say suck the marrow out of life, I mean things like...when I wake up every morning the first aspect I notice is the light in the beautiful patterns of my curtains which remind me of my paternal grandmother which remind me of her laugh and sitting by her fire, safe and warm as a child. I give thanks. Next, when the blinds are open, the sun (if it is shining) hits an orange bejewelled sun fixture on my wall. My children will often hear me say, " Look the sun is on the sun. Pay attention at the beauty. It will soon move on." I start most of my mornings, even the pain filled ones this way. Then I take my cards and pick thoughts for the day and journal which gets me prepared in thought and deed. This makes my life wild and free. I admit that during the day I can lose sight once more with restlessness, pain or boredom or depression. When those moments come, I look to nature in my home (plants and colour and my stuff) or outside...and the little how the light sparkles on my crystals in the window or the dust softly floats down to my orange carpet, or how the wind on the deck chimes or the sweet smell of the marsh across the way is earthy...and I am grounded once more.

11.) I think this is easier for me than others...even when I was in a traditional setting of religion I was still this way...

12.) Beautiful. I wish you the beautiful blessing today. Thank you for participating in this book study with me. May you find beauty in the small, ordinary moments. Blessed Be.

Thursday, February 11, 2021

Godwin's Law, Mandalorian's Gina Carano, Healthcare , Jesus, The Giver and Valentines Day

 *Post Note: Even though I stated this in my post- it seems I need more clarification (See Comments.) I do NOT know anything else about Gina’s social media as I am no longer on social media nor did I ever follow her. However, a few people have sent me things that I looked into, one of which is in my comments below. If you actually look at it- it’s still maybe tasteless - but not what it originally seems. People are often less aware then we think they are. I do not believe I need to know everything about someone to let them do their job or live their lives. That is what the problem with social media is. We think we know. We make accusations based on it. In this post I am ONLY addressing Gina's text that was directly involved with her firing. I am addressing free speech and job security and judging not and also the larger cultural issues this leads in to.  I do not look into all the personal beliefs and contexts of all the characters I like on TV- that would be exhausting and disappointing to everyone media is a problem on to itself. Read my post COMPLETELY before it is mistaken that I am in full support of Gina or anyone else or that I will make full judgment on her or anyone else’s life (I won’t) that I do not *know personally. * This post stands on its own and includes ONE social media post that was cause for firing as I address below which leads as an example, into other real issues we need to face up to as a culture. Please take what I say at face value because I still believe what I say matters. The comment actually was a very good example of what is happening in our culture as far as assumptions go, quick conclusions of seeing an image and assuming someone's stance or whether their entire being or career is worthy, and differing contexts. In the name of free speech, it was important to add to the dialogue for this person and I added my thoughts in two comments in response.*

Godwin's Law is " Godwin's law (or rule) of Nazi analogies,[1][2] is an Internet adage asserting that "as an online discussion grows longer, the probability of a comparison involving Nazis or Hitler approaches 1".[2][3] That is, if an online discussion (regardless of topic or scope) goes on long enough, sooner or later someone will compare someone or something to Adolf Hitler or his deeds, the point at which effectively the discussion or thread ends." (Taken from Wiki HERE) Goodwin goes on to state that it is ok, if thoughtful discourse is taken, to compare politicians to Nazism and the actual groups that still support Nazism with flags ect. As we have seen with Trump analogies, from the extreme left (and I have many left minded friends whom I completely love and adore whom are balanced which this does not include as note - I am saying EXTREME) in the past, this definitely happens and is not sanctioned, but if people dare to make any analogy outside of this specific narrative...well, take the case of Gina Carano. 

Recently Lucasfilm fired Mandalorian actress Gina Carano for saying (a since deleted post), "Because history is edited, most people today don't realize that to get to the point where Nazi soldiers could easily round up thousands of Jews, the government first made their own neighbours hate them simply for being Jews. How is that any different from hating someone for their political views?"

Outrage ensued, including media circulating and manipulating  her "abhorrent" statements, she was fired and dropped by her agency. Her sudden haters did not see the irony nor did Lucusfilm of firing someone for stating a matter of opinion and actually encouraging the opposite of hate. Nor the irony that in Germany before, and around 1933, people lost jobs for their political stances before many of the actual horrors began. Politics were the new religious order of the day because religion was frowned upon. 'Morality' was linked with political ideology or stance, which paved the way for the more obvious propaganda of Goebbels.  With everything, it started subtly and with righteous indignation. "Of course they deserved to be fired. Of course, if they state politics that are differing, they must have the consequences." Take the mindset of former Nazi youth Ursela Martens (HERE);

"When Martens first heard the word 'Nazi' they asked their mother what it meant. She says they were told, 'Communists are bad people, and Nazis are good people."...Growing up at that time, religion was frowned upon so politics- in the form of nationalism- ruled the day. Prejudice was common....German superiority had been a feature of the national character well before Hitler arrived. By the time the Nuremberg Laws were passed at the end of 1935, when Martens was 6, Jews had become the symbol of everything undesirable."

How did that begin? Did Gina make an insensitive comment or was she truth seeking and asking her audience to see some valid similarities of what could happen if politics are so heavily associated with morality and hate based on a political opposing stance? After Gina's statement, news articles came out citing the millions of deaths from the Holocaust and associating Gina's attitude as a gross exaggeration of our times and insensitivity to the sufferers. Goodwin's law seemed to be in effect and yet Gina was not speaking about Hitler nor claiming that everyone is Nazi's who are in political ideals nor was she saying we are at level that we were at the end of World War 2. Her point was missed. She was pointing out the beginning BEFORE Hitler came to power, and in his early years and BEFORE the Nazi's even committed crimes...Where and HOW did it begin? Are these not important to consider? Is this a statement worth being fired over?

"Godwin's law itself can be applied mistakenly or abused as a distraction, diversion or even as censorship, when fallaciously miscasting an opponent's argument as hyperbole when the comparisons made by the argument are actually appropriate.[10] Mike Godwin himself has also criticized the overapplication of Godwin's law, claiming it does not articulate a fallacy; it is instead framed as a memetic tool to reduce the incidence of inappropriate, hyperbolic comparisons." (

We often wonder, in horror, how the atrocities of  Hitler's Fascism in World War 2 or Stalin's Communist regime (which killed even more people) could come to be? There are not easy answers but there are clues from survivors stories. Continued in Ursala's story of her Nazi youth she remarks upon her grief at seeing beautiful crystals smashed from a Jewish store in the horrid events of the night before, but she states that she didn't even question what happened to the store owners because "They were Jewish, they weren't supposed to have a store." (HERE) She says, "I think people are easy to brainwash. I can see that now. Because whatever you question, there's an excuse for everything. When the propaganda started, Germans were saying Jews are the ones who make it harder for us..." ( Read the rest of her enlightening article HERE and I also included a few more of her statements in the photograph below.)

How does this coincide with Gina's statement? If you are liberal minded, you might ask, "Are not the liberals very angry at all the injustices done to minorities and are they not protecting everyone and taking steps by censoring to keep bullying even to a minimum?" If you are conservative minded, you might ask, "Are not the conservatives protecting the rights of the minorities also by protecting free speech as laws can just as quickly turn yet freedom is crucial? Aren't conservatives making sure that the world is not overrun by the minority of privileged people trying to take over?" In each mindset, it is justified to be what one is. And to a certain extent this is true. However, when does it come to the point that we are like Himmler's daughter ( a different story you can search) whom advocated for her father and refused to see any wrongdoing in him, until her death? While one can understand the love of a young daughter whom was doted upon, when presented with such grotesque evidence, she continued to put herself into her own ideals to believe a lie. Why? She would claim because of love. Where is the line?

Ursala mentioned in her stories that she chose denial until the final moments of the war. She regrets her inability to think for herself and for her dismissive and derisive ways she treated her grandfather who challenged her radicalism. Does that not sound familiar in these times? Families and friends turning upon each other or freezing each other out of certain conversations?

Why is this story of Gina important to me? Upon hearing about one of her role models in TV (Gina's portrayal WAS a good role model in her character for a strong, yet compassionate woman. My daughter also liked that she was lovely but not the normal body type or even voice tone for most women heroes in films. We actually don't know much about her beyond that, because we do not judge our movie characters based on their personal lives or personal opinions or politics ect.) My daughter came downstairs and begged, "Mommy can you write something? Please mom, you write and I feel better. Justice seems to be so mixed up lately. Maybe you can write and I can send it to my friends and feel like I did something..."

I was already distressed, thinking on such complex topics, due to our current studies in both Stalin's and Hitler's regimes, in which we are trying to find articles that are not just mainstream but first hand accounts ect. I was also thinking about Autism, and why I can not seem to conform to either political side. Which also includes health care issues right now, as health and COVID are no longer just disease issues, but have increasingly become political ones, with a large dose of moral clear cut thinking issues in each. Health care is swiftly becoming a new ethics heir-achy. I hear statements often to support this. For instance, people in self righteous tones, accuse those whom do not wear masks as killers, unthoughtful or ignorant. Or people who accuse mask wearers as sheep, killers and ignorant. Funny enough, it's the same sentiments on differing sides. The same can be said of the arguments surrounding forced hotel quarantine. Some say it is not a big deal or if the person would have followed the 'right' rules they would not be there or that it is a matter of safety. While the other side says it is a big deal, rules should be centred around freedom, and that personal forced payment or tax payers payments for a hotel stay on someone whom is not sick is also a matter of safety. Who is right? They both say they are - adamantly. Each secretly congratulates themselves on being on the "Right side of history." Each is righteous in beliefs. Is there a possibility that there could be both right and wrong mindsets and policies on both sides?

 I have had to seek my soul and my own ethics in this regard. I do not have all the answers. I also know there will be mistakes I will make, as humans are fallible, and I see this as a good aspect because at least I am willing to see my flaws. However, I must not delude myself in only seeing that point as another self righteous belief. It is tricky, no?

When a beloved family member (context; one whom changed our lives for the better, hosted many sleepovers and family occasions) told us last summer, "If you and your family are aligned with Trump  (post note: we are NOT) then you and your house are aligned with the house of Hitler and responsible for all those atrocities." This was after a conversation in which we were getting tired of the clear cut lines of the dialogue in which all Trump supporters are ignorant or evil.  (We have also heard this still in certain circles.) In the dialogue, it sounded like there could be no in-between. We asked if that could be untrue? What if they liked his business policies or felt he was the lesser of two evils? What if they are enlightened but follow different rules of the soul? We pushed too far. We were suddenly aligned with Trump. Then Hitler. And that was apparently ok because Trump is allowed to be compared to Hitler by the "enlightened" and "educated". Our association was therefore logical and a by product of that. However, any time it is outside of Trump, it is not allowed.

After this, I was enraged, then saddened, then empowered. If this is what I am to this person, then there is nothing I can do to change that despite past history. I made the mistake of sending them an email with conservative links on a matter to give a different perspective from the many liberal ones I was sent.(See this post HERE, as well as HERE and HERE .) I had to ask myself, "Am I like Hitler?" Which was a terrible but needed question to ask. Because if we can not ask ourselves that question, and search our very complex souls capable of so much range, how do we expect to face the nuanced ethics of our lives?

In the end, I realized that in order to be at peace with this, I needed to dive into the origin of how someone could become someone like that. The answer begins, often subtly and one common factor is self righteous beliefs, which are not allowed to be questioned, which are justified in the person and an inability to see the other perspective. Of course, there are MANY, many more complexities that psychologists can cover better than I, but for my personal beliefs in myself, this is what it boiled down to. I had to see where I am too ensconced in my own opinions, but also not become a nihilist or someone who sees zero lines, or person who thinks that opinion is a form of sin. It is not. Also acknowledge the fact, that my relative is entitled to their own opinions, however hurtful. My response was to say that they are welcome in our home if they happen to be around and we will be polite and kind and grateful for all the past encounters, but we will not go out of our way to be with them at this point in time because what is the point if one is thought of that way which was not given an after apology or even clarification. (I understand if they meant to say that they believed Trump polices were aligned with Hitler policies ...which is a different matter of opinion and therefore not personal to us but the point was never clarified and lines were drawn. It is different to compare people to one of the greatest evils of our times then allegories of policy or society or government which is not individual, specific people.)

 In a post about the term "Asperger's Syndrome which did indeed begin as a term in Germany during WW2, THIS BLOG (CLICK) states, "The last thing I want to do here is give the impression that I think people who disagree with my personal opinions on autism and nuerodiversity are like Nazis." I agree with her. That said, I believe it is an entirely different ballgame to compare aspects of our current times, and politics and hate speech and censorship and forced health measures to what COULD happen if we are not thoughtful, take consideration of BOTH sides, and stop some of this madness. 

The Autistic scholar goes on to state why Autistics don't often conform to general society. See the article HERE and the photographs below for main points;


Recently, I have made a few analogies with some current health care protocols and the people's violent tendencies in society (on either side) whom uphold or fight against them, to pre war Germany. However, I do not associate individual people to Hitler nor do I think we are, in any way, at the point of no return. I have been silenced, ignored, frozen out or told to stop talking. I find that ironic too. I find the response to my questions often show, firsthand, how enmeshed someone will be in whatever side they are in. It is NORMAL and RIGHT to be on a side. Most humans would go crazy if there were not some line drawn in the sand. Can we have lines without being discriminatory or self righteous? Can we entertain the grey for someone else while having black and white thinking for ourselves? However that happens, it is important to be open to dialogue, challenge, questioning and growth. The minute that is silenced, is the minute we participate in future violence. Yes, sometimes we need to respect silence. There are always contexts. But if we can not have discussions of difference, even some heated ones, with trusted friends and family (with of course giving some dignity in the discourse and not resorting to tearing a person down wholly or completely but challenging on aspects of thought or character instead and still seeing the SOUL of another), how are we able to respect all people groups despite  political, health, religious, sexual or mental ect. ect. differences from us???

Anyone whom actually knows me, knows that I have a compassionate heart for people...especially the children and disabled. They also know that I will not go speechless on important topics for the sake of harmony but it does destroy me because I value peace, freedom and harmony secondary to love. But sometimes staying silent is a from of disrespect, cowardice, or in extreme cases (as in Nazi Germany) perpetuating of violence. If we can't speak our truths in thought out dialogues, even if they differ, for fear of losing jobs, people or opportunity are we truly free? This does not mean we should yell opinions or post memes out of context or subject others to our constant opinions without pause or love. 

Valentines Day, one of my favourite holidays despite the derision it is often met with (because to me, it is a celebration of love) is coming up. Love encompasses truth. Love is difference as well as similarity. Love hopes. Love focuses on the positive but is willing to engage with the negative for justice's sake. Love is peace but peace does not mean apathy or conforming. Love is patient with dialogue that may push one to think or question. Love is kind enough to not bow to cowardice but also give dignity. Love does not fail at the first disagreement. Love is rooted in honest conversation.

Are we engaging in honest conversation? Are we actually Pharisees thinking we are Jesus? Do we think we are being the saviours by terminating jobs, silencing health articles that state the other side of masks, or censoring any talk we disagree with?  Because of course we are "protecting", Right?!? Aren't we protecting from death and bullying and sickness and...???And in some cases, this is certainly true to varying degrees. These are questions I have also had to ask myself.

Have you watched 'The Giver'? Recently, my family watched it and I could not help but see the analogies. That is where our society could go if we do not speak, challenge and ask questions. In our silencing of all things "dangerous" and "insensitive" are we also taking out the colour, the nuance, and that in suffering there is also joy sometimes because of the contrast? (I am not advocating for suffering, but purposefully eliminating everything associated with it IS enabling another type of suffering.) That both can go together even if we do strive to make the least suffering possible. It is complex. 

My post can not do it justice. But I do hope that it will help give a bit more justice for Gina Carano and many others like her whom have been silenced. Since when do we terminate a job based on opinion? I have heard people say, "Well she has also said offensive things to other people groups...ect" Ok, but if your employer heard all the things YOU said in your life, does that mean they should have grounds to fire you?" Isn't it interesting that her co worker who plays the Mandalorian posted a few years ago to social media the holocaust prisoners behind bars and the refugees of Trump behind bars and was not fired? Because he was on the liberal side of politics and Gina seems to be more conservative, he was associated with truth and compassion and she was associated with insensitivity for drawing other parallels. There is a lot to unpack in those two instances. To some, a response would be, "But she is a public figure. She must be responsible. That is her price." And Jesus said, "Let any among you without sin, be the first to cast a stone."*

Should we not "rejoice in truth"? or at least the pursuit of it. The danger is now that Conservatives and Liberals and Maskers and Anti maskers ect are pushing each other further into their own ideals. They are reacting and grabbing for power on BOTH sides. But if we could all base our personal politics and health care issues in freedom and respectful dialogue maybe we could bring balance? Should we not at least be in pursuit of this?

"And the greatest of these is love...Love thy neighbour. "- Jesus 

*Just to be clear, I do not think she "sinned" but some people would and I write this for them. Also the term "sinned" can now be replaced by the terms "Inappropriate" "insensitive" or any other social sanctioning censorship that has taken the place of sin, in the political realm, where some of the social justice people are indeed pharisees, disguised as doing good, or zealots insisting on being heard, and drowning all other voices, or upholders of the new rhetoric "laws" without any compassion or context. Just like you or I, Gina is entitled to her opinions. May I point out that some people whom fight for love say hard things to hear. Jesus, for example, was not well liked. That said- I’m not comparing her to Jesus but am saying sometimes we don’t like things that need hearing. Reactions to him were often either hate or extreme love. Mother Teresa was well loved ( much more than Jesus) but of a very different personality and way to reach the world. One size does not fit all. We all have our ways and many are needed on ALL SIDES. I hope eventually there is justice for more and more people like Gina whom are being cancelled by society in the name of justice ironically. Even if she does get her job back she will probably be forced to make a ridiculous and meaningless apology to placate the masses. How do we not see what is wrong in this picture?

Song Choice: - Sound of Silence- Simon and Garfunkel Because currently it makes me weep with it's accuracy. Absorb the lyrics, examine your soul in silence and dwell in love.

Speechless- Naomi Scott ("And by silence they condemned him."Because if you let your voice completely drown Whom are you? At the same time, make sure your speeches are thought out truths stating your personal beliefs and knowing that they are NOT for everyone and that listening is just as important. Speak but watch what you force others to speak or expect them to speak. Speak but do not enforce your way of speaking as a dictatorship on others.  Because I have been silenced too many times due to my autistic ways of communicating, "Being TOO MUCH" and my gender in some early religious settings. Because I would have been silenced for my brain wiring, Romanian/ Spanish and Aboriginal roots and because I am not a person who can just not speak. But also because I sometimes have mute episodes and cannot properly express myself so when I can, it is a relief...and because, even though I am often misunderstood or have to exhaust myself explaining to get someone to understand where I am coming from properly- that still will not stop me from speaking my truths or being me...not just for myself but for autistics everywhere even if they also happen to disagree with some of my beliefs.  ) 

Brave- Sara Barialles ( Because a lot the censorship and attacking online is hidden in the belief of bravery and social change but is it? However, speaking up with love, saying what you need to say but making sure you are not dogmatic in it...that is bravery. The world needs many voices but voices that are paired with respect, dignity and yes, sometimes harshness but hopefully compassion are valid in the mix.)