*NOTE: As I have mentioned before in posts, personality is ONE aspect of being human and your individual make up. Environment, upbringing, birth, health, trauma, life experience, mental or cognitive differences, genetics, beliefs, gender preferences, country of origin....there are so many aspects that make up YOU. However, I firmly believe finding your accurate personality helps you understand more of yourself and how you work. Take a free test HERE: http://www.16personalities.com - or sign up with an email and take test here http://www.personalityhacker.com/genius-personality-test/ (this site has amazing insight, podcasts and videos.) The key is to answer as you ARE and not as you would want to be like. Meyers Briggs/ Keirsey is what the 16 personalities is based on and has research behind it for a reason. It is more of a descriptor of what you value and how you work out of the world in regards to communication and relationships. I am speaking with authority about INFJ because I am one. However, I make sure I am also reading up on all of the other types and I listen to every single Personality Hacker. Understanding more than just your type is key but writing about YOUR type can help the world. I encourage you, if you are not an INFJ, to write about your type and feel free to link it in the comments, as we need more personal stories on other types out there:) **
I enjoy Michael Pierce's videos on Personality. They are usually around a twenty minute verbal and visual window to introducing people to their cognitive based personality types. After my friends watch theirs, I send them over to Personality Hacker for specific articles and podcasts, but I usually use Michael Pierce's videos first. Below is the INFJ Video. HERE is the link as well. It's my type thus I am going to leave quotes that hit me specifically below and the time they are on the video with expanding thoughts. Also, if I say it's "bits" or "segments" in the time slot, you could benefit from listening to that point and not just the written quote:
I enjoy Michael Pierce's videos on Personality. They are usually around a twenty minute verbal and visual window to introducing people to their cognitive based personality types. After my friends watch theirs, I send them over to Personality Hacker for specific articles and podcasts, but I usually use Michael Pierce's videos first. Below is the INFJ Video. HERE is the link as well. It's my type thus I am going to leave quotes that hit me specifically below and the time they are on the video with expanding thoughts. Also, if I say it's "bits" or "segments" in the time slot, you could benefit from listening to that point and not just the written quote:
I am skipping the introduction because listening to it gives context to the first quote below so I hope readers will listen to it first...
"...are audacious observers and profilers. These insights are very matter of fact and while the ISTP is far more wiling to share them despite the feeling concepts the INFJ will very much censor themselves for the sake of others. They are remarkably sensitive to the implications of their experiences. Metaphorically they have highly sensitive spiritual skin...as a natural result of this they feel the need to protect this skin with various layers of armour and clever strategies of escape and withdrawal from emotional threats.." (1:22- 1:42 Michael Pierce)
The whole video resonates but I love how the beginning starts off with the fact that INFJ's will censor themselves for others. I am constantly censoring myself almost 98 percent of the time and I don't do it for myself at all. I agree that I have a sensitive spiritual skin and I do protect with layers of armour and strategies of escape. My brain is always pondering these boundaries and protections in any given circumstance.
"...so remarkably private and reserved and their primary response is to withdraw...( fun part to listen to here- recommend) should they be caught and kept from retreating...um well, have you ever been bit by a wolf spider? Thus, the warmth of the INFJ is not unlike a genuinely caring and gracious host. Very willing to let just about anyone into their house but depending on the person very particular to which rooms can enter and enjoy and which are kept forbidden to them and how long they may stay in the house at all. But they do any thing in their power otherwise to do their duty to mankind to make their guests stay as comfortable and refreshed as possible." ( Bits from 2:08- 2:55 Michael Pierce)
Lol yes, should I be caught...Yikes a wolf spider is accurate! Don't withhold me when I need to retreat. However, most times I do not need to, in the circumstances I put myself in, and I love to host and meet the needs of people at my own leisure. It is true that both in my emotional psyche and my own home I have things that are forbidden to people yet the rooms that are open are to be enjoyed. I also tend to have time limits. I often feel stretched over two hours, unless it is broken up by a show or movie, then I can go on for awhile longer visiting between and after...but even if I am enjoying the company of others I have limits to how long I can handle other's energy, how I will pay, and how long I will take to recover. (There are exceptions to this and long lost friends coming together are often exceptions- K.M. Also, if I am asking over and over for them to stay that's a pretty good indicator I have extra energy that day and want to take advantage of more time.;)
As my family can attest to, I am very cranky towards them when people leave after a longer period of time, even if I was kind and generous during and honestly savouring the company. It takes a personal toll. I feel it is my duty. It does not come out of feeling although feelings CAN come later, as will be explained later in the video, but rather a sense of duty to what I want to achieve for people. And it ends up being my love... I want them to feel like they have just been at a proverbial spa. The work it takes to create the spa, environment, conversation that is calming and insightful, and the energy taken out by someone in a spa space, is a sacrifice to all who work at the Spa or manage it, but it's one I actually, paradoxically, love to make in general when it is not being taken advantage of.
"...Can come across as obscure, mystic, seer or some other supernatural figure because their process is behind closed doors...in some sense they don't want you to see their house until they have had some time to clean up for you. In that sense they are theatrical. They are there FOR YOU to host and address YOU...very rarely is it the other way around." ( Bits from 3:01-3:30 Michael Pierce)
Yes, I am often told I am mysterious. Which used to baffle me but now I get it and love that part of myself. I prefer most of my process to be behind closed doors. The only exception to this is when I write and also my Instagram. I keep it small and write personal thoughts that I otherwise would not share in person. I consider those on my board an honoured witness to my otherwise private journey. I also consider myself honoured to have them listening to the randoms I put out there...yet even then, it's not my complex thoughts at all. Those I save for rare discussions.
On a practical level, it is true, I actually do not like people seeing my house before I have had time to clean up for them. I am not a clean freak or a type A at all...But I am dramatic. My house is my canvas and I feel it shows off best when clean and everything in it's magical place. It's cluttered and bohemian but particular in placement. The statement that INFJ's are there for YOU to host and address YOU and very rarely have it the other way is true. I have a very tough time being hosted. Very rarely do I enjoy it. I prefer to be there for others. I prefer to centre my space around others instead of being hosted on by them. There are exceptions to this however (my mother, my childhood best friend, my husband, grandmother ect.) but generally it's how I work the best.
(Video worth listening to onward...)
"...Sharp contrast between the shallow courtesies of small talk and disarmingly intense and deep exploration of subjects. There is little to no gradation of the shallow and deep ends of the pool for them." (3:47- 3:56 Michael Pierce)
It's very true that I can jump from shallow courtesy to immediate depth in the span of a minute and see it as related. Unfortunately, unless the person is a type that shares one of my main cognitive functions this isn't an easy path to follow. Most people will say, "What did you just say?" or "Say that again" or my favourite "Where did that come from?" Though I see it as connected.
to where they come from..." ( Bits taken from 4:09- 4:22 Michael Pierce)
Yes, I like to benefit people with my spaces but if the conversation is turned to my inner workings I gently lead it back around to the other. That is what my writing is for. If they care to learn about me, I feel they should read my writing, instead of have me explain. If I sent them something it is not out of a belief they SHOULD read it but an invitation TO read. If they do out of desire and a genuine connect I feel they just got my part of the conversational sharing:) I don't have the patience or desire to repeat most conversations and I find myself clearer about my own self in writing. My biggest love language is verbal validation with comments or paying attention and giving feedback to my written word. This does not apply to those who are not reading out of spite, vindictiveness or to try to figure me out for curiosity sake. But the ones who take the time to care about my writings or are genuinely loving them or finding insight, validation or encouragement...or even relating- those are often my most favourite people because I don't have to explain myself. They have taken the time to know. Then when they are in my space I will make SURE it is all about them. But of course we will still have deep discussions and I will share my experiences if they enrich the conversation in that regard. Most conversations with me will be deep if we are both being truly comfortable with one another.
(From 4:49 onward he gets into the cognitive functions which are important but I will make the assumption that most searching this post already know those or will watch it themselves:)
"...Easily grasping complex subjects...they watch the motions of causes and implications that are hidden beneath the surface appearance of events. INTJ's deal with their NI insight by reconciling by their personal value system...the INTJ therefore comes to have very deep desires or sometimes perhaps fears regarding their insights...deep feelings naturally motivate strong forward action to bring things to pass or prevent them. But the INFJS realm is to introverted intuition and thinking, therefore they are instead reconciling their intuitive insights with a valueless logical, rational system with a purely rational blueprint of the universe. Feeling only enters the picture, when the INFJ considers the implications of their ideas for others and their well being. They are motivated instead to understand the universe in a rather ISTP way and impart that knowledge to others in a way that will benefit them. The INTJ starts however, with the evaluation of the vision, deciding for and of themselves whether it's good or bad, and blue prints do not come into the picture until the INTJ begins bringing the vision about. The INTJ then is much more of a visionary in the regular sense of the world, the INFJ on the other hand takes on the relatively passive, contemplative wisdom imparting role of the wise man." ( Bits from 5:48-7:38 Michael Pierce. I highly recommend to listen to this whole part if you are an INTJ or INFJ)
It is true that as an INFJ, I find complex subjects easy to grasp...explaining this outside of paper and pen/computer and screen (or my brain for that matter!) is not as easy! My bestie is an INTJ which makes sense because we both share the NI insight. Where we are different is how those insights come across. She will often be motivated into action to do something or prevent something with her insights. I will want to assess and step back without feeling at first to see the whole picture, then I will ADD feeling when I speak for the sake of others. It's actually a choice I have when I consider the implications of my ideas that my insights will have on other people. I want the world to be a better place. I want the well being of souls to be high on the priority list.
My INTJ friend is a visionary. Especially in the real definition of the word! Amazing! However, I often prefer to have the same insights but look at them from a place of passivity and understanding to then impart to others. I do like the role of a wise man. The wise man or woman in every story I read was the character I wanted to be or could relate to. It was never the main hero. It was the seer or the witch, or the outcast who came for an instant to say something profound and then hermit away once more.
"If there is anything the INFJ lives for it is to positively impact others through their hard earned wisdom and understanding. To enlighten others like a wise man...( a lot more verbal explanation here to listen to) always something to do with the well being of other people..." ( 7:38- 7:60 Michael Pierce)
Yes! And I DO feel it is hard earned. A fact I wish those who asked for my advice would take seriously or those who listen to the times I do impart what I see of the world. But, as always, I believe people to be able to take or leave my advice. I value freedom of choice. I am not married to my beliefs but rather see them as observations and outcomes that have been proven over and over to often be true, but a choice that people can take or leave, because ultimately their well being could very well come from making mistakes. Who am I to stop those mistakes? But warning of them, I do feel is my duty, if I see a pattern.
"...To help steer people away from dangers, to help steer them away from something they are unable to see for themselves, so the INFJ takes on the role of a concerned observer who seeks to help, uplift, and edify others with their knowledge even to help them see the world from the INFJS far reaching eyes. In a word... to enlighten them." ( 8:16- 8:38 Michael Pierce)
I am having a tough time not saying a resounding, "Yes!" after each of these quotes. Anyway, steering away from danger is HUGE for an INFJ. We value safety and a lack of harm in general. We observe deeply in a way that most people do not even know they are being observed, but we see patterns in relationships, choices and the environment. We want to use these patterns to uplift those we love. We want to validate where they are coming from but then steer them closer to their own personal deep down desires...sometimes even unknown to them. And help them remove the behaviours or beliefs that are standing in their own way. Enlightenment would be the operative word.
(My daughter was watching Gilmore Girls while I was writing and happened to glance at this picture and laughed, "Oh my mother. So true. You are so funny. I love you.")
"INTJ and INFJ...both dominantly perceiving types, seeking before all else to take in information from the environment without taking a judgment upon it thus very image based with strong imaginations ...seek to open people's eyes to the things they themselves see, especially the INFJ... To shine light on an issue and often do not think to add any meaningful judgment on it, at least not yet, their first concern is to get a clear view of the thing and how it works. This can be confusing to say the INFP because while everything the INFJ says is quite interesting to them none of it seems particularly meaningful to the INFP because of how unattached and impartial the INFJ always strives to be towards things, but the INFJ feels that a judgment of this kind would conceal or could obscure aspects of the full thing from view. ( 8:44- 9:43 Michael Pierce)
Both my INTJ friend and I LIVE off of taking in information. We are constantly bouncing this information off of each other. It's why we work so well together in general. Neither of us judge the information either. We are both inclined to allow information to be simply what it is with no good or evil attached. I am probably the one more prone of us to share my insights with others. I want to help people open their inner eyes and see connections. Especially if I think it will improve quality of life but I also am not disappointed if it does not, after an initial adjustment phase.
I do find that this is confusing to my INFP friends. While the INFP has much in common with an INFJ they are also VASTLY different. I don't like to have feelings get in the way of the entire process. INFP's are one of the most feeling types so I can see how this would bother. I will of course, consider feelings, but only after the whole picture has been brought to light. To an INFP this can come across as fake or callous.
"It is common for both the INFJ and the INTJ to often feel as though everyone around them does not see as far or as much as they do. Other people do not seem to actually think but always stop short of the fullest version of the thing...the causes and implications from what's on the surface...the INFJ often feels like the enlightenment of others is the goal....feel very alienated from people." ( Highly recommend listening to the rest of this for INTJ and INFJ types. BITS from 9:51- 11:54 Michael Pierce)
The image for the quote above was the new Sherlock, whom I can relate to but is an INTJ. I see myself in the many ways he speaks and observes. He, however, does not bring the feeling of consideration in as much when delivering to others, which is what the INFJ generally strives for. Thus, we have an F instead of a T, even though we are not an exactly a feely type of person. Both my INTJ friends and I often feel like we are aliens apart from others. This is because of our dominant cognitive function that is vastly different from the other types. We do often feel like others are watching an entirely different show from us even when they can relate. In this case it takes one to know one. However, for myself, I feel that enlightenment of others is my goal, but it is NOT for others to see the world my way but to promote perspective for peace.
10:00 - 10:60 made me laugh. INTJ's may laugh too. "They don't believe you either huh?" ha ha...You will have to listen to know why. Then he goes on to contrast the INFP and INFJ. If you are either personality, this part will be particularly interesting to you. I highly recommend the listen.
" Ethical...because you have discovered that you must do it, regardless of how you feel about the matter, Kant later adds that if you happen to want to do it later, all the better...This is very abhorrent...especially to the INFP...reason is conversely treated as impersonal...this view finds its epitome in Kierkegaard who claims the exact opposite of Kant...because you truly DO want to do it..." (Listen to hear for in depth analysis on why ect. Highly recommend the rest of this part. BITS from 12:43- 13:36 Michael Pierce)
The above quote is one of the most important. Regarding the ethics of INFJ's, we are propelled towards morality not by our feelings but by what we must DO. We can feel greatly opposed to something but if we see that it is the action that must be taken, we will do so. I can see why this would especially be disgusting to an INFP who works from a place of feeling into the world. It would seem very impersonal. I agree with Kant but I can see the validity of Kierkegaard, even though I find him not quite deep enough. I also think that just because I agree with Kant more does not mean that Kierkegaard is not valid or of equal standing in viewpoints. In fact, I see both as benefiting to the world at large. We need both.
"This is why the INFJ can find INFP and other FI preferring types irritatingly selfish and self centred while the INFP finds the INFJ sometimes to be irritatingly insincere and ultimately untrustworthy and unpredictable." (14:08- 14:32 Michael Pierce)
Oh my fellow INFP's...I am surrounded by you on my Instagram and my personal places and let me say first and foremost - I adore you and learn from you. You are valuable and you often bring a missing aspect to the table of my life. On the rare occasion, I can feel slightly frustrated at the constant exaggerated feeling portrayed and I admit I used to find it selfish on the rare occasion. UNTIL I learned about the INFP personality on podcasts and the companion INFP video by Michael Pierce. Then I understood that really it's just the cognitive function stack. You are NOT selfish nor self centred. Just like I am NOT insincere or untrustworthy. Granted, I can be unpredictable. But if INFPs have read in depth at personality hacker about INFJs they will know we deeply value trust and sincerity. Just like I now know that INFPs are not wishy washy artists who do not follow through because of their whims. They are simply feelers whom have a tough time being attached to a particular time or place. Neither is better. Sometimes I will forget this fact and see selfishness but then I remind myself of perception itself and neutrality. Because I WANT to see this instead of use my feelings which can not always be trusted....see what I just did there?:)
"But the INFJ refuses to let anyone see this core because who they are is NOT this primordial core but how they chose to manifest it at any given point for the sake of others..." (14:37- 14:49 Michael Pierce...Fun part about magic tricks following.)
"The INFJ cares about what they actually do about the effects of their actions, while the INFP is more concerned about the intentions and the purity behind their actions." (After this segment he goes on to describe the difference in empathy which is important but I am not going to cover here.)
Can I just say, "THANK YOU MICHAEL PIERCE for pointing this out." An INFJ core is whom we choose to manifest. Our core is NOT our feelings but our choices. Our hearts ARE our minds in a sense. I often don't care about the purity of my actions. In fact, I will often do what is opposite of what I desire for the sake of another. To me that IS authentic because it was a CHOICE I made with self control and observation FOR someone else. My husband is an ENFP and this is where we contend. Because like an INFP he can sometimes think this is unauthentic because it was a choice. I believe both are authentic - just different processing. I care more about what I do with information and not how I first felt about it.
"...The INFP acting more like a personal therapist, while the INFJ is more removed acting like a personal psychologist or diagnostician. But both still feel very deeply for other people it's just that the INFJS method is to dispassionately understand other people...comes into play as a sense of injustice towards those who created such horrible circumstances for the sufferer and a desire for things to be set right by their TI system." ( 16:36- 17:08 Michael Pierce segments)
Yes, INFPs are amazing at listening. They are sensitive and kind and love to probe people's feelings to get them to a place of safety. My goal is the same but I do seem like I can dissect from a less feeling standpoint. I LOVE diagnosing or helping others find their own diagnosis and a professional to help them out. I feel deeply for others but I find I work best when I detach myself from how I feel and concentrate on how they feel. I will also become the most passionate if I feel a grave injustice has occurred to me or to those in my life. I will definitely be the harshest on those who created a horrible circumstance and I will desire to set it right with my TI system.
INFJ and ISTP similarities from 17:08:
"A common INFJ idea is don't get angry but seek instead to understand. Generally people are all for this idea they think its great until of course the INFJ seeks to understand rapists and child molestors for the sake of knowledge, and should they present their sympathetic findings, as always in their comforting FE fashion, the contrast between these two things: The FE and the TI honesty, well, the contrast can be rather disturbing." (17:47- 18:16 Michael Pierce)
I can be angry but often the feelings I have are slight irritation or frustration. It's rare that I am seriously angry. Even when I say trite statements like "That makes me angry." I'm not actually all that enraged because my brain is working to understand what is making me angry while I am saying it. I seek to understand. And yes this has gotten me in trouble. My husband often says that he feels for me because no other type of personality feels and understands their enemies so much. I spend thought into the motivations and trauma of others...what makes them THEM. Even if I do not condone an action I CAN actually understand how it happened. Even when it is done to me. Which is quite conflicting. It's unfortunate that INFJ's will never be given this courtesy, to this extent, by anyone other than another enlightened INFJ. Also, it is true that I present a person's motivation with matter of a fact, deadpan honesty but also with compassionate insight and this can confuse people or even disturb them.
"Sometimes the INFJ DOES get angry or irritated and here, they become rather the opposite of the detached psychologist... It would be a serious mistake to consider the INFJ always dispassionate - they only come off that way because they are following a personal TI sense of duty or set of principles that they will not break no matter what they feel or fancy at a particular moment. " ( 18:16- 18:39 Michael Pierce)
That being said, I DO get angry. And when I do TRULY get angry, anyone in my way will know. I will verbally destroy someone and I have to watch what I say. I come across as neutral a lot because I squelch my own feelings under a sense of duty, but the times that I don't squelch are the times that involve injustice towards me (particularly disability because I know in the end it won't just affect me but the behaviour will affect all those disabled so I am not just angry for myself) or any other person I love.
Usually I have a set of principles I will not break even with those closest to me. I will constantly redirect my negative feelings to find a proper outlet and open communication. As an INFJ, my feelings are secondary.
"As a rule, their strongest principles are towards others welfare and when these are violated in their eyes it is remarkably easy for the INFJ to set all empathy for the trespasser aside." (18:47-18:57 Micheal Pierce)
Yup. All empathy. It's so easy to let go of it all in these circumstances...I also struggle with people whom have biased prejudice, make ignorant assumptions, and critical observations made through a narrow lens. Those attributes get my back up more than anything and unfortunately I have to distance myself from anyone who makes a habit of these statements even if it is grounded in naiveté or I understand where it comes from. First I will try to open the perspective and give a chance for change, but it if still happens regularly it's distance, distance, distance.
(19:01 made me chuckle too...I can see that and yes, it comes out occasionally in my writing...LOL the examples slayed me...but as any INFJ can attest to- too true, too true. Yet, we have Ghandi as one of our own so I am not too concerned.)
"There is a sense both to INFJ's and INTJ's of wanting to scour the whole entirety of existence and experience in the most raw and real way. For INFJ's this is often a method of shocking people by suddenly illustrating something with unprecedented graphicness. Perhaps the best example of this is Dostoyevsky who described the brutal murder and depravity in his stories with solemn but unflinching honesty. Another example would be Dante who gave the scenes of hell an unsettling realism and rawness." (21:24- 21:57 Michael Pierce.)
If I wanted to describe something in gruesome detail I could. Even in my writings I do not go towards poetry often or words that evoke deep feeling. That type of writing most likely manifests in an INFP writer like Tolkien or C.S. Lewis. I prefer to write matter of fact paragraphs with imagination swirling through on occasion. I prefer to write to shake the common beliefs surrounding, give alternatives, and pure reality. I want rawness...while I deeply enjoy beautiful lyricism I prefer it with a dose of reality and have a tougher time reading pure poetry. It's not better...it's not less...it just is what speaks to me as an INFJ.
If you found this insightful I strongly urge you to enjoy all or any of Michael Pierce's videos on personality types. Also, I strongly urge you to listen and watch the entire podcast to get the context of the quotes as well as the fun cartoons and pics in the background. If you crave more after watching, the best site is Personality Hacker for personal podcasts found HERE. I also have another post on INFJ personality, which happens to be the top hit on my blog daily, HERE. 16 Personalities is the best place for a common, quick written overview of each personality. (click HERE.)
My hope is greater understanding to create a better world. Understanding creates peace. Peace promotes an environment of love and well being. May it be.
I also have a post on the Contradictions, ironies and paradoxes of the INFJ here:
I'm leaving the below pin because it resonates and makes me laugh:
I feel the lyrics in this song are especially geared towards INFJ in many ways even though John Lennon is suspected to be an ENFP or INFP...the lyrics in this one could apply to all three of these Idealistic types, but certain phrases certainly resonate with an INFJ.
13 comments:
"It is common for both the INFJ and the INTJ to often feel as though everyone around them does not see as far or as much as they do."
True. So, so true. And ya know, it's not like I'm expecting people to be chess masters. For one thing, I suck at chess and I think I should practice what I preach. But you'd think the most basic concept of cause and effect would be better understood. If you cuss openly in front of your small children, they will eventually swear as well. And it's a little awkward for a preschooler to get home early for not only dropping F-bombs, but for using them correctly too. Cause and effect. Basic stuff. Not many gets it.
Can't say I have yet had the privilege of reading Nietzsche's work, but I am already in love with his mustachio. I've had some of Dante Alighieri's stuff on my ereader for a while, but haven't had a chance yet to tear into it. Part of me really looks forward to it, part of me doesn't want make to encourage my dark side. Some of my idle curiosities I've commented on had me banned from past conversations with people.
As an INTJ I felt the parts about my type were accurate. I have also watched the INTJ Pierce and I can't think of anything I disagreed with. I laughed and loved parts of it like the "master of my own control." Thanks for sharing the links. Insightful.
AShe: Lol I totally agree. Love that you are an INTJ. Some of my favs people:) Cause and effect- so basic. You should read Nietzsche! Seriously see if you resonate as an INTJ plus he is SO misquoted out of context. He was BRILLIANT in his writings...brilliant. I just can't get enough of his philosophies some times and I adore his bluntness. And yes lol the moustache! I can't read Dante...but he is in my category. Lol enjoy the infernal darkness!
Annon: I am glad it felt accurate to you. The michael Pierce video is so amusing! I love that one- watched it with my INTJ son and he felt it was bang on too. Ha ha he also enjoyed that quote plus many others. I found the cartons funny. I wish more people would watch their type...plus if it doesn't resonate then they can see if they are mistyped by one letter. Thanks for your comment.
I don't know what you are going to say, but after reading this post, I want to say that I have not found any differences between INFJ and INFP in your post. Maybe, I am an INFJ (wrongly tested as an INFP) !!! Right from the beginning of the post, where you gave an example of a spa, where people work as if they are performing their duties and not so much out of feeling and then later feeling exhausted after guests are gone...In fact, each and every sentence describes me so well , seriously I couldn't find any difference.
But I would like to add, maybe we are both Aspies that's why we are so similar, even if our personalities are different. We are also similar because both of us are Highly sensitive person.
About feelings VS duties, purity/intention behind actions, not agreeing with someone but still defending them and their rights, attachment vs detachment, withdrawing, - those are same too.
Having said that I want to add :
I think that INFPs hide their true nature and mask themselves too much because of the "P". By "P" I mean they can see both sides of the world. They may even see and understand why a violent person is violent, without judging that person.
The "P" in them makes them more agreeable to others ( it comes off as pleasing and praising others too much i.e. super expressive with their words and actions ) and hence they may seem to be "feeler" types, which they are but they are extremely detached which they do not show.
So when INFPs see the good side, they are superhappy and expressive and starts praising and loving and caring too much. But when they see the bad side, they are cold,dark,lost and detached.
INFPs see possibility in everything and are too understanding ( not from the place of love that much but from the place of detachment and objective study of human nature ). The only thing that the INFPs may differ from INFJs is that they are very "accepting " of all (without judging) but they have strong personal likes and dislikes ( not about other people but about their own likes and dislikes)-- which form their personal values or acts as a moral compass. And if these strong likes and dislikes are asked to be compromised for greater social good, they won't.
For example : They will accept and even give service to their enemies. They will accept their enemies even if their enemies commits a thousand sins, but if the enemy tells them ( not even force them but simply persuades them) to give up something very simple like giving up their reading habit, they will stop talking to their enemies and may even stop communicating with them for the rest of their lives.
INFPs have very opposing and contradictory traits which help them to accept both sides of the world, good and bad. But if they are asked to give up their "values"/or what they like /prefer doing, (or forced to do what they dislike)then they will cut off all communication from the person who forces them. Yet for the entire world, this cutting off communication for even silly reasons is difficult to understand.But for INFPs personal space is very important to the point of being silly :))
Another thing about INFP : They try to find meaning in many things, many metaphorical things...although they can study humans objectively, they have this very personal thing which they use for their personal goals/moral compass and that is they are very spiritual and try to find meaning and connection and patterns in a world beyond this material universe or beyond this body and dive right into the soul ...that is why they are so deep...they would try to find spiritual solutions for practical /psychological problems...I think this is where INFPs and INFJs may differ or may not, I may be completely wrong here, you may correct me.
I have met two ENFPs and I find them using metaphors and philosophy too but they do not seek spiritual meaning or guidance to that deep extent that I do ( sometimes, my inner world is like the world of a nun or monk ).Also probably because they are not aspies, I find them very different from me. Again, I could be wrong.
I have met one INTJ and one ISFJ and in both cases, I found vast differences because of the Aspie-NT thing, irrespective of personality differences.
S: There are some rather huge differences between INFP and INFJ because of the cognitive stack but yet we can also seem very similar and come from the same value systems:
InFJ versus INFP: http://www.personalityhacker.com/infp-vs-infj/ that will help explain it best:)
https://culturaldisasters.wordpress.com/2015/07/02/the-elusive-infj/ (there is also a test link on there to clarify if you are an INFP or INFJ) Most of your phrases sounded like an INFJ....Maybe take the test at Personality Hacker as its the most accurate?
Also the J doesn't actually mean judging. We actually are the least judging type. We observe and predict. But the J for judging in Meyers Briggs actually means preference for schedules, lack of general spontaneity, and prefer a decided lifestyle where as perceivers prefer a flexible and adaptable lifestyle. see here: http://www.myersbriggs.org/my-mbti-personality-type/mbti-basics/judging-or-perceiving.htm
I do relate to you one of the most- I always thought you were an INFJ actually but you are right- our ASpie brains and sensitivities connect us even more. My husband is an ENFP and he loves philosophy but it started with a push from me....and I think that all Idealists take different things to different levels...
You are right! So many factors involved! In the end even if you test out with a P but KNOW your life is preferable structured and relate more to the cognitive stack of an INFJ or read articles and the INFJ resounds more...not the one you would like to be but ARE...then you would still go with the gut and not the tests. If that is not enough try watching the Michael Pierce video above on InFJ and then his one on INFP and see which one resonates at a deeper level:)
Thanks for your wonderful thoughts:)
Thank you for the feedback and links. I have tested myself again and read the differences between INFP and INFJ ( provided by you ). I came out as an INFP.
I can see where we are differing.
First I want to discuss about Introverted feeling vs Extroverted Feeling ( although the former is my primary/dominant function and the latter is your auxiliary function ) . "Introverted feeling" can be very personal and self determined and often self centred. It may hurt others feelings when we give preference to our own feeling. It may appear as cold and distant. Whereas, "Extroveted feelings" may sometimes lead to the manipulation of others, if pursued to unhealthy levels (according to the link provided by you). I have an aunty who is an ENFJ and her primary cognition is "extroverted feeling". She pushes the whole family to have harmony ( in spite of differences among the family members ) and will nag you and drag you forcibly to communicate with all family members on a daily basis. She will ask you about your well being but after that she will go on and on about how we should be united as a family.If u disagree with her, she will push you even more. Although she has the best interest of all in her heart about our family, family members feel uncomfortable around her because harmony is not everyone's goal/wish in life. For most people of our family, one should simply get along with each other and be respectful towards each other, not continuously strive for harmony.
By writing about my aunty, or writing about extravarted feeling, I am not trying to point out the flaws in "extroverted feeling" function( if it is taken to a unhealthy level ). Hope you understand and forgive me if I hurt you. I am not referring to your extaverted feeling also because that is your secondary preference and also you are a healthy INFJ. For my aunty, it is her primary preference.I am discussing all these to clear my doubt.
Secondly, about mirroring and absorbing emotions, I tend to have both. When I am sitting with people without even speaking a word I absorb their emotions without even knowing who they are or what they are saying /about to say. It is also very telepathic. And I am getting very afraid of this telepathic capacity of mine since many years. Are you having this experience as well ? It has nothing to do with feelings or empathy because both may be learned/parctised /mirrored over a period of time but this is very instinctive telepathy which is happening with my experience with strangers too. Why I am asking you this is because when once u get to know how a person is "feeling" inside (even if they are masking outside, even if I have met them for the first time ) it becomes really difficult to continue a meaningful relation with them without myself putting on a "mask". Is it because of our aspiness ?
I know that I am diverting from the INFP/INFJ topic, but I have been wanting to discuss this telepathic ability with you for a long time and also because you know much about Aspergers Syndrome.
S: I realized right after I posted my comment that I was getting you mixed up with Glynis who is an INFJ- its hard for me to remember all the time. Plus, I was browsing through your instagram after and knew right away you were an INFP simply that a typical give away is the many projects, art works, photography that leans toward poetic, poems ect...that usually manifest more in INFPs online. But I wanted to wait till you looked at the links and decided for yourself before I said anything. So I think that is right!
Yes, once both are understood and balanced- both are excellent ways of working out of the world. I understand what you mean about your aunt as out of all the types an ENFJ is the most prone to manipulation when unhealthy...it takes them a lot to get there but they are some of the most nagging when unhealthy - my grandma is an enfj and she takes this to expert levels but on the flip side she would do anything for anyone. She is simply unhealthy and doesn't know herself. Also as you pointed out it comes from good intentions but lack of awareness. My daughter is also an ENFJ but a healthy one. We have watched her podcasts and it warns of manipulation so she is aware but she has never gotten there. Instead she is the kindest, most generous nurturing soul I have ever met. So pure and kind. I honestly believe that while the ENFJ can make the most manipulative bad guy- it rarely happens...in general they are the type that can be kind to others simply because they want to. I see your points and I get what you mean:)
And yes, it's my second which is why I am not a feely type even though I have an F. Feelings are secondary and I apply them to others more than myself.
I understand. I tend ot have both too. I think everyone has a little of everything but its the primary function that is your go to in personality. That said, I do think that as Aspies we do feel others pain. Every autistic I know has said they feel so deeply the pain of others they have to shut down sometimes...which is so ironic the medical papers say we are unempathetic. We all know we are the MOST empathetic...the problem is our communication style or differences in facial expression do not SHOW this in a way NTs prefer. But if they know us well they know we are feeling their pain at their own level...so yes...I would say that some of it is more from our different brain wiring. This also gives way to predicting and knowing how a person feels inside when they don't even know themselves. Like knowing they are saying the exact opposite...its also simply put our lie detecting ability as well at a deep level. But we usually let it go because obviously if the person is unaware or uninterested in exploring it...well, what can we do?:) I also get it upon meeting people too. I know exactly whom I will never speak to again, whom I wont get along with, and whom will be safe or not. But they have no idea that assessment was made and its not a judging thing...as I am open to it being wrong...but its a gut instinct and it has yet to fail me.
INFJ's and Autistics tend to have what seems like telepathic abilities but they are actually predictions that come at a very fast rate from connections we see that most without our brain wiring or persona do not. The observations, patterns and connections quickly make a picture of the future and we can't explain how we know- we JUST do. But its actually more scientific if its broken down and not woo woo...its just that we can never break it down verbally for someone as it happens so fast.
Thank you for your great comment!
Thank you for your feedback. I was discussing both the negative and positive aspects of personality types because I have been often misunderstood too. WE cannot hide our negative traits because it is so obvious to other people who may not get along with us. Negative traits are bound to come to the surface one day.
I know the very word "negative" here is subjective. Still, I would like to give u an example: When pushed to a limit, I disconnect all my ties with some people. Whereas, my ENFJ aunt will never disconnect with anyone even if she is bullied. She has very poor personal boundaries. NOw, if u see, my INFP traits are not socially acceptable ( I have very strong personal boundaries and I keep myself aloof). Whereas, my aunty's ENFJ trait ( of people pleasing and wanting to be with people plus poor boundaries) is socially more acceptable, even liked by others. On top of that, she is an NT ( more socially acceptable ) and me an Aspie ( less socially acceptable). So if u analyse the situation, I may come off as a heartless villain and my aunty the ever-sacrificing heroine.
There is nothing wrong with being an INFP or ENFJ or INFJ or NT or Aspie but how much the society accepts or dislikes the traits inherent in each category. So, if u judge according to social norms of acceptability, some personality types do suffer more and are marginalized more than others. I have to always keep that in mind when I sometimes feel hopeless because of some of my "negative" traits. Maybe , we should focus more on our positive traits otherwise, those negative traits will make us more depressed.
Again by negative, I don't mean good/bad but simply how much some traits are more socially valued over others ( for e.g. extroversion vs. Introversion).
Some of my negative traits are : aloof and distant from others, strong boundaries, independence ( not emotionally dependent on others ), emotionally cold during major life issues, making weird and uncommon life choices, always having opposite thoughts and viewpoints when all the society is going in one direction whereas I am going in the other,sometimes overtly emotional but hiding it from everyone so I seem like cold, uncommunicative/not interested in communication so I seem like selfish and self centred, etc.etc.
Some of my positive traits are- extremely creative ( creativity gives me happiness ), I can maintain lifelong friendship with two or three people at most if the foundation is solid, very loyal to friends,loves unconditionally when loves, very stable with spouse/lover with no ego problems/ very less arguments, very adaptable wherever I am put in a new situation in life, very understanding and tolerant of others behavior (as long as we do not stay in the same room), encouraging and inspiring others, is passionate about life and has lust for life (life as we experience through our senses and not only social life ), strong ability to bounce back from difficult situations, peace loving.
Some of my positive traits are also negative-like- I am independent and aloof yet this aloofness gives me happiness so if I am forced to be social and generous, it may help others but not help me. Secondly, being peace loving, I stay away from conflict ( run away when I see conflict is coming, by being avoidant and silent, for which some people hate me for being uncommunicative but I do not like to argue or defend myself. I hate to talk and am very bad at the art of arguing because my speaking skills are limited, even a child can win an argument with me :)) )
Again thanks for clearing the issue of telepathic power of the aspies. As they are highly sensitive, they can sense and catch invisible vibes and emotions of people too !! Scary and disturbing. I have to find a way to not let myself get affected by this ability. Do you know of any ways to get relief ? Because I am always "feeling " others to the extent that I get physically sick sometimes due to this overload of sensing others emotions. Sorry for the long post. U may email me the answer if u do not feel comfortable replying here.
S: I agree....we all have negative traits and some are socially acceptable while others are not. It seems very biased and shows the values of the culture we live in. excellent points that some suffer more and it is good to consider.
LOL all your negative traits I see as positive...but then I guess I have them too... I believe they are self giving and loving actually in the end but you are right that most of society is trained to see otherwise. I also love your list of positives- I see those in you and that is very true...and I like how you mentioned that positive can also be negative.
No problem. Sorry its taken so long to get back. My hubby has been sick and holding down the fort with low energy has been tougher while also making sure he is ok. Yes Aspies can do that...THe only way to get relief ARE boundaries unfortunately and fortunately. also Distance, lots of space, and when you have to be a place where there are lots- shutting it down. Shutting down your self a bit...I imagine a bubble around myself full of bouncy energy that just lightly bounces stuff off gently while keeping my light inside in a protective space. I breathe into this space and use it as a force field. Then I make sure that I have a place to escape to as soon as I can. This mental game works a bit for me or at least enough to get me through. Deflecting is also a strategy I use. Some say Rieki helps or some sort of energy game. Also, concentrating on a single obsession to try not to absorb another's feelings...Its constant exhaustion and constant awareness...sigh. Its part and parcel of being us:)
Thank you for asking such considerate questions and posing beautiful statements. I love your thoughts on these matters. I don't have many answers unfortunately but those are just a few things I try to implement myself. Some times they work- sometimes not so much! But we live and learn what works for us personally and perhaps you will find your own strategies I can learn from!:)
Thank you for your feedback. Hope your hubby is doing better now. I have heard about the techniques you have discussed here. But I have not tried them enough. Some say that being "aware" of others energy and "centred" in yourself helps, most of the time.Also, boundaries, as u have rightly mentioned. Yet, most of the time, people do not understand boundaries and it is hard to implement them. In fact, people have no sense of boundaries at all which makes implementing boundaries all the more difficult. Sometimes, I feel that a "strong sense of self" is all we need. As a self assured individual, we can overcome any storms. WE need to be very confident of who we are ( self doubting makes us weaker) and in whatever we do. Even as we doubt ourselves (sometimes), we have to realize that we are "no less" than others if not "more/better" than them. I think this is the key. i.e .be sure of yourself even as the whole world is doubting u/ calling u a lunatic. But not by blaming others but rather taking a stand for what you stand for/ what you believe is right for yourself ( may be wrong for the world/others but right for you ).Thank you again for your feedback, take care,
S: Yes! Loved that comment. Thank you!
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