Home Making, Travel Mentalities, and the Beauty of Hearth and Home

"Homemaking is surely in reality the most important work in the world. What do ships, railways, mines, cars, government, ect. exist for except that people may be fed, warmed, and safe in their own homes? ...The homemaker's job is one of which all other's exist."- C.S. Lewis.

If you are new to my blog, please know I am a feminist. The definition of 'feminist' means many things to many people. My definition is that men and women deserve equal chances at life, love and respect. Women get to contribute and write the history books now too. Little boys are just as important as little girls and both should be regarded with dignity. With that in mind, I don't believe home making is just for women. My husband gets a lot of satisfaction from making our home. He is a master carpenter whom has carved out a library out of two previously small rooms. He has renovated and designed. I am the master designer of our home because that is where my gifts lie but if I didn't have Dyspraxia (see side labels) and more strength I am sure our roles could be reversed. 

Our home is a place for us to gather in dark times, to find ourselves, and to BE. A house with love in it IS rich indeed. Anam Cara is a magical safe haven of hope. Mostly because of the creative souls that live inside. Our house used to be a standard box inside with taupe walls. Because of our infusion of creativity and handwork it has morphed into a colourful indoor garden and outside is shaping up to be full of life and plants too. It has taken time and stress but time and stress I would gladly sacrifice again because most of the process was a family event of time spent together. (See Anam Cara side label for more.)  I have lived in a house full of toxic mould and I do know that stepping into healthier places DOES matter, yet, even in that home we found ways to make it as beautiful as it could be. We are healthier now but it had moments and beauty that we still carry forth. A house, at it's core with love needs to reflect the personalities of the people involved. I know the ugliest house could eventually be made beautiful by us. It's about love. It's about perspective and the little souls inside. I love the life we have built. I don't need much and yet it is everything.

I know that many children do not get to experience safe, nurturing homes. First parents need to find home within themselves before they can provide a haven for children. There are many factors involved that sociologists have studied and personality and psych also come into play (see some book titles are in my library or discover some of these themes on your own:)  I am not going to cover that home can be a terrifying place. Instead, how we have made our home making part of our healing.

When I was a little girl I dreamed of having my own epic love story. I can honestly say that dream came true. Our love has been full of battles and gruelling journeys but it also had the elements of true love, falling back into the love, beautiful moments of celebration and adventurous excitement. It hasn't been easy but I think most epic love stories aren't too easy. There are delicious moments of ease mixed into the tiring steps of life. LIFE...What a word packed with paradox!

I have three children who spend almost all their time at home around me. A healthy way (I believe) to be. Of course they go out into the world at times but they flourish at home. Right now are the years I cherish. "So darling, though the years with all my love I'll pray, a house with love in it is where we'll stay."- Nat King Cole -A House With Love In It.

I have never been a personality that needs to find myself only through physical exploration or experience the world to be respectful of differences. Every place/country I had travelled, I felt like I had already "been there." I think I have in my imagination or through knowing other people and their stories. In the "Secret life of Walter Mitty" the cinematography was beautiful, the Himalayan line was well done and the ending (although expected) was beautiful but there was this underlying assumption that one has to travel to find meaning. Or that daydreaming needs to stop for one to "live their life." My guess is that the critics who enjoyed it immensely are the ones who have 9-5 jobs that do not suit their personalities, Type A's or Sensors. None of these are horrid things to be, but they do influence the story. To see the difference between a sensor and intuitive see the graph below:

See why most sensors need to travel more? There are certain types of Intuitives that need adventure too and those are the ones with adventure in one of their main driving seats (like an INFP or ENFP) but most of them COULD have the adventure of the mind and still feel satisfied. I have two friends who loved 'The Secret Life of Walter Mitty.' Both are more imaginative and interesting people. They were so touched with the ending that they really enjoyed the film. I can understand that.

Our culture has a bit of an obsession with travel. An element of education can happen through travel but I know many people who have travelled who have dis -ease with their lives, unfulfilled love,  and lack of rooted being. There is beauty in travel. There is beauty in rootedness. There are benefits and downsides to everything. To celebrate one over another or to think one is more educated is simple snobbery.

I am an Intuitive. I also have sensory overload and other limitations. Thus my travelling days are probably small in number. I don't believe rootedness is the only way to BE but rootedness has given me my best shot at life. Just like, I am sure, travel would for others. Even though I have been to many places  that DID shape me, I find I am most educated through my rich imagination, my books and the people I choose to love...along with loving myself. I am educated by being in nature and that does not mean having to travel to find certain nature scenes. The world is full of wondrous beauty but I don't need to own all of it or be in all of it- to feel it. All it takes for me is to sit outside on my deck and smell the wild roses, see the grasses sway, hear the bees buzz and the frogs in the marsh croak...and I KNOW I am connected to each creature in a beautiful way. The earth is often an equal partner in community as people are.

For my persona, I am the most delighted by the home fires. I used to feel so guilty for this. I am in the minority. But as we severed roots of conformity and began new roots of being and putting our blood into our very surroundings, I began to understand that it is just who I am (and we are right now.) As I have said before in other posts, your story SHOULD and WILL be different in many aspects. Find what works for you. Part of my story is influenced by a different brain wiring perspective, part of it is due to native and gypsy roots. (Ironic? Travelling in mind is similar to travelling in body. The spirit IS.) Many places have different energies/ sensory perceptions...and it is ok if I protect what is my space with energies I can handle.

In his early twenties my husband craved travel but then he discovered books, philosophy, gardening, carpentry, film and connecting with a variety of other people and beliefs through the Internet. Now he is similar to me regarding travel. He prefers day trips and coming back to our beautiful home and yard.

In "Eat Pray Love" the author went travelling to find herself. I understand that some people need a different place to displace them out of their self made boxes. Travelling pushes us out of our bodies and out of our time which triggers our brain waves into different thinking patterns. This is important but it's folly to have the expectation that only travel can achieve the same result. My brain does a similar process with one sensory trigger.

Like certain gifts, some people have the gift of being culturally transient. They need to use that. However, travel has been idealized in our movies as the only well informed education - probably a good tactic to boost economies and world trade. It's a myth that a well travelled person is a well balanced and sophisticated person. It solely depends on the person. Travel can be a tonic but at the end of the day each person is still the sum of their choices and their wiring...it's like a car getting a new coat of paint. It's still the same car. It still has the same engine but it is just shinier for a few years longer. Perhaps people may be more drawn to the car for awhile because people are awed by shiny things but in the end it's still the same vessel. All vessels crave or benefit from a needed rest or change. That is beauty. It is to be respected. Paint is pretty. If travel is your beauty or your need to propel you to greater possibilities of self- go for it. Beauty is integral to BEING. There are many ways to incorporate beauty and meaning into life. Travel can bring beauty but so can staying rooted.

I am basking in the comforts of my home and our own little slice of heaven. It's good to be home. Home is like the Anne of Green Gables theme song. I have been healed by many people, circumstances and environments in life. Our home has been the largest part of our healing. My husband and I pour ourselves and the very fabric of ourselves into the spaces we live in. By breathing our life out we bring life back into our soul.

Upon walking into our home for the first time the most common phrase I get is, "I have never seen anything like this...it's like comfort and magic." I had one lady tell me, "I have been to sophisticated homes and places enriched with wealth and I did not feel a sense of home or welcome. I walk into your house and I feel safe. Like I can say anything vulnerable and still be ok." Strangers have opened up. Friends feel welcome. People sense our persona that we otherwise keep closely guarded out in the world. A Lord of the Rings fan told me my favourite compliment once, "Your home is Rivendell or Lothlorien. You are lady Galadriel - terrifying and mysterious to most but to those whom are welcomed in- a healing presence. A magical stop in a crazy, busy world. It's almost otherwordly- your views and the way you take a normal home and change it.” My hope is that everything slows down once inside and the beauty around is infused with grace. (And yea, I got choked up with that compliment.) To be seen so clearly is one of the most beautiful human interactions. Even for a moment.

Our soul friend - Anam Cara- is our home. By home making we find our meaning, our main job, and the beauty in our existence. When one is lost- the heart leads one home. Home can be a person too and a feeling. I take our home with us when I go out. A home's literal, physical importance is underestimated in the busyness of life when people only spend minimal hours of sleep between four white washed walls. That is not home. It is a place to rest between the daily grind, and while that is important, it's no wonder so many feel that something crucial is missing from their lives. We all don't need magical places or amazingly designed homes, but a place that has parts of our personalities and reflections of ourselves, care of the earth, care of what we own, and the cultivation of the living beauty of life- is an important element of life.

Playing pretend when I was little was one of my favourite past times. I would play many scenarios in which I found my man or that I rescued him or he rescued me. I spent hours making up magical places, creating in my playhouse and dressing up. I role played, talked to the stars in the night sky and creatures in the moss. Daydreaming, listening to music or watching my 1940's 'friends' on film were some of my favourite pastimes. I wasn't a typical child. I was basically Sara Crewe. At times my dad was concerned I was living too much in fantasy or through someone like Judy Garland whose voice I could mimic down to perfection. Something my best friend would consistently request me to do and my mom constantly got me in trouble for ("Stop singing through your nose!") I almost thought I was meant to be in that 1940's timeline. Now I see that I was just very intuitive, imaginative and used my mind to escape conformity around me. I didn't fit in even though I could easily pretend to be normal. I also had sensory assaults that felt like trauma. Now I don't pretend anymore but I do still imagine (although yes I do play at being normal in situations where it is a necessary way to cope or be able to come home quicker.) I learned my limits, how to cope with the sensory, and how to sever ties with conformity happily.

I can honestly say I have lived a full life already and all my dreams have come true but I would not have said that ten years ago. I could die tomorrow happy with what I have. Not that I want to  leave yet as I would love to continue to live what I have and be with my husband and children. I DO still imagine, travel in books and film, and soak up the world in daydream like states. I fly to worlds on a whim or become a different character for awhile. I was excited the other day when I came home from one of my favourite stores with some new treasures. My daughter took one look at my pile of stuff and laughed, "You are so cute mom- so influenced by what we watch. All this stuff is Japanese -like design - home decor similar to stuff in the 'Avatar' or 'Legend of Korra'." (We are currently enjoying an anime series that is Asian in theme.) I didn't even see that my choices reflected that influence and I had a theme going but I love that I brought another piece of the world's beauty into our home reflection. My daughter was perceptive and once again the Rory to my Lorelei.

Heaven is waiting for me, my friend. Every moment of my life- it's waiting for me to take notice. Small moments of existence are heaven. Home surrounds with warmth, love, delight, peace, beauty, compassion and allowance of all expressions. I can be messy, crazy or any sort of negatively sanctioned action in our culture with acceptance in my home. I can weep, sing, dance and laugh. I can chant, pray or do whatever. I can lose myself and find myself. I can give the same gift to my children and husband. In small ways we also give that to those that are allowed to enter our haven. That freedom is a gift. It feels like home.

"Hold on to me as we go

As we roll down this unfamiliar road
And although this wave (wave) is stringing us along

Just know you're not alone
'Cause I'm gonna make this place your home

Settle down, it'll all be clear
Don't pay no mind to the demons
They fill you with fear
The trouble—it might drag you down
If you get lost, you can always be found

Just know you're not alone
'Cause I'm gonna make this place your home

Ooo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo. Oo-oo-oo-oo [2x]
Aaa-aa-aa-aa-aa-aa-aa. Aa-aa-aa-aaaaaa [4x]

Settle down, it'll all be clear
Don't pay no mind to the demons
They fill you with fear
The trouble it might drag you down
If you get lost, you can always be found

Just know you're not alone
'Cause I'm gonna make this place your home" Lyrics by Phillip Phillips Home. This song has a particularly special place in our family's hearts... a few stories for the future but for now- enjoy the listen! Louis Armstrong 's Home Fire is one of my favourites from childhood and it paints a beautiful picture. Dream describes my life in many ways:) 

How to Support Families of Patients in ICU/Hospice/ Death or Trauma. A Practical Guide to Care for Intensive Care Unit Patients and Families.

*This post can also be transferred over to helping support people grieving in death or in a trauma situation too.*

CONTEXT:
My Husband's mom is on life support, has had blood transfusions and been through what I would deem hell on earth enduring horrid procedures and invasive treatments. Just two weeks ago she was feeling sickly but one of the most vibrant people we knew. To see the dramatic change was especially shocking for my husband. It's not easy to see the people we love hooked up to machines and fighting for their lives, however, I find it easier than seeing them conscious struggling to deal with pain. Being in the ICU has had me thinking about how people can help support families of ICU patients. This post also applies to Hospice situations. The following list has ways of support, numbered in order of importance, if you are wondering how to help or aid people in these circumstances:

HOW TO AID FAMILIES AND LOVED ONES AFTER A DEATH OR DURING ICU:

1.) Financial.

For some, the thought of giving money may feel heartless or cold because most people want to be in on the emotional aspect of support. Some people do not love to throw cash at a situation and not see results. However, this is the BEST way to support families of loved ones in ICU. Unless there is a child under 18 in ICU, there are not free supports to help the spouse or loved ones stay the nights. Sometimes the medical staff will allow a chair to be pulled up to spend the night, but when the ICU care lingers on for weeks at a time, this isn't feasible. Hotels will give 20 percent off, if there is a signed form from the hospital, but even within that, it adds up fast after days upon days. Most people do not have the budget for constant hospital trips, hospital parking (which is INSANE), food, work days taken, and fuel to travel back and forth. (This also applies to Hospice.)

This is also a good idea during a death. Death is expensive for the family and it's the last thing they need to think about. In order for the spouse or close loved ones of the family to be a part of things, they need to know they have the finances to sustain the support. Our father in law is retired and savings are meant for living costs which makes this situation tougher. Each time we have gone up to the city hospital to ICU we try to pay for at least one of his meals and bring him anything he would request at our cost if possible. We know others are doing this too, which helps, but he could use more support. We have contacted his church and they will also help him if possible within the next few days.

Coming from our situation, as the son and daughter of the person in ICU, we have also not been able to go up as much as we would like due to finances. My husband has already taken three days of work to be a support and also for his own sanity as he wanted to see his mom every day. We have gone up consecutively three days in a row. My husband is very close to his mom and they both have a deep understanding of each other, especially in the last few years. Being the baby of the family, his mom is the closest one to him. For us, the money for the last three days of work lost, childcare, fuel, food and parking has already equalled a significant loss. It was worth it for us but we can not imagine how hard it must be for people who have to be there constantly. We are very grateful we have such a supportive work team and site manager for my husband. Understanding goes a long way.

When you are not worrying about money, it is easier to be nourished with food and rest, so that one can support to the best of their ability, the person in trauma. Whether it is gift cards to gas stations, food places ect, prepared meals within the diet of the person affected or nutritious baking and snacks to carry along, or cold hard cash...this is THE most helpful way to carry a family through ICU. If you know the spouse or closest member to the patient, give money to them. If you are closer to the children or secondary people to the patient in ICU better, give money to them because if each person does this accordingly, each person will be supported and able to be a better support to each other without the stress of meeting basic needs. This also applies to family of a deceased loved one.

DO NOT WORRY IF YOU CAN NOT DO THIS- SEE BOTTOM OF MY POST FOR MORE.

2.) Emotional care, prayers of support, and words of affirmation. 

People who are alone in ICU with no other family would put quality time ahead of this and need others to show up to be with them as second instead of third (which I will get to in a minute.) However, people who already have a lot of family showing up don't need the chaos of more people speaking into the situation. But they do appreciate words of support and care. ESPECIALLY if their nutrition, sleep needs, and care of their body is being met (see number one again.) THEN their soul care can commence. If number one is not being met, number two is very hard to process or absorb. But number two is important in the form of cards, quick texts of prayer/thinking support, words on Facebook the person can catch up on when time is available, and garnering encouragement from others for the person going through this is invaluable.

3.) Quality Time. 

Obviously this depends on personality as Introverts will only want one or two people keeping them company and spelling off shifts in ICU. Extroverts may want their whole family and even some friends present as much as possible. Someone in the middle may need a varying of both. My father in law falls in the middle though he can be more introverted, he also appreciates people around him. He needs down time but he also really enjoys a lot of support. Feel out the situation accordingly. Quality time is offering to bring the family food, taking turns sitting in ICU with the patient while the other gets rest, taking turns learning the details of the situation to pass on to well meaning acquaintances who need updates (because it is hard to absorb in the moment), and tag teaming the nurses and doctors for information and support. Depending on the person, hugs and a shoulder to cry on will also be valuable. A general rule of thumb is if they are a hugger and touch freely in most situations YOU initiate the touch, if they normally are NOT, let THEM initiate but be open to it or only slightly move in and allow them to make the rest of the movements. Only break this rule if you are a spouse, sister or especially close to the individual. If you are close, even those who are resistant to physical touch may appreciate this action without being asked but if they pull away, allow them their space.

4.) Acts of Delegation and Service:

Time starts to lose meaning in the hospital. Often the main people involved are consumed by their presence in the hospital and do not get to their homes for days. Checking their mail, taking out garbages or doing basic life upkeep at home doesn't happen. If you live near to the person offer to do one of these things regularly until time of recovery. Make it something you know you can do. If you are a trusted friend, the mail would be a great thing to do, and weekly bringing them the envelopes that look most pressing and putting any junk in a pile on the table for a later date or watering plants. If you are a neighbour or close living friend make sure their garbage from before has gone out. Other examples would be checking up on the home, doing laundry, taking care of the pet, having freezer meals, or offering to be a delegate for other responsibilities.

5.) Follow Up

A lot of people tend to rally together for the most dramatic part of the process when someone is admitted to ICU, impending death or death, or the life support moments. While this is fantastic, sometimes the hardest part is actually later. If there is a death, it is the grinding normality later, after the highs of emotion and drama, that need more support...and that is when everyone else has already forgotten or moved on. If there is recovery, people forget the trauma involved on the patient, that their mind will be forever altered, and that the experience changed everyone involved. Often it's the time AFTER a patient is home that they need support, that they want to see people and need meals brought to them. They are still weak, have been through so much pain, and don't really remember the people who were there during their darkest moment. To them, the darkest moments seem to be in normality. It takes months for an ICU patient or a loved one after death or the hospice experience, to get back on track. For instance, in our mother's case, there is only a three in ten chance of her surviving the first year due to re- occurrence in her certain situation. Obviously that is not something we are dealing with now nor have we informed her spouse of those odds. When speaking to the nurse and doing our own research this information was at hand. If she makes it through she has a long road ahead. She is a fighter but it helps to have support during the first year emotionally and physically to keep on fighting. Pain can become old hat to those not suffering it. For those in chronic illness it is easier to understand that pain is always fresh to the one experiencing it and it tends to require moments of respite and understanding. (Post Note: Our mother did pass away within the month of this post.)

If you are a loved one or acquaintance who wants to support families who are going through trauma, a death or ICU, I would advise for you to think clearly on what you are able to give and divide it in half.

Cutting your Ability to Support in Half. For During the Difficult and AFTER the Major Moments: 

Do half of what you can give in the high intensity moments, and give the other half once recovery or or funeral is over. This way the patient and family gets some support in BOTH circumstances. If you can not give money but have some extra baking, take it to the ones whom you know the most. If you have extra money give some to the person most affected and if you have a bit left over, give to the person you know best in the situation. If you can not possibly give anything physical, and are not near to the situation, send prayers and thoughts, or save yourself for a time you can be near the person involved to listen to their stories later when it is needed. If you are a far away friend that can afford to send the gift of music through a ITunes transfer card, coffee vouchers, department store gift cards for basic needs, or some sort of sensory treat- don't be hesitant to do this- beauty is important too.

Taking Care of Your Needs too and Personal Boundaries:
Every day life is hard. A lot of us can not be there for everyone all the time. All of us share the human experience of trauma or heartbreak at some point. It is ok if you can not speak into an other's situation because you have enough on your plate. You also need to take care of your needs. Sometimes we just can not think of one more person or meet one more need, even if we have the resources. Let go of that guilt. As an INFJ I tend to want to save the world. I have really stepped back from that the last few years and have created boundaries to make me more accessible to the people directly in my world. However, at times I will send my friends a care package or something tangible, but I can not do it as often as I used to. The one aspect I will always bring to the table is a counselling spirit or a listening ear. I try to use that gift well and maximize who I am, where I am in the world, and the immediate circle I affect and then work out from there.

What I am saying, is that the more you listen to your heart, in both giving and boundaries, the more you will meet the needs around you that are needing you the most. It is ok to let go of the ones you do not. Some people need to work on helping more and others less. Know thyself to help aid others.

May you find solace in support and in your self in the deepest darkest moment. May you have moments of lightness...a smile, a warm breeze, and nourishing food even when your heart is breaking. And I hope that you know, that in each circumstance you are giving by existing. Make use of that.

Song Choice: I felt the Fellowship theme from Lord of the Rings was appropriate as we are all on this journey. Forgive my geeky LOTR analogy, but each person on that journey to save middle earth, gave their own unique gifts to the situation. Without them as individuals we would not have had the whole. While Frodo was the main hero in the story he was supported by ever steady Sam, insightful advice giving Galadriel, wise Gandalf, humourous Pippin, warrior and kingly Strider, and a multitude of other players that helped keep the darkness at bay. The same can be said of each of our roles in the every present darkness of life. We can make a difference simply by knowing ourselves and what we bring to the table. Do not underestimate your story. Life is a drama and better than a movie. We can be part of the beauty as well as the pain.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7CXGG3_prGA

This is a upbeat song choice so do not listen if you are not in that space...I just thought I would also add some hopeful happy to the post:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yJYXItns2ik

Valentines Day: 32 Life Moments to Love and a Marriage Reflection

Valentines day comes with mixed emotions for me. It used to be my favourite holiday as a teen. The cheesy mushiness of it mixed with pink and reds was my optimal experience. Plus, it involved happy, innocent crushes and wonderful gifts. I had a protected princess sort of experience in most of my teen hood...and whenever I didn't, I created imaginations in my mind. My inner character is sort of similar to Sara, the main character in the book 'A Little Princess' though I am not as kind. I often imagined the way I wanted life to go and if it was awful, I pretended most of it away. In sensory experiences, I made up a different scenario in my mind. Life was magical because I wished it to be in most regards.

As I grew up and have spent almost fourteen years in a marriage, I have realized that love comes in many stages. There have been Valentines that have broken my heart or when my husband and I had only feelings of apathy towards each other, but there have also been breathless highs full of euphoria and bliss together. 

We don't usually plan for Valentines anymore and if we do something, we usually throw it together last minute. Not because we don't celebrate love, but because, to us, love is in the ordinary, and we try to celebrate it every day.

There are many forms of love. Thus, I wanted to list a few of my loves to hopefully inspire lists of your own, to view life in gratitude, even if tomorrow is spent alone or unmarked. I am picking 32 simply because that is the amount of time I have been alive...I think...(I will have to call my mother.)

32 VALENTINES of LOVE: A List of Soulful Beauty

1. Spicy cinnamon topped on a latte or steamer in the form of a heart. Suck out the spice in life.

2. Books. Glossy covered, worn paperback, tattered and cornered. A symbol of wisdom.

3. Words. Saturating our being. I have a ebullience for eloquence. A dalliance everyday into the assemblage of dulcet lyricism. 

4. Petrichor. The smell of the earth after rain.

5. Garlic. A heady fragrance of vitality and bursting taste.

6. Colour. Aureolin, Azure, Lavender, Burgandy, Capri, Cerulean Blue, Chartreuse Yellow, Chocolate brown, Classic Rose, Ecru, Gray, Harvest Gold, Indigo, Jade, Magenta, Onyx, Razzmatazz, Saffron, Slate blue, Tea Green, Vanilla, Cinnamon red, and deep purple... the sex of the eyes.

7. Song. ' Here comes the Sun' through the Music. 'Footloose' and ' Fishin' in the Dark' these songs are 'Taking a chance on love' with ' Toxic' 'Fireworks.' 'I can't help Falling in Love' with 'Blue Skies' and ' 'Silly Love songs'. 'What a wonderful World' with an "Orange Coloured Sky' and a ' Total eclipse of the Heart'.' Please Don't stop the Music.' ' Enter Sandman.' With ' Sweet Dreams' the music of life echoes Journey's refrain; 'Don't stop believing.' (Yea I realized I am being completely cheesy making up sentences with song titles...I wish I could go on because I have at least a few hundred favourite songs. Songs change my essence while keeping my self grounded.)

8. Down filled blankets on top of Egyptian cotton sheets. Pure ecstasy.

9. Sounds of friendship. Laughter bubbling from the next table, quiet introspection of a comfortable union, chatty excitement, awkward new beginnings and the solace of wiping the tears.

10. Yugort oat muffins with peanut butter and jelly. Pickled preserves and deep rooted beets. Cheese and fruit. Salted dark chocolate. Light Curry and Basmati rice. Smoothies and salted popcorn.

11. The pop of kindling under the reds and oranges of fire. Add an Inglenook. (A cozy nook by the hearth.)

12. Muscles burning from a successful work out/ or making love. You pick.

13. The largest working organ in the body. Full of supple squishy reds and zipping neurones. (A healthy brain.)

14. Psychologists and self help articles or personality discoveries. Unlocking the keys to the brain and life in general.

15. Eye kohl. Even the name invokes mystery and enhancement.

16. Paper. Feathery, crumpled, fresh or stained with time.

17. Hands. Oh the things we can do.

18. Vitamin D. A substitute for sunshine. Loving those happy thoughts.

19. Water. Trickling, Susurrous, rippling, murmurous, labyrinthine,  effervescent, desultory, stagnant, fresh, twinkling, murky or dripping.

20. Laughter. At yourself is the best kind.

21. Creating. From the perfect sandwich to the Mona Lisa. Just do it.

22. Films. From Audrey exploring Rome on a Holiday to Robert Downey Jr. re- creating the moment in 'Only You'. From 'Singing in the Rain' to quippy lines in the 'Philadelphia Story'...'P.S I love you' and woah 'Pretty Woman' or 'Little Women' or perhaps 'Oceans Twelve' or 'Bourne'. Each weaves a tale of delight. 

23. Hope and Imagination. Because life CAN get better, even if it is just in your imagination. There is wonder. Spin in your own creations. Defy expectations. Defy gravity. Be who you need to be. Say what you need to say.

24. Chocolate melting on the tongue.

25. Children twirling in the moment.

26. Lists. Chore Lists and Gratitude Lists and Life Love Lists...and lists to make to break.

27. Pinterest. The world's collective creativity along with your own sparkling individuality. Pin to create. Pin to find yourself. Pin to feast your eyes starvingly upon the world's beauty or all that is good.

28. Sensuality.  "Are you captivated by the breeze from the subway; the luscious whipped cream on your latte, and the velvety texture of your favourite jacket? Sensuality is the ability to enjoy- even more, to luxuriate in- the tantalizing vibes from all of the senses."

29. Fabrics. Damask to Chenille to Wool to Plaid throws...delight in your cozy clothes or burrow into your blankets and pillows.

30. Innocence. Children laughing, savouring a simple moment with simple honesty, allowing the door to open to a moment of connective beauty. I am not speaking of chastity or purity but perhaps more of a childlike pondering of the world. Unlearn some of the crap you have taken in. 

31. Boundaries. The type from Henry Cloud's Necessary Endings. 

32. Weather. Drizzled rain, frosty cold, foggy melancholy, sunny bursts, and windy songs.

Bonus 33. Decor. Colour and dazzle the home or comfort and cocoon it. Surround yourself with only things you believe to be useful or beautiful. Do not care what others think of your home or decor but do what you love because your life and home should be a reflection of who you are, what makes you beautiful and happy, and infused with love.

My Husband is my first love. "Day after day, I must face a world of strangers, where I don’t belong, I’m not that strong. It’s nice to know that there’s someone I can turn to who will always care, you’re always there. When there's no getting over that rainbow. And my smallest of dreams won't come true. I can take all the madness the world has to give but I won't last a day without you...Touch me and I end up singing, troubles seem to up and disappear. Touch me with the love your bringing. I can't really lose when your near my love...one look at you and I know that I can learn to live without the rest, I've found the best."*

My husband has helped carve out a home on this alien planet for me. He taught me that I should not be convincing anyone other than myself that I am fabulous. My compliments often sound like insults but he belly laughs anyway and I feel less alone. He doesn't often take offense because he knows often I do not mean offense. When it's 3 a.m. and my insomnia is out of hand and I start to feel panicky he hears my voice whimper, "Could you please hold me?" His snores stop and he re- adjusts his body to fit mine, tucking his arm around my chest and murmuring in my ear, "Go to sleep Baby. I'm here." It doesn't matter how tired he is or comfortable, he turns. We found love right where we are.

I watch those adorable smile crinkles deepen and hear his hearty laugh. The misunderstood places in my heart whoosh away with the sound of his voice. We are together yet separate on this journey but I could not have found a better travelling companion. I adore him even when I hate him. And I do hate him sometimes...part of being so passionate I suppose. No one else comes close. My husband is talented, wise, strong, peaceful, loving, gentle, kind, humorous, smart, genuine, and full of heart. If even a few see the beauty of his soul like I do, they would feel sunshine and gratitude. Happy Valentines Day my Love! ( Because tomorrow we will be busy even if it is just building our fireplace mantel and staying in our sweatpants:) Darling, I will love you way past seventy...hopefully we live a little longer.

To the rest of you readers...no matter how you spend your days, try to remember the ever green of your soul. That you are worthy of love because you exist. Life is short and long at once. Perhaps with the acknowledgement of love, ordinary moments and blissful imagination, we can make the short days longer and the long days more bearable. Happy Valentines. Find love right where you are.

 

Songs: Thinking out Loud- Ed Sheeran, *Won't last a Day without You- Keren Carpenter, Golden Leaves- Passenger, Once in a Lifetime- Michael Bolton

Side Note: As an early Valentines day surprise my husband travelled to the city and brought me home this!:

Roots: Grandma N: Fresh Springtime, Senses of Comfort and the Simple Life

*This is part three of my Roots series*

(First pic: Grandma and I. Second pic: Grandma's friend and I.)

Travelling in my mind to Grandma N's home, a province away, I am transported back to a time when worries were few. Fresh childhood smells like her house; rose petals, bread, warm carpet, bound books, and burnt metal from an electrical Westinghouse furnace. I would sit in front of that silver box in her kitchen, with a chair pulled up right in front, on cold nights in my slippers and PJs breathing in the furnace's dusty heat. Sometimes older basements contain that musty "old" odour but grandma's house has a freshness I can't seem to replicate. Maybe it was her many plants? A tradition I am now carrying. After years of unsuccessful attempts at keeping greens alive, eighty-two plants now thrive in our home. 

I was inspired by Grandma. She sent succulents in the mail. In front of my home sits a beautiful wild rose bush that she sent to me after my miscarriage. I can still remember opening the brown paper at the mail office and being slightly confused as wet dirt in a plastic bag came out with a thorny stem. Her note with her scrawled handwriting, quick remarks and looped signature warmed my heart. All I have to see is my Grandma's handwriting and I feel more grounded. When the wild rose blooms in the summer, I walk out my front door and breathe in memories. The fragrant rose begets my grandmother's bubbly laugh. Last summer when I was quite sick I would sit beside that rose bush and feel the comfort that happens to me each time I walk into grandma's house.

My Grandmother has never been old to me. Perhaps it's her spry energy that surpasses my own? I can only assume (after watering all her plants) that the two hours of lifting the watering pot and weeding out the nasties has kept her trim. Or maybe her youth comes from the fact that she sees movies like Star Wars or The Hunger Games before we do? Amidst the classics in her library are Lemony Snickets, Harry Potter, and all the new popular choices. I love talking with grandma because we can talk about all the current shows and books. We can nerd out on everything I am passionate about. She thinks I am quirky but secretly, I think that aspect of my persona I inherited from her.

Grandma is known for her blunt statements. She doesn't cushion her delivery but she also doesn't have any intention of hurting anyone. She simply tells it like she sees it, if she's asked. A trait I share. Upon seeing my husband's picture in the paper, my husband asked what she thought, and she unexpectedly remarked, "Wellllll, it's not your best picture." We cracked up. My husband came up to me later and whispered, "Now I know where you get it from and it's a brilliantly funny trait."

In her basement there is a red Radio Flyer wagon crammed and overflowing with Little Golden books in original mint condition. Her washer is a 1979 Inglis and the dryer's label is completely worn off. My Grandmother is modern but not encumbered by modernity. She may have a computer area upstairs but she also has a brown 1964 built in Moffet stove. I love that about her. How she seems to flow seamlessly between tradition and the current now. I can't place her in any time...she just IS. I obtain a great sense of BEING from Grandma.

My daughter noticed how Grandma often hoots at something I will say and chuckles, "Oh (insert my birth name here)." It's said in a endearing sort of way and I feel six again (but in a good way.) My children only get to see Grandma about once every year or two, but this statement has been memorable enough to stick in my twelve year old's heart.

On my children's birthday's Grandma often sends a classic book with a hand scrawled note or a bit of cash. At Christmas time the note was simply, "To P and K and children three. Grandma." The kids love spending time discussing the latest books with her or having her read a story. The last time she visited, she read them a book she often read to me as a child called, "Caps for Sale." In the same reading voice she used on me at night, when I lived with her as a child, she read to them. I was struck with nostalgia. I choked up and had to leave the room because I was overwhelmed with the beauty of the past and the present encompassed in Grandma's voice.

 (Caption: Grandma N and my daughter carrying on tradition. Below: Grandma reading in her basement with my three kids.)

Grandma N is trendy and a collector of beautiful things. She is a skilled garage sale enthusiast and has taught me to be thrifty. I can not pay over a certain amount for anything. She taught me how to make beautiful gifts out of re purposed items. Half of my house is furnished with vintage or thrift finds. She loved her crystal collections and tea cups. On many of my birthdays she would send me a very breakable crystal item bubble wrapped in the mail. It's always a delight to discover that these items were one of the many I took out to dust or admire in her Dinning Room cabinet. Washing dishes was a sacred event at Grandma's. Through her window one can gaze on lovely juniper, rose and fern arrangements and trees complete with fairy tale doors. Grandma is a gifted gardener and her yard is a stunning work of art in an unexpected place. I have memories of  washing dishes while the sudsy bubbles crept up my arms and my fingers caressed delicate flower shaped bowls, crystal china, and mismatched tea sets. Her eclectic collection dried in the rack and brightened the room with bold, creamy colours, birded coffee cups, and deep blue hues. My eldest son says blue reminds him of Grandma. Yes, deep calming blue and fun whimsical light blue all beget my Grandmother. After dinner I anticipated the dishes with great excitement because of the sensory appeal...something that doesn't happen in my own home.

(Caption: Above my three children in a part of grandma's garden. Below; A corner of blue in grandma's house.)

Her house is steeped in memories and sentimentality. There are so many artifacts in her house that I want and cherish. I have committed many of her items to memory because to me they are not just items...they are pieces of Grandma. Bits of her soul infused into aspects of home that carry her beauty and my childhood to me.

Grandma's husband died when my father was 17. Grandma birthed five children while serving as a pastor's wife. In those days that role demanded way more than it does today ( and that is saying a lot) and often she would have to come up with meals for company when she could barely feed her own kids. Grandma's meals are often distinctly Romanian. I can picture her cinnamon rolls, pies, meats, sausages and peroggies and borscht. They had an interesting life and I never tire of my father and his sibling's legendary stories.

I lived in Grandma's basement in my formative years while my dad tree planted. I had a little room in the corner with a hammock of stuffies above my head and a stack of books beside my bed. Grandma would often tuck me in and read to me story after story. She started my love affair with books.

(Caption: My sister and I with my cousin, grandma and brother)

After  my birth family  moved to the prairies, we made the trek through the Rockies during the summers. Recently, to the relief of her five children and to my horror she ripped out her speckled shag carpet. I loved that carpet. I asked for a corner of it when they tore it out. The carpet was cozy and warm, a luxury experience for the feet when we did not happen upon sewing needles first. Her carpet downstairs is soft velvet and the rec room boasts a sandpaper silk feel. The stairs gave an air bubble squeak that emanated feelings of homeyness. I was overwhelmed with pure delight with just the ordinary task of walking on that carpet. I have yet to visit her home with the new carpet but I am sure it will shock and sadden me a tad.

A few years ago, my daughter walked through Grandma's home and garden and declared the same things I have said since I was two: "I want to live here forever," "Oh I love this room," "Oh how beautiful." She sensed the mystical background that encompasses the property, she felt the memories press up against her and her little mind was already picking up the sacredness of tradition. The sensory experience grounds me but it also gives me courage to LIVE. No other place casts it's spell so effectively. If I could move this place next door to my home I would in a heartbeat.

(Caption: my daughter, mother, sister, husband and I with my cousin on the end...basically my other sister. I have a cousin on each side that is an only child and both of them practically grew up with us and my children call them aunties.)

Grandma N is in her seventies. She regularly gardens and she is more up to date on current trends then I am. She loves her life. She is spry, she is grey, and she is classy. Her style is distinct. I wish I could pull off that look so beautifully. She often wears turtle necks or button up collared shirts with fantastic jewelry. I can often hear her bracelets clink as she walks. I can visualize her strong yet soft fingers run down the chain on her neck as she adjusts the latest charm she is wearing or her patting her silver hair down gently as it stylishly curves around her chin. I can hear the soft fabrics of her clothes as she moves and sometimes the cracking of her knees from her years of gardening. Her jewelery choices are often classy gold or silver pieces chosen specifically for each outfit. When I was a child she often sewed me outfits for Christmas. I felt so special in all of them and I loved her button collection. I would often ask to look at her sewing stuff to see all the sparkles and shiny thimbles. She made a Paddington shirt with metal Paddington buttons for my brother and she often would sew little Barbie outfits for me. I have one beautiful silk blue cloak for a barbie with silver edging that she created. I felt like my Barbie's were so unique and stylish because of her contributions. We could not afford a lot of Barbie clothes when I was little and Grandma supplied me with a huge bag of outfits I adored.

When I asked each of my children to say what they think of when I mention Grandma N my eldest son replied with; "Tea, blue, roses and her laugh."  My youngest smiled and said, "Funny!"  My daughter replied, "You and your quirkiness. Her laugh is my favourite... sewing, books, fluffy carpets and trees." Grandma is like Springtime to me. She is fresh, vibrant and brings feelings of hope and creativity with her. I recall moments when I was little of sitting in her bathtub and studying the brown and pink tile patterns surrounded by bubbles. Afterwards, my three year old self would be wrapped snuggly in a towel and would be plopped in front of the warm fire in the living room. It was fantastic.

Grandma is young at heart and she passes on that youthful spirit to myself and my children. She is truly alive and gave me a head start in the embracing life department. She makes me feel like spring has sprung. "Every time I see her face I'm such a happy individual."

"Remember is a place from long ago.  Remember, filled with everything you know. Remember, when you're sad and feeling down. Remember life is just a memory. Remember close your eyes and you can see. Remember, think of all that life can be. Remember."*

 I simply have to visualize Grandma's laugh or home or hear her voice in my mind when I am feeling low and once again the beauty of the simple life becomes mine. What memories of yours bring youth and comfort?

Songs that remind me of Grandma N: *Remember by Harry Nilsson, Young at Heart- Michael Buble, You Make Me Feel So Young- Frank Sinatra, Give me the Simple Life- Steve Tyrell.