"Now I turn around and find that I am lost in the woods. North is south, right is left...Now I'm lost in the woods...up till now, the next step was a question of how? I never thought it was a question of "whether." (Lost in the Woods Lyrics Frozen 2)
Canada has always been true north for me. I have a mug that says, “The world needs more Canada!” In 2021/ 2022, I did not feel that way about my country as a whole. I felt a little lost. Where was my true north?
The North has a way of giving and taking so suddenly. I believe this gives the many inhabitants a live or die mentality of savouring goodness and seizing unexpected moments quickly. I have always believed we were a resilient lot, due to our ever-changing seasons. I am a 'Northern girl, wild and free with four strong winds to carry me.’ (Terri Clark, Northern Girl Lyrics)
This is who I am. Although I may complain at times, and it brings its share of pain, it also brings great depth, freedom, raw strength and beauty. Despite its many issues, Canada has always been to me, the True, North, Strong and Free. But as 2020 turned into 2021 and then 2022, it no longer felt like the land of the free or the strong or perhaps even the true? Everyone was claiming truth at the expense of someone else. The news was manipulating populations in the name of protection. Government was corrupt, more so than usual, and many seemed to have lost their inner compass. Instead of helping our neighbours, we were asked to veto them, require proof of one type of living or BEING, and deny anyone not on the "right side of history" (AKA “our side.”) Maybe we were just too tired and run down to care anymore because the grief was encompassing on every level?
During this time period, my family and I visited our favourite Heritage site, not knowing it would be our last free outing before restrictions again. I was alone in the old-fashioned apothecary shop with the owner. She cheerily accosted me with, "I adore your outfit, half buns in your hair, and entire look. Did you just have that outfit come together or copy it from somewhere? You kind of look like a brown haired version of that DC antihero Harley Quinn!" I chuckled at her genuine enthusiasm and compliment. As I answered her, my gaze fell on a forgotten crystal, covered in dust and a bit of rust, for sale behind the counter. It was the Northern Star. I collect window crystals and knew, despite the rust in the crevices, that it was going home with me. The owner stated that it seemed to suit me. I smiled at her amongst the old pharmacy bottles, tarot cards, crystals, pill bottles and mirrors. Dust floated into the old wooden slants of the cottage shop. Muffled squeals of the families in the candy shop next door, found their way through knotted crevices, but otherwise it was quiet. Old buildings seem to have a settled sort of hush. I love the sacred, quiet places. Upon seeing pictures on our text feed, my father asked if we were the only ones at the park, but we had been there so many times through the years, we knew how to navigate, so it seemed that we were mostly alone. My husband says magic follows me but I believe I follow it. My True North and definition of magic is ALL THAT IS.
Afterwards, my family teased me because I could not stop talking about the magical encounter. The crystal now hangs in my living room window with memories of community; the beauty of strangers’ compliments, magic, and old-fashioned cures and beliefs mixed with the new parts of now; My True North.
Lockdown and a new virus, with varied rules (some unjust and some reasonable rules that protected) were tough on all of us humans. In Canada, what I experienced was extreme division. This land of the chill turned into the land of polarities. As Frodo, in Lord of the Rings, sadly lamented to Gandalf, "I wish it need not have happened in my time."
I belong to this land. I have cherished its freedom. I am proud that my ancestor from Spain drove cattle from Mexico into the heart of Caribou County. I have often wondered, when I was in the heart of the mountains, if my Indigenous ancestors from the Secwepemc/Shuswap tribe traversed similar paths. I am thankful that my German, Danish, English and Romanian ancestors on the other side of my family tree, found their freedom when they were being persecuted in their home countries. They dug roots so that my down home could run deep. They celebrated that their country allowed for the freedoms of worship, community, health rights, and autonomy. They built up generations for the place I now call home.
(“Let us do good; seek justice, correct oppression; bring justice to the fatherless, plead the widow’s cause.” Isaiah 1:17)
Anne Frank, a young teen during WW2 in Europe, may not have seen the end of her war, due to dying from secondary conditions of her imprisonment, but people like her, who told their stories, tried to be grateful, and tried to BE. Their stories became, in a way, everyone's story. By BEING in hard times, even to the end of themselves, and telling their story, they contributed to the world's story. It's brave to BE when a narrative is telling you it is not legitimate. When the larger story says that you are not safe, or that it would be "better for everyone" if you followed this rule and that rule even if you are not sick at all, or worse, flat out wanting you to cease being in every place possible. It is brave to still know you ARE loved and worthy to exist. Growing up we were taught Anne Franks' story as children to show us that even a child, who is curious, wishing to BE, and keeping an innocent journal, had a place in the hero's story. She had no idea the impact she would make just from trying to live. Those that pass onward while doing their best to LIVE always matter. In each big moment in history they were there. But perhaps more importantly, we are here because of each little moment in history. We are here, because each person in our family line chose to make a life, however that would look like, Begetting and Begotten. We are here because they were. We are now in our turn of BEING, because they fought for true north.
Maybe we are past trusting each other with handshakes, but luckily, I see that the inner concept mostly still stands where I live. Perhaps smaller rural areas take longer to lose true north? I hope so. Some people call it ignorant. "You think I'm an ignorant savage? Well, you've been so many places, I guess it must be so. But still I cannot see, if the savage one is me? How can there be so much that you don't know?" (Disney Pocahontas Lyrics)
Perhaps that is why a lot of those who still have to make a living off the land, tend to know the truths of resiliency, natural cycles of death and rebirth, and responsibility at a deeper level than many who do not? Weather, death, and destruction...the natural landscape takes and takes along with a tiny bright blot of giving.
The best life, the one most likely to succeed, is one that owns its responsibility but also relies on its community. Cultures that revere nature, Ranchers, blue-collar workers, and foresters etc. seem to inwardly know this. The north with its harsh climate brings untamed beauty. I love my Canadian prairies and their great partner of sky. It can be treacherous in any climate. In mine, I recognize the wild spirits in the strong steel of survivors of the land. These survivors valued the wild and the free. They braved.
Each time history has lost its true north; people eventually have come back to this truth of living; one’s best life is lived where they are FOUND. The skies hold hope, steady inspiration within ever-changing circumstances, and wild freedom. All we have to do is look UP.
True north is a guide. It’s a state of being from the ultimate BEING. It's that moment, when all hope is seemingly lost, and the darkness suffocates because the moon is dark and the stars are clouded...and one star brightly becomes a beacon in the stark darkness. "You are not alone," It whispers to the great partner of sky. "There is more, there is always light- it just may hide for awhile. Eventually freedom does surface once again." Unfortunately, often it takes a lot of people losing many things, perhaps even lives, for freedom to be valued once again, for the crystal to become clear in the sun. Fear is never the answer. Truth is warm, real and bright. The world shifts in love. We need to sing with all the colours of the winds and allow them to sweep away the clouds blocking true north again.
I loved Disney's Pocahontas as a child, and still do, despite it being called to cancellation by some. To me it represented aspects of my heritage, when many of those stories were lacking as main heroines at the time. I sang Colours of the Wind to my children every night that I tucked them in. The lyrics can eerily apply to our times, "How can there be so much that you don't know? You don't know…" We don't know each path for each person. An example of this would be in the current narrative of health. How do we think we can force the answers or health choices of others when multiple factors such as a history of vaccine anaphylaxis, secondary ingredients etc. can be involved? We don’t own other’s contexts. The majority experience does not always fit the minority. All we can endeavour to do is own our story.
"You think the only people whom are people, are the people who think and look like you." (Pocahontas lyrics) Does this sound familiar in our own narratives? In 2021, did some of us mistakenly believe that the only people whom were people, were the ones who were on our sides of the lockdowns and vaccination stories? Masks? Laws? Politics? In the end, while of course, our stances matter, all things dissolve. What matters more is how we LOVED.
“There is no fear in love, but perfect love drives out fear, because fear involves punishment... If anyone says, “I love God,” but hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen.” (1 John 4:19)
"But if you walk the footsteps of a stranger, you'll learn things you never knew, you never knew." (Colours of the Wind Lyrics) There are so many layers to our stories. There is grief we each carry. There is hope too. "Can you brave what you most fear? Can you brave what the river knows? Where the north wind meets the sea?" (All is Found Frozen 2 Lyrics)
When the world overwhelms me, I walk outside. The other evening we stopped on the highway on the way home to look at the stars. We felt small yet oddly so special. The sky was speckled with diamonds. I felt dizzy trying to soak it all in. Suddenly, a coyote began howling and had us running for the van, as a large group of howls surrounded us. I tripped over my youngest son when we dove for the doors, because it sounded like a pack was right beside us. Later, in the distance, from the safety of our van window, we heard dogs begin barking and horses neighing, and more howls from miles away. It is in those moments, I realize how close we all are to the precarious nature of BEING.
"Come run the hidden pine trails of the forest, come taste the sun-sweet berries of the earth, come roll in all the riches all around you and for once never wonder what they're worth…” (Colours of the Wind Lyrics) When we step into the nature of the land, and see the immense cyclical nature of life and death, the precarious danger mixed with absolute delights, we realize, as people, how much more are we capable of doling out?
Tolkien’s Gandalf wisely stated, "Many that live deserve death. Some that die deserve life. Can you give it to them Frodo? Do not be too eager to deal out death in judgement. Even the very wise can not see all ends.” Because as Pocahontas sings; "We are all connected to each other, in a circle, in a hoop that never ends."
(“What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask.” James 4:1-2)
If we are connected to each other, why are we eager to override freewill and autonomy? Why do we wish to enforce our wills on another? Is there another way?
"How high does the sycamore grow? If you cut it down, then you'll never know...we need to sing with all the voices of the mountain, we need to paint with all the colours of the wind..." (Colours of the Wind Lyrics)
Canada is the home of four strong winds. It has often symbolized freedom, kindness, tenacity, and generous amounts of space. But for awhile, much of it was forgetting. Much of it was lost. Our north star was glimmering in and out. But, "Sometimes you have to get a bit lost to know that you are found..." (All is Found Lyrics)
"There is a mother full of memory, come my darling homeward bound, where all is lost and all is found.” (All is Found Lyrics) This mother has memory from the mother before her, and the mother before her, and the mother before her, and the mother before her, and on it goes to the great Mother. We are all homeward bound, to death and beyond, whether we wish to be or not. All is lost and all is found in the ever-turning clock of eternity, where time is all experienced as one. But us singular beings currently alive on this earth, we are guided by angels and stars and our predecessors. We must choose which parts we lose and which parts we find.
We must find our own paths to True North. I may feel a deep seated grief and "every inch of me is trembling, but not from the cold. Something is familiar, like a dream that I can reach but not quite hold…I can sense you there, like a friend I have always known. I am arriving and it feels like I am home...you have secrets too, but you don't have to hide. Show yourself...it's your turn." (Show Yourself lyrics.) In our lives, we will have moments when it's our move, our turn and the eyes of the world will be watching.
Canada has had its past and its own darker secrets. Because it is younger, we have less to bemoan, yet still we all have those places to grieve, but overall? Home is a word where feelings run deep. "You must brave what you most fear. Can you brave what the river knows?...Until the river is finally crossed- you'll never feel the solid ground... You have to get a little lost on your way to being found...She will sing to those that hear, and in her song all magic flows..." (All is Found Lyrics)
"I've never felt so certain, all my life I've been torn, but I'm here for a reason, could this be the reason I was born? I have always been so different, normal rules did not apply. Is this the day? Are you the way? I finally find out why?...Here I am...I've come so far... Show yourself! Let me see who you are!" (Show Yourself lyrics)
Let me see whom you are, I say to myself first, then to my fellow friends and community members, my province, and Canada and the world at large. Be true, Be kind, Be free, Be wild.
(“And the King will answer them, ‘Truly, I say to you, as you did to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.” Matthew 25:40)
So it had come to this moment in my history. I felt seemingly lost, my family and friends felt lost with me, and my country also seemed generally lost in the darkness of the woods. But the good thing about being lost is that there is a possibility of being FOUND.
Although, indeed, I wish it never had happened in my time...And Gandalf sorrowfully but confidently replies, "So do all whom live to see such times, but that is not for them to decide, all that we have to decide is what to do with the time that has been given to us."
(“And when he comes home, he calls together his friends and his neighbours, saying to them, ‘Rejoice with me, for I have found my sheep that was lost.’" Luke 15:6)
All is found. What shall we do with OUR time? How will we feel and give love and worth?
