Our family is obsessed with myths, because most of classic literature, fairytales and stories in culture, find their rooting in the standard myth archetypes. Once myth becomes familiar, one can see the patterns over and over again in many life situations. The Archetypes invoke important lessons and deep thought. My favorite Greek goddesses in the past have been Hestia and Athena. Jean Bolen, MD, is a Psychiatrist and Jungian Typologist, who wrote the book, "Goddesses In Every Woman- Powerful Archetypes In Women's Lives." (CLICK) I found the book a little dry in parts, so I skimmed each chapter, looking for my primary type, however, each section had intriguing information. The general theory is that each of us have a little of all the archetypes, but have primarily one or two that rule our dominant personality. Once we are familiar with them, we can then try to rebalance ourselves when we need to. Speaking as a woman, this applies to me in roles of motherhood, marriage or career. As with any personality typing, it is strictly a tool to be used, to discover and ponder more depths in the psyche of self. In any book, I will disagree with some content, as I should if I am my own person, but I can still benefit.
“Let the wise hear and increase in learning, and the one who understands obtain guidance.” Proverbs 1:5
I was surprised this time that my primary archetype was not at all what I thought it would be. Usually I can accurately predict my results for personality tests. I flipped through the book and began with whom I thought I would be (Hestia.) While I could relate to aspects, her description did not fully encapsulate who I am. Especially the part that said she wasn't a strong personality presence. Next, I searched the Athena chapter and again, her type would probably be along with Hestia in a secondary position, but there were no "Ah ha!" moments. Next, I searched Demeter, Hera, Persephone and Artemis...and all of them were not my primary driver. There was only one left, and I was getting frustrated. I sighed aloud to my husband, "I guess I finally have found a typing system I do not come out strongly in. There is no way I will be this last one. It's Aphrodite." My husband snorted, "Are you kidding me? Anyone who closely knows you would pick Aphrodite as your primary goddess personality archetype. I could have saved you a lot of work as that would have been my first choice for you."
“He has brought me to his banquet hall, and his banner over me is love.” Song of Solomon 2:4
I was appalled to be Aphrodite honestly. I guess I am a little biased about Aphrodite because of how she is always depicted in media as either naked, shallow, insanely curvy, and devious. However, as I read the chapter I pretty much held my breath at each paragraph, because it was eerily accurate. And I was wrong about the Aphrodite archetype. In many Christian settings Aphrodite types are not encouraged, so part of my qualm was my internal judging belief system. Aphrodite is the only alchemical goddess in myth. She was not victimized and she valued emotional experience with others more than independence. "Aphrodite seeks to consummate relationships and generate new life…And in that what she values is solely subjective and cannot be measured in terms of achievement or recognitions. Aphrodite is (paradoxically) most similar to anonymous, Introverted Hestia- who on the surface is the goddess most unlike Aphrodite." Jean Bolen
“Draw me after you and let us run together! The king has brought me into his chambers.” “We will rejoice in you and be glad; we will extol your love more than wine. Rightly do they love you.” Song of Solomon 1:4
I was born to create and to love. I cannot handle stale moments in life where creativity is squelched. I love sparkles. I can be mesmerized by the creation of glitter and shine. I feel like a queen when I examine the light. I am constantly painting my home, re-decorating, writing, and learning a new skill, connecting, researching, making, and creating, creating, creating. A few years ago, I confused my desire to have more babies with the inner need to create. I am also a sensual being, despite the fact that sensory, as an INFJ/ Autistic, spells trouble for me often. And perhaps this attribute finally helped explain why I differ from most INFJs and Autistics a bit more. There is an aspect of sensuality in food, nature, creativity and life that I need to thrive. I like it when the sensory aspects of life are good instead of heightened from autism to an uncomfortable degree. I also do not generally create for recognition. Most people do not even see what I create on a daily basis. It is not about achievement for me either. For me it is the process. A good book on that topic is 'A Time to Make' by Ginger Hendrix.
"When Aphrodite influences a relationship, her effect is not limited to the romantic or the sexual. Platonic love, soul connection, deep friendship, rapport, and empathic understanding are all expressions of love. Whenever growth is generated, a vision supported, potential developed, a spark of creativity encouraged- as can happen in mentoring, counseling, parenting, directing, teaching, editing, and doing psychotherapy and analysis- then Aphrodite is there, affecting both people involved." Jean Bolen
That paragraph invoked an enthusiastic, "Yes!" To which my husband asked curiously, "What?" I read it out loud again, excitedly adding, "She just summed up everything I love in life, in a nutshell!"
Amused my husband smiled, "I still am blown away that you did not consider Aphrodite. Think of all your writing and conversations. What is always the focus? Love, beauty, creativity and understanding. And for outer aspects, honey, look at all the pictures in our family videos. You are comfortable with sensuality to a proper degree.”
I gaped at him and adamantly replied, "The goal for pictures of tasteful expression is to give a lens to an inner part of myself I cannot normally express. It is about finding the right angle and feeling pretty from a certain lens. I often say that I can't live up to some of my own pictures. You know that. I like playing with light."
He replied, "Even without make up and angles I am drawn to you, but besides that point, you do give off a comfort within the sensual. You are ok with proper expressions of beauty. You dislike it when they are distorted with porn or negatively used. You are most appalled at sexual violence, not just from an ordinary lens, but because to you, sexuality mimics compassionate passion and a lust for all of LIFE. To disuse it, to you, is ultimately profane and enrages you more than most. You like to focus on emotional COMBINED with intellectual. You are, above all, focused on pathways to the heart. Of course you are my Aphrodite. I am shocked that you are shocked at this. Also look at your home, Love! That statue you have treasured for over a decade? It's one of your favourite aspects in our home and I've always thought she symbolized both you and Aphrodite to remind you to love and create."
“I am the rose of Sharon, the lily of the valleys.” Song of Solomon 2:1
Hestia is my favourite mythical goddess - we have a symbol of her in our home (pictured above) even though she never had any tributes in her likeness. The hearth stood for her because she was considered the guardian of hearth and home. She symbolizes the importance of HOME. When I read the paragraph I finally realized why I am drawn to Hestia. She suits my Introversion and focus on Hearth, unlike Aphrodite who seems Extroverted thus why I also mistyped myself. Although perhaps my Aphrodite result is why I can come across even more Extroverted than INFJ's can typically come across? Because of my strong, inner Aphrodite, maybe I seem more extroverted even though I am the Introverted of Introverts? I do enjoy people, connections and some sensory aspects of life. I could see how this could get confusing.
I mistakenly believed that one had to be Marilyn Monroe pretty to be an Aphrodite type. I have an odd face. I can perhaps be striking occasionally with the right lighting, make up and photo angle, but in every day conversation, my big face, huge smile and interesting features would not be called gorgeous. I thought there was no way I would be an Aphrodite and I was pompous if I even considered it. Another misconception. "...The Aphrodite archetype creates a personal charisma- a magnetism or electricity- that combined with physical attributes, makes a woman an 'Aphrodite.' When Aphrodite is an active part of a plain woman, the woman does not draw men to her from across the room...Those who come close, however, find her engaging and charming (when she wants to be or is interested.) Many rather ordinary looking women with Aphrodite qualities attract others with the magnetic warmth of their personalities and their natural, unselfconscious sensuality." Jean Bolen
“Let his left hand be under my head and his right hand embrace me.” Song of Solomon 2:6
Another aspect of Aphrodite is her innocence and joy within her relationship to children. "Aphrodite women like children and vice versa." Jean Bolen. Aphrodite types can draw out good behavior with charm. That explains most of my life. Children generally like me and even the most misbehaved children tend to mind themselves when they are with me. My children have also remarked that I bring sunshine (if I am in the mood to do so) and they adore my charisma. Charisma is actually a nickname I was given by several acquaintances. My mother once remarked, "Your children clearly adore you. Not just LOVE but are dedicated and adore you and forgive you all ills." The paragraph above finally described why.
This part of myself did not sit well with a few people in my circles. Once it was insinuated I manipulated my children into being so dedicated in love towards me. I was devastated. I cried, questioned myself, had conversations with my husband and carefully listened to my children's feedback with every interaction I had. My husband eventually comforted with, "Babe, they are jealous. They cannot understand how easily it comes to you so they think it is manipulative. Just be yourself. Be You. Don't worry about what they say. Your due justice will be yours and theirs will be theirs." It was good advice and since then I have decided not to hide the fact that my children adore me and that I adore them. I used to downplay it a bit, but have decided to try to just LIVE it instead. I have enough flaws to worry about the attributes in life I have been gifted with. My love to raise children and their love for me is something to value.
“Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are children born in one’s youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them.” Psalm 127:3-4
In all honesty, I was hoping to get the Athena archetype of wisdom as my first result, it seemed less...patriarchal? Sensual? Wrong? "When sensuality and sexuality in women are degraded- as in Judeo- Christian, Moslem and other patriarchal cultures, the woman who embodies Aphrodite as the lover is considered a temptress or whore. Thus, this archetype, if expressed, can put the woman at odds with standards of morality. Aphrodite women may be ostracized." Jean Bolen
I was censored a lot growing up in this regard. I often would be found kneeling on the ground for the male teachers in school to measure my skirt length from my knee to the floor. I would often be sent home because my outfits were too tight. Honestly, I was not sexually active and wished to save myself for the ultimate love of my life. Nor was I trying to be a temptress in theory. Not only did I have some naiveté but also I was just expressing myself in a way that felt natural to me. It was more about me, than others. I liked lovely outfits and I preferred the way Marilyn Monroe walked, so I modelled my walk after her. It wasn't so much about attention as it was expression, freedom, autonomy, and an inward need to express outward. Song of Solomon spoke to me because it unabashedly celebrated the sexual nature of lovers, while also retaining a certain dignity. Secretly, I thought Rahab, being a prostitute and chosen to be in Jesus’ direct generational line, spoke to what God sees versus what man sees. The book of Hosea also showed that no one is beyond God’s offer of love and forgiveness. God asks Hosea to marry and remain faithful to a woman who was unfaithful to him continually, to model God’s love for his people. “The Lord said to me, “Go, show your love to your wife again, though she is loved by another man and is an adulteress. Love her as the Lord loves the Israelites, though they turn to other gods and love the raisin cakes,” Hosea 3:1 Obviously I would not recommend this in normal circumstances outside of God’s advice. I believe in fidelity with commitment. Marriage is sacred to me (perhaps my inner Hera archetype?) and I have luckily found my match, so I would not be as prone to wander as most Aphrodite's are in the persona description. But it was good for me to read about the pros and cons of this archetype and examine my own issues and strengths. We all must learn aspects of whom we are, what dangers lurk within our specific temperaments, and what inner wounds we must face. If we want to love ourselves more fully, so we can love others, we need to BECOME.
Over time, some of this aspect in myself became stifled. I could relate to the paragraphs about parents and Aphrodite daughters, along with the relationships with women. I had very strong relationships with some people, while others seemed to hate me right off the bat. Apparently this is common, especially with anyone who is uncomfortable or opposed to expressions of sensuality (however tame.)
I also tend to have a brand of feminism that doesn't appeal to most feminists. Because I still like to validate men, make them feel worthy...I feel this way about BOTH female and male. However, I am also against the patriarchy. "Aphrodite’s wound: Patriarchy, threatened by her ‘power’ over men, have attempted in every way to restrict, confine, label and demote her from her Queenly position. Furthermore, Aphrodite and Demeter were not allowed to co-mingle in the patriarchal order (in other words, whore and wife had to be kept separate). Aphrodite also experiences alienation from the other goddesses. Media exploitation of Aphrodite’s sacred image--and the resulting schizophrenic urges to both deny [censorship] sensual beauty & pleasure while crudely lusting [graphically degrading pornography], alienation from the body, and a deep fear of intimacy [virtual- reality sex on the Internet/telephone sex]. As a result of advertising, mainstream women feel incapable of ‘measuring up’ to the image of feminine beauty; while men compare the appearance of the available woman in their midst to the suggested glamorized image of beauty sold to them by the media. The psychological consequences of denying Aphrodite any real place in the culture lead to: vilifying her image and then substituting the Virgin Mary for worship; replacing the ‘flesh-and-blood’ woman who possesses a body with the worship of a ‘Virgin’ mother, cut off from physical love; paranoia of witches and subsequent, systematic massacring of mature, independent, autonomous women followed, as a result." ( Found HERE.)
I love to indulge my children, as Aphrodite mothers are prone to do. I also enjoy buying beautiful things, sometimes not within our means, another Achilles heal of Aphrodite. Both the pitfalls and the strengths were relatable. The only exception was extreme Extroversion, but in every other type I am an Introvert and aptly so. Oh and of course, I cannot relate to being "the other woman" due to my serious levels of commitment and finding the love of my life at age 17. So there is also that.
I had this misconception that Aphrodite was not wise. She is relational and she brings people together with a focus on love. But now I ask myself, 'How is that not wise?' Not only that, but Aphrodite gave Psyche her four challenges to keep Eros, and those challenges symbolically were steeped in wisdom. Task One was sorting the seeds which represents "an inward task, requiring that a woman look honestly within, sift through her feelings, values, and motives and separate what is truly important from what is insignificant." Jean Bolen. Task Two was acquiring the Golden Fleece "without destroying Psyche was a metaphor for the task of gaining power and remaining a compassionate person." Jean Bolen. Task Three was filling the crystal flask, which represents the "circular flow of life" Jean Bolen and also the power of perspective. Task Four was learning to say no. "Until a woman can say no to her particular susceptibility, she cannot determine her own life course. Through the four tasks, Psyche evolves. She develops capabilities and strengths as her courage and determination are tested, Yet, despite all she acquires, her basic nature and priorities remain unchanged; she values a love relationship, risks everything for it, and wins." Jean Bolen
My husband is my earthly Eros. I value our love relationship and risk all for it. This is probably why the Psyche tale is one of my favorites, along with Hestia's concept of hearth and home. "What happens at the end of myth? Eros and Psyche are reunited, their marriage is honored on Mount Olympus and Psyche bears a daughter named Joy...note that after proving her courage and competency, the heroine does not go riding off into the sunset by herself, like the archetypal cowboy hero. Nor is she cast into the mold of the conquering hero. Union, reunion and home are where her journey ends." Jean Bolen I think it is perfection that the daughter is named Joy. Because I sincerely find that relationships rooted in love bring the utmost joy to life. Marriage and partnership are aspects of my personal life that I feel passionate about. We each must sincerely celebrate our own passions and creations.
“Enjoy life with your wife, whom you love, all the days of this meaningless life that God has given you under the sun- all your meaningless days.” Ecclesiastes 9:9
(See HERE for a briefing on all the types.)
At the end of each journey, Hestia/home awaits. "The individuation of journey- the psychological quest for wholeness- ends in the union of opposites; the inner marriage of "masculine" and "feminine" aspects of personality.... said more abstractly and without assigning gender, the journey toward wholeness results in having the ability to be both active and receptive, autonomous and intimate, to work and to Love..." Jean Bolen
What a beautiful balance to be in life! My life is all I have to give. As is yours. May we all DARE to LIVE. May we give something of ourselves while also honouring whom God made us, in the image of the I AM. May we believe in beauty, creating, love and understanding.
"All seem rather unspectacular endings- paralleling real life...the heroine who fended off hostile attacks, reclaimed her power, and struggled with goddesses, may seem similarly ordinary at peace with herself. Like the hobbit at home in the shire, however, she does not know if or when a new adventure that will test her well being or announce itself." Jean Bolen
It took a bit of true soul searching, but once I added Aphrodite to my Personality/ Typology results, I became much muchier. I was resistant and came in with my own judgments, but I got used to the idea. I'm surprised I was taken by surprise within my own persona!
This understanding added another layer to how I can be my best self in the world we both create and find ourselves in. New adventures will arrive to test my character. But during the calm I hope to continue to embrace the love of life and the life of home. I feel this concept is important for each individual person.
* ALL quotes taken from the Introduction and End chapters of "Goddesses in Everywoman. Powerful Archetypes In Women's Lives" by Jean Shinoda Bolen, MD. CLICK HERE. I HIGHLY recommend this book to browse for your own type and see patterns, downsides and positives, to add to the complex picture that is YOU.
Song Choice 1: Back In November, way before I discovered Aphrodite, my insightful friend Glynis wrote this to me when I was struggling with the baby conundrum: "Even thinking about having a baby caused this to happen to your physical body: of swords, grief, and internal battle, the need to defend itself ( autoimmune problems.)Your body was giving hints that it wasn't willing to go that route. And so it turned on you because what it wanted was a creative expression but did not want to go through the physical aspects of being pregnant and going through hormonal changes, and the postpartum period which would have left your mind still wanting to create because if the root of the issue was creation, and the wrong route for you would have been taken, there would have been a setback and possibly would have meant strife within the family, as well as your body itself as it tried to externalize what you were internalizing. Your soul is asking you to listen for a muse. She is saying, you have work to do. Commit to that work. Commit to bringing more and more creativity into your life, give birth to your ideas because they start as seeds but if they are not fed and watered then they will shrivel up and die. Commit to being creative in ways that are unique to you and to what will feed you and when you notice changes in your body, any sign of the five of swords, you'll know it's not time for that idea, or that it's the wrong idea, completely. To have faith in your skills. It says to believe in yourself, in your dreams, in whatever work you decide to do in the creative realm. The root of the matter is and what can you do: Dare to dream, dare to create. Dare to follow your heart not only in your mind, but in your actions. You have been called to do these things by your very own soul. And of course it is daring to dream and daring to create and about being brave in following your heart, I'm including a song you know well. Dare to Live by Andrea Pocelli and Laura Pausini" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=55gxqsU20UM Glynis' wisdom, along with the rest of her words I did not include, had me crying with the accuracy. I still wasn't ready to activate the truth and longed for a baby in the meantime, but now I see clearly why I needed her voice. Her wisdom gave me patience and hope. And it ties into this post.
Song Choice 2: There are many songs I could choose for this post but I could NOT stop humming this song as I was writing. High Above Me- Everclear n ( I did spend some of my teenhood in the nineties after all!)
