*NOTE: As I have mentioned before in posts, personality is ONE aspect of being human and your individual make up. Environment, upbringing, birth, health, trauma, life experience, mental or cognitive differences, genetics, beliefs, gender preferences, country of origin....there are so many aspects that make up YOU. However, I firmly believe finding your accurate personality helps you understand more of yourself and how you work. Take a free test HERE: http://www.16personalities.com - or sign up with an email and take test here http://www.personalityhacker.com/genius-personality-test/ (this site has amazing insight, podcasts and videos.) The key is to answer as you ARE and not as you would want to be like. Meyers Briggs/ Keirsey is what the 16 personalities is based on and has research behind it for a reason. It is more of a descriptor of what you value and how you work out of the world in regards to communication and relationships. I am speaking with authority about INFJ because I am one. However, I make sure I am also reading up on all of the other types and I listen to every single Personality Hacker. Understanding more than just your type is key but writing about YOUR type can help the world. I encourage you, if you are not an INFJ, to write about your type and feel free to link it in the comments, as we need more personal stories on other types out there:) **
I enjoy Michael Pierce's videos on Personality. They are usually around a twenty minute verbal and visual window to introducing people to their cognitive based personality types. After my friends watch theirs, I send them over to Personality Hacker for specific articles and podcasts, but I usually use Michael Pierce's videos first. Below is the INFJ Video. HERE is the link as well. It's my type thus I am going to leave quotes that hit me specifically below and the time they are on the video with expanding thoughts. Also, if I say it's "bits" or "segments" in the time slot, you could benefit from listening to that point and not just the written quote:
I enjoy Michael Pierce's videos on Personality. They are usually around a twenty minute verbal and visual window to introducing people to their cognitive based personality types. After my friends watch theirs, I send them over to Personality Hacker for specific articles and podcasts, but I usually use Michael Pierce's videos first. Below is the INFJ Video. HERE is the link as well. It's my type thus I am going to leave quotes that hit me specifically below and the time they are on the video with expanding thoughts. Also, if I say it's "bits" or "segments" in the time slot, you could benefit from listening to that point and not just the written quote:
I am skipping the introduction because listening to it gives context to the first quote below so I hope readers will listen to it first...
"...are audacious observers and profilers. These insights are very matter of fact and while the ISTP is far more wiling to share them despite the feeling concepts the INFJ will very much censor themselves for the sake of others. They are remarkably sensitive to the implications of their experiences. Metaphorically they have highly sensitive spiritual skin...as a natural result of this they feel the need to protect this skin with various layers of armour and clever strategies of escape and withdrawal from emotional threats.." (1:22- 1:42 Michael Pierce)
The whole video resonates but I love how the beginning starts off with the fact that INFJ's will censor themselves for others. I am constantly censoring myself almost 98 percent of the time and I don't do it for myself at all. I agree that I have a sensitive spiritual skin and I do protect with layers of armour and strategies of escape. My brain is always pondering these boundaries and protections in any given circumstance.
"...so remarkably private and reserved and their primary response is to withdraw...( fun part to listen to here- recommend) should they be caught and kept from retreating...um well, have you ever been bit by a wolf spider? Thus, the warmth of the INFJ is not unlike a genuinely caring and gracious host. Very willing to let just about anyone into their house but depending on the person very particular to which rooms can enter and enjoy and which are kept forbidden to them and how long they may stay in the house at all. But they do any thing in their power otherwise to do their duty to mankind to make their guests stay as comfortable and refreshed as possible." ( Bits from 2:08- 2:55 Michael Pierce)
Lol yes, should I be caught...Yikes a wolf spider is accurate! Don't withhold me when I need to retreat. However, most times I do not need to, in the circumstances I put myself in, and I love to host and meet the needs of people at my own leisure. It is true that both in my emotional psyche and my own home I have things that are forbidden to people yet the rooms that are open are to be enjoyed. I also tend to have time limits. I often feel stretched over two hours, unless it is broken up by a show or movie, then I can go on for awhile longer visiting between and after...but even if I am enjoying the company of others I have limits to how long I can handle other's energy, how I will pay, and how long I will take to recover. (There are exceptions to this and long lost friends coming together are often exceptions- K.M. Also, if I am asking over and over for them to stay that's a pretty good indicator I have extra energy that day and want to take advantage of more time.;)
As my family can attest to, I am very cranky towards them when people leave after a longer period of time, even if I was kind and generous during and honestly savouring the company. It takes a personal toll. I feel it is my duty. It does not come out of feeling although feelings CAN come later, as will be explained later in the video, but rather a sense of duty to what I want to achieve for people. And it ends up being my love... I want them to feel like they have just been at a proverbial spa. The work it takes to create the spa, environment, conversation that is calming and insightful, and the energy taken out by someone in a spa space, is a sacrifice to all who work at the Spa or manage it, but it's one I actually, paradoxically, love to make in general when it is not being taken advantage of.
"...Can come across as obscure, mystic, seer or some other supernatural figure because their process is behind closed doors...in some sense they don't want you to see their house until they have had some time to clean up for you. In that sense they are theatrical. They are there FOR YOU to host and address YOU...very rarely is it the other way around." ( Bits from 3:01-3:30 Michael Pierce)
Yes, I am often told I am mysterious. Which used to baffle me but now I get it and love that part of myself. I prefer most of my process to be behind closed doors. The only exception to this is when I write and also my Instagram. I keep it small and write personal thoughts that I otherwise would not share in person. I consider those on my board an honoured witness to my otherwise private journey. I also consider myself honoured to have them listening to the randoms I put out there...yet even then, it's not my complex thoughts at all. Those I save for rare discussions.
On a practical level, it is true, I actually do not like people seeing my house before I have had time to clean up for them. I am not a clean freak or a type A at all...But I am dramatic. My house is my canvas and I feel it shows off best when clean and everything in it's magical place. It's cluttered and bohemian but particular in placement. The statement that INFJ's are there for YOU to host and address YOU and very rarely have it the other way is true. I have a very tough time being hosted. Very rarely do I enjoy it. I prefer to be there for others. I prefer to centre my space around others instead of being hosted on by them. There are exceptions to this however (my mother, my childhood best friend, my husband, grandmother ect.) but generally it's how I work the best.
(Video worth listening to onward...)
"...Sharp contrast between the shallow courtesies of small talk and disarmingly intense and deep exploration of subjects. There is little to no gradation of the shallow and deep ends of the pool for them." (3:47- 3:56 Michael Pierce)
It's very true that I can jump from shallow courtesy to immediate depth in the span of a minute and see it as related. Unfortunately, unless the person is a type that shares one of my main cognitive functions this isn't an easy path to follow. Most people will say, "What did you just say?" or "Say that again" or my favourite "Where did that come from?" Though I see it as connected.
to where they come from..." ( Bits taken from 4:09- 4:22 Michael Pierce)
Yes, I like to benefit people with my spaces but if the conversation is turned to my inner workings I gently lead it back around to the other. That is what my writing is for. If they care to learn about me, I feel they should read my writing, instead of have me explain. If I sent them something it is not out of a belief they SHOULD read it but an invitation TO read. If they do out of desire and a genuine connect I feel they just got my part of the conversational sharing:) I don't have the patience or desire to repeat most conversations and I find myself clearer about my own self in writing. My biggest love language is verbal validation with comments or paying attention and giving feedback to my written word. This does not apply to those who are not reading out of spite, vindictiveness or to try to figure me out for curiosity sake. But the ones who take the time to care about my writings or are genuinely loving them or finding insight, validation or encouragement...or even relating- those are often my most favourite people because I don't have to explain myself. They have taken the time to know. Then when they are in my space I will make SURE it is all about them. But of course we will still have deep discussions and I will share my experiences if they enrich the conversation in that regard. Most conversations with me will be deep if we are both being truly comfortable with one another.
(From 4:49 onward he gets into the cognitive functions which are important but I will make the assumption that most searching this post already know those or will watch it themselves:)
"...Easily grasping complex subjects...they watch the motions of causes and implications that are hidden beneath the surface appearance of events. INTJ's deal with their NI insight by reconciling by their personal value system...the INTJ therefore comes to have very deep desires or sometimes perhaps fears regarding their insights...deep feelings naturally motivate strong forward action to bring things to pass or prevent them. But the INFJS realm is to introverted intuition and thinking, therefore they are instead reconciling their intuitive insights with a valueless logical, rational system with a purely rational blueprint of the universe. Feeling only enters the picture, when the INFJ considers the implications of their ideas for others and their well being. They are motivated instead to understand the universe in a rather ISTP way and impart that knowledge to others in a way that will benefit them. The INTJ starts however, with the evaluation of the vision, deciding for and of themselves whether it's good or bad, and blue prints do not come into the picture until the INTJ begins bringing the vision about. The INTJ then is much more of a visionary in the regular sense of the world, the INFJ on the other hand takes on the relatively passive, contemplative wisdom imparting role of the wise man." ( Bits from 5:48-7:38 Michael Pierce. I highly recommend to listen to this whole part if you are an INTJ or INFJ)
It is true that as an INFJ, I find complex subjects easy to grasp...explaining this outside of paper and pen/computer and screen (or my brain for that matter!) is not as easy! My bestie is an INTJ which makes sense because we both share the NI insight. Where we are different is how those insights come across. She will often be motivated into action to do something or prevent something with her insights. I will want to assess and step back without feeling at first to see the whole picture, then I will ADD feeling when I speak for the sake of others. It's actually a choice I have when I consider the implications of my ideas that my insights will have on other people. I want the world to be a better place. I want the well being of souls to be high on the priority list.
My INTJ friend is a visionary. Especially in the real definition of the word! Amazing! However, I often prefer to have the same insights but look at them from a place of passivity and understanding to then impart to others. I do like the role of a wise man. The wise man or woman in every story I read was the character I wanted to be or could relate to. It was never the main hero. It was the seer or the witch, or the outcast who came for an instant to say something profound and then hermit away once more.
"If there is anything the INFJ lives for it is to positively impact others through their hard earned wisdom and understanding. To enlighten others like a wise man...( a lot more verbal explanation here to listen to) always something to do with the well being of other people..." ( 7:38- 7:60 Michael Pierce)
Yes! And I DO feel it is hard earned. A fact I wish those who asked for my advice would take seriously or those who listen to the times I do impart what I see of the world. But, as always, I believe people to be able to take or leave my advice. I value freedom of choice. I am not married to my beliefs but rather see them as observations and outcomes that have been proven over and over to often be true, but a choice that people can take or leave, because ultimately their well being could very well come from making mistakes. Who am I to stop those mistakes? But warning of them, I do feel is my duty, if I see a pattern.
"...To help steer people away from dangers, to help steer them away from something they are unable to see for themselves, so the INFJ takes on the role of a concerned observer who seeks to help, uplift, and edify others with their knowledge even to help them see the world from the INFJS far reaching eyes. In a word... to enlighten them." ( 8:16- 8:38 Michael Pierce)
I am having a tough time not saying a resounding, "Yes!" after each of these quotes. Anyway, steering away from danger is HUGE for an INFJ. We value safety and a lack of harm in general. We observe deeply in a way that most people do not even know they are being observed, but we see patterns in relationships, choices and the environment. We want to use these patterns to uplift those we love. We want to validate where they are coming from but then steer them closer to their own personal deep down desires...sometimes even unknown to them. And help them remove the behaviours or beliefs that are standing in their own way. Enlightenment would be the operative word.
(My daughter was watching Gilmore Girls while I was writing and happened to glance at this picture and laughed, "Oh my mother. So true. You are so funny. I love you.")
"INTJ and INFJ...both dominantly perceiving types, seeking before all else to take in information from the environment without taking a judgment upon it thus very image based with strong imaginations ...seek to open people's eyes to the things they themselves see, especially the INFJ... To shine light on an issue and often do not think to add any meaningful judgment on it, at least not yet, their first concern is to get a clear view of the thing and how it works. This can be confusing to say the INFP because while everything the INFJ says is quite interesting to them none of it seems particularly meaningful to the INFP because of how unattached and impartial the INFJ always strives to be towards things, but the INFJ feels that a judgment of this kind would conceal or could obscure aspects of the full thing from view. ( 8:44- 9:43 Michael Pierce)
Both my INTJ friend and I LIVE off of taking in information. We are constantly bouncing this information off of each other. It's why we work so well together in general. Neither of us judge the information either. We are both inclined to allow information to be simply what it is with no good or evil attached. I am probably the one more prone of us to share my insights with others. I want to help people open their inner eyes and see connections. Especially if I think it will improve quality of life but I also am not disappointed if it does not, after an initial adjustment phase.
I do find that this is confusing to my INFP friends. While the INFP has much in common with an INFJ they are also VASTLY different. I don't like to have feelings get in the way of the entire process. INFP's are one of the most feeling types so I can see how this would bother. I will of course, consider feelings, but only after the whole picture has been brought to light. To an INFP this can come across as fake or callous.
"It is common for both the INFJ and the INTJ to often feel as though everyone around them does not see as far or as much as they do. Other people do not seem to actually think but always stop short of the fullest version of the thing...the causes and implications from what's on the surface...the INFJ often feels like the enlightenment of others is the goal....feel very alienated from people." ( Highly recommend listening to the rest of this for INTJ and INFJ types. BITS from 9:51- 11:54 Michael Pierce)
The image for the quote above was the new Sherlock, whom I can relate to but is an INTJ. I see myself in the many ways he speaks and observes. He, however, does not bring the feeling of consideration in as much when delivering to others, which is what the INFJ generally strives for. Thus, we have an F instead of a T, even though we are not an exactly a feely type of person. Both my INTJ friends and I often feel like we are aliens apart from others. This is because of our dominant cognitive function that is vastly different from the other types. We do often feel like others are watching an entirely different show from us even when they can relate. In this case it takes one to know one. However, for myself, I feel that enlightenment of others is my goal, but it is NOT for others to see the world my way but to promote perspective for peace.
10:00 - 10:60 made me laugh. INTJ's may laugh too. "They don't believe you either huh?" ha ha...You will have to listen to know why. Then he goes on to contrast the INFP and INFJ. If you are either personality, this part will be particularly interesting to you. I highly recommend the listen.
" Ethical...because you have discovered that you must do it, regardless of how you feel about the matter, Kant later adds that if you happen to want to do it later, all the better...This is very abhorrent...especially to the INFP...reason is conversely treated as impersonal...this view finds its epitome in Kierkegaard who claims the exact opposite of Kant...because you truly DO want to do it..." (Listen to hear for in depth analysis on why ect. Highly recommend the rest of this part. BITS from 12:43- 13:36 Michael Pierce)
The above quote is one of the most important. Regarding the ethics of INFJ's, we are propelled towards morality not by our feelings but by what we must DO. We can feel greatly opposed to something but if we see that it is the action that must be taken, we will do so. I can see why this would especially be disgusting to an INFP who works from a place of feeling into the world. It would seem very impersonal. I agree with Kant but I can see the validity of Kierkegaard, even though I find him not quite deep enough. I also think that just because I agree with Kant more does not mean that Kierkegaard is not valid or of equal standing in viewpoints. In fact, I see both as benefiting to the world at large. We need both.
"This is why the INFJ can find INFP and other FI preferring types irritatingly selfish and self centred while the INFP finds the INFJ sometimes to be irritatingly insincere and ultimately untrustworthy and unpredictable." (14:08- 14:32 Michael Pierce)
Oh my fellow INFP's...I am surrounded by you on my Instagram and my personal places and let me say first and foremost - I adore you and learn from you. You are valuable and you often bring a missing aspect to the table of my life. On the rare occasion, I can feel slightly frustrated at the constant exaggerated feeling portrayed and I admit I used to find it selfish on the rare occasion. UNTIL I learned about the INFP personality on podcasts and the companion INFP video by Michael Pierce. Then I understood that really it's just the cognitive function stack. You are NOT selfish nor self centred. Just like I am NOT insincere or untrustworthy. Granted, I can be unpredictable. But if INFPs have read in depth at personality hacker about INFJs they will know we deeply value trust and sincerity. Just like I now know that INFPs are not wishy washy artists who do not follow through because of their whims. They are simply feelers whom have a tough time being attached to a particular time or place. Neither is better. Sometimes I will forget this fact and see selfishness but then I remind myself of perception itself and neutrality. Because I WANT to see this instead of use my feelings which can not always be trusted....see what I just did there?:)
"But the INFJ refuses to let anyone see this core because who they are is NOT this primordial core but how they chose to manifest it at any given point for the sake of others..." (14:37- 14:49 Michael Pierce...Fun part about magic tricks following.)
"The INFJ cares about what they actually do about the effects of their actions, while the INFP is more concerned about the intentions and the purity behind their actions." (After this segment he goes on to describe the difference in empathy which is important but I am not going to cover here.)
Can I just say, "THANK YOU MICHAEL PIERCE for pointing this out." An INFJ core is whom we choose to manifest. Our core is NOT our feelings but our choices. Our hearts ARE our minds in a sense. I often don't care about the purity of my actions. In fact, I will often do what is opposite of what I desire for the sake of another. To me that IS authentic because it was a CHOICE I made with self control and observation FOR someone else. My husband is an ENFP and this is where we contend. Because like an INFP he can sometimes think this is unauthentic because it was a choice. I believe both are authentic - just different processing. I care more about what I do with information and not how I first felt about it.
"...The INFP acting more like a personal therapist, while the INFJ is more removed acting like a personal psychologist or diagnostician. But both still feel very deeply for other people it's just that the INFJS method is to dispassionately understand other people...comes into play as a sense of injustice towards those who created such horrible circumstances for the sufferer and a desire for things to be set right by their TI system." ( 16:36- 17:08 Michael Pierce segments)
Yes, INFPs are amazing at listening. They are sensitive and kind and love to probe people's feelings to get them to a place of safety. My goal is the same but I do seem like I can dissect from a less feeling standpoint. I LOVE diagnosing or helping others find their own diagnosis and a professional to help them out. I feel deeply for others but I find I work best when I detach myself from how I feel and concentrate on how they feel. I will also become the most passionate if I feel a grave injustice has occurred to me or to those in my life. I will definitely be the harshest on those who created a horrible circumstance and I will desire to set it right with my TI system.
INFJ and ISTP similarities from 17:08:
"A common INFJ idea is don't get angry but seek instead to understand. Generally people are all for this idea they think its great until of course the INFJ seeks to understand rapists and child molestors for the sake of knowledge, and should they present their sympathetic findings, as always in their comforting FE fashion, the contrast between these two things: The FE and the TI honesty, well, the contrast can be rather disturbing." (17:47- 18:16 Michael Pierce)
I can be angry but often the feelings I have are slight irritation or frustration. It's rare that I am seriously angry. Even when I say trite statements like "That makes me angry." I'm not actually all that enraged because my brain is working to understand what is making me angry while I am saying it. I seek to understand. And yes this has gotten me in trouble. My husband often says that he feels for me because no other type of personality feels and understands their enemies so much. I spend thought into the motivations and trauma of others...what makes them THEM. Even if I do not condone an action I CAN actually understand how it happened. Even when it is done to me. Which is quite conflicting. It's unfortunate that INFJ's will never be given this courtesy, to this extent, by anyone other than another enlightened INFJ. Also, it is true that I present a person's motivation with matter of a fact, deadpan honesty but also with compassionate insight and this can confuse people or even disturb them.
"Sometimes the INFJ DOES get angry or irritated and here, they become rather the opposite of the detached psychologist... It would be a serious mistake to consider the INFJ always dispassionate - they only come off that way because they are following a personal TI sense of duty or set of principles that they will not break no matter what they feel or fancy at a particular moment. " ( 18:16- 18:39 Michael Pierce)
That being said, I DO get angry. And when I do TRULY get angry, anyone in my way will know. I will verbally destroy someone and I have to watch what I say. I come across as neutral a lot because I squelch my own feelings under a sense of duty, but the times that I don't squelch are the times that involve injustice towards me (particularly disability because I know in the end it won't just affect me but the behaviour will affect all those disabled so I am not just angry for myself) or any other person I love.
Usually I have a set of principles I will not break even with those closest to me. I will constantly redirect my negative feelings to find a proper outlet and open communication. As an INFJ, my feelings are secondary.
"As a rule, their strongest principles are towards others welfare and when these are violated in their eyes it is remarkably easy for the INFJ to set all empathy for the trespasser aside." (18:47-18:57 Micheal Pierce)
Yup. All empathy. It's so easy to let go of it all in these circumstances...I also struggle with people whom have biased prejudice, make ignorant assumptions, and critical observations made through a narrow lens. Those attributes get my back up more than anything and unfortunately I have to distance myself from anyone who makes a habit of these statements even if it is grounded in naiveté or I understand where it comes from. First I will try to open the perspective and give a chance for change, but it if still happens regularly it's distance, distance, distance.
(19:01 made me chuckle too...I can see that and yes, it comes out occasionally in my writing...LOL the examples slayed me...but as any INFJ can attest to- too true, too true. Yet, we have Ghandi as one of our own so I am not too concerned.)
"There is a sense both to INFJ's and INTJ's of wanting to scour the whole entirety of existence and experience in the most raw and real way. For INFJ's this is often a method of shocking people by suddenly illustrating something with unprecedented graphicness. Perhaps the best example of this is Dostoyevsky who described the brutal murder and depravity in his stories with solemn but unflinching honesty. Another example would be Dante who gave the scenes of hell an unsettling realism and rawness." (21:24- 21:57 Michael Pierce.)
If I wanted to describe something in gruesome detail I could. Even in my writings I do not go towards poetry often or words that evoke deep feeling. That type of writing most likely manifests in an INFP writer like Tolkien or C.S. Lewis. I prefer to write matter of fact paragraphs with imagination swirling through on occasion. I prefer to write to shake the common beliefs surrounding, give alternatives, and pure reality. I want rawness...while I deeply enjoy beautiful lyricism I prefer it with a dose of reality and have a tougher time reading pure poetry. It's not better...it's not less...it just is what speaks to me as an INFJ.
If you found this insightful I strongly urge you to enjoy all or any of Michael Pierce's videos on personality types. Also, I strongly urge you to listen and watch the entire podcast to get the context of the quotes as well as the fun cartoons and pics in the background. If you crave more after watching, the best site is Personality Hacker for personal podcasts found HERE. I also have another post on INFJ personality, which happens to be the top hit on my blog daily, HERE. 16 Personalities is the best place for a common, quick written overview of each personality. (click HERE.)
My hope is greater understanding to create a better world. Understanding creates peace. Peace promotes an environment of love and well being. May it be.
I also have a post on the Contradictions, ironies and paradoxes of the INFJ here:
I'm leaving the below pin because it resonates and makes me laugh:
I feel the lyrics in this song are especially geared towards INFJ in many ways even though John Lennon is suspected to be an ENFP or INFP...the lyrics in this one could apply to all three of these Idealistic types, but certain phrases certainly resonate with an INFJ.
