Home. Being Canadian. Summer Solstice.

Midsummer sweetness is about savouring the celebratory aspects of life. Living to the fullest while acknowledging the life doesn't "owe" anyone anything- so the delights are that much more profound. Sometimes people or society ask us to hold back our fierce love of life and we silence ourselves or try to squeeze ourselves into tiny compartments of BEING. We forget it's our ONE life. Being grateful does not negate hardship. If we can, living fiercely is our best gift to LIFE. I try to find the ripeness in life, amongst health scares, oven fires, mini house fire scares, water furnace break downs, anxiety, world issues, weather conundrums, extended family struggles, marriage work and children's needs. Inside the energy of beauty, love, joy and the focus on the positive is where I want to aim to spend most of my mentality when I can. I will readily admit I am in a legitimate depression and struggling with some things, and at first, it took a lot of effort to do anything or see the good. But after a daily habit of the "next right thing"...I still work in energy deficit...but my ability to see the beautiful is getting more poignant and my fortitude to rise to the energetic occasion is taking less time. There is struggle. There is beauty. There is trauma. There is grace.

We all have different desires, meanings and relationships to celebrate. For myself: It's knowing my chosen partner is beside me every night and taking joy in his sleeping face and being in constant awe of his facial perfection. (Also trying not to be envious of his looks as he doesn't even have to try!)

The daily joy is found in the preparation for Summer Solstice Day! One of my favourite afternoons this summer was preparing Rosemary Gluten Free Biscuits, Herb Roast, Fruit infused Juice, and Summer Solstice cake with my children.

I have taken a hermitage lately. I am off of most social media (deleting apps and checking in only once a month for the summer.) My creativity has gone into overdrive again which it tends to do after built up stress or when I actually have more time to myself. I love the little things in life. I love gardening (especially with my roses), hugging trees, re decorating, dusting crystals, preparing baking, ordering solar lights online, shopping for groceries, snuggling my children, loving my husband and taking back roads empty for miles with the music blasting, walking to my parents for quick hello, visiting old and new friends via email or in person when time permits, and talking to kind costumer service agents. (That last one is weird but A LOT of my time lately has been dealing with costumer service in all industries due to break downs and orders etc and I am finding that I am enjoying many of the kind people which is another shock!)

I decided that we needed to build a few structures in our backyard including a stone wall. We had a bunch of free stone we need to use up so why not? Luckily my husband is excellent at literally building my dreams. I decorate, stain, and help with whatever parts I can and then read to him while he works. My children will participate in heavy lifting and learning how to use all the tools etc. I LOVE working together. My family may grumble at times but I think they mostly like it too. Probably not as much as me. People often ask me how I have fun. THIS IS MY FUN:

Since I discovered oil based paint pens, my eldest son ( he is my drawing artist) and I have a new list of things to do!

I also love my Seasonal Holidays. My sister usually joins us for the marking of these occasions. This time my mother and her crafted summer wreaths for her contribution to the feasting day. 

My mother knowingly joked that my house was too full inside/decked out that I had to move outside. Actually, that was exactly it. I wanted to decorate and I could not find a free space that I felt like changing, so I looked outside and thankfully it's a season where I can expand the magic. I now have five mirrors in my backyard. I love it!

We have had an unusual rainy season with loads of mosquitoes. Our town also experienced unusual winter kill on many of our trees and plants so working outside has been interesting! However, we have found work arounds and bits of time between weird weather patterns. The last few weeks I have concentrated on paint/ stain touch ups, solar light and rose maintenance, weeding, transplanting and creating a fairy land of differing traditions into our landscape. My husband found two maple trees on discount begging to be taken home so we now have our Canadian symbols sitting on either side of our front steps. I was so upset that our little pine trees died but the Maple trees are their own beauty. I am finding that what feels like a curse can often be a blessing and what can feel like a blessing sometimes is a curse. When my son woke to the sound of our water being pumped out of our water boiler, I thought curse. Turns out it was good it happened and we had a quick, fairly cheap fix in what could have been way worse. I love the town we live in and how each business is attainable, friendly and unconcerned about the Covid rules which do not make full sense or foster true kindness, but concerned for overall health of each citizen (which is how it should be.) It's such a beautiful aspect to just BE. (Of course hand washing and light social distancing happens but it's business as usual and many people are living out rich lives due to this mentality. We minister to the sick when possible and protect the innocent but still live.) My kids have had their friends over and are happily adjusting back to life in community.

Tomorrow is Canada day. I loved that DISNEY PLUS honoured it in their own small way:

Seeing the Maple leaf always makes me smile. I adore my country. Some say it is a country that lacks identity- but hasn't each country in history struggled to find their way in their first 100 years of establishment? When we are children we have in born identity but we also have much of our identity to discover, grow, and grapple with. But to give a child no sense of identity or to say they don't have one can be misplaced and dangerous. We need to remind children of the traits they show, while giving them the possibility and freedom to develop a sense of place within and without. While Canada may have some past mishaps and has it's own con list, overall, it is a place that has offered freedom to most who have sought it out. Most countries also have had to grapple with first discovers, Indigenous peoples, and the tricky nuances of that. Whenever I get confused, I just remind myself to treat everyone with respect and dignity, that there is essentially one people group- the human race- and it is essential that we all treat each other with that value. We need to rise rooted, even if we feel displaced or injustices have been done. We also need to reconcile and heal in our individual relationships. 

Canada is a place that gives wide open spaces and camera free drives for hours. The landscape changes drastically an hours drive away. There are gorgeous streams, mountains, prairies, and badlands. We are free to worship as we choose, school as we choose, and love whom we choose. Our businesses provide prompt service in emergencies or when our power or utilities go out. Our weather may be crazy and we may have 8 months of winter, but the seasons are that much more poignant. We have mostly equal opportunities for all who seek to work or BE. Our history has some injustices, and healing takes time. I do not have all the answers in that regard... but as far as country history goes, the years of remedying injustice equal out to far less than most other places in the world, some of which took centuries or more to change. This is also because we are one of the newest countries in that regard. Canada is still a baby. It's important to celebrate the good and the victories because if we only focus on trauma, pessimism and grief, anger and sadness and bitterness take prominent root. While all the above are legitimate emotions and phases in life, to stay inside them is a travesty too. Otherwise where is the hope? What is there to LIVE for? What is the point of healing if we can not grasp, in gratitude, the good while also making space for trauma healing?

My grandpa is Indigenous. He grew up with some racism/ discrimination. He went unjustly to jail for punching a man who committed a grave crime against my grandmother. Yet, he still loves Canada and what he was able to have in this country. He still respects the police force- he did blame the one bad cop, terrible guard, and the one discriminatory judge, but he liked many of the other friends on the force that he made during his time. (I do not know if I would have the same balance if I went through what he did but I admire it.) Does he have issues with some aspects and carry trauma from his experiences? Yes, but I love what he has taught me about the place that I live. I love that he still takes great pride in his country. It was an example of both the pros and cons of my country from a young age. He gave a realistic, sad glimpse but provided a larger story full of determination, opportunity, and work ethic for me to honour and cherish.

On Father's Day we stopped in to see him and my father, while providing breakfast for my husband's dad. These men all helped us become who we are today. We are thankful for their roles in our life. It is not always easy to see eye to eye on some aspects and we all have our histories, but there is great beauty in so many aspects of our relationships too. 

My dad cracked up when we gave him two trees, one of which was very Charlie Brown ish and my son serendipitously drew a Charlie Brown card (purely coincidence but my father noticed the similarities right away!)

I love that near where I live tacky dinosaurs are on Grocery store walls. I love that there is disinfectant everywhere but in most places there are also pretty lax rules again. I love that people are semi careful but also living, smiling and greeting each other again. I love that in one store I see people from all different countries, skin tones and abilities, being polite and kind to one another. It's not the exception but the norm. Cruelty is the exception. How are we shaping a better society if we maintain a dialogue that the majority are racists, cruel, bigotry, ignorant people? While it is a sad fact that some people do in fact struggle with these terrible states, look around the grocery store to see the diversity and respect. As Mister Rogers often stated, "Look to the helpers." Look around at the helpers and your faith in humanity may be restored slightly. Is that not a heart healthy perception? It's tougher to do, perhaps, and takes time and attention to notice, but off of social media, people are not all ignorant racists or uneducated bigots. Most people want other people to be treated with respect and kindness. Just be a good human being and circulate the conversations that install hope and beauty in the world, while compassionately dealing with the trauma that may come up in healing.



I love people but I struggle with people. Thus, I am hermiting into my surroundings. Because I see more good than bad with my own eyes, which is vastly different from what media/news is feeding me. I have had my share of strife, cruelty and personal differences in the last month, but I still see the beauty of the human spirit everywhere.

While we are seeing more people than we did for months, it is still with plenty of alone time in between. I am allowing myself to sleep longer, skip social stuff, and stay off world news. I am still detoxing. But good food, laughter, nightly tuck ins and fabulous birthday celebrations help.




Beauty is in the moment that my grandmother goes through her jewellery with my daughter and tries to hide her tears because she has a few more months to live. It's when they both lovingly touch each piece. Or when my daughter comes back home and bawls because she remembers Grandma wearing and cherishing it all and hates that she has to part with it now to get ready for her next phase of the life cycle. Beauty is in Grandma making sure each of her grandkids and her last living daughter have what they need for memories.

Beauty is my mother showing up with lunch ingredients on the last day of the month because our fridge and pantry are always empty on the last three day’s ( we wait for our cheque to put our bank account back up from forty cents till next month again.) It's her enlisting my daughter to help because she knows I had 4 hours sleep. They allow me to "blog rest" while they work.

Beauty is in my therapist sending me the poem "If" by Rudyard Kipling (*below) because it reminds him of me. He encourages me to frame it on my wall to remind me not to lose my both sides perspectives ,even if it gives me more grief from others...it's worth it for my life.

Beauty is in my family. Sometimes I forget to truly look at their faces. To notice the freckles, smile crinkles, gap teeth or pointy smile...all parts of them I love. Aspects individual to them that remind me of the fragility and strength of life.

Beauty is preparing my body and treating it as part of myself. It's allowing rest days but also remembering to adorn, pamper and even restrict at times for an outcome I wish to achieve. It's to see myself as part of nature. Beauty is to see my body as not just a vessel but a large aspect of the way I am in the world and to honour it.

Beauty is my window crystals always begging me to take a moment and stare. I watch them sparkle. I look beyond them at the ever changing sky. And I find that I am breathing deeply again. My eyes fill with gratitude. I can't seem to get enough and at the same time it is everything.

To my fellow Canadians: Happy Canada Day- Savour the parts of home you love! To the rest of the world: May you have aspects of Summer that bring you HOME.

Song Choice: Blossom- James Taylor  (This song has been on repeat lately. Love it.)

If...
Rudyard Kipling
If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;

If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!'

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;

If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son! 

(Written at a time when women were treated differently- luckily that has changed so just translate. Words still are amazing and sentiments.)

An Analogy of My Experience in the Autism Community for Political Movements. Rhetoric - is it Justice? Is it Inclusion? "Social Justice" and the Context of Intent.

"There does come a point (when a seeker) has so much information- we have read so many books and heard so many opinions- that we have to turn away from more knowledge and sift through what we have gathered. Away from the opinions and judgements of others, in a place where we feel safe and at ease, we need to examine each idea, belief and practice and measure it against our own soul. Those that resonate and feel right we keep and synthesize into our belief system. Those that do not we respectfully put away from us. Not everything is for everybody. We all have our own unique path. It is up to us to find it." Barbara Moore

I have been nurturing my path. This is a bit of context to why I do not hop on many trends, social justice movements, or get involved with current rhetoric. That is not to say that some of these things will not be noble and true for others. We each must weigh our knowledge against our experiences, contexts and souls.   

Years ago when I got diagnosed with Autism ( Aspergers Syndrome at the time)  I was immersed quickly into a new community. At first it was inclusive and I found forever friends and a place I belonged. The years went by and one day, I found my blog being unfollowed by many Autistics. It was only recently that I found out that the main reason was because I still often used the terms I was diagnosed with.  "Aspergers Syndrome" and "Aspie." I tried to use Autistic more often but "Aspie" had become a term of endearment to myself and my son who had grown up with it as a nickname since he was a toddler. As a teen he still loved it. 

My friend Sam addresses this travesty in THIS (CLICK) post;
"I have been rejected as a speaker at some autistic-run conferences, even as I had stronger credentials and proposals than the other speakers, based again on the name of my book. (I don’t mind anymore, there are many other conferences. Just a sad fact.) Several autistic advocates have been forced or bullied to change the name of their website, company, or community social media page because it contained the word Asperger(s) or Aspie or some other word that implied , even made up words! Some well-meaning autistic individuals (or Aspies) have turned away from helping others because of the continual debating, shaming, and anger over the name they call themselves. Others have left a community that they were led to believe was built on support and inclusion."

In the last five years, I have been corrected, as an autistic, for not using the right terms for MYSELF like a capital or following with “person“ after autistic. I was challenged BY other Autistics for not talking about neurodiversity or ableism properly. I was told I was ableist a few times, Me- who struggles being capable on a daily level in many ways due to executive functioning and sensory issues! Not only was this hurtful but it didn't feel like the inclusive place I originally joined. Other times it was by well meaning "advocates" or parents of Autistics who were not autistic themselves but knew all the autistic jargon and were “advocating” *for* me and *AT* me. They made me feel confused.

There was even division of the “ scale of autism” where mostly non autistics, parents and “educators” judged the verbal and non verbal and put them in the categories of “high functioning” and “low functioning." Luckily, there were articles written on that proving that low functioning in one circumstance like a non verbal confined to a wheel chair was high functioning in another (when they used their device to write epic stories.) Or on a simpler level - when a person can be both high functioning and low functioning on the same day and it renders it moot. CLICK HERE for a quick article on the topic (the best I've read. A MUST for anyone advocating for Autism.) I don’t think it’s the actual experience to be so literally black or white about it in both autism or skin colour or any other difference. Because on the scale, in their own context, each person has different treatment. Many experience trauma in different ways. Some also experience love on different levels. 

I was “educated” by some (and self educated quickly there after) on the jargon. I tried to use the "correct terms" often for a few years. I fought hard. I called myself an advocate. I was immersed in the jargon and even expected friends and family to use it with the misplaced idea that the correct dialogue was what made them truly love, understand and respect me. But then I realized that the INTENT of words is completely separate from the "appropriate" words. Many words that are used for social justice as "noble" or in place of "dubious history" are also monetized. 

As Sam writes HERE (CLICK for the amazing full article): "For the record, DSM-V, the ‘Physicians Bible’ that created the ‘newer’ autism spectrum diagnosis, is largely backed by special interest groups with financial gain at heart, particularly pharmaceutical and health insurance companies, who are known for their greed and ill treatment of citizens and have victimize millions. The diagnosis criteria of Aspergers transitioning to the umbrella spectrum disorder was not changed for pure-at-heart reasons. It was changed primarily to assist in filling the deep-pocketed big businesses. Many word origins are rooted in tainted soil. In addition, Dr. Asperger is partially credited for laying the foundation for ‘autism’ conditions." (In the article she also addresses Dr. Aspergers "Nazi connections." I have found this particular accusation being thrown around in other places casually for anyone who is in disagreement with radical leftists. When you dig deeper in research done with neutrality or find the truth between both sides, often (sometimes it is valid) what is found is speculation at best and word twisting for an agenda at worst.)

A couple years into my Autism / Aspergers journey, I learned that the widely funded and accepted group “ autism speaks” was actually quite damaging to most autistics in the name of helping and tolerance. Many autistics who could verbalize in writing wrote against it. Often parents of autistics supported it. There were numerous reasons I felt uncomfortable with the motives and portrayals of autistic people from the organization that was supposed to be speaking FOR us. Phrases like “Autistics matter” just brought home the narrative to me that, “Wait did we not matter before?” I knew my wiring had caused some issues around reciprocity and love. But constantly telling me phrases like that made me feel LESS like I belonged. People jumped on the bandwagon because they thought it was helping or that they were nobly on the “right side of history.” Articles citing vaccinations as causing autism and fear mongering were passed on. Which made myself and my children feel like a disease to be eradicated. Articles celebrating ABA therapy (which some autistics stand behind but many found abusive) were tried by loving parents because it sounded like the right thing to do. 

At that stage I definitely did not want to be autistic. Why would I want to be or celebrate my differences, when the very people who were supposed to be "speaking up for me"  were telling me how different I was and re enforcing my wounds and the history of autism at me all the time even if it wasn’t ALL my exact experience?  Had I not been loved solely because of autism? That dialogue got in my head and made me feel even more of a minority. I admit to a darker stage, when for awhile I felt like a bit of a martyr. Some of these are a legitimate phases of learning to live with being a minority. I knew that I had some instances of judgement or cruelty based on my differences (all prejudices and cruelty are clearly wrong) but I never thought of these mindsets as a generalization world wide. That would have been a dangerous thought pattern to have.

Did I have misunderstandings based on my brain wiring? All the time. Was I not loved due to autism? Honestly, yes, sometimes. Did I encounter some blatant discrimination? Yes. A few times, especially in medical situations. One particular person set me into months long depression at the accusations she geared towards me. My husband was appalled at the treatment. I cried for three hours straight after. That was just one degrading time of many.

On the other side of the coin, over the years I found a few select medical practitioners who treated me differently in a good way. They took into account my differences under stress, anxiety and sensory and chose to work with me. It was imperative that they did not treat me as equal but unique. Yet, they also needed to give me equal respect as a human being.

I can see where people can easily generalize whole institutions based on experiences or a few bad experiences of their friends. I honestly have a problem with the nursing profession more than I should. In some cases it was justified. There are practices that need to change. For my part, I had to own my generalizations and engage in cognitive behavioural therapy to recognize that all nurses are not bad or discriminatory. I had to learn (and still get setbacks) that the system is not all flawed. I still have a problem with a lot of it and high anxiety with new nurses. I still would like to see some changes. Most of my experiences have been negative, however the positive is becoming more prominent the more I find allies context to context. I’m learning there will always be good with the bad...it can’t all be generalized and judged. 

Maybe “Autism speaks“ started out with good intentions too but society took it and over time it became widely damaging in the name of tolerance? I actually can't answer that question as I stopped engaging in conversations about it. I do know a few autistics who thought it did some good. They are in the minority but whom am I to judge their positive experience?

I was highly against “autism speaks" and spoke out against it with many other autistics over the years. I became confused when I learned that there were a few autistics who were verbal and writing online who were FOR autism speaks and some like John Elder even spoke for them. On forums (before Instagram) I was shocked to find that there were actually autistics being against autistics in the name of advocacy fighting over the true or noble way to advocate for change. I had one autistic girl target and bully me for having a family and more than one child. I had to block her from my email. 

Frankly? I got tired. Not only did I have a family to raise but I was also dealing with chronically low blood levels (ferritin and hemoglobin), autoimmune disease and my own limitations. I just wanted to be me. 

I heard idealizations of representation on the media and in shows. But when I actually thought about it personally, I didn’t want a world where autistics were represented in every movie or the leading role more often, or talked as much about neurotypicals. That wasn't a reality. We are a minority and that would be weird. I realized I didn’t want full equality for equality sake. I wanted full humanity. Would more representation help? I found at times, it hindered when done improperly. I realized equal rights was not often equal. Some aspects reminded me of extreme communism activated (which is a utopian ideal but anyone who has studied history knows that Stalin caused more deaths than Hitler and communism perpetuates it's own violence. Read Gulag Archipelago for more. Especially if you are a fan of Marxist philosophy.) 

The very people who need more rights in the first place end up having their rights ignored because they are different. Because they do require a few different approaches due to their own contexts, histories, tolerances, languages, styles, different economic stats, disease or addiction, DNA or co conditions, lifestyle traits etc. Unfortunately, we can not all be equal in everything. We have glorious differences to be celebrated and wonderful similarities to focus on. We can help each other where we are at odds. I realized I actually never wanted equality in treatment but equality as a human being whom is both unique and common. 

Ultimately I wanted and want to be treated as a saying in the autism community goes;
“Different NOT less.” 
Never less. But I definitely want to acknowledge the beauty and hardship of differences. 

An example: If I was treated the same in a sensory environment I would fail. If I was held up to a normally wired (neurotypical) person I would fail. In my journey, I had to learn to accept the terrible abuse and mental hospital mistakes in the past, as part of the cultural PAST. It did not mean I supported or thought that treatment was ok. It did not mean that sometimes those travesties are not still committed. But by not erasing history and the previous times, there were reminders and lessons. 

A lot of my journey through autism advocacy and my experiences with the health care institution is eerily akin to what is happening now and with the police narrative. This was a huge dose of needed perspective. 

For me, it came down to owning what I can change personally. I teach my children to never use autism/ aspergers/ disability/ illness/ difference as excuses but as an explanations. There is a key difference there. It is empowering. And hopefully a bridge or mode to understanding. 

My biggest lesson was self acceptance. I WAS/AM autistic. Yes, it often means I am the minority for processing and communication in a group of people. Sometimes this is obvious and at other times invisible. Sometimes invisibility made it worse and I almost wished I “showed“ more or could “mask” less. Other times invisibility made it better, but then I’d be angry that was the case on behalf of others who couldn’t be that way, or the parts of myself that became sick from masking. Both were terrible in different ways. On the flip side, sometimes it was a boon to be different. It gave me advantages. I’d be silly to think it wasn’t an asset too at times to be how I was. 

So all this lead up to this moment in time. This is my context and story. This is why I decided that I didn’t want to be called an advocate for autism or anything else. Often advocacy starts out with love and nobility but easily gets lost in it's own rhetoric and languages and creates new problems or forgets WHY it is doing what it is. Sometimes in the name of loving people it forgets the actual case by case person TO love. It’s easy to get lost in proper terms that seem to be noble or about love and forget the very flawed people who have stood by us and love us. I’m not saying the abusive, discriminatory language should go unsanctioned. I'm also not saying that I will not "advocate" on behalf of those I love or myself. To me it is reminiscent of when I stopped using the term "Christian." It was tied up in too many opposing belief systems, insinuations, movements, and judgements. I couldn't use it anymore even if some of my friends felt it was the right term for them. I could respect that. I ask them to respect my decision.

I know movements can also be crucial and there is a time and place for everything. I definitely played all parts in my own autism journey and maybe I will again in the future depending on circumstance and context. Maybe each one was legitimate? Some of it can easily be boiled down to ages and stages. But in my context now? I’m more wary.

I prefer now to work my social change person to person, telling stories, sharing others stories. Sometimes I send things in a moment of passion or thinking and mistakenly think people are in the same context as me even though, through these experiences, I’ve learned they are often not. There’s a part of me that forgets. I’m also human and make mistakes. I can rarely articulate what I want except  in writing or music. I still use music the most to communicate whom I am or what I want or my feelings to my children and husband because my writing is still misinterpreted. Often I don’t have words or say the wrong thing or assume someone will understand. I prefer to listen to both sides. I do take a stance but that stance is often not what I portray or what people know. It takes deep thoughtful meditation to get there and I can’t explain it ( also how I feel about beliefs.) 

I worry that the words we use actually make the issues worse. When “white Privilege “ is constantly talked about or “ white supremacist's " it becomes even MORE of a problem. It does not mean there is not racism or that all people have some form of privilege. There is a difference between actual racism and the belief of "systemic racism". I have been educated on both. I find that there is much that needs more discussion and research that is not from a biased political scheme. Telling people who don’t use the proper terms that they are ablest, racist, anti whatever or asking to “educate” them is also a form of bullying. How dare we tell other people what to call themselves? How dare we ask people to constantly remember all the proper terms? It goes both ways. In the end, many of the terms are a socially constructed form of cultural appropriateness. Do we need to change some words? Yes. Often the reason why we change words are not as noble as we think. Intent of the word is more important than the word itself. Context is everything. Sure, if in a loving relationship, there is a time and place to ask for certain terms or to ask for certain words to be left out of the equation. Love conquers all.

I personally believe diffusing, focusing on statements such as: “Here is what love looks like" "This is a story of love" "This is an example of  WHY you matter" or "Look at this person who thrives and are just like YOU!” Empowering speech and people instead of using speech that victimizes and martyrs. I hated being victimized in the autism rhetoric yet some organizations still thrive and are being applauded by many today who do just that. Part of me has to be ok with the good parts they do and not see it as completely polarized. Many other advocacy groups for LGBTQ to race to ableism are getting lost in their own language insistence and policing. It’s sad because what they are trying to achieve in most cases is noble and true. Judgements, bullying, racism, hate, policing loved ones and the silencing culture is not ok. It’s never ok. Even in the name of “justice” or “educating.” 

I’ve been burned too recently by advocacy in the name of tolerance to join up with any. I see too many patterns that I’ve lived through. I do believe in kindness, inclusion, love, true justice based case to case, merit (which has also become a dirty word), grace, patience... 

I do have a huge heart for minorities. For making the world better. For peace and equality of humanity. But not equality overall. From my perspective and experiences, that ends up being unjust and unequal. Recognizing differences, celebrating them when possible, working on owning our life stories and improving where we can and helping those who cannot help themselves is a credo I can support. I believe in living our best lives, not out of guilt or shame for differences, but out of celebration.

Sometimes the loudest voices actually aren’t often the kindest. They are the meanest or hurt people who are hiding behind rhetoric to push what may seem noble but cruelty can mask as kindness. Kindness takes the conversations, the time, the respect, the heart, and an aspect of home. Home is a place where there are boundaries like a door to be closed or opened. A home is place where safety should be offered to all who enter with true intent. Anyone, no matter their differences, can be treated with respect. They may challenge or disagree inside the home but a true home offers an ability to have fair treatment. Which doesn’t mean each child will get the exact same room but a room that expresses both their differences as people (and celebrates them!) and gives the similarities of being human also expressed in their rooms. Home provides shelter to grow. It provides a place to earn merit and learn how to be decent. But it’s also a place to activate grace when the fallibility of being human kicks in.

Kindness begins in the home. It ripples outward. Those whom are placed directly in our paths should have an aspect of it given to them from us and vice versa. If we put an ideal and rhetoric before people we put issues before relationships. It doesn’t mean the issues don’t matter but it does mean that we begin to see heart and hearth. Home is a place where differences matter because they do. We are not all the same. My son with freckles and moles needs extra attention in the heat/sunshine. My daughter with hyper flexibility has to attend physiotherapy. I can’t cook or drive in most places. It would be a travesty and injustice to treat our very human differences as either wrong or put them all on the same level. We will have different needs at different times. Contextual stories help erase hate. And when there are times when we are threatened by more - in an ideological home- we can lock the doors and invite in those who will respect humanity at all levels even if the conversation may hold nuances of difference.

This is my personal context. It’s my story and my opinions. This is my freedom of speech from living in a country that still allows for the expression of all. That matters. That is being threatened in seemingly noble ways but we need to look at all we will lose- especially for those we are fighting FOR.

I’m going to be fallible. I’m going to be right at times too. The new silencing culture that bans books, tears down statues, cancels talk shows based on a long ago transgression, holds mistakes from the past as the current present, polices languages etc.all in the name of making things "better" is forgetting the crucial lessons we learn about the good and the bad of history. There are ways to honour the good while taking lessons from the bad. An example would be to either move the statue to a museum acknowledging the part it played in history with a write up of the benefits and the terrible. Or to erect a new statue next to it celebrating the very aspect that was unsupported in the past. Re writing history the way we wish it could be, is a travesty. Re writing our future starts now.

I’m going to be both confident in my stances and suffer low self esteem sometimes. I am going to both live with misery and joy. And that makes me human. That makes me alive. I refuse to be policed by friends and family. That is my personal right as it should be for all. Challenges in context and with kindness are entirely different matters. I don't love conflict, but I’ll dive into tough conversations. I will apologize for hurt caused if I see it or if it is asked of me. I will also try my best to live in integrity and kindness. I always felt like an alien and still often do, but I know I’m also human ... And that’s where we are the same and what I try to focus on while still telling my story and celebrating and respecting our differences. 

I actually felt Sam expressed this better than I could accurately;

Post Edit: My husband suggested I make it clear that I believe in equal rights of humanity which is different from treating everyone the same. He said people may think I am against equality but see, those are two very different concepts. Emotions and hype can cause the lack of distinction. I thought it was clear so I urge you to re read my words if it is not.

Song Choice: Mind is A Prison- Alec Benjamin  "...Then I tied up my linen with five strips of ribbon I found. Scaled the side of the building. I ran to the hills till they found me. And they put me back in my cell. All by myself, alone with my thoughts again. I guess my mind is a prison and I'm never gonna get out
So they tranquilized me, analyzed me, threw me back in my cage.Then they tied me to an IV, told me I was insane. I'm a prisoner, a visitor inside of my brain. And no matter what I do, they try to keep me in chains Sometimes I think too much, yeah, I get so caught up I'm always stuck in my head I wish I could escape, I tried to yesterday Took all the sheets off my bed...Said even if it's true, no matter what I do. I'm never gonna escape I won't give up on hope, secure another rope And try for another day..."