Abortion (Pro Life Versus Pro Choice) Actually ISN'T the Issue (In Support of Mothers AND Children)

 A letter to the editor showed up in a local paper urging people to write in to eradicate abortion. My husband came home as I was writing a feisty little piece (that ended up being the first draft of four)  to the paper. He had the same idea. We ended up writing the final draft together. The issues are deeper than a law or abortion. When we take away a choice...especially a choice regarding the human body in our fallen state, we end up messing the lines of human life even more. Of course every situation is different. Some abortions are a violation of human rights by discrimination. But a law won't change this. What needs to change is prejudices, awareness and the thousands of blogs that show the beauty of the differently wired or created in life.

Did you know abortion rates go up (NOT DOWN) when abortion laws are in effect? Women feel more desperate. Coming from a person who believes in God, I believe choice was the first gift given to us. We were given a tree, to choose good or evil. God did not take away that choice even with all it's consequences. If God didn't why do we think we have the rights too? When did we set ourselves up as God over life? I kept my feisty little first edition because it would make a great speech one day...just not a good article. As my father says, in newspapers or articles, you make your point and have people consider those points when you use honey and Logos (Pathos can be saved for speeches and personal blogs!) Honey attracts flies that would otherwise respond in defence. I am afraid I still can not quite manage full honey ness:) But I hope the deeper issues show themselves. A law will not take away the complicated situation. Better prevention, more support, and loving compassion heals a multitude of lives. We need to advocate for better programs NOT more red tape. I do not believe taking away a choice is the answer for so many other reasons not stated in this article.

In Support Of Mothers and Their Born/Unborn Children:
Human life is innately valuable and each life deserves to be, however, the issues choosing life are deep and complicated. Increased support is needed for mothers who feel they have no where else to turn. Attitudes and judgements affect the choice of life. The support (and the lack thereof) before/after birth become part of the weighing factors in life choices. Promotional mental health programs, comprehensive birth control strategies, and a general sense of empathetic awareness affect the choice of life. 

Recently, the government cut the program "Growing Opportunities" from a local area. It was one of the few places impoverished or teenage mothers could go to get gentle aid. Each week they received milk coupons, a few bags of groceries, nutritional guidance, mental support, and occasional visits from a nurse. We know of this firsthand because ten years ago we were expecting and under the poverty line. Growing Opportunities gave our family a strong beginning. We cannot judge the desperation of another until we have lived under a similar pressure. Our story had the support of family, friends and community, yet still we struggled. We can only imagine, with compassion, the forced decision of a mother who has none of that.

 Sometimes, it seems that we get lost arguing about issues or advocating for laws. Shouldn't we live our beliefs instead? Some ways to do this could be by volunteering at safe homes, taking food to women who can barely feed themselves (let alone a babe), seeking to protect families who are the victims of abuse and violence, compassionately supporting women who may be hard to love, engaging in regular conversations with the downcast, poor and misused, and considering Fostership.

When we advocate for prenatal programs, calming natural birth strategies, promotion of doulas, stronger action against the violence of women/children, and additional support for the first few years of a child's life, abortion rates will gradually go down. We have a responsibility to the children already born. The Foster system is in desperate need of good families to take in the destitute children. Perhaps the mothers who chose to carry their children abandoned the babes to drugs, abuse or simply did not have the means to keep the child they loved?

 Currently in our province, children are living in hotel rooms waiting for placement, foster homes are crowded, and placing of newborns is difficult. If you want to be a voice for the children, consider the already born. Instead of demeaning marches and petitions, consider the unborn children by aiding their mothers and advocating for merciful programs. Become a Foster parent, volunteer, or counselor. Support Pregnancy centers that give options of protection. Write to reinstate the program Growing Opportunities. To choose life means stepping out to take active responsibility for tough and complicated issues. We cannot make the choice of another. We can only influence that choice by love and compassion. We must be the change we wish to see in the world. Let's consider uniting and advocating for the needs of our surroundings. Together as a compassionate community we CAN make a difference, one child and one mother at a time.
(End of article)

We need more compassion. We need to build this global community where we can live in peace and harmony. We do this by the law of love, NOT by the law of the people. Because then the question arises- which religion, race, people group ect. get to make the law? Which group of people get to choose for everyone else? Are we so hung up on our prideful self righteousness that we have the audacity to choose for another person? We can only influence in love. Jesus never forced anyone to choose. Jesus never promoted spiritual manipulation or used his power at any level over another. He gave us the ultimate example, the law of love, sacrifice, GRACE and life. We each get to choose. That is the beauty of it all. The choice. Not the robotic submission of will, no matter how noble the reason is.

Let's change the conversation. Let's change it with action of our beliefs in compassion and empathy. LOVE. We live in a broken world. Awful, brutal circumstances happen that we can not prevent, but we can help heal despite this fact. It's all in our choices. We can choose what we stand for by living it, not by forcing it.*

*I support some mothers who choose not to go through with the life inside of them because I know there are different circumstances for everything. It can not all be summed up together. Sometimes the best choice doesn't seem like the right one to outsiders. I also support mothers who choose to go through pregnancy but give the life up for adoption or keep the life born...again it is circumstantial and can not be judged.

Unschoolery...Why we Home School

*If you are looking for an excellent resource on Unschooling please check out these two posts. They a great source to the Unschoolery journey and information about this way of Being:

http://schoolingtheworld.org/occupy-your-brain/

http://schoolingtheworld.org/a-thousand-rivers/

Our children are protected but well socialized. They are surrounded by those who love them, those who understand, and the comforts of a house that suits their specific interests. It's a Hobbit Hole in many ways. With tended gardens, comfortable blankets, low lights, classic stuffies, magical books, and not many interruptions.

I am well aware of the fact that children need adventures and that their adulthood will be fraught with different environments. But for now, they need their haven. Their simple life. They learn quietly with guitar, yoga, voice, meditation, piano, dance, sewing, karate, swimming ect. But even the way we choose to do most of these things is unconventional. We find family who want them to learn for learning sake. We find dance teachers who believe it is about the love, the rhythm, the way the body moves, instead of about competition, exams and being the best. We find flexible programs that are not rigid in practice. While discipline is important, it is instead learned through tending gardens, plants and living things that require constant time and attention. They have a balance of magical playtime, reading, working, chores, friend time (only 2-3 good friends are needed in life) integrated school and learning about themselves. They see their differences as gifts and struggles.

I found a Ted Talks link from a 13 year old homeschooled boy who speaks about his unique way of living. I was so relieved watching because my husband and I were worried that our kids may have no other people growing up who can relate to them if they decide marriage may be an option. In that arena too we teach them there are so many different ways to live a fulfilling life. If they want to remain single but adopt  (if they want kids) or if they want to live with us/ beside us or if they want to travel the world...marriage and college are NOT their only viable options.

Our kids watched the TED talk too. My eldest exclaimed,"Hey that's almost our life!" It's worth the ten minute watch:

http://unschoolery.com/hackschooling

Most adults I know are unhappy, unaware, restless, discontent and still searching for their meaning. Even if they are in fields they love or graduated top in their class. I have different goals for my children. I want them to grow up self aware. We teach them about handling emotions, differing faiths, cognitive therapy (a word they know well), yoga and meditation for self healing, boundaries in relationships...and to live in the NOW. I tell them that they already are WHO they are in this moment. They do not have to wait to be a "grown up" to experience life. They do not have to answer the stupid question,"What do you want to BE when you grow up?" I tell them to BE NOW. When they are hopefully old and grey, I KNOW they won't look back and say, "Boy am I ever glad I took the job in that firm." or "Those years of expense in school were worth every penny and the lack of time I had with the people that mattered." Instead I want them to say, "Life is tough and beautiful. From the time I was young I learned this but I also learned that I mattered. To stay connected and compassionate, from childhood I learned to engage in the outdoors, with the few people who mattered, and with myself. I lived well despite what work I did or did not do. The wisdom I gained was not just for knowledge's sake and I learned to be comfortable with myself no matter where I was. I lived in the NOW with meaning."

Their sibling relationships are very close compared to kids in school and they have deep respect for each other. They also are taught to value two or three friends of varied ages. In adulthood we are not set up in a contained environment with only people our age and events every day. No wonder most adults feel alone compared to their old school days. I want our kids to be able to hang out with any age comfortably and to decide on friends based on compatibility and support...not age. They can learn that now too. I also want them to learn that being able to invite 10- 20 kids for a birthday party is not a sign that they are well loved. Two or three GOOD friends is enough for now and forever. I also want them to learn that friendships have seasons. (Click HERE for this concept.) Overall, I want them to live parallel culturally...They are not just another cog in the wheel despite pressure to make them so. I don't want them to believe the lies that they need to buckle down and make money or marry and reproduce or even find a dream and live it. I want them to know that is just how our world tries to justify population growth, government programs and condition workers for the jobs that need doing. It's not bad to do any of those things as long as they are aware of what it is. I want them to use that system to support their meaning. If a job at Subway pays them enough to get by so that they can spend their remaining hours relaxing in their garden - that is a great life. If they are not driven to consume or be "something" but simply enjoy their pursuits- that is a great life. If they love their guitar playing but are not pressured to "be more" within that and can spend their time with a few friends strumming- that is a great life.

We don't force them to do many events that they dislike. Of course they need to find discipline within themselves to do yucky jobs at times (like cleaning the drains and garbages) but if they hate piano after giving it a sufficient try- we do not make them continue. We ask ourselves, "Are we trying to make our children something they are not? Are we trying to accidentally fulfill one of our dreams or how we think children should look by doing this? What would be the reason for them to continue in this pursuit that ties in with MEANING or BEING? Is there another way to find that meaning or being? (There usually is.)"

My children will experience the same hurts, pain and limited options that other children will face at varying times in their life. From outside appearances they may seem apathetic or socially different, but I hope that at least they will be equipped to find their meaning in the NOW. To engage in whatever state they are with awareness, peace and confidence. Our situation has it's own flaws and it is not ideal but I KNOW it is better than a one size fits all learning system they previously engaged in (for them. Obviously there are many children who NEED to be in school or do not have a parent who can stay home to school.) I hope they will have an easier time adjusting into adulthood because they will not feel pressured with the rules or expectations ...even if they take a standard job they will know how to fit in enough yet not look at fitting in as the ultimate goal. I hope they make it work for them...or stay at home and find ways to get by creatively so they can spend the rest of their time soaking up the earth's beauty, connecting with the few they love, and savouring the little moments in their one precious life. It's going to be flawed and fraught with misunderstanding and obstacles...but I have faith that they will be able to handle the imperfections...perhaps even embrace them!

*Disclaimer: There are many different ways to live a life. Many children are better off in school  for varied reasons. Some parents truly can not afford homeschooling, however, there ARE many parents who THINK they can't but really can. We thought we couldn't and are now better off financially because we do not have school costs, we have some government support for school curriculum, we have more subsidies by having one parent at home...overall the money saved by this choice makes up a minimum wage thirty hour week job for myself and I get to be at home with my children savouring the moments. (We crunched all the numbers.) Homeschooling without the right support or facilitator can be very tough, especially the first year, but if you are a self taught parent who can read up on varied materials and mindsets, you will find your own unique groove. In reality, our school systems are failing children who are slightly different or do not fit the competitive, extroverted, contained environments. That said, there are many good schools who do their best with the few equipped teachers and many children they have. Extroverted children do especially well in school and may struggle more at home. Children who are abused at home find havens in school. There are exceptions and benefits to everything. There are also negatives to everything, including home schooling. It's simply thinking outside the box and risking what is right for your situation...whatever it is...that matters.*
 Song Choice- Bloody Well Right- Supertramp

Another post on this topic:
http://worldwecreate.blogspot.ca/2015/01/confessions-of-unschooling-mother-links.html