Sunday, May 14, 2017

'Bring On Tomorrow - I've Got Today'/ Memory Lack and Importance of Photographs/ And Inspirational Landscapes of Home

The temperature was perfect, not too hot nor too cold. There was a warm breeze that moved the clouds quickly across the cerulean sky. The white fluffy puffs looked like they were steaming off wisps of milky white sugar to spin into another formation. If I looked long enough, it felt like an ocean in the air, with the bloated billows becoming waves of motion. The endless prairie sky contrasted with a few grey clouds on the horizon, became a stunning 3D picture. My husband replied at my musings with a laugh that it was because 'real life IS 3D' but I am used to comparing real life with movies. Artistic films often capture the romanticism of what I see in my mind, compared to what most people view from their eyes, in real time.

I felt lost in the beauty. For a few hours I just became part of the landscape. It was one of those moments in life where everything was in absolute harmony. The light cast a hazy glow of sunshine with a soft blush of romance. The scents of dandelion blooming, fresh cut grass, cedar wood shakes from our fence, and someone's BBQ off in the distance, mixed into the sumptuous sensory moment of perfection. My husband's power tools switched between the buzz of the circular saw, the bite of a screw finding it's home in the wood fence, and the 'shick shick' of the compressed nail gun placing the cedar shakes firmly in place.

The sounds of my husband's trade brought feelings of possibility, beauty, growth, stability and the awareness that he was with me building our dreams. When his tools became an aura of background noise, I became conscious of the birds singing to one another from the tops of our blooming trees. My daughter's colouring added satisfying scratches and scrawling etches of colour creating design on sun dappled white. Our music blasted, because music deserves to be blasted when one feels the moment, and the newest Brad Paisley song, "Today "captured the moment in lyrics:

🎶 "I don't know about tomorrow, but right now the whole world feels right, and the memory like a day like today, can get you through the rest of your life...🎶 I know it won't always be like this, life can change as quick as a kiss, it's not over yet but I already miss today .🎶" - Brad Paisley  "And as the seasons change and time goes by and your hair is grey and so is mine - I know for sure, that you’re gonna be just as beautiful, as you are to me, today. Bring on tomorrow I've got today🎶" "... When I’m sitting in traffic some afternoon, or bored to death in some waiting room, I’m gonna close my eyes and picture you... Today."- Brad Paisley

Some of my favourite moments are the hour long drives our family takes every month, and the continual changes of the seasons that are evident in the surrounding landscapes of my life. Just a few weeks ago the scenery painted muted browns and soft greys into it's palette of a late Spring. Now the greens are becoming the main event. The same excursion is always diverse with our weather. A few weeks ago the land was covered in white snow and the new buds hovered under the cold waiting for their time. This I understand. This landscape always seems to echo my state of mind, or more aptly, I echo the landscape. The harmony of myself integrated with nature is something crucially important to my inner mind. Sometimes I beg for blue skies and sunshine and other times I hope that moody clouds and rough winds blow a bit of violence into the atmosphere. I'm both devoted and enchanted by wide open spaces of sprawling prairies and tree lined rolling hills. I feel a cherished tenderness and devoted delight to the fertile ground of my home.

When we are on drives, we will listen to podcasts or blast our music or simply talk or sit in silence, but I ALWAYS am savouring the view from my window. There's a road that has witnessed all the milestones of my life. It has been a place of love, lust, innocence, depth, communication, understanding, awe, birth, death, growth and vision. There isn't another place on earth like it for me. There is no peace of mind that I have anywhere else other than my home. Because of this, I will alternate between snapping pictures and simply gazing and becoming what I witness.

I will often quickly grab my iphone to snap a picture because my memory borderlines on dementia. My camera is often handy for the simple moments. I will make sure I savour the BEING in real time before I capture the moment on film, but a few pictures are important to me because of this disability in my life. With mono, I actually can not even remember song lyrics. I tend to know most of the lyrics to every song on the radio (whatever station is played.) That is my super power but in all else my recollection fails. Since Mono in February I can't even recapture most song lyrics. This is frustrating, thus I take captive the feeling through a photograph. In this digital age, many argue that there are too many photos or too many moments we spend behind our phones, and while I agree for the most part, and make sure I temper my use with raw eyed moments, for me, there is a balance to be struck.

It's that moment when my husband goes in for a kiss to my daughter and I hastily reach for the phone, swipe to my camera App and click. Or I make him re do it so I can experience it twice. Both times are beautiful. One I get to savour without worry and the next one I get to capture for remembrance. Because a memory like that does get me through tough moments. I am a visual person and a photograph will stick inside my brain more then a memory, especially if the pictures are put to music, which is why I have a vast collection of an average of about four Imovies a year set to song... of my life. I pull these out in medical waiting rooms or when I am depressed, and I watch them over and over again and feel deep, abiding gratitude. Because they capture the feeling of the everyday.

The heightened beauty I often experience from simple moments and ordinary love are suddenly evident. Northern skies bring rich beauty that run through my soul. "Free as a breeze, not to mention the trees, that whistle tunes that you know and love so."- Glen Campbell. Melodies and soundtracks that run through my head synchronizing, depending on the experience, with a specific tune, are pulled out of the abstract of myself and into the concrete of a tangible definite. I can open my eyes and picture them, the loves of my life, sensory BEING, and bliss scenery, at times when I am in crisis. Because I HAD that moment, I can get through the next. Bring on tomorrow, because I had today.

"Your trails would be downhill, a soft breeze at your back. A sky full of diamonds and your nights would not be black. Yes, you would really love it. And if your ever down, I'd give you rows of roses and gold all over the ground. I'd pick you up and carry you cross every stream I see, and I'd bundle you in kindness until you cling to me. We'd sit beneath strong branches, my arms would twine around, I'd turn your green to emerald and give you gold all over the ground."- Brad Paisley

Don't those lyrics paint a picture you wish to be in? The words lift my soul and remind me of many lucky moments I have had. 'Bundle you in kindness' particularly tugs at my heartstrings and the images of life flash by of the youthful beauty I experienced, and the moments of maturity I am growing into. May your trails be downhill with a soft breeze at your back, and when the winds rise, may you have a few today's to deal with tomorrow's pain.

Song Choices (HIGHLY recommend to complete the feeling of this post): Today- Brad Paisley  and Gold All Over the Ground- Brad Paisley


M said...

Thank you for capturing the beauty of our every day lives.

S said...

What a beautiful post you wrote ! It resonates with me deeply. Once I was in my parent's home and I wrote something similar in my diary. There, at that time, wind was blowing and I was sitting on my parents terrace. There was nature all around and the banana leaves rustled in the breeze and I heard so many natural sounds of the breeze, homeward bound birds ( it was late evening by then ) and the leaves ! You are lucky to live in such an atmosphere that I miss in my city ! The image of the water ( just below your heel photo ) is so calming and spiritual. I also agree with you about the importance of photo taking and memory making, in fact I do it all the time !!
Sending lots of love, hope you are feeling better healthwise,

Anonymous said...

I so enjoyed reading your post this evening and watching your video you sent. Always a pleasure to view life through your eyes. - R

Kmarie A. said...

M your welcome
S your feelings captured also sound amazing and like all the senses were aligned. It's so nice to feel that contentment in life... I'm not doing a lot better but baby steps. I'm trying not to get frustrated but slowly I'm beg to be able to walk more again and begin to live life a little more - I alternate between feeling frustrated at this and just taking it and trying to enjoy what I can as it is. Mono on top of all else really stole a lot from me and the weight gain alone from inactivity has been tough too but I remind myself that life shows up in many ways and we are allowed to too - it doesn't always have to look or feel one certain way ...
A; thanks ;) I love making those videos

dojuma said...

What a beautiful article congratulation.

Kmarie A. said...

Thank you 😊Glad u enjoyed