Tuesday, June 27, 2017

Being An Autistic Parent to An Autistic Child- The Surprising Miscommunication that Happens even WITH Understanding, Meltdowns and Executive Functioning Issues

To keep this child's identity anonymous to those who may not know whom it is, I am using the verb THEY when referring to them to keep gender neutral and I will use the random initial Z in place of a name for the use of this post. I also will admit that if I would have written this post after an incident it would be a lot more emotional which is why I waited. I have struggled with this aspect of life sometimes on a different level and I am beyond exhausted, however, I wanted this post to reflect more of the facts, actual outcome and words involved and brainstorming for hopeful help to others in similar circumstances. I also wanted it to benefit Z by giving the most fair assessment without my feelings of frustration or upset, while still being honest about my struggles also. I hope I achieved that goal.

One of my children is particularly verbal. They have been since month nine of their existence. Sometimes because of this factor, they seem more able. They seem wise beyond years at times, and sometimes they really are. An old soul. But in life there is always a double side, and with this verbal prowess comes the tendency for those around Z to think Z can handle more than they can. Myself included.

I try to remember that Z may sound old, but has the same struggles I do, in varied ways. I try to remember that their pre frontal cortex is still developing at their age, so even if they sound like a grown up, they may still struggle with accessing their reasoning side of their brain in a more grown up way. Z thinks because their arguments sound good, that they must be mature, but sometimes they clearly forget about putting relationships BEFORE issues, with important people in their life.

Z has a way with words. They can both heal and wound. Unfortunately, because of age, meltdown mode, sensory issues, and OCD anxiety, Z utilizes their words first hand. Often it can be brutally raw and sometimes cruel. Z, like their mother, knows how to cut to the heart of the matter and see things in people they do not see in themselves. But Z's delivery does not have the maturity of restraint. Z knows  Z has partial truths but does not realize yet that there is always another aspect of the equation.

Since January Z has had three full peaceful days where there was not some sort of incident. To say that our life has been full is an understatement. But there is a reason for this that we all understand. To date, this has been the toughest year of Z's young life. Z may be a quicker processor in some things, but emotions take more sorting out. Chaos is not welcomed and creates distress in their brain. I understand this because it's my life story too. I am constantly applying understanding of my brain to their brain. However, even being an Autistic myself, and applying this knowledge, we end up mis communicating. Z has had the toughest time with me this year. Partially because I am a safe source for Z to act out against. A mother's love and all that.

Last week we had a breakthrough. It was after a yogourt container was thrown across the room when Z was mad at a trivial change in plans, and it exploded all over the kitchen. Z was beyond control at that point so there was screaming, hurtful words thrown all over anyone who was in the room, and finally a running down the stairs and slamming the door of Z's room with the sound of the lock click as I followed quickly behind to make sure Z was safe. The screaming probably disturbed the neighbours this time...For myself this is also very hard because screaming insults my sensory needs as an Autistic. A normal mom would be bothered but for myself, it triggers my crisis center and it takes all my self control not to meltdown myself. In the past, I will admit, that there have been about four times when I have started to simply cry or plug my ears and yell over the noise for Z to go to a safe place to scream. Generally, I try to keep it together until after but my face flushes and my heart rate is high.

This time I was extremely distressed. I called my husband at work because often Z will not come out for hours and may spend them all screaming. My husband and sometimes mother are often the only ones who can cut this time down by force. I can't. Maybe because I understand and also partially because my mother and husband are NOT autistic so they come to the situation with another perspective. Sometimes I need to do damage control for some expectations of behaviour I know can not be met during meltdown that are expected from non autistic individuals. I have to mediate, but generally, because of my education, they understand Z too and mostly are in tune with what Z requires in these moments.

My husband was unavailable so I was on my own. I took a few deep breathes, stopped my teary eyes from thinking about the words that were spoken to my soul, and reminded myself that I was the adult with a bit more regulation. I knocked on the door and said loudly over Z's noise, "You can have 15 minutes to finish melting down but then you must unlock this door and once you get to a point of calm we need to talk." I timed the 15 minutes and came back to a calmer Z. They surprised me by unlocking the door right away and running to the bed to put their head under the covers. This was a big step that I did not have to wait for my husband to force the lock. I sat down and said calmly, " I understand that you were triggered into meltdown. You were distressed about the small change in plans and I should have seen the signs that this would bother you more today. However, while I understand your behaviour, I also am unfortunately both your teacher and parent. Some behaviours you would be expected to learn at school are skipped at home. I need you to learn some regulation for not just others safety but for your own. I know you can understand what I am about to say but I want you to ask any questions if you do not. Here is the deal. In grown up life, our goal is to enable you to have a safe life the way you wish to live it. But in grown up life, if you are working and you break something, you have to offer to pay for it and clean it up."

At that point Z said, "I know, I already thought to offer to pay for the yogourt." I replied with, "Good. I am proud of you for that. And it was a full container. It can come out of your allowance because this is an important lesson to remember. You will also be cleaning it up though your sibling cleaned up most whilst crying. The things that were said to both me and your siblings were not exactly kind. I know you didn't mean half of them and some of them were probably half true, but the delivery needs work. On top of the natural consequences of life, where as you make a mess, even accidental, you are required to offer to pay for it and clean it up even if the other person let's you off the hook - you still offer, but besides those consequences, I will be giving you an additional one to fit the crime. Here is the deal- you used an object and just missed your sibling. You grabbed the closest thing in front of you. What if that would have been a hammer or a knife or some sort of weapon? In your haste you could have done something that you would forever regret. I know you. I know you have one of the sweetest hearts in the world but you need to learn regulation. There are people in the justice system or jails that do not deserve to be there. That did nothing out of malicious intent but out of lack of control. I know you would never suit a place like that- it would kill your soul. Part of my job is to teach you how to regulate enough to be able to avoid situations like that. Unfortunately, the world is full of small minded people with enough power to make your life a living hell. You need to keep your inner circle safe. I'm not saying this to scare you but because I think you are wise enough to realize that as you get older, you will need to be aware of your emotions and control if you can. I am not saying you have to stop melting down. I still meltdown. I am saying you have to learn safer ways or places of doing this."

Z replied with sobs breathing of, "That makes sense I guess. I was soooo upset. I still am."

"I know honey and I am SOOOO proud of you for unlocking this door and letting me talk to you so soon after you were upset. This shows how your regulation is actually a source you can use. More than the physical, you also used the emotional and said things that maybe should not have been said. Hurtful borderline cruel things because of a change in schedule. I understand that this was more than a change in schedule to you. I understand this year has been so hard on your little soul and you are still processing...but we also, if we can manage to understand this much, have to understand or at least be aware of what words can do. Words can heal or hurt. It's ok to use them to wound sometimes. It's also ok to be human and make mistakes. Words sometimes will cause a change that is good even if they hurt at first. But try to remember to say them also with some restraint at times. Try to also say the good. With that in mind, I have come up with the consequence I think fits this situation. You will write three letters to three different people. Anyone you wish with any subject you wish. They can be as short as two sentences. I would prefer them to be towards someone you think may need some encouragement or gratitude but if you can't think of that, even your siblings are fine. I will give you a full week to do this but I want you to see the power of your words when they are also used for good. I think it will make you feel good as well as others."

"The thing is sweetie that you have a writer's soul. You are not a bad person. You are not even fully in the wrong here. You basically just have a little bit to learn...as do we all. Heck, sometimes I respond completely wrong. My regulation after thirty plus years and 12 years of therapy still isn't up to speed at times! SO you are actually doing pretty good! But this is a situation, as not only your mom but your teacher, that I am required to somewhat address. And you know what I think? I think it is neither good nor bad but neutral. I think you have a writer's rebellious soul! Which means that you can be a great change maker or a creative thinker or a natural society challenger. Your words can end up making the world a better or easier place for someone out there. And also yourself. The first thing a writer changes is themselves. Writing is healing for those who have it as their gift. I have seen your lyrics- they are better than some I have heard on the radio and you are less than half the age of those writers. You can cut to the heart of the matter if you wish. So in this regard, I look at the words you just yelled at all of us upstairs, and I see a lot of creativity, some truth and a bit of exaggeration. Not in a bad way per se. Your exaggeration was true to your heightened experience at that time. It was your truth but you need to remember it may not be your audiences' truth. I was hurt. So were your siblings but we also know deep down that you didn't mean all of it or your delivery of it and we are ready to move on. Now, I have given way too much information for your developing brain to chew on so I will give you half an hour of quiet time before I require you to come finish cleaning up the yogourt...if it dries it will just require more water....see you in a bit and I love who you are."

Then I went to my room, took some stabilizing breaths and let a couple tears fall. I can not touch Z even for a light hug, when Z is in these moods. It would feel like an intrusion. They will hug me usually hours later. I have to wait for them but as a mom, sometimes that is hard.

I wish I could say the next day went a lot better because of our conversation. The rest of the day went well. Z did remember aspects of our conversation. But it has been two weeks since that meltdown and though they have been less violent, we have had every day incidences since. However, I see that Z is wearing winter socks, pants and sweaters in plus 25 Celsius heat. This tells me that Z is in a OCD anxiety phase. Everything feels like a threat to them. They are on high alert. Most days I let the meltdowns take their course and carry on. I also sometimes ignore them when I am terribly tired. I am not mother of the year.

The other night I was wracking my brain trying to figure out what I was missing...I still felt like Z and I were mis-communicating on some crucial level. Then I read THIS and felt a shock at, " I feel their frustration at being expected to conform to a standard of normality that is unattainable. I get that they are tired of trying to communicate and being unheard day in and day out over and over again. I know that it is soul destroying to be forced to comply with instructions you don’t understand the reason for or the actual steps that need to be taken in order to comply. See, the reason autistic kids are seen to be a problem is that they don’t comply. They can’t comply."

Oh my word!!! Was I being like all the people who have misunderstood me??? Was I suddenly akin to the teachers in this regard to my own child? Was I expecting a level of conformity that may be unattainable? IS Z communicating and being unheard? AM I HEARING Z?  This made me pause for quite awhile and triggered a memory of a four part post I had read from Musings of an Aspie on Executive Functioning. I went straight to the article and read all four parts ( FOUND HERE.) Then I read them to Z.

This is when we had the major breakthrough. I realized that the areas I mainly struggle in Executive Functioning are generally stronger areas for Z like Memory, Planning, Organization and Attention. But the areas I am generally stronger in are weaker areas for Z like Inhibition, Problem Solving, Cognitive Flexibility and Monitoring. Of course we will both struggle in all of them depending on how uncomfortable we are in a situation. At home, where we feel safest, we will have our strength areas.

 For some reason, because Z is so good at planning and organization I missed that their executive functioning was misfiring. I assumed they were just better in this area than I. Add the INTJ personality type into it, which is good at planning and organization but quite rigid in beliefs and thoughts even if it is a intellectual and researching brain mode, and we had a recipe for extreme inability for flexibility...especially at Z's age level. Finally, we found another layer to the issue. Z understood most of the four parts of executive functioning and we had a great conversation about the material.  A few days later Z melted down at another change in plans but it was a small meltdown. I was able to actually say, "Look I'm sorry. Remember that EF article? Remember that my weaker areas are planning and organization? I am not going to be the stability you crave in schedules. I try because I am the adult and your mom and a teacher...but I'm also HUMAN. That means I will make mistakes that WILL affect you. I am sorry this affects you so much. It's an area I work on but it's also a disability which means that I will NEVER fully get it and should not be expected to. I will try where I can try and that's all I can promise you. You need to have grace for me and I need to have grace for you. I'm sorry. Also add my INFJ bohemian personality type and I WILL rub you wrong in this area at times, but I am also a good match for you if we can work together. We both have opposite areas of strength and weaknesses but we are also perspective taking personalities. This is where we both agree. We are future orientated and enjoy literature and wisdom. IF we focus on what we DO agree on and try to work with what we don't and allow for each other's disabilities, do you think we can find a way to navigate at least maybe two days a week in peace?"

Z was quiet during my whole monologue. I am lucky my kids sit through and understand most of my long communications. I also do not talk to them on a child level so I am also lucky that they try to understand some of the words I use. Z responded with a hug. A HUG! I tried not to weep or make a big deal of it. I tightly hugged Z back then let Z go with a light smile and, "Ok, since I changed the day what is one activity you can't live without? What made you upset? Let's see if we can work it in somehow and meet in the middle..."

 Being an Autistic parent to an Autistic child or children in my case, though there are massive differences in gender, personality ect., can be both easier because of understanding and tougher because of the same understanding. I think in general it gives me an advantage with my children, but there are times when, if I am in sensory overload or EF fail myself, that it requires even more for me than I can sometimes give. Every night I go to bed thinking of how I can do better or where I went wrong. I am learning to let this go and remind myself the same thoughts that I told my son...I am HUMAN. I am not Wonder Woman, no matter how much I desire to be so. I am not and should not expect levels of perfection from myself or from anyone else. It starts inside. It starts with my willingness to accept my own disabilities and flaws and normal human frailties....and then I can go on to celebrate my strengths, my beautiful messiness and my gorgeous quirky moments. This is always what I end up going to sleep with. Then I wake up and try all over again.

Oh and here are the beautiful notes we ended up with that Z thought up without any help. Z is behind  on the actual physical act of writing on paper (dysgraphia) but typing on the computer Z can sound like an adult with their Lyrics which unfortunately I am not allowed to share but here are the notes. Z picked three adults that had a tough year too. Auntie D has stage 4 cancer- she wept when my mother sent her a picture of the card and said " Mom told me to look at my iPad cause I haven't been on.. brucie and I are weeping! You tell auntie Donna is fighting hard and that is is the most beautiful card I ever got in my life! And tell Z it has lifted my heart and soul to the heavens πŸ’πŸ’–πŸ’žπŸŒΉπŸ’•❤️πŸ’œπŸŒΊTell all 3 how very much I love them".  I told Z to enjoy the beauty the words created in another person. Grampy just lost his wife last year. Nanna's sister and mother got diagnosed with cancer. Z came up with thinking of each of them. I also did not correct any spelling or grammar mistakes because this was about heart this time and Z wished to be alone to write without any guidance.:
Above: "Dear Nanna; Thank you for buying us groceries and letting us sleep over at your house. You are the best Nana I could ask for. I hope you are doing Ok. Love Z"

"Dear Auntie Donna: I love you Auntie Donna. You're such a fighter. I hope I become just as much of a fighter when I grow up. You are such a good example to be strong. Love Z."

"Dear Grampy: I love you Grampy. You are such a brave and strong person. Especially considering the last year. I love the suppers we have shared through the last months and the board games we play. I love you Grampy and I hope the next few years are easier. Love Z."

I was misty eyed reading them. This child, like all children, is so complex, layered and beautiful. I am honoured to help guide when I can and witness what I am here to witness.

Also a reminder. AUTISM DOES NOT CAUSE VIOLENCE. Read this for more: http://worldwecreate.blogspot.ca/2014/05/aspergers-autism-is-neurological-way-of.html

Song Choice: James Morrison- I won't let You Go ( On a personal note I watch this video every time I am depressed and see myself lying on the road with those I know love me and it brings so much comfort; https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sgRb_lfIZ6A)
Love Hurts- James Morrison

I also wrote a follow up post to this HERE: http://worldwecreate.blogspot.ca/2017/06/part2-behind-scenes-story-of-being.html


Anonymous said...

I feel like there are zero to no books on being an autistic parent raising an autistic kid. I feel like this would be a book that you could write someday. πŸ’— Really you could write many books on the subject as you have done enough research ( and of course life experience) to rival experts in the field. -mlw

Anonymous said...

Omg those notes!! My heart! And what an amazing mother you are. I'm still learning to accept my challenges myself and reading this and seeing some of my life in it , really helps xo- G

Anonymous said...

Beautiful- C

Full Spectrum Mama said...


From one autistic mother of an autistic child to another - I GET IT.

Thank you so much for your honesty and integrity and great examples of wisdom, compassion, and consequences.

I relate on so many levels from the dysgraphia to the regulation issues. In fact, it's been hard to keep up with MY blog for very similar reasons.

Thanks - big thanks! - and love to you, the only person I know who uses the word "whilst,"
Full Spectrum Mama

Ashe said...

Growing up is hard. Parenting is hard! Life is just hard. And annoying. Just a bit necessary though.

It looked like a neutral enough assessment to me. I can see the frustrations on both sides. I can relate more to Z, for obvious reasons. Autism and INTJ personality makes for quite a minefield requiring precise navigation. Music helps me. I've never been able to indulge in any kind of primal roaring and it do the trick, but a few good songs (or few hours of songs) for me to vent my emotional tension helps bring me around faster.

What's funny is that while I was reading it, I had a person call me and want me to meet them in about twelve hours. I have a 24-hour rule for major changes, especially if I have a deadline to work on (which I do right now so I can't take a random four-hour diversion), and I keep people to it unless it's an emergency.

Kmarie said...

Mlw- thank you. That is a very encouraging and kind assessment of my writing . I'm majorly unfortunate in the fact that my organizational skills are my EF weaker points so a book is very unlikely combined with my boho infj... unless someone organized my stuff for me. Lol ❤️
G; πŸ’•I am so glad it really helps! Yes those notes were priceless. I'm still on that journey too... z was shocked that each person loved the notes so much as z thought it wasn't a big deal but I think they enjoyed the results....
C- thank you 😍
Full Spectrum Mamma; thank you. I will admit it feels like every day we are in a murky more of communication on both our parts. Some days I'm so proud of us and other days I'm a bit broken hearted with it all. Today was another hard day and sometimes I don't know where the line is between defiant attitude and teen ish stuff, autism, normal stage developmental stuff, anxiety ect. I just don't know if I'm cut out for the roller coaster sometimes...I'm glad my journey could help someone and I've gone to write this post so many times over the years but I always wanted to give both myself and my child a fair and neutral assessment from power emotions and also have some good examples of the conflict which unfortunately right now happen every day and could fill a book. Tonight we had another good chat when Z was calm about an incident similar and sometimes ok or sure which one of us is struggling more with EF ect. Oh well.... it's a journey... thank you for those sweet heartfelt words and considerate measure of this post. Also ha!😊I didn't realize I used that word or that it was unusual ... lol my husband than pointed out my speech is incredibly unusual most of the time so ... ha ha I'm glad you noticed cuz I didn't! I had to go back to see where I used it! Made me chuckle ❤️
Ashe; good points. Yes my best kindred is an intj too and could relate more to Z. ❤️πŸ‘ŒπŸ»I get it from that personality angle and I have similar issues about meeting people before 24 hour notice but at the same time I have this weird resilient adaptability after a brief adjustment period that I think I learned growing up in the family I did... plus therapy also increased my flexibility and self restraint and control .... to an extent - I feel I have an advantage there in those EF categories Z does not but I feel they have a natural advantage in other areas due to environment and upbringing ... parenting does suck sometimes ... πŸ’•Z unfortunately doesn't like music much which is also my outlet that's safe too. I wish Z did cuz that would make things and coping a lot easier. I allow all music. Voices so even swearing angry music would work for me if that expresses z self in a safe way but thus far they are mostly uninterested in most music which music is my soul - so this baffles me and we can't relate on that level much ... luckily we can in other areas! I'm glad you have your music too.

S said...

Thank you for writing this post. I can understand Z as I have similar meltdowns when I am sick. Although personality-wise, I am not like Z, I can totally relate to his behavior. It is not easy to change my meltdown when I am extremely stressed or sick. But after a while, when the stressful moment passes and I feel a little comfortable, ( I mean health-wise or a change of situation around me) , I realize why the meltdown happened.
My husband is not autistic ( BTW, you were sounding like my husband when you were trying to reason with Z !!) . He knows how to handle me in these situations. But I would rather be left alone, logic does not appeal to me at that time.
It is hard when both parent and child is autistic but helps because each understand one another. I am happy to know that being an autistic parent, you will be able to see your child's point of view much better than a NT parent and provide them a safe and (needless to mention), a special environment that they need. The difficult part is ( If two people were autistic) that both would have been affected by one's meltdowns, like you have mentioned. If somebody goes into a meltdown , I would be panicky.
Although my husband is non-autistic, he is an extreme kind of introvert and it helps me that way. He takes care of those logical-reality based needs of our family whereas, his extreme introversion helps me to lead a secluded life away from sensory overload. Although non-autistic parents bring a new perspective to this issue, yet I am not sure whether the child will feel good growing up (unless, non-autistic parents are trained and taught about how to bring up autistic children ). Awareness and information Yes, but empathy is also needed so much.
I am happy that you are there for your children even if issues gets out of hand sometimes. It is a difficult journey but I do believe that with your insight and guidance they will develop into what they are really meant to be,to be the best version of themselves. This harsh world is overwhelming enough, your protection and shelter is so necessary for them.

Esther said...

you are going through a unique situation. I'm glad you come here to write it out. You and baby will be fine.

Kmarie said...

Esther: Thank you or your validation. It does help to write it out. Thank you for passing on that positive sentiment.:)

Kmarie said...

S: the site ate my comment!!!!!
Ok so thanks for your feedback and yes I get extremely sensory sick too and get it. Lol that is funny I sounded like your husband because I need MY husband to sound like that sometimes too when I am in a moment. I have very clear headed in most crisis but every day I suck at.
Yes thank you for that insight. Its true and also true that I do also meltodwn at the same time. I feel panicky too inside.
My husband is like that too! I am lucky you have a husband who is so good to you too during these times! XOXO.
Thank you! I seriously needed to hear that and it means a lot to me. Thank you so much.

mwakondo said...

thanks very encouraging article to us upcoming mothers

Amy said...

Ok, firstly.. that song, "Won't Let Go" is one of my all time favorites for so many reasons. Love is real and humanity is imperfect... and trauma and what it does to our psyche's well that's real too, and depression and anxiety are real.. and autistm is real and highly sensitive nervous systems are real.. and it's just all one big beautiful messy life. The reminder that " I won't let go." is so real. woow.

I love your heart and your vulnerability here. I feel like a terrible mother all the time. So inadequate in all I do. What you share gives me so much insight into your life and family, but it also helps me understand my son as well. Hearing your day to day and how you handle your kids is so helpful to me. So much grace in parenting, isn't there? I am always telling my hub that I am trusting that love truly covers a multitude of mistakes. Yeesh. parenting IS hard!

This one glimpse into your day to day with your son is intense. How you wade through and lean into your intuition and wisdom is so inspiring... I really love how you speak with your kids.

I could say more, but I feel like I have commented so much today.. lol! Love you!

Kmarie said...

Mw- no problem:)

Amy: It is a good song! Yes it is one big beautiful messy life. Thank you.
I feel like a terrible mother often...in fact tonight I apologized to my kids because they finally came home from multiple sleepovers and I said that I wasn't ready and had to explain that it wasn't because of them but ME and having 2% oxygen blood levels I feel like a failure because I dont have energy to make sure they are doing what they are supposed to be doing ect...It's hard. Parenting is so challenging and so rewarding! I am glad it is help to you though.
Lol, yea talking to my kids is the ONE thing I am good at. I seem to have words, like in writing, exactly when I need them most of the time..thank heaven because that does NOT happen to me usually otherwise, but they are also amazing at soaking it in and being responsive...probably because they are used to it...even when they were babies and didnt understand me I would monologue, "Mommy is changing your diaper now and its yucky so my scrunching my nose isnt because I dont love you but because I am sensitive and it is stinky! But I am so glad we can change you and get you fresh!" and they would smile at me and I just got in the habit of explaining everything and monologueing...Lol.

Thank you! I have LOVED your comments and it is so nice to hear your voice here:)

Amy said...

That's beautiful! I think being honest like that and communicating in a way that explains with love is so important. I apologize a lot. Right now with having 3 teens in the house and one of them autistic, I have had to apologize for a lot of my "fear" responses when they will share something with me. I am getting better at not showing the fear, and just showing a calm and understanding exterior, but, woow, it's difficult! Since my kids have been raised outside of religions, there is absolutely no shame in them experimenting and considering all types of different mindsets, and lifestyles. Because of my conditioning, I am realizing my default response is fear... it's good in that it exposes that, and I am aware of a area I need to bring wholeness to.. but so many triggers lately.. yikes! So I am just honest about that when I talk to my kids. They are wonderful and show understanding.

With Josiah, he is just so curious and open, but being autistic, he fixates on things. Some of the new things that he has fixated on, we have had to pull back the reigns and put some boundaries around for him. He is so unencumbered by outside views or opinions. He really doesn't care about what other people will think, so if he has a "whim" to try something, and it's totally outrageous, he will just try it or do it. Sometimes that is sooooo totally fine, but other times, all my internal alarms are going off. LOL! Did I tell you he was a ENFP? I have so much to learn, but I think most of my grey hairs have Josiah's name written all over them. lol!

Have a beautiful day,

Kmarie said...

Amy: That is good your recognize fear responses. Most parents do not and it is the cause of many parenting isolating their kids. As long as you recognize and the apology factor is there your kids will always respect you and feel that they we are valued for who they were.
I understand fixating! Luckily most of my fixations or obsessions have been safe but it is very common in autism. Boundaries are important. I am also unencumbered by outsiders but my mother was OCD a bit so she really held the reigns and made me think about everything of others...which was both soul destroying but factors into my abilities now of blending in too...Yes he def is an adventure seeking ENFP...My INFJ persona also stopped me from disrupting harmony too much despite my autistic naivetΓ© in that regard.... LOl yea parenting is interesting
You too!:)

Amy said...

Thank you, K! I so appreciate your validation and thoughts on that. I am reading your newest INFJ post and loving it! Sooooo true! I will comment on it later.

BIG hug,

Kmarie said...

I am so glad you love it! Yay! New comments! I am excited.