Thursday, March 23, 2017

Disability and Depression, INFJ combined with Autism Depression, and Helpful Links.

*One of my favourite readers and most loyal commentator requested a few post topics. One of them was how invisible or social disability affects depression and how depression can look different from the perspective of those who are labelled differently. More specifically she wanted a personal account from my own experience of autism and how that combines with being an INFJ. I hope this post can apply to a broader range of people as well. I am actually not going into the more serious aspect of depression in this post but giving overall CONNECTIONS and CAUSE for depression. Please check out side labels for more serious looks at some of these conditions or steps to take. This post covers a lot of outer viewpoints instead of deeper issues. It is a lot to take in and I felt it was a lot to cover in a little post. It's an overview to help those who need to see the cause and connection. This post may not help you if you are looking for advice, or more serious matter on depression. Please always see someone safe if you are concerned about depression or anxiety. They are serious matters that need attention even if they do have a logical cause or connection. This is more anecdotal and information giving.*

In this post, I will highlight the top three reasons that I think depression and disability are linked. I will also provide a multitude of supportive links through out the post. At the end of this post I will explain what this depression actually feels like and what works for me in addressing the feelings.

1. Disability Depression Because of Not Being Able to Communicate My needs the Way "Normalized Society" are Trained to Hear Me:

The largest source of my ongoing depression is how, in important situations, I can not seem to communicate my needs or have them listened to. I find that often the very people who are supposed to be "specialized" in either special education, social work, disability, or varied professionals in the medical community, are the people who often write my needs off the most. I actually get treated worse, in general, by those who have read up on my unique brain wiring. The problem is that they are not working out of the Social Model of Disability (CLICK) but instead are only putting stock into older mentalities of research. They are often the type of people who value a person's educational criteria more than actual wisdom. They are often the type of people who value the "professionals" over the voices of those with the actual condition. Many of us can communicate our needs if given the time. We communicate through written word, nonverbal expression, emotion, grunts or body language. Unfortunately, often I feel I can't seem to communicate my needs because most of the time, only those with excellent presentation and superior verbal skills are the ones who are respected and listened to. Give me a sheet of paper and I can normally express, but put me in front of you and I will seem like I can't string two thoughts together. 

I had a guest post by Erin with a intro from me, called When do We Get To Be Autistic (click), and I feel it gives more context to this. I also find there is a huge difference between getting support, something each person - disabled or abled- needs in life to thrive, and receiving forced well intentioned "help." To see what this support looks like for autistics head on over to Sam's post HERE (click). I also wrote a post called "I am Autistic and Here Are Some Facts I would Like You TO Know (click) that also applies to this context. Doesn't Everyone Have A Little Autism In Them and Other Wounding Statements (CLICK) is another important post.

Michelle Sutton wrote, " But the thing is, in our society disabled people experience a constant stream of micro-aggressions that occur because we are seen as less able. People want to help, and they will help- whether the person they are helping likes it or not. And in our school system it is all too common to see programs set up to help the disabled kids- buddy systems where the non-disabled are encouraged to, and rewarded for, being “friends” with disabled kids. This so called altruistic behaviour is not actually helpful though (**). It sets up a relationship based on imbalanced roles, where one person helps another who needs to be helped and is rewarded for their efforts. I’ve seen promotional videos that say they are an example of inclusion, in which the non disabled kids feedback that they like having the disabled kid around because they “teach me to be a better person”, or they “have a lot to offer”, and other platitudes. But disabled people aren’t here to be a learning moment, and they don’t need to have stuff to offer to be valuable as a person.
The whole “I’m going to help you” and “I’m going to interpret for you” and “I’m going to look after you” aspect of the Julia videos I watched leaves me thinking the purpose of Julia has nothing to do with supporting Autistic people, and everything to do with teaching non autistic people how to tolerate us and to decipher the code to having us share space with them without disrupting it too much. I hope I’m wrong. I wish it was about rights and advocacy and empowerment for autistic people. But I don’t think it will be. It’s an opportunity to show autism in media in a way that autistic people can relate to and be proud of, but I that opportunity may have been missed. And instead, to me it looks like it’s just going to be another neurotypical interpretation of how other people can help us and make our tragic lives better. Please let me be wrong." (CLICK HERE for the rest of her post.)

This article "Hell Bent on Helping" (click) by a counselling and mediating group address this issue and give some solutions for future application of this issue. A few highlights are:

"In inclusive and co-operative education, we are working toward a time when asking for and receiving help is not considered an admission of inferiority, when being the helper does not imply moral or social superiority. The goal is a future in which the human community learns to merge help with respect. However, in the interim, it is important to acknowledge that the broader societal perception of help does not yet match this ideal, especially as it relates to individuals with disabilities.”... 

"We have gone on to say, "You can be with us but you must first be like us." In other words, if you can reform and reduce the evidence of your disability, look and behave "normally", then you can come back into society. Many remedial, therapy and life-skill programs have been expressly designed to help minimize the evidence of disability and to create an impression of greater "normalcy." The intent is to improve quality of life through increased "functioning" and skill development. The carrot held up is the promise of future belonging and acceptance. The real message is, "You are not valuable as you are.”...

"There have always been people with disabilities in society. Social justice for individuals who carry labels of disability will only come about as we learn to value diversity and recognize the multiplicity of gifts within the human community. Our strength is our diversity. We need a paradigm shift of the most profound kind, and, clearly, this paradigm shift will require a change in attitude. However, the problems inherent in the creation of attitudinal change continue to be difficult for the agents of any social movement. Attitudinal barriers stubbornly defy legislation, do not respond to architectural adaptations, and do not necessarily improve with the application of more money or better programming. They are notoriously slippery; the insidious products of unconscious socialization. To further complicate things, as any good social reformer with a modicum of honesty will admit, attitudinal barriers don't exist only among "those retrogressive oppressors out there," but are just as often within ourselves. In the immortal words of Pogo, "We have met the enemy, and he is us.""Inclusive education has begun to push society beyond blatant forms of oppression like marginalization and reform. On a daily basis we are confronted by our prior assumptions, called upon to question them, and asked to move toward a new awareness that differences do not imply deficiency, that people with disabilities are capable of significant contributions." 

"We must listen to both the verbal and non-verbal messages expressed by someone who may or may not want help. We must use this information to guide our actions and increase our sensitivity. It doesn't sound like much, but the ramifications are enormous. It is often during times that we are hell-bent on helping that we listen least well. We all know stories about people with visual impairments being forcibly "escorted" over crosswalks by well-meaning pedestrians, of people in nursing homes being fed when they are not hungry, of what the participants in the Dembo study aptly called "unexpected attacks" of help (Ladieu, Hanfmann, & Dembo, 1947, in Wright, 1983, pp. 309)." 

 2.) Depression Triggered by Expectations of Assimilation and Misinformation on Ability/Disability:
...We feel misunderstood because nonautistic people keep telling our stories, without asking us for our input. We feel misunderstood because nonautistic people make assumptions about what it’s like to be autistic and then present them as fact. We feel misunderstood because, like the adult in the video, people are talking to us and at us and about us but they’re not listening. I don’t need this kind of awareness. And I certainly don’t need to be tolerated. I need acceptance and I need for the voices of autistic people to be the ones speaking about autism..."
..."Many years ago, I thought that any conversation about autism was a good thing.  I thought that the  more people who knew about autism, the better and easier it would make my life and my son's life.  You see, we are both Autistic and it's not always been an easy road when faced with the ignorance and judgments of other people.  So, seeing people celebrating Autism Awareness in April seemed like a "Really Good Thing".   I slowly came to an understanding and appreciation of the huge difference between autism "awareness" and autism acceptance.  Awareness means that the rhetoric surrounding autism is dominated by people who are NOT Autistic.Parents, professionals, even siblings.  Acceptance means that  you don't just ask for our input but you recognize that we are going to lead the conversation. Awareness means that there is going to be a lot of misinformation.Because the people creating "awareness" do not have the lived experience of being Autistic. Often, they don't even consult with us when talking about us.   Acceptance means respecting diversity, valuing our humanity and recognizing and appreciating our place in the community and as experts on the Autistic life experience..."
My depression also gets triggered by misinformation spread by "professionals" and well intentioned parents who are "normal." I have been known, in my home, to throw books about autism across the floor. I even threw out one as I did not want one more copy of it in the world. At first I feel anger, but that anger does spiral into a helpless sort of depression. The copies found in my library are mostly BY Autistics themselves, and this aids in self empowerment and hope.

3.) Depression Because of Too Many Voices And Not Enough Down Time

I know this point is influenced by the fact that I am an INFJ (CLICK) which means that I am an introverted thinker with extroverted feeling. I need a lot of downtime. In fact, I have argued that being a hermit is what had calmed and added meaning to my life. Click HERE, HERE AND HERE. However, I also know as an autistic, that I also get overwhelmed by the sensory information going on around me. Whenever I have to pretend to be normal, socialize, or assimilate to society and the sensory overload, I DO get depressed.

I have to watch how much time out in the world I am experiencing. Even if it is good, I will most likely experience meltdown and then depression. Often the depression stems from a deeper issue of "not being enough" or fighting the shame because I am melting down after a delightful conversation. I have to fight feelings of being different all the time. While most times I eventually win and I am thankful I am autistic, it would be a lie to say that I don't have some deep struggles in tougher moments.

A recent example of this was after a party our family attended. It was delightful, the food was amazing, no one made me feel less than I was, and none of the conversations were controversial. I  was even able to talk about a few of my interests. However, a few times I was cut off by my hubby as he is an ENFP who gets excited about conversation. I had to fight that old feeling of "he cut me off because I was being too odd or boring or going on about an aspie obsession." We have worked through this in counselling and he actually loves my quirks and obsessions. His favourite moments are when I monologue. Unfortunately, in public, monologues are seen as selfish. I have wounds that run a mile deep in this regard, and I have to watch that I do not internalize them. I have to remember social context continually. This gets exhausting. We spent four hours conversing, after spending two hours in the theatre beforehand and the drive in which was almost two hours. For an autistic, this fact alone already was contributing to overload. It is hard to be put in new environments, adjusting to the subtle sensory aspects of each place, and also being fully present in socializing situations enough to satisfy everyone. I have the unfortunate habit, when I am out, of presenting or normalizing too much- and I still come across as odd. Because of how I grew up I am quite adapt at putting on the normal mask, which may do me favours as far as respect in the outer world, but sometimes I wish I could act how I do at home...this also depresses me- the constant dichotomy.

On the way home from this event I needed silence. My three extroverts ( ENFJ and two ENFPs) were on a socialization high. I am lucky that typically ENFPs are considered ambiverts. ENFPs tend to need a lot of downtime so usually our family does not run into too many conflicts with our introversion and extroversion. As long as I give my ENFJ daughter lots of phone or chatting time our conflicts run low, but this time we were running into issues. It brought me back to past moments of continual conflict in this category...something that I thought was resolved years ago. My husband kept taking my silence for crankiness. In reality I had no more reserves to communicate and even finding the right facial expression seemed confusing. I was upset because normally, he has read enough of my articles to know this, my silence is not crankiness but my unique needs being overlooked. Finally, after a few more irritated comments from him I snapped, "I just need SILENCE. Today has been so loud. SO LOUD. I have adjusted for the experience. I have taken your needs into account and played just give me some downtime PLEASE." There was silence and then my little INTJ piped up, "I understand this too. Mommy is right. I know you guys are excited and having fun processing the day with talking but it feels like a lot." Surprisingly my ENFJ daughter added, "I kind of feel a little sick too- probably from being overloaded sensory wise but it's confusing because I also get a little high from being extroverted." 

I think this is the difference between being an extroverted autistic and being an introverted one. The needs are different. We may have sensory overload but each way of experiencing this is unique to us. I didn't want to be unfair for any needs being unmet so I decided to take the middle road, "Ok, how about we set the timer and the introverts get ten minutes of silence and music to process their day, and then the extroverts can discuss and process their day because we all need to process. We all have special needs and they are all showing up differently so let's alternate for the rest of the hour home?" Everyone was ok with this plan and it worked out surprisingly well. Sometimes a conversation was cut off at the time, or a song was cut off, but in the end each person had a little of what they needed. But even though this worked out, guess who felt guilt about it the next few days? Yup. Me. Which lead to a few days bout of depression.

What Depression FEELS like when Linked to Invisible or Visible Disability and How it Differs from Other Depression:

The days after the event, I kept telling my hubby I felt off and he knew enough to reply, "That is because your brain can not fully process the socialization of the day...even with ample time. You see things differently and while you understand others, you can not fully understand why they don't understand you." In these moments it feels like a fog has descended around me. I feel like I have lost my sense of self. Sometimes I feel shame for allowing my normalized self to override my true self. My husband once told me to not feel guilt for this because it is how our world unfortunately works, and I normalize to survive. He reminded me that as long as I can spend the majority of my time being me, I should not feel guilty for when I have to pull out the good old mask.

I have had PPD after children. I know the darkness of hormonally induced depression. I also know situational depression of PTSD. Most of my PTSD stems from sensory overload and experiencing life with a different brain wiring. I can not think of some of my past experiences without an immense sense of panic. I experienced the sensory information so much differently than those around me, and then they delegitimized my experience by saying, "Oh it wasn't that bad!" or "It didn't happen like that!" But it DID, in my brain. As a child I was hearing conflicting messages all the time of how valued I was but that my experience or translation of events was "wrong." Looking back a few years after diagnosis, I can see why this happened. I can't explain the difference of experience that sensory overload and different brain wiring does to a memory but I guess it would be akin to giving a normal person an injection of LSD without them knowing and suddenly they are experiencing the world and sensory data very differently from what others around them are seeing. (NOTE: I have not tried LSD but the way it is portrayed in shows has felt familiar in darker sensory experiences.)

Some tweaks in the brain are imperative for survival and medication is a legitimate option for many chemical depressions. Sometimes, for non chemical depressions meds are needed simply to cope. I have never been on meds for any of my depressions due to serious side effect aversion. I also know that my regular depression comes at intervals and is situational. Basically it stems from being a minority in a majority world. The world is not set up for the diverse. Thus, it is normal to feel a little depressed about this fact sometimes. I can usually pull myself out of darker moments with a little bit of self talk, processing, music, diving into my obsessions, writing, and then probably a little bit of professional therapy.

I think I am one of the longest standing patients of my therapist. I have seen him every month for twelve years. Yes, every month. If the time goes any longer I begin to get edgy, restless, overwhelmed or depressed. I need a safe outlet to speak. Often, in my therapy appointments, I spend the whole time talking...which is, I think, generally unusual. Most times, I think the therapist is often the one pulling information out of the client and finding ways to help. While my therapist DOES implement strategies and give feedback, I think he would be the first to admit, that most of the time is spent with me talking. He often jokes that the lists of topics I bring in are mini books. Most of the time, it is enough for me, to address some concerns and have a safe, professional outlet (where I know legally my information will not be gossiped about like it can be talking to a group of friends) about the social issues I have, the stresses of sensory overload, physical symptoms, and crazy dreams. Over the years, both my therapist and I, have educated each other. I have sent him links, blog posts and shared books. He has done the same for me. I feel that it is easier for me to accept his help because I also feel like I am helping. While he is more of the mentor in our context, I don't feel like I am only being "helped" in the degrading way I will often feel in other medical situations. I feel like an equal human being in his office, which is the greatest aid in depression.

Depression for those with invisible illness or invisible brain differences can often stem from the lack of acceptance and acknowledgement out in the world. We also often feel "less then" or we struggle with guilt complexes over "what we should have done or said." Shame is also something we have to face because we are constantly shamed. Until we learn that we are worthy because we exist, and hopefully also learn about others like us so that we feel less alone, we will always struggle with this shame. A book that helped me years ago was Brene Brown's The Gifts of Imperfection (click). I also was greatly helped when I found out I was Autistic back when my eldest son was four and going through his diagnosis process. The information from other aspies/autistics was enough to make me feel worthy and valued FOR my differences.

Now, it is rare that I do not feel fully confident in whom I am. However, I do still deal with depression regularly. It is usually sensory triggered. Fluctuating weather, illness, lack of sunshine, gaining or losing weight, regular noise input, ect. typically affect me more than the average person. Most people get a little down about these changes, but changes for me can equal a full crisis. Because then I have to adjust and process all over again. My brain does this differently than most and it takes more time to process physical sensations. Add to that fact, that my lowest cognitive function as an INFJ is sensory, and I am double whammied. I can process intellectual or philosophical information at a rapid rate, but physical information takes a lot of time which leads to a lack of control. Lack of control leads to feelings of helplessness and hopelessness and this leads to depressive tendencies.

I generally love my life, but this does not dismiss my regular interactions with depression. I do best when I am sheltered from most societal contexts. I thrive when I am left on my own or with a few I trust. I adore my existence in general. I do get frustrated by being Dyspraxic on a weekly basis, which can also lead to a few depressive episodes. I do also struggle with larger bouts of depression but they are easier to mask because I know WHY I am dealing with them. As soon as I can peg the underlying issue, I can plan my method of come back. It takes awhile and sometimes depression can not be addressed easily, but in these type of cases, it IS easier then PPD. However, constant,cyclical depression is not something to ignore either. Autistics also have different guts and levels of serotonin that contribute to our differences out in the world. While our gut bacteria are not the sole cause of our different wiring (another post for another time), this fact does contribute to the larger picture.

Depression is not something to take lightly. I have found that because I struggle with depression, I am able to be one of the least judgmental people. Many people are drawn to telling me their stories. They value my perspective, my trust, my empathy and my willingness to be completely flawed at crucial moments. I make mistakes and mostly am not ashamed of that, except for the normal moments I am needing more time to process these mistakes. I LOVE my life even when I hate it. I am a passionate soul that takes every ounce of life and uses it fully- even pain. I know myself enough to know that my fears would never allow suicide nor my avid, fundamental LOVE of life.  I often think there is a common misconception that depression equals suicide or suicidal thoughts. While it can increase risk, I have not yet had a suicidal thought in all my varied struggles with depression. I have had other weird thoughts but depression does not necessarily have to go there, however, suicidal thoughts are often a distress sign that requires investigation. Please do not keep these thoughts to yourself and find a safe person to express yourself to. It is important to treat depression seriously, which this post did not address much of, however, I also believe it is important to figure out cause, which I hope this post helped with.

I know this was a lot to cover and I don't feel like I gave a full picture but a glimpse. If you are curious to know more please click on the links covered in this post. Thank you S, for suggesting this post, and I hope I gave you some information that you were seeking. If not, please help direct me to more specific matter for a future post. 


Additional Links: Click HERE FOR PMDD RESOURCES and HERE. Here is another post on PPD (CLICK)

Song Choice: Since I ABSOLUTELY LOVED the Flash/ Supergirl Musical episode I am leaving a hopeful little melody from Guys and Dolls "More I cannot Wish You" that they covered:


S said...

I read this in silence and I thought whether I could also comment this through silence because there is so much silence in acknowledging something that I can relate to and when I just feel like only listening without commenting because someone has spoken to me about myself, my own life, after many years. I feel like saying, yes,yes !!
Thank you for addressing the issue of depression,disability and personality types. There was so much confusion, guilt, helplessness going on since so many years and ever since I became aware of myself that I needed to know whether someone else was feeling exactly like me. Just one person like me, and I would be OK . And you gave me that voice through your voice. The "inability to communicate my needs" that you wrote in the beginning of this post, is that voice that I wanted to hear and communicate with.
On another note, I have read ( in many yoga/spiritual articles ) that the inability to communicate needs creates imbalance in our throat "chakra" and crates thyroid imbalance in our body. You can read about the causes of thyroid and its relation to the throat chakra in the net.
I think of my childhood years often... while I was growing up without any resources and help and I wish I found you then ! But I am happy that you exist not for me alone, but for your children and other children and adults who will find solace after reading you. Explaining the process is difficult because we cannot explain these complex feelings within us but it is also necessary. So we need a voice. An authentic voice, upon reading or hearing that voice which will help us to relate and feel solace. When you narrated the incident about your family (after attending a social event), and the feeling of guilt after that, I could understand totally. I have often wondered why often, after having a seemingly nice conversation with someone, makes me uncomfortable or uneasy ? I can relate totally.
Depression induced by disability and social misunderstandings needs to be addressed because it is important to make sense of certain matters. Otherwise, violence, guilt,self harm and even more depression will follow in the lives of children (and also adults).Nobody should be sad because someone doesn't understand them. Also, nobody should be sad because they themselves cannot understand them. What I mean to say is that we need to be compassionate towards ourselves in these fragile moments.As an adult, I can read books and look into resources written by people with disability. Also hearing similar voices help me to have that compassion. Little children are more vulnerable and I hope that they can have more resources and compassion available to them, resources by real persons who have gone through similar situations.
Helplessness that stems out of our inability to do the "so called" normal things like cooking, cleaning,holding a job,being social and kind with others,enjoying group activities, making friends,creating a lasting relationship, not getting offended easily, etc.etc. -this is a very important issue and we feel helpless and angry for not being able to do these things. Everyday, I hope that I should develop more and more compassion towards myself regarding these inabilities. This is the only way I know of how to be happy.

As an INFX, it is more complex because feelings are all over the place whereas an INTX or anyone with a strong thinking (contrasted with feelings) is a bit more logical I think and has more control over feelings ( I may be wrong ). Also non-aspie INFX tend to adapt to the world better. So the triple disability of being a woman, introvert Idealist/feeler and the aspie factor creates a lot of complex issues which has to be accepted first because in a world, which is also inhabited by non- aspies, logical and sensory thinkers, extroverts, our voice gets lost, we feel lost and disoriented sometimes.
I have only read your post and not all the links. I will read the links later and give you feedback on the links again.
Thank you so much for this,
Much love,

S said...

I just read all the links that you have provided. The social model of disability gave me a new way of looking at life. I have heard about it but did not delve too deeply earlier. The link on "hell bent on helping" made sense because in my life, I have received too much unsolicited advice from every one and they came up with a "cure " for anything and everything without first listening to what I wanted or felt inside. Giving support and comfort is ok but giving advice (without understanding what I am going through ) or giving support when support does not really help but makes you feel " inadequate" is uncomfortable. However, this is something that will continue, if non-disabled people are not made aware of a lot of issues that disabled people feel. For majority ( non-disabled), it is empathy or "social empathy" that first springs into action when they are confronted with the issues of the disabled. Majority of the people think that it is "normal" to show concern, and give "caring type of advice ". They do not know any other way. Even if I told them how I felt inside and how I would like to be treated, they would forcefully try to change my views. Being positive is more important to them than understanding others. So, I used to keep silent. I know educating them is more important than keeping silent but my advocacy/ spreading awareness did not bring any change in them.
I liked these words from the article you mentioned in your post:
"However, it is essential to acknowledge that help is not and can never be the basis of friendship. We must be careful not to over-emphasize the "helper/helpee" aspect of a relationship. Unless help is reciprocal, the inherent inequity between 'helper' and 'helpee' will contaminate the authenticity of a relationship."
I agree with these words. Helping without understanding the core issues or feelings of the person (whom you are trying to help ) is more like forcing your world-view/perspective on them and also trying to feel better while helping them. It is not an equal relationship. Sooner or later, you will feel suffocated in that relationship which will always make you feel "less" or "inadequate" or force you to "keep up with them" for the fear of "losing out" or out of guilt that you are not doing enough for them (when they are trying to help you in spite of being not like you ). I have been in such relationships and I was made to feel "small" in both verbal and non-verbal ways. I was also made conscious about my "quirkiness" by others by pointing directly at my life choices, about my clothing or nerdy nature (which became their subject of discussion ). I was asked to "change" to fit in and when I did not, they kept discussing about me and my unusual life and quirks right in front of me like an object! ( as if I am a curious case !!) and not to mention, behind my back, to others.
Helping may make them feel good or they may think it is their social duty but generally this help is often disguised as "trying to change me " because they think that they need to "fix" something that needs fixing and who can fix better than someone who think they are very good at fixing even if I have not asked them to fix me??
I also liked this paragraph-
"In a valuing paradigm, diversity is viewed as normal, people are considered of equal worth, relationships are of mutual benefit, and belonging is a central societal theme."
I hope a day will come when people will realize this.
I also liked the link , loved reading the advocacy by Norman and Emma Van. Will read more. I have bookmarked it.
Thanks again,

Kmarie A. said...

I am SO glad you feel that way! PHEW> No one deserves to cycle through guilt, depression and unknowing...Im glad you can communicate your needs now and feel I gave expression to your voice. That is a huge honour that I do not take lightly. ah yea lol I know about the throat chakra and thyroid and I am trying to express myself more.:)
Tis hard when we have a good time but still feel depleted after. It helps to know why...:)

I loved this paragraph especially:
"Depression induced by disability and social misunderstandings needs to be addressed because it is important to make sense of certain matters. Otherwise, violence, guilt,self harm and even more depression will follow in the lives of children (and also adults).Nobody should be sad because someone doesn't understand them. Also, nobody should be sad because they themselves cannot understand them. What I mean to say is that we need to be compassionate towards ourselves in these fragile moments.As an adult, I can read books and look into resources written by people with disability. Also hearing similar voices help me to have that compassion. Little children are more vulnerable and I hope that they can have more resources and compassion available to them, resources by real persons who have gone through similar situations.
Helplessness that stems out of our inability to do the "so called" normal things like cooking, cleaning,holding a job,being social and kind with others,enjoying group activities, making friends,creating a lasting relationship, not getting offended easily, etc.etc. -this is a very important issue and we feel helpless and angry for not being able to do these things. Everyday, I hope that I should develop more and more compassion towards myself regarding these inabilities. This is the only way I know of how to be happy."

YES_ beautifully put!

Kmarie A. said...

Thank you again. The social model of disability is especially important. I am glad you enjoyed the links and the highlights you pointed out were good for me to read again too! It is a lot of information that I have integrated into my being but dont often find the words for in conversation. I am glad it gave you more food for thought and that this was kind of the article you were looking for!
Thank you for inspiring me to write was actually quite cathartic for me:)