Sunday, April 17, 2016

Reflections, Image, Lyrics and Beauty Moments

Reflections. So often I tell my readers they are worthy because they exist. I believe that. Even of those who dislike me. But I am also worthy because I exist. I also deserve to love whom I am. I feel that in order to love others one must love themselves. I have decided I am not hiding. I may take my blog private at some point but I refuse to do it solely because some may be reading out of ill intent. I will have to think upon it some more when I find myself in a more stable place. (See  HERE for more.)

 I need to BE and feed beauty into my life. This is my home. Home should be a fairly safe place and one worth defending. I can celebrate myself home and celebrate the homes of those whom love. Each time I find myself surrounded by friends and loved ones I realize the importance of protecting the places that are true. I hope you do too. I hope you celebrate your home - which is yourself first, and then the places that keep you safe in love.

If someone was going through what I am going through this is the song I would send them; 
"... you are not alone
I'm always there with you
And we'll get lost together
'Til the light comes pouring through
'Cause when you feel like you're done
And the darkness has won
Babe, you're not lost
When your world's crashing down
And you can't bear the thought
I said, babe, you're not lost

Life can show no mercy
It can tear your soul apart
It can make you feel like you've gone crazy
But you're not
Things have seemed to change
There's one thing that's still the same
In my heart you have remained
And we can fly fly fly away." (Lost lyrics by Michael Buble)

To anyone going through tough times, remember that all of humanity walks through these moments, and in that you are not alone. You may be lost looking for answers you don't know. I hope you are shown mercy. To be inspired by the beauty in life. I believe in that for you, for myself, for those I love and even for my enemies...though I do not believe I am the one who needs to be the one to show them that. Others can be up for that challenge. There are still moments to be made that are yours.

Don't ever be afraid of whom you are. Become and grow. Sorrow is a part of your story but so is healing. Until then be your own hero in your story. Rise again and again like a Phoenix from the ashes. We picked out, with our eldest son, a set of new middle names when we changed our last name. One of his middle names is Phoenix. All of us spent months researching meanings and finding what was true to us. We picked that name out for him because he finds himself often alone, like I do, in his different brain wiring. He will be a target at certain times in his life. But we want him to hold on to life, to loving himself, to honouring his differences. We want him to remember to rise from his ashes. To take the dust of other's perceptions and make them into a beautiful creature that soars.

Recently in a conversation, someone my age mentioned that shorts are not an option due to cellulite. I thought about that for awhile. Where am I constricting myself due to  perceptions? Do I struggle to live life based on an image? I realized quickly that while I have other flaws, I actually like to be an individual, unique and different. It's a hard life to live sometimes but one I wouldn't trade. I have cellulite and virtually no muscle tone due to health issues, but I don't want that to stop me from wearing shorts and dresses and baring legs. It's ok if one is not comfortable with aspects of self, age or image because we all have our issues. I needed to reflect on myself. I don't think anyone on their death bed wishes for more moments of covering up. I am alive and It's my turn to BE. Reflections are truth yet also subjective to lighting and perspective. Why don't I let the mirrors worry about what I look like and I just go for what feels good?

If you're lost or alone, Or you're sinking like a stone. Carry on. May your past be the sound Of your feet upon the ground. Carry on." - (Carry On- Fun Lyrics)

 I knew I needed time on my own to digest, process and become so yesterday we went on a drive. The kids went to grandmas and my husband and I drove down country roads. The home of my heart. Where I belong. I love our back road secrets and little havens. My soul finds peace. We listened to some country music because I have a bit of that in my roots even though Rock and roll is my soul💕I love all music. Music is my expression and has the power to change my feelings.

We went to a tree farm and picked out four trees to bloom. The day was bright and sunny. We laughed and loved. He planted while I watched his muscles work (yum!) and then I decided to shower and slip into a summer dress because I thought about the leg cellulite conundrum and decided I needed to be free. Our day was full of summer breezes and deep love. Soft light in dark hours.

"I know your eyes in the morning sun and I feel you touch me in the pouring rain. And the moment that you wander far from me  I want to feel you in my arms again. And you come to me on a summer breeze, keep me warm in your love and you softly leave and its me you need to show- How Deep Is Your Love. How deep is your love, How deep is your love? I really need to learn.
Cause we're living in a world of fools
Breaking us down
When they all should let us be
We belong to you and me
I believe in you. You know the door to my very soul.You're the light in my deepest darkest hour. You're my saviour when I fall. And you may not think that I care for you. When you know down inside. That I really do And it's me you need to show
How Deep Is Your Love How deep is your love, How deep is your love -I really need to learn
 'Cause we're living in a world of fools Breaking us down -When they all should let us be We belong to you and me"- (How deep is your love lyrics BeeJees)

I'm the night hawk thus I get to notice moments like the picture above- sometimes while he snores, if my hand is near his - my husband will grab my hand in his sleep and my heart melts. He will still sleep and snore but each time I slightly move his fingers tighten their hold. If I move closer to him in the night those arms wrap around me always- even in sleep. Each time it's a moment wished forever. I realized I could actually snap a picture to capture and luckily the flash didn't wake him. My man sleeps and snores like thunder. We have had our rocky moments but fifteen years later he still melts my heart to mush. Even in his sleep he manages to snag another part of my soul.

"Looking in your eyes I see a paradise, This world that I've found , Is too good to be true. Standing here beside you... Want so much to give you , This love in my heart that I'm feeling for you.  Let 'em say we're crazy, I don't care about that . Put your hand in my hand baby, Don't ever look back . Let the world around us just fall apart, Baby we can make it if we're heart to heart. And we can build this dream together . Standing strong forever . Nothing's gonna stop us now. And if this world runs out of lovers. We'll still have each other. Nothing's gonna stop us, nothing's gonna stop us now. I'm so glad I found you . I'm not gonna lose you, Whatever it takes I will stay here with you. Take it to the good times - See it through the bad times - Whatever it takes is what I'm gonna do . Let 'em say we're crazy, what do they know? Put your arms around me baby, Don't ever let go. Let the world around us just fall apart . Baby we can make it if we're heart to heart .... And we can build this dream together 

Standing strong forever 

Nothing's gonna stop us now 

And if this world runs out of lovers 

We'll still have each other 

Nothing's gonna stop us, nothing's gonna stop us ... Ooh, all that I need is you. All that I ever need. And all that I want to do is hold you forever, ever and ever, hey"  (Lyrics Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now- Starship)

In the picture above my family was walking past a mirror and my husband said to the kids, "Let's do the mommy kissy face." I laughed and made them do it again so I could snap a picture. Whatever it takes to live this life for my husband and children and our family of the soul, I will do. Standing strong forever. We still have each other. It's hard but it's also good to be alive. I don't want to only think about the struggles. I want to have a balance of facing them but also living now. 

I believe we are all worthy of love...even those who hurt me deeply are worthy of love. They may get boundaries from me but I hope someone else gives them access to safe places too. I wish that each person could celebrate the life they live in, by celebrating how they are, how they are created, discovering aspects of themselves, personality and learning loving boundaries.

I'm going to live my life in this quick moment. In my crazy, chaotic way I AM and that is worth whom I am. May you, the reader, also be inspired to stay strong in your self love and give compassion where you can, but honour your journey. If you are weak allow that  honesty. If you are angry allow your emotion and expression. If you are alone, find the beauty in yourself to keep you company until you have strength to reach our or someone has bravery to come to you.

I adore my husband and he is worth everything. "All I want is freedom. A world with no more night. And you always beside comfort and to hide me, that's all I ask of you."- (All I ask of You Lyrics from Phantom of the Opera.)

May freedom find the light eventually.

My friends have changed me for the good. Thank you - let me say:


nyssa said...

I needed this. Thank you ♥ You're amazing with words and soul xo

Kmarie A. said...

I'm so was mostly photos from my private instagram that I wanted you to see- and some brief posts from there woven together into a post that was on my soul. xo:)

Philip CalledtoQuestion said...

Greatness you have in your words. Sorry, watching much Yoda, I have. I adore you as well, my love. We have had some wonderful experiences and even the bad ones have been worth it with you by my side.

Kmarie A. said...

Lol...yoda is an INFJ:) Yup-right back at ya:)

S said...

The love that you have in your life is a true treasure. We need love to heal and feel safe. Love makes you feel that you are not alone. There are people who values you and loves you unconditionally. I am happy for you. I am also glad to know that you are enjoying the countryside. I am also taking nature walks. Thanks for sharing the lovely photos from Instagram. I have recently joined Instagram too, if you want to share your id feel free to mail me anytime. I also wanted to tell you that I am watching "Once Upon A Time" with my hubby and loving it. I am finding it magical and I am really drawn towards it for its moral ( good vs evil theme ) and also the characterization.I will write to you once I finish watching all the episodes. Actually my hubby does not get much time yet I insist that he watch with me, so we are watching for half an hour every weekend and therefore, it is taking us longer time than expected to finish watching all the episodes. Take care,

Kmarie A. said...

S: Oh there is SO much LOVE. Especially when we are able to distance ourselves to heal and feel safe. Its when there is consistent infringement on our spaces when it gets a little old...especially because we constantly hear that we are "bitter" because we are not christians and also challenge some of our old ways of thinking...Funny thing is Jesus challenged a lot too and he is not accused of being bitter- yes I get that he was Jesus still but if those things he said were said NOW to christians some would follow but a lot would consider him bitter too. :)

You are one of the people who infuse love and that unconditional factor is what has healed us. I find it pure beauty that we have so many different faith stances in our lives and that from each we have healing, love, lessons and joy. I love life SO much. Even when I am in pain physically or emotionally...I just love everything I have and it is why I am a bit hermit ish protecting it:) But yet the circle around me always astounds!

Nature walks are so healing and lovely. Yes!!!! I have wanted you on instagram forever!!!!! I am so excited!!!! BEYOND all that is missing from My Insta is NYSSA and a few of my cousins! YIPEE! I use it as a little blog space- which is weird for most of my followers but I love it that way!!! Oh I am beyond happy and will email you!

Ok yay! I ADORE once upon a time! Yes I LOVE the moral themes and the redemption of characters and hope and the themes of you can't judge a bad guy because you don't know their story and while their actions are not always good the understanding behind it can sometimes change those actions. I love that your husband is loving them. If you don't end up buying more I will send you more seasons for Christmas again! I am on season 5~
Oh your comment absolutely delighted me for so many reasons! Look out for an email!:)

S said...

Thank you for the feedback. In my life/in my situation, it is the "society" instead of religion that is sometimes infringing upon our rights. It is generally believed that when the religion is similar, or when everyone belongs to the same faith, there would be no differences, no violence, no bullying. But it is not so in real life. Real life is not so ideal.Even within the same faith, the differences occur when one section of the society/family attempts to dominate another. Then unconditional love goes for a toss.
So, I hold on to those things that are very dear to me- my creativity, my spirituality, my plants, my book and writing, some dear friends... they give me unconditional love.
Society has been very brutal towards me and sometimes towards my husband too-because we are non-conformist in many ways. We also live a life similar to that of a hermit. More on that later...I will write you a mail someday.
About Instagram-since I have joined only recently, you will find pictures of mostly my home-cooked traditional food. My art and other creative stuff that I do, I have uploaded only one or two. I have yet to upload more.
Let me finish watching this series that you have gifted me (of Once Upon A Time ) first and then only you may send more. Thanks for that. But there is no hurry. I will let you know. Let me do justice to this series first.
( I have sent you a mail too regarding my Instagram id. please check )
take care,

Kmarie A. said...

Yes I think it is...and the society of the religion:) Yup my hubby mentioned multiple times that even with the few we don't get along with well- even if we did agree on all aspects of religion- there is so much more that would not...the personality freedom, expression freedom, differences in much...

I think that is a beautiful thing to do...I do that too...that is my beautiful life...and the one I depend on...which is why I tend to be a hermit and why I hate things that push me back with a bunch of people. Gah. Society is brutal to non conformists:)

I am so glad you are on instagram. yay yay yay...

I am so glad you like the Once upon a time episodes! Sure just let me know:)

FlutistPride said...

Tomorrow's me would be better of not existing,
But I hear the nagging whistle of the final train
As it pulls up to me
-World Domination How To (SirHamnet dub)