Wednesday, December 30, 2015

2016, How to start the New Year, Beating January Blues, New Years expectations and Goals- Why I don't have them.





The new year often goes unmarked for our family. Sometimes I am still awake at midnight and I hear the fireworks of the neighbours and their cheers. I smile slightly but have no inclination to get out of my comphy bed. I love that they want to celebrate. I also appreciate those who make resolutions or words they want to live by. There have been certain years where we set the clocks back and and at 8:00 pretended to count down with our kids. It was fun when our attempt at some sort of festivity happened, but in general most of our New Years Eves are pretty ordinary. Our family does have a tradition of the godmother of our children sometimes staying over, but its laid back and relaxing, and fits into our way of normal. She has been party to setting our clocks back earlier to ring in the year at a reasonable time. We are lucky to have her.

Some people choose words for their new year as a theme or a goal. Even in the tough years where I needed a word for the new year to inspire me to live the next, it felt false. It simply did not match my journey. The word would change within a month or two and I often felt that it was like giving a post title to a blog post that was not written yet. Some people write their titles first to get their story going. I have never been one of those people. It's not wrong. It just is not me. I need to write my story first and then give it a title as an afterthought. Or at times, if I do mark a new year it is usually my Birth Day...the start of an official new year for me. Even at those times, I am careful about my goals and write them loosely. Goals are important to a psyche but only if the goals are flexible and if they do not set the tone for our entire existence or give us our meaning.

I really used to struggle with expectations and do still at times, but in general, I have found that any expectation for a year can not possibly be met in the way I hope it will. Sometimes it is better, sometimes it is worse. I want to live in the NOW. I like to go to sleep on New Years like every other night and wake up to a fresh day of opportunity, heart ache and delight like every other day. Perhaps part of it is that I am an Aspie and prefer gradual transitions? Perhaps my idealism hopes that if I treat each day as a possibility- no more and no less- I can simply BE? Whatever the case, I feel I am healthier if I do not mark New Years.

There are other holidays I mark that others do not feel significance for. It really comes down to personality. I do not resent the go getters who party on New Years and make lists of ambitions. It simply is not me. I hope they do not resent that I like the night and new day to be as ordinary and extraordinary as it is every other day. I feel this way of mine prepares me more for the onslaught of messages that try to tell me that getting healthier, achieving status, getting money, being free or whatever will FINALLY make me feel better or have a good year. I have had health, status, money and freedom- immense privileges but with them I have also had sickness, insignificance, poverty and restriction and I have found that BEING through all of these has brought enrichment. In some of the privileges I learned and in some of the hardships I learned, but in ALL I WAS. I guess that is what I celebrate on New Years, but what I also try to celebrate each day when I wake up...that I am alive, that I am grateful for the breath I am breathing and will continue to choose at this moment, to make it what it IS.

Goals and expectations and words for the year are all fine in theory. In fact, I love reading some of my friend's posts on these mindful pursuits, but for my personal story they don't fit. I have struggled too much in the past with living up to an ideal I put in my mind. I have found the years I thought would be the best, turned out to be ordinary or the worst. I have found that the years set up to start horridly  have ended in beauty, and some years have just been really hard. But, if I really think upon it not EVERY moment was hard. I smiled at points. I became. I had some beauty. The years that have been beautiful in sum- have had tears and pain. We often forget about the multitude of moments that make up our years. Profound is in the day to day ordinary with no marked words of description to describe, yet the fact of Being brings out contentment. The things I want to hold close to my heart are already in it. What I want for who I am, is already inside.

This MOMENT, what I am now, clicking on my keyboard in my pjs, sore from physiotherapy, listening to my children chat while getting together their breakfast and hearing the morning traffic pass by my cold window...this moment is what I have. I chose to share it briefly with you, because I know I also have something to contribute to the conversation. Those who write goals and ambitions also have something to contribute ...and those who do nothing at all.

I suppose my point is that a party or an ordinary day on New Years is the perfect way to ring in the New Year...but it's only perfect if it suits you. If it makes you a better person, a more compassionate person, an ordinary person who sees ordinary as extraordinary or a person who thrives on existence- go for it!  If you are an introvert who likes to avoid all New Year's festivities and likes to lay low through the January Blues - embrace that. If you are an extrovert who prefers to party hard through the January Blues- embrace that. January is hard because of the weather, the post christmas bills or because of the way we agonize over the old and new year...What if beauty and life is just in the daily?

We are all hiding and exploring in our varied ways. Regardless we each have to face ourselves. It is better if we face ourselves with honesty and perception into who we really are instead of living an expectation or a word or a list of what we should be. Yet, if those lists and words truly show our soul- they are part of our experience too. BE what you need to BE because that is what is brave.

Happy Right NOW. Yes, we all need a will to try. But it can be moment to moment. May your right NOW be filled with all you need for the next minute. May you find contentment and beauty already. You are already standing on what you need. You ARE.
This is our family's theme song. Love it. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zP-73pinHbE&spfreload=10


 I still love this song regardless...I also apply it to every day...Happy New Day:)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Uo0JAUWijM


*This is a re post from last year that rings true to me still at this moment*

5 comments:

Ashe Skyler said...

Happy New Year, Kmarie! =)

My past few resolutions have been the same: survive until the next new year! Heehee.

FlutistPride said...

I never make resolutions. I make goals as I see fit and I don't need a calendar to tell me when to set them. This is a choleric-sanguine's perspective.

Kmarie Audrey said...

Hey Ashe! Happy new year to you too...lol great idea- surviving:) Thank you for being part of my journey:)

FlutistPride: I find a lot of aspies do not make resolutions...Hey I am also choleric:) Although I have not taken that test as of late ( probably more than 15 year! yikes!) Anyway, hope this year brings you love and joy.

S said...

I loved reading this post of yours.The part where you wrote "I have had health, status, money and freedom- immense privileges but with them I have also had sickness, insignificance, poverty and restriction and I have found that BEING through all of these has brought enrichment. In some of the privileges I learned and in some of the hardships I learned, but in ALL I WAS."----this part, resonates with me so much. Also, this part " I have found the years I thought would be the best, turned out to be ordinary or the worst. I have found that the years set up to start horridly have ended in beauty, and some years have just been really hard. But, if I really think upon it not EVERY moment was hard. I smiled at points. I became. I had some beauty. The years that have been beautiful in sum- have had tears and pain. We often forget about the multitude of moments that make up our years. Profound is in the day to day ordinary with no marked words of description to describe, yet the fact of Being brings out contentment. The things I want to hold close to my heart are already in it. What I want for who I am, is already inside."
Sorry for quoting such long paragraphs, but I had to.
For me New year, especially this new year, I am feeling the same. My feelings, I cannot sum up in the first day of the year into something concrete-my feelings are all over the place,here and there... I have not made any resolutions , neither have I started writing my blog or any new posts. Like you,to a certain extent, my Birthday is like a new day, a new year for me and I consider it more significant as I think a lot on that day about where I have been in my life or where I am heading to. My new year was also very low key and my Birthday which falls within a week of New Year has also been low key.
I am happy to find someone like you who feels and thinks the same, really very happy. So, thank you for sharing this post.
Maybe, once I get all my thoughts together, I may write a blog post to mark the beginning of the year...for me it is still not New Year ! It is just an extension of everyday :)

Kmarie Audrey said...

S: I am glad you loved it. I have missed your voice...I would love to hear more posts from you but understand the need to be off devices or in solitude too...I am also happy to find you that thinks similar too! Oh by the way- my husband bought me Big Magic ( the book I bought you) and I am half way through and love it! We should discuss it sometime...and I also received the last gift you sent - the pillow and love it too- thank you!:)