Wednesday, August 12, 2015

Redeeming the Struggle, the Magic of the Gut and the Daily.


For over a year we have been on a journey of healing. A path that looks more like a zig zagged web of chaos then a straight forward angle. My husband and I change our minds quite frequently. We see this flexibility as strength containing a multitude of all that IS in our existence and allowing our minds to change so that we can embrace many lessons. Our healing path mimics this awareness. We don't embrace one specific diet, one specific way of healing... but we do have specifics that work for us, for a time being, specifically.

Another twist in our journey has transpired. We have been reading the book "Gut" together by Guilia Enders . While we have focused on gut bacteria for more than a year, we are constantly finding new ways of incorporating this into our daily life. Although Gut is a word that seems to have a cultural yuck factor with it we have found a magic within. The gut now symbolizes for us the beautiful dance of life that intricately makes up our micro to our macro. Neglecting the information or our respect for our natural states ties into every facet of BEING. Psychology, philosophy, belief, orthodoxy, health...ALL of it is tied to the gut in fascinating ways. It is pure magic and once embraced, an awe inspiring education.

I have read GAPS (Gut Psychology), Weston Price, Paleo, Eating for Your Blood Type ect. and our family has applied what personally works for us and discarded what does not.. What ties all of these together, is the power of what we consume and the fact that our gut is our second brain full of bacteria that makes up us and influences our decisions.

Being kind to our body...what we do, what we eat, what we converse with...the very nature of our fabric...is what enables LIFE. There is never a linear path to healing and if there is, it should be questioned. Redemption is in the struggle BECAUSE of the learning aspect. We can redeem any struggle if we have found more of our substance.

I find my substance in the ordinary, the raw, the natural, the simple and extreme. I have learned that many misunderstand me and I have to be careful what I say to keep peace although I simply can't play that game much anymore. I don't avoid but I don't look for those connections either. I have what I have, and on most days that is enough. In the past interactions my honesty was questioned continually and my paradox self was not embraced as genuine. I am learning not to care. The days that I do, I fortify myself with loving boundary quotes (link). Boundaries not to fence me in and keep me stagnate but boundaries that enable my freedom. To remind me I am worth more and can ask to be treated as the one I am. I know who I am and what begets freedom. Gut healing is not a straight linear path. In the best of guts, a bacteria can come and wipe out everything good. Such is also the landscape of relationships, the mind and all living things. Such is what I am.

My mind marvels at the way life is all connected. Resources we have needed, either through perhaps the law of attraction, or something universal, have been infused into our life with what I call enchantment: books, podcasts, music, people, moments, events, pins ect. leading us onward in a path that is infused with the daily. Daily is a combination of ordinary which is extraordinary mixed with some magic and some hardship.

My husband and I began a journey together back at the age of seventeen for both of us. We have seen each other through post partum depression that gave us both a differing case of PTSD. We have also seen those same moments give us the most life giving gifts. We have been through tempests and storms and people who were bent on tearing us apart because we seemed different. Through sweet diagnosis to bitter diagnosis, to questionings of faith to a greater faith or a lesser faith (depending on perspective) and through it all, our gut instinct, and our literal guts themselves, found a way of triumphing. Through vulnerability, constant communication in our little family, and questioning the absorption of all things, we found each other and we found ourselves. Our twenties gave us so much and took so much but I am honoured that we travelled them as partners: together and separate. Now in our thirties, we are finding more puzzles, more answers, and even more questions and sometimes the ordinary charm from every day life binds us together in a mystical dance of symmetry, while at others we are torn into chaos churning malnourishment on some level, clawing our way back to ourselves and each other.

Reading, absorbing, BEING in our home and the outdoors, learning, listening to the wind, touching each other's sun kissed skin, toes squished in the blades of grass or hearing music from our speakers or the trees and finding our rhythm in the smells of our day or the taste of what transforms to bacteria that gives life and death... all the senses living to a beautiful extreme has caused this way of life. I see it as a gift from Autism/Empath/Sensitive one ect. Having a different gut that causes a different brain scenario. Though the gut can heal and help heal aspects of the mind, we are still who we are amongst the changes. I see sensory overload, the curse gift, that can cause so much pain but also a level of healing that most have a tough time embracing BECAUSE of the deep sensory understanding.

I am content although my blood runs thin and life is not perfect. I feel both the sultry call of the inner micro and macro world and the deprived stagnancy that can also occur simultaneously. My introverted self may not show the entire world what my beauty is, the raw warmth tingle of my daily but it shows me and those nearest.

 I saw a picture of my 18 year old self pre pregnancy and though I recognized her, I realized only part of her exists in me now. I thank her for being HER as she WAS AND AM  and bringing me here, but I am also relieved life is not so stagnant as to keep me exactly her. My body may have been more supple back then but my mind is more supple now. I have accomplished the love of a lifetime in my husband and myself actually. My three children, once past the age of five, helped me find out that I actually AM a spectacular, if not culturally different, mother. Each has taught me more and infused growth on every level than any book could.

Life occurs in the gut, death occurs in the gut, nourishment and disease occur in the gut...all affect the brain and life itself. Each of us is a magical mixture of science and what can not be explained. Each of us partial to our gut bacteria, our inner working genes, our environment, and our decisions and experiences. Though these factors influence us, we also have our part to play in the world we create by learning about what influences us and how we choose to respond. I hope that on most days, my husband and our family and I continue to respond to our daily. I hope we respond by eating food that gives us a combination of good and bad bacteria (both are needed in certain amounts.) Likewise I hope we embrace the good and the bad in life's circumstance. Most of all, I hope we respond to the sensations of being alive in the little gifts of Being. I hope I savour the way my twelve year old still tucks her hand into the crook of my arm as we walk and I feel her warmth seep into my skin. I hope I take notice of my youngest's freckles that seem to dance upon his cheeks as they fill with a smile and giggle of mischief. I hope I remember the sound of my ten year old's voice as he croons his self written lyrics in his room, thinking I can not hear him. I hope I embrace my husband, smelling of construction, salt sweat, sun, and earth as he drives up in his rumbly truck after a day of working in his trade. I hope I notice his eyes and the twinkling warm welcome he always gives no matter how his day has gone. I hope when I wake to myself, despite some bodily ills, that I notice with gratitude what DOES work in my body, what beauty DOES make up my gut and all that is me.

I hope you also find the magic in your own journey and find redemption in the struggle.

A 20 minute clip of Gut author Guilia Enders in a interview. She is smart, funny, quirky...and just generally adorable...and yes I think I can say that a woman is not only extremely intelligent but also adorable ("inspiring  great affection/ charming".) Saying she is adorable doesn't outweigh her intelligence:)



And a happy song...because when I listen to this song I feel energetic and happy. This song completely describes my husband. I am so lucky:

2 comments:

S said...

Thank you for sharing valuable information about the book on gut. Lately, I had some stomach /gut problem which I did not face before. I am recovering now. I am now trying to eat healthy food and even if I am tempted, I am avoiding food from outside/takeaways.
About boundaries, yes it has been an important issue in my life. I am amazed to realize that once I never knew that there is anything called a "boundary". And now, I practice it perhaps on a daily basis. It is important for empaths and HSPs because energy works in such a mysterious way that we have to know how to protect ours and transform negative into positive through this protection.
Hope all is well with you,
take care,
S

Kmarie Audrey said...

S:
You are welcome...I also added a short interview to the bottom of the post I think you will like. I am sorry you have had those issues- gut pain is some of the most vibrant. I am glad you are recovering! Yes take out can be not a good thing!:)
Boundaries sometimes get a bad rap and I am not talking about setting boundaries for yourself to not be you- but I am speaking upon boundaries of how you deserve to be treated and setting those up firmly but compassionately...and they are so important...I am glad you practice it on a daily basis and I agree that is important for sensitive people because of how we sense energy...very important.
I loved hearing from you and have been wondering how you are. I am good...have had a few setbacks in health and a few meltdowns from stress, but in general the daily in life sets me into my own sort of magic and the existence of beauty is in my grasp- so its a mix of some good and some ill...
hope to catch up soon!